I have joined several clubs over the years. It's great that joining clubs works for so many people, but it's just not worked for me even though it's been years. I (21f) can start conversations and talk to people, but that doesn't make them my friend. I've tried going to many different clubs, but it's just the same thing. Go to the club, talk to people, and leave without enjoying any of it. I was in a student organization for more than a year because I hoped sticking with something would help me make friends, but I was just not compatible with anyone there. I don't understand what it is that I'm missing that makes these things enjoyable or that makes someone actually feel like a friend. This school feels so indifferent.
I want to be friends with other girls my age so bad and I think it's driven me crazy to have been around other people in school for 4 full years now without feeling connected to a single one of them. My interests are pretty nerdy in a way that even most nerdy people don't care for and they're not super popular with women (like visual novels and non-mainstream anime.) I don't need to share all my interests with someone to be their friend, but it feels like people I talk to don't give me much to work with or just don't care.
I'm starting my fifth year at UMN. I only lived in a dorm for my first semester. This semester I'm in a club working on a project, but between school and everything I need to do to secure an internship I can barely attend any other club meetings even if they sound like things I'd enjoy, so it's like I have something social 2 hours each week and the rest of the time I feel like I'm idle. I got a climbing gym pass and started going regularly, but it hasn't changed anything.
Has anyone here been able to overcome this kind of situation? I've heard the advice to just join clubs and that kind of thing, but again the problem is not that I don't know how to talk to people or that I don't go to clubs when I can, it's that I do those things and still don't understand how to turn that into friendships. It feels like trying to build a fire but not knowing how to make a spark, and everyone giving advice has never even had to consider that a spark is needed or they don't know how to make one. It feels like I'm the subject of that "you people can't do anything" quip, but I'm generally pretty capable otherwise. I know this might be learned helplessness, but this school is a really terrible environment for un-learning it.