r/traumatoolbox • u/No_Mango3989 • Jun 19 '26
Venting i feel like i'm only good for sex
i (26F) feel like im not dateable, just attractive enough to fuck, or rape i guess.
my whole life ive never dated anyone, its not lack of trying, but its like somethings wrong with me or im not pretty enough or they pick the better girl. it hurts.
but even worse, ive always noticed but ignored the fact that the guys i talk to always are into me for sexual reasons. even if it doesnt start that way... its like they only find me fuckable, or someone to get to know then suddenly fuck me with no commitment or if im not into it, they rape me.
im just so tired of this. is there something wrong with me? why cant i just be good enough?
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u/orcateeth Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
I'm sorry that this has happened. You really should not date anyone right now. You need to heal from the sexual assaults, which you say have happened more than once.
You need immediate and ongoing support. Start by calling this agency hotline:
RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, free, confidential, 24/7 support in English and en Español is available.
Call 800.656.HOPE (4673), chat online, or text HOPE to 64673
You also should get into therapy if you can.
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u/CryptidsAreColdToo Jul 14 '26
I want to start by saying I’m so sorry that any of that happened to you. I know “sorry” isn’t worth that much, but that’s really terrible.
I also want to say you’re not alone in this, and that there’s nothing wrong with you. I often feel the same way, and have never dated anyone either.
I’m still navigating it that feeling, but I would say that trying to embrace being alone by defining who I am has helped. Like, what do you like to do? What’s important to you? What are your main likes and dislikes? This might just be me, but the objectification and lack of love always makes me feel like less of a person, so taking back my personhood helps me with feeling like I’m only wanted for sex.
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u/orcateeth Jun 19 '26
Take some women's self defense classes to learn how to defend yourself against potential assault of any kind, including sexual assault.
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u/orcateeth Jun 19 '26
You may need to take a longer time to get to know a guy before having sex. Some women even hold off on sex until they're IN a committed relationship.
There's a self-help group called Codependents Anonymous that you might want to look into. It's for people who are getting into, or staying in, relationships (or other situations) that are not what they want, but are what someone else wants.
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u/orcateeth Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
Have a look at these trauma worksheets, and see if they can help you.
There's one on healthy boundaries.
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