Update: I am surprised about how many Desis can’t do basic chores or be self reliant. I am at the wits end with my sister’s behavior atm.

[u/BrownCastro14]

Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/ABCDesis/s/CqzvC2iuZ0

I want to start off by thanking everyone on the previous thread for giving advice and I took the advice everyone gave. The more I cleaned every Sunday morning, the more my sister’s poor behavior is enabled. It was pretty exhausting but I put up such a good fight up.

Last week, I explained my sister that my mom and I aren’t gonna clean up after her. She said that’s fine but she was “gonna pay” my mom if she cleaned anything up and she said that if I wanted $300, I can have it. I was so tired because she doesn’t get my point. I told my mom that I would not let her clean and that my sister has to learn by herself. I also told my mom I would physically restrain from cleaning anything. My dad usually doesn’t like to get involved because my mom would start yelling so I figured I’m the only person that could do anything.

Like I expected, from the last time I cleaned the room went back to a pigs den. Cheerios spilled, an open package of flaming hot Cheetos, open Kirkland coconut water bottles, and now her roommate brought her cat. I get frightened by seeing such situations I would frantically start cleaning but I told her my mom isn’t gonna clean and she is being worried sick because of her lack of accountability. She keeps getting sick yet she does not listen. She tells me after she becomes a doctor she can hire cleaners and people to do every small task. I was very furious about the lehengas she and roommates completely wrapped up and folded into balls because they are the expensive ones from lashkara. I literally told them they had to hand and dry cleaned but none of them listened and my mom spend like $850 on the India trip to get good quality for my sister. They damaged the fabrics. I should have had one beer before going in there so I could have less restraint to chew her off but her roommates were there so I said I’m taking mom and she will deal with everything herself. My sister said you forced your way out of your first uni and that she gets all the blame.

My mom kept fussing but it was bad. When you smoke also, you smoke on the balcony but my mom couldn’t tolerate the weed smell either. I told my mom I’m taking her or I would get the building staff involved and my dad said he is staying out of this. My sister keeps saying she didn’t ask anyone to clean her place up but she purposefully does this. She would complain about how mean her previous roommates are but I said, “I’m not surprised. You got 4 pigs in a den.” She started freaking out and her roommates were confused by that. I let my sister handle my mom at that point.

At that point, I told the other girls that they can’t keep living like this and they said but we made it our problem. I explained one of the girls that her mom gets worried like mine and she is just as willing as my mom to clean to the point it will overwhelm them. I also asked whether they invite other people into their place like that and they all said no. One of their bfs puts up with it but they don’t want to bring any prospective dates into their place or if they were dating someone, they would bring them over the day right after I cleaned the place on Sunday so they factor around that. They mentioned they get good grades and they could hire cleaners but I said you can do that but it’s not even about cleaners. Dust and air quality changes if you don’t vacuum overtime and that’s normal and the 3 three girls were more willing tbh. They said were sorry but they felt that it overwhelmed them and they never got guidance to doing stuff like this because someone else always did it for them. Pretty intelligent people who are trying for med school but they are the definition of work hard play hard. I don’t think they still fully get it but they recognize they some have some issues. I proposed some small solutions where they can throw stuff out and they took them up. The girl whose mom also came felt a bit remorseful about her actions which was a good thing. They seemed to just be disinterested overall so it’s a whatever, I am not their dads or brothers so as long as my mom or anyone’s mom not cleaning there isn’t a problem.

My sister though is not changing anytime soon. I don’t expect the place to be clean or her to learn. She is struggling. She uses her roommates who get good grades as an example of how being a neat freak doesn’t matter and she says I’m an OCD freak which I am but how does this help her life? There are other med students here and I don’t know whether a 3.1-3.15 holds up? Then she says she will do post bacc but these same problems would still arise. It’s not easy being a doctor and the other girls probably just viewed their lifestyles as acceptable because someone was picking up their mess so they weren’t ever really disciplined but my sister doesn’t think this is a problem to begin with. My sister says worst case scenario is she can marry someone who makes less money and she can put all those tasks on them. She is upset that I threatened to tell the RA that she needs to sort her situation out even though it does not put her in trouble. We are not on speaking terms rn but idc, this has become a habitual problem. I can’t even leave our family house to her two days alone without freaking out about a fire. She just does not get it. I am on top of everything and maybe I’m over-excessive. If it weren’t for proper advice given on this situation, I would be frightened into immediately cleaning everything up. My mom isn’t gonna clean and I hope her roommate’s mom wouldn’t do the same either.

[u/Heavy_Till5231]

Yeahhh as someone who also wants to go to medical school her attitude fucking sucks. She seems deeply entitled and arrogant. What sort of person brags about getting cleaners as an undergrad? Tf? I don’t even tell people irl that I want to be a doctor, I tell them I “want to go into healthcare” because of the uncertainty. And pulling a post-bacc as a casual backup plan is how you fail twice to get into medicine.

The issue sounds like it’s deeper than a failure to do chores, her entire mentality is setting herself up for absolute disaster. Is she depressed? Anxious? The underlying problem should be addressed before anything moves forward otherwise you’re putting duct tape on a dam leak.