My husband and I have been married for five months after dating for over three years. We both work full-time jobs. Growing up as the youngest child, my husband never had to do household chores. When we moved in together after getting married, I asked him to take on just a few basic responsibilities—simple tasks like making the bed, tidying up, and basic organizing. I wasn't even asking for a 50/50 split; I would have been happy if he contributed around 25%, just enough to take some weight off my shoulders. He initially agreed, but that only lasted a week or two. Gradually, he stopped helping altogether. To make matters worse, he will sit back and complain about the house being messy while watching me do the chores alone. Whenever I’ve confronted him about not doing what he promised, he brushes it off by saying he "forgot" or "didn't hear me." I hate having to repeat myself like a parent, and because asking him felt like nagging, I eventually stopped asking and tried to handle everything myself. Inevitably, the exhaustion caught up with me. When he wasn't home, I would break down in tears. When he was around, I found myself withdrawing and giving him the cold shoulder until I could calm down. Today, he kept pressing me, asking what was wrong, and I completely broke down. I vented all my frustration. His response was that he "didn't do it on purpose" and that I should just "remind him" whenever something needs to be done. I told him that having to manage him is part of the problem, that his constant "forgetting" shows he doesn't value my time or well-being, and that I'm deeply disappointed. He apologized profusely and promised he would change—which is the exact script he uses every time I reach a breaking point, only for nothing to actually change. I told him I cannot accept his apology this time because words mean nothing without follow-through, and I don't trust his promises anymore. Hearing that made him furious. In anger, he grabbed the lunch I had packed for him, threw it aside, and stormed toward the door. I told him that if he left his lunch behind in spite, I wouldn't speak to him. He snatched the box back up and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Am I wrong for being honest about how I feel and refusing to accept an apology I know he won't follow through on?

My husband (28M, let's call him David) works a corporate job with a group of guys who used to all be pretty good friends. There were about 8 of them, plus a few wives and girlfriends, who would regularly get together for dinners, drinks, etc.

For context, my husband and the other guys all hold leadership positions at the same company. They each manage their own divisions and teams, so none of them really outrank the others, and working together is a pretty important part of their jobs. Over time, two of the guys (all names are fake), Brian (26M) and Gavin (32M), have pretty much alienated themselves from the rest of the group. They've developed a habit of deliberately making their coworkers' jobs harder, complaining about everyone to upper management, and generally acting like everyone is out to get them. Their behavior has created a pretty toxic work environment, and while the rest of the guys try to maintain a professional working relationship, they've mostly distanced themselves from Brian and Gavin socially.

Gavin's wife, Amanda (24F), is a very talented and well known hairstylist. Back when we were all friends, I started going to her for my hair, and she's been my hairstylist for 2 years now. She works at a pretty expensive salon, and my appointments typically run anywhere from $300–$500 depending on whether I'm getting new color done or just a touch up. She gives me a friends and family discount (15% off), and I always tip 20%.

Honestly, without the discount, I probably wouldn't go to this salon because it's more than I'd normally spend on my hair. But I really like Amanda, she's great at what she does, and I genuinely thought we were friends. We always have a great time chatting and catching up during my appointments, and she's never given me any indication that she doesn't enjoy having me as a client.

Here's where things get weird.

A while ago, Gavin started telling other employees that he wished I'd stop going to Amanda for my hair. Apparently, he thinks it's embarrassing that my husband "lets" me pay his wife for her services because he and my husband have the same job, and he doesn't need my husband "funding his life."

Which... okay? I'm paying a professional for a service she's providing. I didn't realize that was controversial. I ignored it because I figured it was just more of Gavin's usual petty drama and it doesn't really mean anything to me.

Last night, my husband and I were out having drinks with another friend from the company, and he told us Gavin has been talking about it AGAIN. Apparently, Gavin has been telling some coworkers that I don't tip Amanda at all. He's also telling others that she hates doing my hair because I only tip 20%.

First of all, which is it? Do I not tip, or do I only tip 20%? Second, 20% on a $450 appointment is $90. I was under the impression that was a generous tip?

I have no idea whether Amanda has actually said any of this to Gavin or whether he's just making things up. Here's where I might be the AH: I had another appointment scheduled with her next week, but after hearing all of this, I canceled it.

If Amanda genuinely doesn't feel comfortable doing my hair anymore because of the situation between our husbands, I completely understand. I just wish she'd told me, especially because I thought we were friends. But if she's actually upset that I'm "only" tipping 20%, that's a different story. Either way, I'm uncomfortable continuing to give her my business when her husband is using it to create drama in his workplace.

For some additional context, my husband wants absolutely nothing to do with any of this drama. He started a side business that has really taken off and is planning to leave the company within the next couple months and wants to keep things professional until then. I completely respect that and don't want to make his remaining time there any harder.

I think what actually bothers me the most is that Gavin apparently can't keep my name out of his mouth and that this has apparently been going on for a while without anyone thinking to tell us. It's frustrating to find out that something as simple as getting my hair done has become a recurring topic of conversation.

As for Amanda, I'm not necessarily worried about losing the friendship. We became friends because of our husbands, and while I think she is really fun to be around, we have pretty different interests and lifestyles and probably wouldn't spend much time together one-on-one outside of my hair appointments. That doesn't mean I didn't consider her a friend though, and I certainly never had any reason to believe there was an issue between us.

So here's my dilemma:

Would I be an AH to send Amanda a text explaining why I canceled? I don't want to accuse her of anything or start an argument, but I also don't want her to think I just randomly stopped supporting her business, especially when we've always had a good relationship (or so I thought).

I recognize that she isn't responsible for what her husband says, and for all I know, she has absolutely no idea he's been telling people these things. Part of me feels like she deserves to know why she lost a client, especially if her husband is making things up. The other part of me thinks I should just quietly move on rather than drag her into her husband's drama.

I'm also hesitant because I know anything I send to Amanda will get back to Gavin, and the last thing I want is to create more problems for my husband or his team.

WIBTA if I texted her and explained why I canceled, or should I just leave it alone?

Hi Charlotte and Mike! Love both of you and your videos. You are, as Charlotte says, my ADHD brain’s “binky” and I thank you for all the humor you two sprinkle in the world. 

On a side note - you two remind me so much of my husband and myself. I’m the wacky, documentary-watching, opinionated one and my husband is the sweet, potty-humored, CoD gamer. That dynamic has served us well over the years and I wish you both as much luck as my husband and I have enjoyed. I know you'll create a magical marriage.

// “MOVING ON” //

Today is our (41F / 40M) 20th anniversary! In honor of two decades of marital shenanigans,  I’ll share my crazy wedding story that almost derailed the wedding before it even began.

// “SET THE SCENE” //

Rewind to jolly ole’ 2006. It was a beautiful, albeit hot, October afternoon in Tennessee. 

I’d spent the morning bopping around, making last-minute adjustments to the church. Once guests started arriving, I ducked into the bridal suite to wait for showtime. My two bridesmaids joined me, and we had a good time chatting and catching up. 

Eventually, they both left to run an errand and I was to stay sequestered lest someone see me before the ceremony (clutches pearls). So there I sat, alone, and waited.

Now, it’s important to note here that while cell phones were certainly a thing in 2006, they weren’t yet permanently welded to our dominant hands. I had one, of course, but it was packed in my bag in our getaway car. Additionally, a wristwatch did not exactly go with my bridal jewelry aesthetic, and for some reason, the bridal suite had no clock. 

So there I sat, alone, unaware of what was happening outside my isolated room.

I couldn’t tell you how long I sat there, but it was long enough that I got kind of bored. I could lightly hear the music drifting down the hall from the sanctuary. I had selected a large playlist for both the pre-ceremony and ceremony. I hummed along to my favorite tunes, mind drifting, until at one point I realized which song I was humming… 

Wait.

That is MY song. 

THE song. 

The song I am supposed to WALK DOWN THE AISLE TO.

I shot out of my chair and poked my head out my door.

Nobody.

I walked down the long hallway, glancing in every open door.

Nobody.

It was like a Twilight Zone episode: a lone bride wandering through an empty, dimly lit church hallway, in her wedding dress, music softly playing somewhere in the distance, searching for anyone with a pulse.

It was eerie. Like the church was haunted, but *I* was the ghostly lady in white. 

I turned the corner into the large, abandoned church lobby, save for two people.

First, the woman responsible for opening the sanctuary doors at the appropriate moments in the procession for the party to walk down the aisle. Her hand resting on the doorknob.

Second, my dad, standing beside her in his black suit, hands clasped, staring at the door like he’s ready to walk in alone.

I stood confused for a moment because surely,

SURELY,

my wedding had not started and

NO ONE THOUGHT TO TELL THE BRIDE.

Groom waiting at the altar flanked by our bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Church full of guests, parents and grandparents already seated.

Father waiting at the door… 

An entire building full of people going through all the motions of this wedding and yet not a one had thought to come get ME. THE BRIDE.

I had a half-second of stunned silence, grabbed my bouquet and my dad’s arm as the lady threw open the door for us, and the rest is history. 

Y’ALL. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE SHOES ON. 

But I walked down that aisle barefoot anyway lest 100-plus people think I stood up my own groom. Ready or not (I was not) here I come! 

//

Happy 20th anniversary, babe! Love you!

I still don’t have shoes on while I write this, but luckily it seems a happy marriage doesn't have a “no shoes no service” policy. 

Please don't judge by the title - there is a lot to unpack about this, and sorry, but this may be a long one.

So, let me introduce the main characters of this mess. Me (32 F), my younger brother (30 M), who we'll call Mike, his fiancé/now wife (30 F), who we'll call Samantha, and my brother's ex-wife (also 30 F), we'll call her Tabitha.

Now, for context, my brother's divorce was MESSY - they both called the cops on each other multiple times, there were ab*se allegations, threats, ass*lt allegations--you name it. They also have two young boys together (6 & 8). When Mike met Samantha, I was genuinely happy for him. He's my brother, so I believed his side of the story when it came to Tabitha and tended to believe what he said about her - that she was a liar and that you shouldn't trust what she said, so I took her words with a grain of salt whenever we spoke.

My brother and his fiancée moved to Tennessee from Florida a few months before the wedding - with my nephews staying with their mom in Florida since she is their primary caretaker and their parenting plan was updated to allow my brother to have 1 weekend a month with them and could be allowed more time for special occasions. My brother had a falling out with my mom and sister, so they were not invited to the wedding and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. Being the people pleaser I am, I foolishly said yes and asked if I could help with anything.

I was asked to bake cookies, make a pie, make 2 signs for the wedding decorations, and even prepare snacks for the bridal suite for the morning of the wedding so the other bridesmaids and bride could have something to snack on. The Airbnb had 2 houses on the property. The main house and a guest house that is on the other side of the driveway (about 20 ft away from the main house). Each house had kitchens, play areas, balconies, and hot tubs. So, the night I arrived at the Airbnb, I immediately got to work on the requested treats and the kids all ran around playing between the two houses. Not only my nephews, but Samatha's three kids (6 F, 8 M, & 11 M) and about 6 other kids from guests that were also staying at the Airbnb. One of the balconies at the guest house had a hot tub - because the balcony looked unsafe, my brother and I (because the door was next to the kitchen I was in) told them all that they were not allowed to go out on that balcony and explained why. The kids understood and left it alone while I was there.

After baking and prepping for hours, I finally went to bed around 2 am and went to my room - across the hall from where ALL of the kids were sleeping in bunk beds. I had expected to be close to some of the kids, mainly my nephews, not ALL of them though. They also were not sleeping. My oldest nephew came to me multiple times saying that the other kids wouldn't let them sleep and I ended up with my youngest nephew sleeping in my room with me to break them up (he was one of the two main instigators). Finally getting everyone to sleep before we all had to be up 5 hours later to get ready for the wedding.

The ceremony itself was a hot mess. We'd been getting ready for 4 hours, and the ceremony itself lasted 3 minutes - and no, I am not exaggerating. The venue's MC introduced them, my brother and his wife took a shot of Fireball (again, no, I am not joking) and then pronounced them husband & wife. To say it was anticlimactic is an understatement and definitely not like any wedding I've ever seen.

After the wedding, we took pictures, had snacks, and I yelled at all of the kids - mostly yelling at them to stay out of the creek, not slide down the slope with poison ivy, and not tear up the camper the venue let us use for a bathroom. At this point, I notice that I am the only one keeping an eye on them and telling them not to do these things - not my brother, not his wife, not even the other kids' parents. Just me. My nagging thoughts start telling me I was invited for free childcare, but I tell myself that can't be it because I was the only family present for my brother's side. (Stupid me)

After the wedding, the herd of children spent their time running between the houses playing with each other with the majority of adults in the main house and a few in the guest house playing beer pong. So, the kids were mostly unsupervised and running wild - not in a bad way, but like when all the kids in the neighborhood get together and they want to just run around and have a good time. I left the night of the wedding because I knew I would be exhausted, could only afford one night at the Airbnb (my brother and his wife made all the guests pay to stay there), and had work the next morning, so after saying good-bye to everyone, I left and drove home thinking that was the end of that - boy, was I wrong.

Tabitha (my ex-SIL) called me frantic the following day. Now, I like Tabitha and didn't entirely believe everything my brother said about her because I had my own relationship with her after their divorce - she'd send me pics of the boys, I'd hang out with them when I was visiting, and her family loves me, so we have a pretty good relationship. So, when she called me panicking, I knew something was wrong.

She asked if I was at the Airbnb, and I said that I wasn't - she paused at that and then quickly asked me to give her the Airbnb address. I did because, according to the parenting plan, she was allowed that information - plus, they're her kids, so I wasn't about to say no. After getting the address, she explained what had happened - apparently, my oldest nephew FaceTimed her saying he couldn't find any adults and, on the FaceTime, she saw that my younger nephew and some of the other kids were in the hot tub on the bad balcony - with no one around. She started recording the call for documentation - there were no adults in the guest house when this was happening, and when she asked him where his dad was, he said that he was hanging out with his friends watching football and that the door to the main house was locked. Our call was cut short because my oldest nephew was calling her back and she had to hop off the call, so the call ended without me getting further details.

Immediately after, I started to reach out to anyone who may be at the Airbnb - I didn't call my brother or his wife first because if this was nothing in the end, I didn't want to ruin their weekend. So, I called my brother's friend (no answer) and then another bridesmaid who said that the bridesmaids and Samantha were hanging out in the city and not at the Airbnb. So I called my brother right after. He answered, and I asked where the kids were - he said they were in the guest house playing. I asked where he was - in the main house watching football with his friends. I immediately told him what Tabitha had said and how she was panicking, asking for the Airbnb address because of it, and that I gave it to her. He quickly said that he'd handle it and hung up.

I didn't find out till later that Tabitha had called the cops for a welfare check. After that, I got texts from my brother and Samantha demanding to know why I thought it was appropriate to give Tabitha the address and why I didn't call them first when I started reaching out to people at the Airbnb. I explained my reasoning, but my brother said that since he was there, the kids weren't left alone. I reminded him that he was in the other house and that the kids were, in fact, left alone. Samantha then started accusing me of causing drama because I gave Tabitha the address and didn't call either of them first to get permission to share the address with her. Samantha said that Tabitha was "looking for any ammo and you participated in this. You can't be in the middle and supply ammo at the same time. This has crossed a line." - which I don't think I did because Tabitha is allowed to know where her kids are - especially if they are multiple states away. Not to mention the FaceTime video.

They both (mainly Samantha) go on and on calling me toxic, saying I was on Tabitha's side all along, that I was manipulated by her, etc. My brother also changed his story saying that the kids were with him the whole time during all of this. I stopped responding after a while and was crying because I didn't think I had done anything wrong, but they were so adamant that I was this horrible person who had caused all of this. I still have the messages, but can't add them because they have everyone's real names, and it would take a while to blur them out.

My mom and sister were quick to reassure me that I did nothing wrong, but I know they are biased in this.

A few days later, I found out that Mike had refused to return my nephews to their mom, saying that the oldest had said he "felt unsafe" with Tabitha's boyfriend around. I've met him - he's a firefighter and hasn't set off any alarm bells for me, though I will admit that he has a dark sense of humor and can sometimes come across the wrong way. Which caused another round of drama and led my Mike to file an emergency injunction to keep the boys with him.

I came to find out that my brother was behind on his child support payment (by more than a few months), and the injunction that he filed was submitted 15 minutes after the welfare check the day before, not when they were en route to return them to Tabitha like he claimed. With all of this information from Tabitha, I texted my brother asking what he was doing and that he was going to be in massive trouble and could possibly be arrested - ruining his plans to rejoin the Navy that he had spoken about. He said that everything Tabitha said was a lie and that he had documentation - never once showing me any. Tabitha, on the other hand, did send screenshots of the conversation and her lawyer's findings about the injunction submission.

Mike then said that I was believing her lies, being manipulated, and that "the boys would be in his possession before the year is out" and that my mom, sister, and I would regret choosing Tabitha's side in all this because we'd never see the boys again.

I have never seen this side of my brother as an adult (he had diagnosed anger issues as a kid and was getting help, but I thought those days were over), and I'll spare you the vile things he texted me later on (more name-calling and calling me an attention seeker), but I truly want to know if I did anything wrong in this situation. It feels like since I gave Tabitha the address, it's just spiraled into chaos from there, and I really don't know if any of this could be my fault at all. I know I can be an a-hole on some things, but I don't think I was on this.

So, I await your judgment, fellow potatoes, and if there was anything I should have done differently, please let me know.

Hello ,
I am writing in to get some perspective on the situation I am currently experiencing. My husband has been lying about money and has been doing inappropriate things online with other women. When I confronted him with everything and asked for the truth, he exploded with anger and told me that he doesn’t want to have the responsibility of a family any more. He also told me that no one will ever love me because my expectations are to high . I don’t feel like I have high expectations he wanted me to stay home with our kids so I quit my job and I’ve just been cooking, cleaning and taking care of the house while he works. Now we are in such a bad spot financially that we can’t pay our rent and our daughter will have to stay with a family member . My only expectations of him were to be honest and responsible. He tells me that those expectations are not realistic he also told me that when ever he’s with someone for over 6 months he stops being attracted to that person and has to fight the urge to cheat on them. Up until now he wasn’t acting like he was no longer attracted to me. But since this situation has been unfolding he has been mean and doesn’t seem to care that what he is doing is hurting his entire family. What am I supposed to do? Do I give up on our marriage? Do I try counseling? Does anyone think that someone with these issues can overcome them and start doing the right things for their family ? How can I explain how he is effecting everyone without him getting angry? Or should I I just let him get away with lying, and look the other way? Sorry I am not the best writer but I hope someone can give me some advice.

I (f), my bf (m) and our roommate (f), all in our 30's..

For context, my boyfriend has a liver transplant and has had it since he was 5 months old. He has already outlived his life expectancy, thankfully. he has to take medicine twice a day every single day to just stay alive so his liver won't fail.
Our roommate has a habit of leaving food like cut, cucumbers or anything really unsealed and in the fridge or on the countertop. she says she will eat it later, but then she never does and it gets moldy or rotted so I can’t take her word for it if I ask her if she’s gonna eat it or not, and she says yes. I keep trying to explain cross-contamination and the importance of food hygiene because pests are not gonna stick with just whatever she leaves out.
They are gonna contaminate everything around it. Same with bacteria. my boyfriend and I do all the house chores. She has done them partially a handful of times. today I did a deep clean and cleaned out the refrigerator with over seven containers of food.
She said she would eat and never did that I properly put up for her to eat. A lot of the food had mold on it because it sat so long. I had it properly stored in Tupperware so it couldn’t contaminate everything else in the refrigerator. flies, bacteria, gnats etc touching the food for even a second and he eats it, not knowing could put him in the ICU or take his life completely. I never throw out food if it is perfectly safe to eat or if it has proper food hygiene. I only ever throw out food no matter who’s it is that could potentially cause infestations or harm to my boyfriend.
She gets upset every time I throw something out and tells me that it’s wasteful yet she let 7 containers worth of leftovers go to waste from not eating it like she said she would. And that’s only from the past 2 weeks worth, that’s not including the entire time we’ve been living together.
so Reddit, AITA?

Hello everyone reading!

All names are not real names. To be quite honest this shouldn’t even be an issue in my opinion because this is ridiculous.

I need some outside advice on how to handle this situation. Before we get to the part I need advice on, a bit of context: My sister (Stacy) and her boyfriend (Jax) have been together for over 10 years, not married or engaged but living together. We all live in the same house with our other sister and my parents. For some reason unknown to me Jax does not like my boyfriend (Thor). We have been together 2.5 years. He has never given me a reason, just doesn’t like him.

This house we all live in has a driveway so any time Thor comes over he will park in the driveway. Jax works nights so gets home at some time in the morning. I have texted before to let me know when he is nearby so we can move the car etc. the last time this happened Thor went to move the car Jax pulls in driveway but pulls in in a manner in which Thor cannot come back into the driveway. Thor goes home because he’s irritated now which understandable. I text Jax politely asking him to not do that please and next time can he just pull in so Thor can pull in behind him. His response was basically “no because he’s a stranger/unwanted guest and if the owners of the house have a problem with it they can tell me”. I tell my parents this but they don’t do anything. I did not tell my sister at this point as this is in my opinion not something that should be an issue.

Now most recently, he did a double shift at his job on a Sunday. Sunday nights are mine and Thors date nights and he drives me home and stays over. Monday was a holiday here so everyone is in the driveway, my other sister’s car, her bf’s car, my bf’s car at the end. Jax decided to send a message to our house group chat (includes me, both sisters, my parents and Jax) saying the following: “Morning everyone sorry to be doing this so early but ,at we not have strangers/people not wanted in the house not parking in the driveway…..especially after i I work a 16 hr shift. Thank you” and sent a pic of the driveway when he parked directly across the street. It is not very hard to find parking in our area in the morning.

I told my sister that this is not the first time this has happened this is just the first time it did “publicly”. I did not respond at the time because I would have been very mean and caused more drama. So my sister Stacy spoke to him but he just said he would keep his ,ouch shut (he is on thin ice with everyone for other reasons). So basically this petty driveway issue has been unresolved but it is definitely lingering in the air so how should we confront him/resolve the situation?

I also do not really care to be nice at this point as I am fed up with this “man”. Just before I get asked Jax does not pay rent or any other house bills aside from gas/electric and water which is split amongst all of us.

First, let me say that my wedding was lovely and the happiest day of my life. I am still happily married over 3 years later, but this still irks me and I would love to share to my lovely fellow potatoes.

Let us start with some *Context* Set the scene!

I have been going to this same church all my life. I am very involved in its activities, one of them being choir because I love to sing. I joined when I was in high school and was the youngest by many decades. It was fine though; all of the older ladies and gentlemen took me under their wing and treated me like their granddaughter. It was all fine and dandy, except for Darryl.

Now Darryl was in his 60's/70's, tall 6 ft lanky fellow with a soft honey trap like voice that made him sound all polite but hid something unexplainable underneath. Some background on him was when he was young, he had a car accident which resulted in a terrible brain injury. He has full mobility and speech; however, his brain seems to think he is younger than he really is, which means he is interested in young teenage girls, and I was a prime target.

Now let me begin by saying he never did anything too horrible to me that was worth pressing charges for. He was just very insistent in conversations, inviting me out for dinner, concerts, and to come help out as his house. He would also slip me notes and bring me gifts like cheap necklaces and other trinkets. Not to mention it was just that creepy vibe you can feel when someone is pursuing you that you don't want their attention.

My mother was rightfully concerned about him. I mean an over 6-foot man was interested in her naive teenager. She would drive me to choir and wait for me to get out and walk me to the car, and when I could drive myself, she called me to make sure I wasn't alone with him. The choir director was also made aware and made sure I never sat next to him or near him, and some of the other choir ladies also noticed and were very protective of me. I was never truly terrified of him but was very cautious and aware of him in rooms for a long time. I knew it was the brain injury's fault and not really him, so I was polite but avoided him when I could.

I grew up and moved from high school to college. I attended on scholarships, one of them being an athletic one for cross country and track and field. This is where I met Kevin, my sophomore year.

Kevin was homeschooled his entire life, and you could tell painfully quickly 2 things.

1. He lacked a lot of social skills due to not attending school his entire life.

2. He craved socialization so bad he would do anything for it.

Results: Once he decided you were friendly to him, he stuck on you like a barnacle and wouldn't let go. He would stay long past time that most friends would leave and arrive early the next day. and texted incessantly. We would hang out because track meets lasted whole weekends and he needed somebody to talk to. He had awkward humor but wasn't a bad dude, just a little uncomfortable at times. Another person he decided to latch onto Bailey, my best friend who lived next door to me. They shared several classes together, so he was almost always in there studying. Sometimes it would be late at night and he would still be in her room, not getting the hint that she was going to bed.

One day we were hanging out in Bailey's room, Me, Kevin, and a few more friends playing some truth or dare. There was no alcohol involved, just some friends hanging out on a chill Tuesday afternoon. One of my friends asked Kevin.

"Do you have a crush on anyone?"

"Yes."

A simple answer, but it was like blood in the water. Everyone glanced at each other. We all had the same thought. It had to be Bailey, since it was her room he stayed in all the time. She was in a long-term relationship though so it would be no hard feelings and the crush would die away. Simple easy. Another friend asked.

"Who do you have a crush on."

This pickle turned to look right at me and said,

"OP"

I could feel the five stages of grief cross my face for a second as I processed the absolute curveball that was. First, that was slightly more complicated because I wasn't dating anyone. I had no excuse to turn it down. Second, I did not think of him that way at all. A good friend perhaps but definitely not boyfriend material. So now how was I supposed to let him down gently in front of this group of people all staring at me.

So while I screaming internally and struggling to come up with a politically correct answer, Kevin bless his heart gave me an out.

"You don't have to like me back I'm just letting you know."

Ok cool so now I just have this lingering in the back of my mind for every conversation from now on? Cool, love that for me. I just stammered something awkward and everyone thankfully moved on, but I think the game ended pretty quickly after that.

Kevin and I remained friends, but like I said that conversation never truly left and lingered in the back of my mind. He joined clubs I did, and joined the church I was attending as well, joining choir and my Bible study classes. I couldn't get away from him. But just like Darryl I remained polite but kept my distance.

Ok Scene is set, time for wedding.

I married the love of my life at the church I grew up in. I told the pastor that he could extend the invitation to the church for the wedding, but not the reception. I was already pretty much bursting at the seems with the amount of guest I invited, but that is a story all in itself. Besides this church had watched me grow up. I had no problem with the sweet little old grandmotherly ladies who had seen me go from a child to a young adult come watch one of the best days of my life.

The wedding day went perfectly. We got ready at the church with hair and makeup. There was a brunch at my aunt's house. My sister was my maid of honor, but Bailey was a close second. They primped and primmed me. My husband gave me gold jewelry and a note saying how much he loved me. All was perfect.

I was holding my father's arm waiting for that crucial moment to walk down the aisle. The music swells, and so do my emotions. I am finally getting married. So much love and joy and happiness fill my being and I feel tears start to well up. I am so ready to have my day.

Three steps down the aisle I search faces of friends and family, trying to take a peek at my husband, when a tall lanky old man blocks my view.

Dag Nabbin Darryl.

Since he was apart of the church, he had decided to come. I thought I was safe because he had stopped coming to church for several months, but nope. There he was. Because he wouldn't miss it for the world. My feelings instantly dampened a moment as old reflexes jabbed of wariness and caution. Then I saw my husband and forgot all about it. A small hiccup no big deal. It's not like the wedding is ruined. Then I saw Kevin 2 rows ahead of Darryl. Again, small hiccup. They won't ruin this for me.

The rest of the wedding without a hitch. Then it was time to go the reception which was a few blocks away. The Bridal party rode together and Bailey turned to me with fire in her eyes, because she is the one in our relationship that does not care about confrontation and I am a baby people pleaser.

"I swear if Kevin had objected or done anything I would have taken him out."

That's the kind of friend Bailey is: Fierce, Loyal, and will bury a body for you. I kind of laughed and waved her off. I am glad he didn't but it was fine because I wasn't going to see him again the rest of the day.

We arrived at the wedding reception and I glance around at loved ones and stop cold. There he was, Kevin. He was sitting next to my Track coach from college, that I did indeed invite to the reception. I am assuming he asked Coach where the reception was and without any social decorum, invited himself. I don't blame coach because how was he supposed to know I absolutely did not want him there. So here I am, trying to enjoy wedding bliss, and the man who confessed his love to me in a truth or dare game is there hovering like a vulture. Bailey locked eyes with me, and I could tell she would do something if he tried anything, so I enjoyed the rest of my evening.

Now, this is the thing that I am still not over. Remember, I was already full up guest wise for this venue and the catering. The food was quickly polished off and we left no crumbs. I was told after the fact, because my mother is a SAINTLY woman. My own mother, who had been up since the crack of dawn with me, getting ready, had helped decorate, would give the clothes off her back to a stranger, who is the strongest most amazing woman of all time, didn't get to eat at my own reception. She told me after my honeymoon that she and my dad ate had a little food and she got nothing. Not a single bite. Probably because there was one guest that wasn't supposed to be there.

Plus, I have seen Kevin eat. Us athletes can put food away. I have seen the man demolish 4 sushi rolls in one go by himself. I wouldn't put it past him to load up a plate of food because it was buffet style and eat it all.

So there you go. Two men who had crushes on me came to my wedding, and I still see both of them regularly. I want to say something to Kevin so badly about how he stole food from my own mother at my own wedding reception, but I don't know how to bring it up. I guess I am just here to vent, and of course hopefully give Charlotte a good story. Thank you Charlotte for all you do for this community!

This is the story of how a disagreement over dog poo turned into six months of neighbourly warfare, a forensic investigation involving GPS coordinates, a dedicated poo notebook, and an act of revenge that I fully admit went too far.
Before all of this started, I was actually a very good neighbour to them.
If they needed sugar, eggs, tomato sauce or anything else, I was happy to help. On one occasion, I even lent them £20, which they never paid back, by the way.
The one time I asked them for something — I think it was an egg because I was making a dish and had run out — they said, “Oh no, sorry, we don’t have any,” and refused to help me.
So apparently, we weren’t “skanky bastards” when they needed something.
In fact, she once came over and asked me to apply fake tan for her.
But apparently, we had “no self-respect” when I invited them round for coffee.
My husband and I lived in a complex of three houses with a shared garden.
We had a small working dog. Our neighbours had a larger dog, and contractors working on the third house occasionally brought their own small dog.
Now, I’m not squeamish. I’ve spent plenty of time around animals, so picking up dog poo doesn’t bother me.
Whenever I cleaned the shared garden, I’d simply take a scoop and collect every poo I could find.
Mine, theirs, the contractors’ dog’s — I didn’t care.
We all shared the garden. We all had dogs. Let’s just be adults about it.
Apparently, that was too much to ask.
The accusations begin
I regularly travelled away for several days at a time, taking my dog with me.
Before leaving, I’d clean the garden. When I returned, I’d clean it again.
But the neighbours started finding dog poo in the garden and decided that every single one belonged to my dog.
Even when my dog was away with me.
Apparently, my dog had developed the supernatural ability to teleport her bowel movements across the country.
They started collecting what they believed was her poo and dumping it on our doorstep.
Then they escalated to throwing dog poo at our front door and smearing it across our vehicles.
AND WE HAD SECURITY CAMERAS RECORDING THEM DOING IT.
I explained repeatedly that other dogs used the garden and that my dog couldn’t possibly be responsible for poo appearing while we were away.
They didn’t listen.
Eventually, they complained to our landlord, who contacted me about the situation.
I explained that I’d been voluntarily cleaning up after everyone’s dogs and that I couldn’t reasonably be expected to collect poo when neither I nor my dog was home.
He asked us to resolve things amicably.
So I invited the neighbours round for coffee.
Their response?
They called us “skanky bastards”, said we had “no self-respect”, and said they wouldn’t lower themselves to visit us.
Lovely.
This was especially rich considering I’d previously helped them out with food, lent them money they never repaid and had even been asked to apply fake tan for one of them.
Apparently, we were good enough when they needed sugar, eggs, tomato sauce, cash or cosmetic assistance.
But not good enough for coffee.
Shortly afterwards, one of them drove up to our front door, threw dog poo at it, filmed the result, laughed and drove away.
All captured on our security camera.
That was the moment I decided I’d had enough.
But rather than retaliate immediately, I decided to become a scientist.
A forensic scientist.
A DOG SHIT FORENSIC SCIENTIST.
Operation Dog Poo Wars
I went online and ordered a notebook.
Not just any notebook.
A NOTEBOOK WITH A LITTLE POO EMOJI ON THE COVER.
Because if you’re going to investigate canine bowel movements, you might as well have appropriately branded stationery.
From that day onwards, every time I went into the garden to collect dog poo, I recorded myself doing it on our security cameras.
Then I opened the what3words app.
Yes, THAT what3words app.
The one that identifies geographical locations using three-word combinations.
And I recorded the exact three-word location of EVERY. SINGLE. TURD.
I wrote down:
The date and exact time of collection.
The what3words location.
Whether it appeared to be a smaller or larger dog’s poo.
The reference number of the corresponding camera recording.
Any other relevant observations.
Every video was saved into a dedicated folder on my phone.
The folder was called:
DOG POO WARS.
I wish I was joking.
I also documented every occasion that my dog and I were away, including the dates and our general whereabouts.
Essentially, I was building an alibi for a dog.
And because the contractors also had a smaller dog, I knew that even finding a small poo didn’t prove it belonged to mine.
I was conducting a more thorough investigation into dog shit than my neighbours had conducted into anything.
This continued for THREE MONTHS.
The landlord calls a meeting
Eventually, our landlord became thoroughly fed up and called a meeting with both households.
Before the meeting, I informed him that I’d be emailing him a ZIP file containing my evidence.
What was in the ZIP file?
Three months of footage showing me collecting dog poo.
Alongside every recording I had of the neighbours throwing dog poo at our property, dumping it on our doorstep and smearing it on our vehicles.
Imagine being a landlord and receiving an entire audiovisual archive dedicated to dog shit.
At the meeting, the landlord showed the neighbours the footage.
Then came my moment.
I reached into my bag.
And produced…
THE POO NOTEBOOK.
I explained that every single entry corresponded to a video, complete with its date, time, geographical location and specimen description.
I showed them the dates my dog had been away.
I explained that I’d been collecting everyone’s poo, regardless of whose dog I believed had produced it.
The landlord told the neighbours that he would also send them the files.
I then made my position very clear.
If the harassment continued, I would take the footage of them interfering with our property to the police.
All I wanted was a formal apology and for the behaviour to stop.
They apologised.
We went home.
Victory, right?
WRONG.
The final straw
The VERY NEXT DAY, I discovered a dog turd sitting on the windscreen of my vehicle.
Unfortunately, it was parked just outside the camera’s coverage, so I couldn’t prove who had put it there.
But after six months of this nonsense, I was absolutely furious.
And this, Reddit, is where I went from being the reasonable neighbour to becoming the villain in somebody else’s story.
I’d tried reasoning.
I’d tried being neighbourly.
I’d helped them whenever they needed something.
I’d lent them money they never repaid.
I’d even been asked to apply fake tan for one of them.
I’d offered coffee.
I’d documented everything.
I’d attended a formal meeting.
And I’d received an apology.
So when the neighbours went away one weekend, I decided to retaliate.
I collected the dog poo from the shared garden, as usual.
And yes, before you ask, I STILL documented it in my ridiculous little notebook.
But this time, instead of disposing of it normally, I kept it.
I put on rubber gloves and turned the collected poo into a thoroughly revolting mess.
Then I went over to their pickup truck.
I used the mess to contaminate parts of the vehicle, including areas around the doors and handles.
It was disgusting.
It was completely disproportionate.
And I fully acknowledge that it was a serious hygiene hazard and could have landed me in legal trouble.
But at the time, after six months of being on the receiving end of their behaviour, I’d completely lost my patience.
I cleaned myself up, disposed of the remaining mess and went home.
The Monday morning entertainment
On Monday morning, at around 5 a.m., my husband and I watched from inside our house as the neighbour went out to his pickup.
He began opening the doors.
And immediately discovered that something was VERY wrong.
There was an awful smell.
There was an unpleasant surprise on the handles.
And he couldn’t work out exactly where the smell was coming from.
My husband and I were absolutely crying with laughter.
For weeks afterwards, we could see him trying to clean the pickup and work out why it still smelled so dreadful.
Looking back, I realise my revenge was excessive and potentially harmful. I wouldn’t recommend anybody copying it.
But at the time, the combination of frustration, exhaustion and sheer absurdity had got the better of me.
And here’s the ending.
WE NEVER HAD ANOTHER DOG POO INCIDENT.
No more turds on the doorstep.
No more poo thrown at the front door.
No more poo smeared on our vehicles.
No more arguments about which dog had done what.
Nothing.
And the neighbours’ final response?
THEY BLOCKED ME ON FACEBOOK.
That’s it.
Six months of warfare.
Three months of forensic evidence.
A landlord’s meeting.
A formal apology.
One extremely unfortunate pickup truck.
And a Facebook block.
So, Reddit, I fully accept that I crossed a line with my revenge.
But I would also like the record to show that somewhere in my possession is a little notebook with a poo emoji on the cover, containing the geographical coordinates of three months’ worth of dog turds.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I became the world’s most overqualified dog poo investigator.
TL;DR: Neighbours repeatedly blamed my dog for poo in our shared garden, even when my dog wasn’t home. Before the feud, I’d been a helpful neighbour, lending them food, money and even helping with fake tan, despite them refusing to help me when I needed an egg. They started throwing poo at our house and smearing it on our vehicles. I documented months of dog poo collections using CCTV, timestamps, what3words locations and a dedicated poo notebook. After a landlord meeting and an apology, another turd appeared on my windscreen. I retaliated by contaminating their pickup with dog poo. The incidents stopped, and they blocked me on Facebook.

Hello fellow potatoes and Potato Queen Charlotte! I am 13 weeks pregnant so I'm not sure if that's what's causing me to feel extra spiky and baby-ish about this.

I'm going to work in a different city three hours away for over 7 weeks. (House-sitting.) There is not a lot to do while there. I have my phone and my switch (not many games and I've played all except one).

He won't let me take his ps5 OR computer there with me. He said he'll let me take his laptop (for my schoolwork). The laptop is an old, slow, internet and word only kind. So I can't play Steam on it with my sibling who lives in another state. (I get lonely on long stays.)

He says it's because he wants to use them and because he's worried about them getting damaged. (I have moved multiple times with game systems and computers and never damaged them.) But last year we stayed a few weeks someplace in our city together and he was fine moving the computer and ps5 then. I guess because he was also there the whole time?

He says he'll visit me sometimes on weekends. I know he has the right to say no, but I don't understand why he doesn't trust me to take care of them or why he has anxiety over it. He said I could take his switch that has more games. (But I still won't be able to play with anyone.)

We are in our mid-thirties and we cannot afford another system or computer right now for a few more months because I had life-threatening medical issues come up last year. I will have books and other things to entertain myself but nothing social. I mostly want the pc so it's easier to do schoolwork and so I can cross play games with my husband and play with my sister.

Am I overreacting for being really hurt by his refusal to let me take one of the systems?

(Outside of this small issue, we are very happy and have a very good and healthy relationship on both sides. We rarely argue and we are very good at resolving them through calm conversation. I just feel like, as his lonely pregnant wife, who is going through a very risky and difficult pregnancy, he should want me to be as happy as I can be? So I am a little sore about it.)

Hi fellow potatoes and patatoe queen

Context: Last year i got into this very bad situationship with this other sports guy(we're in the same team) lets call him Jake. I'm the kinda person that's whimsy and kind, i'm very honest with my feelings...this wasn't helpful in the situationship AT ALL...Jake was really horrible to me to the point where i started losing my spark and bad bad thoughts about life. January this year(2026) I decided to walk away from the situationship because i realised that if I dont end it i might actually exitting for real. A month after ending the situationship i started dating my now boyfriend lets call him Nathan. Nathan is a darling and treats me very well...i got my whimsy back and am a lot happier. Nathan plays for a rival team and is Jake's direct oponnent and rival. The sports community only realised recently(a month ago) that Nathan and I are dating, despite my team not really liking him they respect him because he's my boyfriend.

Now to the issue: yesterday Jake got really hurt in yesterday's game...it scared a whole team, me included...now, after the breakup, Jake and i were just cordial...so after he played yesterday we took a walk outside the hall to discuss how to prevent the injury at the next game...while were talking this guy has the audacity to say (out of the blue) "you know, you think you're over me but you're not"...Excuse me WHAT??!!...I then go, "You know i'm very honest with my feelings and let me make it clear...I AM OVER YOU" he then goes "there's something on your eye let me help you out" "i'm thinking its lash glue or something so i close my eye so he could remove it, but this dumb slimmy sloth decides to kiss me...i push him away and give him a very hot s word(my hand made met his face at high speed🤚) ...he then looks puzzled and goes "I thought that you might need that to realize your feelings for me" What feelings bruh🙄🫩 now I'm angry cause what did I do to make him think that kissing me was a good idea? He knows I have a boyfriend...he disrespected me, my boyfriend and our relationship...I turn to walk away but he then holds my hand, i try to yank it to walkaway but then he tightens it and says "you have more to lose than i do if people realise that we're here together, i'm trying to protect you. Let me leave first" WTH does this dummy think he is, does he think i'm sneaking around with him??? I was here as a caring friend and this is what he does?? I then say "I dont care, I'm not spending one more second here with you" then i walked away...i got inside the hall and the entire team had left, when i get out of the hall i see my boyfriend with my stuff, he then asks me where i had gone cause my team had been looking for me...i then tell him that i was with Jake...he then looked taken aback "JAKE?? What were yall doing" i then said "I'll tell you when we get home" he left with his team and I with mine...the ride home was awkward and i was annoyed and disgusted...i felt so guilty even though i didnt initiate anything...i just wondered whether i was wrong for taking that walk, was i wrong for being worried (the injury could have ended him), the entire ride home i felt like i could have done better...its just that by the end of our situationship Jake had made it clear that he had zero feelings for me, i never thought he'd do this...

When i got home(in the AMs) i told my boyfriend everything except the part that Jake is my ex situationship(i really should have led with that🙄😭😭)...my boyfriend is already livid but I want to tell him that Jake is my ex situationship, I dont like hiding things from him...Nathan said i shouldn't mention anything else about Jake but I feel that if he later finds out about Jake and I being ex situationships the entire situation will look like a setup...so my fellow potatoes and potato queen, do I tell Nathan about Jake being my ex situationship or I respect his wishes and just stop talking about him...I hate that I'm in such a situation...i feel both disrespected and guilty...i also feel so stupid for having been worried😭😭😭😭😭 help

Oh and earlier today Jake sent a text saying sorry and he now knows his limits and how he hopes we continue being friends, i just reponded with ok but then he followed up with a text mentioning how the injury affected him and he's grateful i cared, i still havent opened it...to be honest, i dont want to talk to the guy, if we werent in the same team i'd block him...he disgusts me rn...i feel so disrespected and the thought that he expects me to just overlook what he did baffles me.

Winding down, watching Charlotte and my cat Evie can’t stop watching. I think Evie is confessing she loves Charlotte Dobra videos! X

hello! I hope your day is going well.

Im sorry if my grammar or spelling is off im crying while typing this. lol.

Im not quite sure how to start this haha, but i guess ill start with the back story. In 2025 my mother passed away unexpected right before my senior year. It was hard on all of us of course especially my father, but not even 7 months later he found someone. they took it relatively slow at first but not as slow as i would have wish.

I am the youngest of three and am attending college while staying home because my dad asked me to stay. So all his kids are pretty much out the house or adults doing everything on our own. She around the same age as my dad and has 5 kids and the youngest is 5yo. They are in very different stages of life which i was fine with as long as he was happy and it was separated from me. I met her and she is nice but i don't care for a true connection with her. So i stay away when i can.

My father has been bringing her around more and having her stay over which i was fine with. Until i heard them doing some spicy things. When it was my mother and father it was different when i heard that i could be mature about it and just ignore it, but hearing it from my father and his gf was another kind of pain. I BROKE down luckily my significant other was there to help me calm down. The next morning we left right away in the morning so i could have time to process and be okay. I never brought it up.

more recently my spouse and I went to a concert with my father and his gf. Everything was fine at first but as the show went on they were making out LOUDLY behind us. we immediately got up and left. On my way home i cried my eyes out. I had planned to talk to him when he got home from the concert but when he got home and i went down to talk i heard them getting spicy again. I hit my breaking point i couldnt fathom how they had no consideration for me. so i texted him "really." and pretty much saying how i regretted going and that tonight was my breaking point and how i had tried to be quiet about things because i want him to be happy but i couldnt anymore. he responded saying how he understood and he was sorry.

The days after he asked if i wanted to talk about it and i said i would think about it because i wasnt sure i was ready. Well tonight he decided we would talk about it. He started saying how no one will replace my mom and all this other junk relative to that. my feelings werent about him replacing my mom it was about not having consideration for me and how i feel bad for not wanting a connection with her and that i dont want anything to do with them. I started crying and said "I just dont want anything to do with it i dont care about her and i couldnt care less about her" and i was gonna say and it makes me feel bad that i feel that way but he cut me off and started yelling at me about how i was being nasty and how thats like if he were to say that about my S/O even though it different circumstances. (exactly... different circumstances) Instead of arguing i just left to my room and he left the house to go to her house.

I guess what im looking for is, am I in the wrong for feeling the way i do? I understand i may have came out to strong and caught him off guard, but should I not be having these kinds of feelings? And should i stay away from home for a little bit to give us both time? or will it make things worse? I really need an outsiders advise.

Thank you for your time!

(edit) first and foremost I am an "adult" but let be honest no one feels like an "adult" freshly turning 18. secondly my dad begged me to have me stay. When I have even mentioned moving out with my S/O he says he would rather my S/O move in with me and my father then let me move out anytime soon. So yes I am but in a hard position when he begs me to stay even when i try to mention moving out. He also told me to voice how i feel about his relationship with this woman and the only time i have it turned into a fight. please take these into consideration thank you.

Hi everyone! I’m looking for outside opinions about what happened.

The family members I cut off are from my mother’s side. My mom has three cousins. Let’s call them A (28F), B (25F), and C (23F). Their mother is also involved (let’s call her M), along with M’s sister, J. In the province, their house is on the same land as mine, so we share a fence.

A, B, and C are studying abroad, so I don’t really get to see them that often. They’ve been having issues with my mom (mostly) for about 20 years now. Honestly, they’ve held grudges over many stupid reasons. Well, there are two main events that happened.

When my mom was 18, M and J found a man and thought he and my mom should get married. When my mom met him, she rejected him because he was much older than her. This made M and J really mad. They said my mom had embarrassed them, so they told A, B, and C to stop talking to my mom. Before this happened, A, B, and C were really close to her. Whenever they went somewhere, they stopped inviting my mom. My mom would cry every day because A, B, and C were her closest friends. Eventually, though, she got over it.

After I was born, M and J started talking to my mom again. My sister and I also grew closer to A, B, and C. We would hang out every day when I was younger. However, as I grew older, I moved to the city, and they went abroad to study, so we didn’t really talk much anymore.

Sometimes, we would visit them at least once a year. Around 2025, we stopped calling or texting as much, but we still wished each other happy birthdays and occasionally sent each other random videos.

These events never really involved me until this year, when I visited my childhood home in the province. This summer, I went to visit my grandparents, and I had to stay at my childhood home.

One night, I was standing outside with my mom, inside the fence, just talking to her. Then B and C came through the entrance. J was also there, so B and C went to talk to her. It looked like J was rushing them to go inside quickly, as if I were some kind of disease or something.

P.S. They also ignored my younger sister when she waved at them, which hurt her feelings. Like, it’s not that hard to wave back at a child.

That same night, I checked my social media and saw that B and C had unfollowed me everywhere. However, A hadn’t unfollowed me. I was pissed off, so I unfollowed A and J as well.

By the way, they were giving me the silent treatment, and when I did the same thing back, they got mad. I think they expected me to approach them and talk to them first or something, but I didn’t. Another possible reason for the conflict could be something related to politics, but I’d rather not get into that.

So, AITAH for cutting contact with my family?

EDIT: I forgot to mention this, but I tried contacting A and J before all of this happened. i asked A why she had been distant lately and whether I had done anything wrong. She replied with an excuse, saying that she had been really busy and that I hadn’t done anything wrong.

I also contacted J, but it was useless. The whole conversation consisted of her saying that I was the one who had been distant and explaining that she didn’t want ABC to hang out with us because they worked at night and slept in the morning. Mind you, when we weren’t there, they would be up at 7 a.m. playing badminton.

So, I didn’t cut them off out of spite. I tried asking them if I had done anything to upset them, but I’m not willing to keep in contact with people who aren’t honest about their feelings. TBH, I'm just tired and i don't see myself having a relationship with them anymore.

​

I posted about this issue when I learned of my husband's infidelity last year. I don't know how to link the original post, but I will go over the important things. All names have been changed for anonymity.

In August of 2025, I (34F) recieved a message from a woman (25?F) Jenna, that works in a different department of the facility my husband and I also work at. It was a classic "Hey Girlie". She was letting me know that my husband (32M) Tyler, had cheated on me about 4 years before with her. At our workplace, in a bathroom. Ew.

She just wanted to assuage her own guilt, but threw a wrench into what I thought was a great relationship.

Little did I know, this was the beginning of something so much bigger. The crumb in the trail of infidelity and lies. I confronted Tyler about it right away. He caved, told me everything.

Aaaand also admitted to sleeping with another coworker (23?F) Erica, in 2021, that I had been so suspicious of before. Erica was a typical Pick-Me girl and showed off her red flags in my face. But Tyler always defended her behavior.

Turns out, Erica had been trying to poison Tyler about our relationship for a long time, to get him for herself. I'm wondering now if he was as bad in bed as he was for me, because after she slept with him, she seemed to lose interest.

If my timelines are correct, that is when he distanced himself from her and focused on fixing our marriage. Yippee, I got the leftovers that even a Pick-Me girl didn't want.

He still kept her around for a while, but they stopped hanging out.

I thought things were better for us. We still had our hiccups as a couple. But we were both trying to make the relationship stronger. I was so blind and naive.

I ignored a major red flag. After all that, Tyler had been pushing to have an open marriage/poly relationship for years. He would hound me until I gave in to his demands. Because my reasons for not wanting that weren't good enough for him. They weren't his thoughts on it, so they weren't correct.

For some context, I have PTSD and a slew of other mental health problems. So arguing isn't my strong suit. Tyler would get loud or badger me and I would cave in to make it stop. Not great, but sometimes it's hard to fight that trauma response.

He is also 6'3" and I am just under 5'1" I don't think he would do anything to hurt me. But in an argument, I am painfully aware of my disadvantages. I watch/listen to a lot of true crime lol.

So I went back and forth on the issue for months. I would cave in to his demands, it would sit like a rock in my stomach, and I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

A big part of his argument to guilt me into allowing it, was that I wasn't open to compromise on the issue. But, you can't compromise on something like that. You're either ok with it or you're not. There is no middle ground to sleeping with other people.

Tyler must have gotten fed up with my indecision because he went behind my back shortly before my birthday in November 2025. Having a secret relationship with a close friend of both of us. Let's call her Ren (45F).

I found out a couple months after, sadly. Tyler was being more and more suspicious about hiding his phone and messenger chats on his computer whenever I walked over. I trusted my gut for once and logged into his computer when he was at work.

I'm all about privacy. But there also shouldn't be anything to hide. And it was worse than I suspected. It was a full blown affair. Emotional and physical.

I saw professions of love for each other. Heard voice notes so full of passion from each of them, not just one-sided. And I unfortunately saw some nudes of my friend that I cannot unsee.

My world fell out from beneath me. After so much talk of being honest with each other, he hurt me in the deepest way.

The fallout was pretty bad. I confronted Tyler with it. Ren cried like she was the victim. Saying things like she "never meant to hurt me", when I hadn't even been on her mind.

Tyler begged for another chance to fix things. And I stupidly agreed. I couldn't imagine a world without him by my side. We had been together for over 13 years.

He agreed to couples and individual therapy. But he talked over me during couples and he was always in a bad mood after. He would demand to know what I talked about in my individual therapy and became upset when I didn't pry into his sessions.

I realize now that I was already emotionally detaching. My mind just couldn't let go. I was honestly scared. Scared of the changes that would bring and scared of being without Tyler. My self worth was so tied to his attention towards me. I see how hollow I really was.

I tried for months to fix things. To get myself past all the infidelity and lies. But my trust was shattered. And I didn't have it in me to try to fix it anymore. What was the point? When I clearly didn't matter as much to him, as he did to me.

He wouldn't even stop talking to Ren. He tentatively offered to cut her off once, but I could tell he would hate me if I agreed to that.

So more things I just made myself smaller for and tolerated.

Since I was already emotiobally checking out, a couple months ago, maybe late June 2026, I decided to just jump into trying to date other people. We talked about it and Tyler was excited for the opportunity to fulfill that fantasy.

I wasn't sure how it would go for me, but I was getting messages and dates left and right almost immediately. My self esteem had been so low for so long, I genuinely didn't expect that. And I'm not a traditional beauty by any means. I have a lot of facial piercings, some tattoos, dress witchy-goth, and I'm curvy. I didn't think many men would be interested, at least where I live (very Midwest/farm area). But I was so very wrong.

And Tyler became very jealous and passive agressive. I communicated everything with him, but he still wasn't happy. I think he realized that I would see I could do better than him.

At first, I talked to a few guys regularly. Making friends, setting up dates, but nothing spicier.

But then I made a connection that I wasn't expecting. Around late June, early July I matched with a man (33M) Marcus, who was in an oddly similar situation. And we bonded over it all. We agreed to just be friends and support each other.

Marcus was such a surprise to me. Absolutely thoughtful and caring. I couldn't understand why his partner treated him so badly. Why couldn't she see what I saw? And he felt the same.

Our feelings grew from friendship to affection so easily. We just clicked together and understood each other so well. He is so patient and understanding. And I give him all the affection that he deserves. I was so comfortable with him, right from the beginning. I joke that I'm going to smother him, but he insists that I bring it on.

Talking with Marcus and being around him made me really see how terrible my marriage was. The kind of behavior I was just tolerating for the sake of keeping it all together. But it was at the cost of myself.

I saw how small I made myself for my husband. And I admitted that I wanted more. I'm only 34 and I wanted to be happy. Not miserable for the rest of my life because I was too stubborn to throw in the towel when anyone else would have.

And now for the current situation. The part I have been really itching to talk about.

I found my ovaries and I told Tyler I wanted a divorce. I was a bit back and forth with my decision at first, but I pulled my head out of my butt quickly enough. I was still fighting that scared feeling.

I realized that I had something so special forming with Marcus and I was tired of wasting all my effort and love on someone who didn't reciprocate a fraction of it.

Even if things don't work out with Marcus, I deserve so much more than this farce of a marriage.

Surprisingly, Tyler is not fighting me. He is working on the paperwork side of things, we are agreeing to splitting assets easily. So the process has been moving quickly.

Tyler is still being passive agressive sometimes. And he likes to phrase things like I am the one who gave up on the marriage. As if it is my fault.

But Marcus has been in my corner every step of the way and I agree with him, the opinions of my ex don't matter. Let him spin his own narrative. I know the truth.

So I am moving on. Marcus and I are officially in a relationship. I know there is the honeymoon phase, but something just feels so right with him. I don't feel like I'm rushing, I feel like I was meant to find him.

Sounds cheesy, but I have always been a hopeless romantic. Now I have found a man that truly matches that with me.

So things are good finally. Divorce papers are being pushed through. I just secured a new job in the city where Marcus lives. A couple hours away from where my ex and I were living.

Marcus is ready for me to move in with him, if I cannot find a place on my own in enough time to start the new job. But he really wants to look for a place together anyway.

Even my family is ecstatic for me. I'm from the West coast, currently in the Midwest. They've wanted me to move back for years. And they always disliked Tyler. Hated him after I explained everything that had happened.

But now they are just happy to hear me happy. They say they can really see the difference already.

Even Marcus's family and friends tell him that as well. He gushes about me all the time and they can see how much happier he is with me.

I feel like we are so good for each other. Like we went through hell to be ready to be there for the right person.

We spend all the time together that we can. Just relaxing, going on adventures. Or the most mind-blowing spicy times.

For years, I thought something was wrong with me. But I just had a partner that didn't care about my needs and didn't make me feel spicy at all. Marcus sees it as a challenge and he has been breaking every high score. The difference is staggering.

I will be driving back in a couple days to spend my off days with Marcus again. Just a couple more weeks to finish out this job, start my new job, and then I can move in with him. Ready to fully start this new chapter of my life.

Please feel free to ask questions if there's anything that was unclear. Typed this on my phone and I might have missed some things or context.

Update - 2 weeks later:

Just a nice update for anyone reading.

Encouraged by Marcus to try if I wanted to, I got off my strong antidepressants. The side effects have been more detrimental than the meds were helpful. But I just tolerated it because nothing else helped how I was feeling.

I had been so depressed for years. I thought the meds were a big help. But I feel normal for the first time in about 10 years. I'm seeing that the meds made me feel more sedated than anything. I was still depressed, but it muted my reactions and feelings. Not to mention, a side effect made spicy time very frustrating.

I don't feel depressed like I used to. Stressed about the divorce filing and paperwork, and anxious about finding a place to rent in this city. But nowhere near how depressed I had been. Thinking it wasn't just in my head. But. a bigger issue with letting Tyler walk all over my wants and feelings.

Getting better every day.

Update 2 - another couple weeks

My divorce is official!

With no disputes over anything, our lawyer was able to push it through in about a month. Still have to deal with changing my name back to my maiden though. Ex ignored what I wanted and didn't get the paperwork from the lawyer for that.

But that's my own fault for just letting Tyler talk to the lawyer. I was busy in another city getting the next steps of my life set up.

Started my new job, moved some of my things in with Marcus now, still apartment hunting.

But things are amazing. Still some bumps from both of our past relationships, but happier together. So much happier.

Edit to add, to ease some confusion: Marcus has been open to helping me however I needed. He was supportive and helping me look for a place on my own. But it wasn't panning out quickly enough, for how fast the divorce was going through. And I needed to move to this other city to start my new job. He knows I don't have a support system up here, all of my family is half a country away. He didn't push me to move in with him, but he left that option open for me because he knew everything else in my life was destabilizing.

So this happened a few days ago and I’m still recovering mentally. At first I was upset, then angry and now just flabbergasted. Head up there’s a lot of relevant context but the story is pretty short

So some important context. I will be 28 beginning of November and have the boys aches and pains of an 80 year old. I am currently enrolled in a Masters of Education for Secondary teaching and only have a 6 week placement and attached assessment and I am done with my degree.

I was diagnosed with viral reactive arthritis in March 2023 after getting glandular fever. April of the same year I had no choice but to move back home with my parents. Turns out and there is a small chance it can cause viral reactive arthritis and it’s just my luck I got it

November 2023 I came to the realisation that the severe reduction of hours I could work was not sustainable financially and had swapped to a government payment for support.
I decided to go get training in a new field of work as my arthritis was making retail more unbearable than normal. I decided to get my nail technician and makeup artistry qualifications. I spent the next year juggling the work and assessments of the new course with my uni placements and assessments and received my qualifications in December 2024. I still picked up shifts with my retail job but made it clear I could only work max 5 hours at a time.
This was also when I started my home salon business. I now share half the spare room of my parents house with my younger sister. My side has my nail desk, chairs, small makeup station, a trolley for each reach tools and nail art brushes and products and I have the shelved half of the wardrobe for my polishes (this was a bedroom with a built in wardrobe)

Fast forward to March 2025 I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis and was put on the states public surgery waitlist as I cannot afford it privately. I have been on and off different medications and outsourced every possible source for pain relief ever since. The surgery was booked for September just gone but there’s a 2 month wait so it’s pushed back to minimum November. During this time I had to place myself on medical leave from my retail job, put all placements for uni on hold until I had the surgery and went through recovery.

NOW…… to the story.
I am a part of many local community groups and nail tech groups. I use these for advertising the business and advice on running a business.
One day I was scrolling through the group feeds and someone had posted about looking for a salon that offered after hour appointments. Running a bit on auto pilot I tagged my business and general location in a comment. She ended up messaging me back asking for a quote on acrylic refills which I charge $50 (this is important for later). We made an appointment for a few days later and I added the appointment to my booking site. I messaged her a day or so before her appointment confirming she was still attending. She said she was, double checked the time and asked if her daughter (17) could attend as well. I said it was fine and had no issues with it.

The day of her appointment arrives and I went about my usual routine of chill vibes and video game times. About 20 minutes before she was due to arrive I went to get myself prepared for the appointment, getting tools out I would need, finding a hair tie for my long hair (it’s almost at my butt) and making sure the space was presentable.

She arrived 15 minutes early which threw all of this off. I escorted her into my space, introduced myself (important for later also) and got the story of her current set. She had been to a mall salon a week prior, many nails were crooked and one had had a bigger regrowth gap than the other, as if they were done a week apart. She also had a band aid on one finger stating it had lifted from the cuticle and she didn’t want to risk it lifting and coming off all together as the acrylics were on her natural nails.

I started working on her nails, removing loose product, doing cuticle prep and added new acrylic. As I was finishing the shaping off she kept making comments that the nail that lifted felt loose still. In the end I safely removed what I could of all the acrylic (including the stuff I just put on) and redid this nail entirely. During this I was getting all the horror stories of mall salons they had been too and received poor quality work and how they were looking for a small business to support a little guy.

As I was finishing applying the acrylic the second time roundshe received a phone call which I tuned out. Not my business. She hung up and asked if we could reschedule the remainder of the appointment for the following day as she needed to leave to help her father in law retrieve a car from a yard before that yard closed in 10 minutes.
I had a client the following morning but we agreed is message her once I was free and she would come round to finish things up. I had her pay for half the fee as I did half the work already and she was to pay the rest when she came back.
I gave her quick directions on getting out of the area and her and her daughter left.

10-20 minutes after she left I received a message from her stating the following

“Hi [insert BUSINESS name],
Thank you for your time on my nails today. But unfortunately I wont be returning. Without sounding rude I wasn't quite satisfied with the service and I found the amount I paid after I left today was a bit pricey for your experience.

I wish you all the best”

I told my partner first and was understandably upset as I saw no reason for the experience and my work (unfinished mind you) to be unsatisfactory. Then talking to him and my parents we all came to the conclusion that she’s just gotten a fresh acrylic refill for $25, that she’s potentially set the whole thing up to avoid paying the full amount, and I had been scammed of money I work hard to earn. I then became angry of this realisation. I never responded to her message but was swift to add a “DO NOT REBOOK” to her profile on my booking pages. Everyone I’ve told this has also said the same thing. I’ve also told some international friends who said I should share this here just for the sheer audacity.
Needless to say my policies will be updating to protect myself in the future.

I've been following for a while but never posted! I need some advice, as I have no idea what to think. My boyfriend 52(m) and I 44 (f) have been together for like 7 years or so. We have a great relationship, lots of fun together and I truly thought we were moving toward a great future. We have both been in other long-term committed relationships before we met, which is to be expected considering our ages. Tonight I received some text messages from him, claiming all kinds of outrageous things, examples "he can't be with someone like me" and other horrible accusations that I don't even believe dignify repeating. So for context, we were out with friends the other night, and he left the venue after saying I was with another man while I was in the bathroom, which is completely untrue. I just brushed it off because I figured he had too much to drink. The next day we talked, and I was right... he was drunk and he apologized. This is not his normal behavior. We have talked everyday since. Now, tonight is when he starts saying "we are done" I can't be with someone like you" ... I really just need some advice on how to proceed. Thank you all.

Hey Charlotte, So I watched your recent spooky video and I figured I have some real life stories to share. Story 1: so back in the early 90's (I'm a 37 yr old female currently) my brother and I were running back and forth in the trailer we lived in at the time. We were probably like 3 or 4 at the time and on top of that I have ADHD (undiagnosed till recently) and he has autism (was already diagnosed) so basically extra unruly in those days, any way we were back and forth between our parents room and the living room and some point I saw the clothes lift up on their own and dance around in a circle over our parents bed. This was during the day and they had no ceiling fan. I was stunned and stopped where I was and watched. My brother ran back in and I ran back out with him. The end. I'll post another personal story tomorrow about a sleep over at my best friends home.

I'm using fake names for this post. I'm Anita(28F), my former best friend is Raoul(30M) and my husband is Atlas (30M).

I'm not really sure how to start this, but I need some honest opinions, even if they're harsh. I want to know if I'm being selfish or unfair to my husband, or if I'm holding on to something I should have let go of by now. Raoul and I originally met through a dating app. There wasn't an instant spark or anything like that, but we eventually became friends. Over time, that friendship grew into something I honestly hadn't experienced with anyone else. He understood me in a way that was difficult to explain, and he became one of the most important people in my life. When I went to France for an internship, he was my biggest support system. We grew even closer, and somewhere along the way, my feelings for him changed. He wasn't just my best friend anymore, but I didn't know how to tell him that without risking the friendship.

I told him that I wanted something long-term because I knew my feelings weren't casual. I also understood that he couldn't promise me the future I wanted at that point in his life. We never really found a way to resolve that difference. We continued to share an emotional and romantic connection, but without a clear commitment or a proper understanding of where we were heading. It was a difficult situation because the feelings were real, but so were the practical problems standing in our way. Meanwhile, my own life was moving forward, and my family was looking at marriage prospects. That's when I met Atlas through an arranged-marriage setup. Atlas was stable, knew what he wanted, and was ready to commit. He offered the kind of certainty that I knew I needed if I wanted to build a life with someone. I cared about him, respected him, and believed we could have a good future together. Eventually, I chose Atlas and got married. I'm not saying Atlas is a bad husband. He isn't. I love him in the sense that I care deeply about him, want the best for him, and respect him. I have never wanted to hurt him or make him feel that he isn't enough. But choosing someone doesn't automatically mean that every feeling you had for someone else disappears. Before my wedding, I invited Raoul. He declined, saying that attending would be unfair to my husband. I understood what he meant, but it hurt more than I expected.

But I also feel that what we had was significant enough that the way it ended has left me with questions I haven't been able to put to rest. Part of me wants to reach out to him just once. Not to confess my feelings again, not to ask him to come back, and not to start an affair. I want to have an honest conversation, understand where we stand now, and perhaps finally get the closure that neither of us gave the other. The other part of me feels that even wanting this conversation is unfair to Atlas. He married me believing we were choosing a life together, and I don't want to disrespect him by reaching out to someone I once loved romantically. I also realise that Raoul may not want to hear from me. He might have moved on, or he might have deliberately chosen silence because he believes that's best for everyone. I have no right to demand a conversation from him. So, WIBTA if I reached out to Raoul once, simply to ask if he's willing to talk and give us some closure? Or should I respect his silence, accept that I made my choice, and leave the past where it is? TL;DR: I fell in love with my former best friend, Raoul, and he felt the same way, but his career and financial struggles meant he wasn't ready for the commitment I wanted. I eventually married Atlas, who was ready to build a life with me. Raoul declined my wedding invitation and disappeared from my life. Nine months later, I still think about him and wish we could have one honest conversation for closure. Would I be wrong to reach out, or would that be unfair to my husband?

All of this takes place over the course of a few of years, so please bear with me.

Some background information: My (32F) mom (57) has a thing for narcissistic men. Either she knows about it and doesn't care, or she doesn't realize that's what it is. She was married to a narcissist for 30+/- years, whom I'd never gotten along with but had to save face for the sake of their marriage. They divorced, and (always assuming my mom was the victim) I thought she'd take some time to figure out who she was without him, to do things she enjoys, be free, etc etc. She did not...

So, she ended up in a tiny place with lots of neighbors. My mom has always gotten male attention anywhere we went, even some of my school mates; so it was not surprising that when I visited her after the divorce that I could see some of the neighbors watching her real closely. Now, I'm not entirely sure about timing, but around this time she started seeing someone and didn't tell me. Let's call him Todd. Once she had told me about him (which I believe is about a year after they started dating), he was part of everything. Dinners, girls trips, etc. It was like Mom was forcing him on us. I tried hard not to be protective of mom and put a barrier up. I tried to keep my mind open. But there were things that bugged me from the start.

I went to visit Mom for my grandmother's funeral. He paid for it to help Mom out and then went to the service without even knowing her (she passed long before Mom and Todd had been together and we couldn't have a funeral sooner because of Covid). That bugged me. The loss of my grandma was devastating to Mom and I, and his attendance felt like an intrusion of privacy. How can you comfortably sit in a room full of people grieving with no personal knowledge or feelings of the person being grieved? And things got worse along the trip. Mom had told me beforehand that they acted like teenagers. I guess I didn't fully understand. Not only were they making out all the time, but Todd was highly inappropriate in front of me. He rubbed her nipples out in public with me right next to her, facing them. He regularly made sex jokes about Mom that objectified her in front of her and me. Oh, my favorite: "Now I have both of my pussy's under the same roof". Talk about livid. And to make matters worse, he made racist comments about some neighbors. And Mom said nothing. At the end of the trip, I warned her that he was not a good guy and that I didn't like him, and proceeded to list out all previously said. She told me my opinion does matter to her and thanked me for telling her. It made no difference.

I didn't mention before, they drink.... A lot. Drinking was kind of normalized in my family. I didn't know it until my relationship with my partner who's family dealt with alcoholism first hand.

Mom and Todd traveled to us for the birth of my baby. I spent a week in pre-labor, so all of us were on edge wondering if "today's the day". Mom checked in with me every morning to see if we were getting together, what we're doing, how I'm feeling and so on. We told them to just be on call some of the days, to prepare to drive to the hospital at a moments notice. They agreed. Those days, Todd would end up posting pictures tagging Mom in them showing a decent sized cooler emptied with bottles obviously showing who's drinking what. They easily could have majority of 16-packs sitting empty on the table. I was uncomfortable with the thought of Mom being at her grandchild's birth drunk as a skunk. So I tried to emphasize driving at a moments notice, even if it's in the middle of the night. That made no difference. She did not drink the day of the birth because I ended up being induced.

A year later, we're gathering both families for our baby's first birthday. It would be the first time both families would be in the same house, besides both moms being in the birthing room. I asked my family not to bring drinks to the house, nor to order any while out for dinner. (I am aware that the Internet is divided on this topic and a lot of people feel that you can't control what people order at restaurants. There was a bar in a separate part of the restaurant, they easily could have gone to the bar to have a drink, I just requested it not be at the table). The recovered alcoholic in my partners family was an old man who just absolutely adored his great grandchild, and if he relapsed it would be life threatening due to heart conditions. My asking of no alcohol started an issue between Mom and I. The rest of my family agreed that they could go without a drink for one night. Mom basically insinuated that he be excluded from dinner, rather than Mom and Todd not drinking. I told her if they could not forego drinking, then they will be excluded from the birthday party. Mom and Todd behaved, or at least we thought.

We did not tell Grandpa that we asked my family to abstain from drinking. At the end of the night, he made a comment about how my mom likes to party. At this point I was putting our baby to bed. My partner asked him what he meant. He told him that he could smell it from her water bottle. When I rejoined my partner later that night, we pieced together what really went on. My partner and I assumed the weird behavior from Mom and Todd was because of the confrontation. We were wrong. Todd acted shifty, keeping a good distance from everyone else. My partner offered to help get something out of their truck, and Todd ran out in front like he was trying to get to the truck before my partner did. Mom was extra lovey-dovey (Mom has always been affectionate, but she gets extra when she's drunk).They nursed those water bottles all evening, when there wasn't much in them to begin with. The water bottles were thrown away in the bathroom trash, wet as if they had been rinsed out. All little things that don't seem like much by themselves, in the moment. But when pieced together shows how shady they really were. I was heartbroken.

I waited a few days to try to figure out how to word what I wanted to say. I have never been good with confrontations, disagreements or anything of the sort. I have always put everyone else's needs and wants before my own. Laying down rules had my body shaking to the core. My rules: 1) Mom and Todd will not be under the same roof as my partner's family for family functions. 2) Todd is not welcome at our home. Mom may come, so long as she has not been drinking. If Todd shows up, he will be asked to leave.

After my message to her explaining that I knew what she did and what my rules were, Mom was not happy. She denied it, told me that my partner and his family are trying to push her out of the picture, and more. I was so heartbroken and lost that I started to wonder which side was real. Part of me wanted to believe my mom would never deceive me. Part of me wondered if my partner would embellish the story. The only thing I could do was weigh the actions of both people repeatedly. My partner of 14 years who has never lied to me, even if it upsets me. My mom has had a problem with alcohol off and on my whole life and cherry-picks what to tell me and when.

It's been a year since this fiasco, and the relationship between Mom and I feels strained. It could just be me and my mental issues, or it could be the relationship is actually strained due to laying down boundaries. A lot more has happened with no more evidence than "he said, she said", but it really makes me question how decent of a person Mom truly is. But this story is long enough.

So, AITA?

First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/k94aPPmteJ

I wasn't sure when to post the update if anyone cared, but here's an update of what happened since then.

So a week or so after I posted the first post, I thought, maybe I was being "too dramatic" like X always told me, so I asked him if he'd want to go shooting stars gazing with me the following night to talk about things. He agreed to do so. The next day comes, I come home from work, and I get a text from his mom saying she'd like to talk for 5mins. Ngl, I kind of ignored it for now because she's those Christians that yap about god for forever, so I took a nap so that I could feel awake to shooting star gaze later. Seriously, one time, she talked about god for 10hrs and it was 5am when she decided it was "getting late." I was too much of a people pleaser to tell her I should probably hang up. Anyway, a couple of hours passed, she called. I also ignored it at first because I didn't want to talk, but she called again so I finally picked up and apologized I was taking a nap. She then says, "I am very disappointed in you OP." And that's when I kind of figured X told his mom about our problem and she wants to talk about it.

I can't remember the exact words she said, but in summary, X's mom goes on about how she is very disappointed in me and that this has been going on for "too long," how I am letting the spirits like Jezebel and spirit of pride come in, starts giving me lectures about the spirits and demons and how X's dad let spirits in and that's why they had a divorce, her other previous divorces, passed relationships, her whole family doing stuff like doing the deed and devil's lettuce, and she always tells me like it's my first time hearing all of these from her. I let her keep yapping, but I was really just getting annoyed because I didn't like how she's trying to butt into me and X's problem, especially when we were going to go shooting stars gaze that night to talk things out and salvage something if we can. Don't get me wrong, she's a really sweet person and I do love her as a person because she treats me like family too; she just gets *a little* too much sometimes. She said that X was said he apologized, and I literally was dumbfounded and said, "no he didn't" and then she said that he tried to apologized by cooking me food, which she agrees that he should have used his words instead of making food because it's as if he's treating me like a dog doing anything for treats and that I was emotionally manipulating him for not replying back to him. I never meant to emotionally manipulate anyone, I really just wanted to hear him just say, "I'm sorry," then we could've just wiped our hands clean tbh. She also mentioned that she's happy I am making friends and growing my circle, but she asked if X liked me romantically and that if he did, he better let me know before I get swooped up by someone else. His reply to her was "i don't know" and said he just may have been jealous because he was cheated by his ex gf before. And this, my lads, is why I stopped having feelings for him in the first place. He was always telling me "I dont know" whenever I asked about how he feels about me, and he just never gave me a straight answer, so I grew tired of waiting on his idk's. ​

But after that 5hr call, I was glad his mom understood why I made my decision to go with O, but I still was losing the mood to even meet up with X since she did wake me up from a nap and involved herself in our drama, but mustered up motivation to go anyway. I picked him up and drove to a spot with no light pollution and we did talked. I asked him if there was anything he had to say. He said he was sorry for the attitude he put up that night. I then said I was sorry too for not being more communicative and that I was going day 1 with O but I can't just go to O and tell O that I can't go with him anymore because now it'd be messed up to leave him. X said he was upset because now my first experience at the concert was going to be spent with someone else and he thought that it was special to us only. It still doesn't make sense to me to this day that he'd want the first experience for the concert with me because I did not think it was special to us only when we have shown the anime to multiple people. I asked him if he was jealous or had any feelings for me. He said that he did get jealous and he still doesn't know if he has feelings for me. I basically told him that if he did have feelings for me, it's too late because I no longer liked him that way. He said the reason why he doesn't know is because he is not in where he wants to be in life and can't be thinking about dating because he wants to have a house and be able to support a family. I told him that I didn't care about all of that and it's not like we would have had to start a family right away, and dating is basically a trial run before getting married. Honestly, if he had just said something like, "I like you but I am not where I want to be" back then, I would have waited for him until he was where he wanted to be, but because he kept saying he didn't know, I stopped waiting.

We eventually just went back to his place to drop him off. Even though we apologized to each other, it felt like nothing actually got resolved. I asked him if he at least wanted to hug things out and he said no. I didn't spend a night there despite it being 2am and tired because I didn't feel welcomed there anymore, so I drove home and didn't talk about it since then. Though, I did ask him if we were driving there together the other week since I got a hotel there, but he said he doesn't know still.

A few days ago, O messaged me to asked me if we were still going to the concert together, and I said yes and expressed excitement for it. It made me feel bad not because of the supposedly betrayal, but because I did hurt X by going with someone else, but O is an innocent party in this and I didn't tell him all the things happening behind the scene because I didn't want to drag him into drama. Maybe one day I'll tell O, just not now.

O asked me when was my birthday was again since I had roughly mentioned that buying the concert ticket would be like a birthday gift to myself. O then said, "dw about paying me back for the ticket, happy early bday :)" and I panicked and said something like, "NUUUU THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY. I CAN'T LET YOU PAY FOR IT" and we went back and forth on it until he gave up. I thanked him for the thought, but it actually got me thinking that, even though I bought vip tickets for X and I, X never offered to pay me back or any way. I'm sure he'd pay me back if I just mentioned it, but I guess it was the fact that he doesn't even offer up, it just made me a little sad.

But since my birthday is coming up, X complained to me via text that his mom has been asking him what gift should they buy as a gift for me and what cake to buy for me. X texted his mom that I would be baking my own cake, because yes, I am baking my own cake because last year, I just never find a store that bakes a chocolate mint cake, so I decided to just 'Fine, I'll do it myself' it and really loved baking since. His mom texted him back saying, "OP shouldn't have to bake her own cake". Honestly, I am still feeling salty about how she tried to involve herself in our dispute, so I got annoyed because why is not birthday person not allowed to bake their own cake? It doesn't make sense. She then texts in the group chat with us 3 asking me if I have my Saturday free, what restaurant I would want to eat at, if had a gift I had in mind and what cake would I like, so I sent a text, "I'm available saturday. I was thinking maybe we could go out for pho. I haven't figured out a restaurant yet lol, I'll look into it when I get home. But as for a gift, maybe you guys can split for a dash cam?"

So I messaged X what time would he be awake for us to eat out on Saturday, then X told me that his mom basically spammed him about researching for a dashcam and order it to get it by Saturday, so it's stressing him out because now he doesn't even have much time to research anything. He said he was tired of everyone coming to him for help but everyone just gives him minimal or no effort back. He was annoyed how I also complained about his mom when she talks to me about Christian stuff for hours (which idk why he brought it up because I haven't complained about it lately) and started going about how one time I said he just sits home and games all day while getting paid when he's been depressed and that I was ungrateful and spoiled because he and his mom have done so much for me yet I haven't done much for them. I also went on how I have a better job now and I just also sit there and paint all day at my job.

I was angry and hurt. I texted back apologized for saying that he sits at his home and games all day while getting paid in the heat of the moment and I do feel bad for saying that to him because I am a friend and I shouldn't have said that but it was up to him to forgive me for that or not.

A little side story, 2 years ago, X used to work for his dad, they got a house together and because his dad was over for a month that was supposedly be a week, X couldn't take it anymore because it was giving him a bit of ptsd of when his dad used to abuse him. So I encouraged X to talk to his dad about it, but his dad didn't take it very well, so his dad put the house on sale and "fired" X. It's in quotations because X is still on the payroll (his dad knows he's still on payroll). I still blame myself to this day that he "lost" his job and lost the house he wanted so badly. His cat that we both loved very much passed away a few months after, his niece (27) passed away a month later, his aunt passed away a few months ago, and now his step mom has been hospitalized for cancer. I tried to be there for him when he wants to talk and even encouraged him to visit his step mom and to try to rebuild his relationship with his dad.

Despite this though, I couldn't give him a pass for calling me spoiled because in my opinion, no matter how much hardships you have, it does not give you a hall pass to be an AH and disrespect anyone. And yes, my job is really easy, but I worked really hard to get there. I cried to myself because he thinks I was being spoiled. I would do a lot of overtime and I gained trust of my bosses and they now made me a painter. Another side story, I even vouched for X to my boss a year ago so he could at least start somewhere because X kept telling me, "maybe I should work there too," only for when I told X about the job and I put in good word for him so my boss wanted an interview with him, X started complaining about having to physically work and that he would just apply for unemployment when he gets off the payroll... I was dumfounded. I got mad at him saying I worked really hard and referred him because he said "maybe I should work there too," I didn't take it as a joke and he'd ruin my reputation at work. X at least agreed to go to the interview, so all was better I guess.

It kind of sucks because I always tell X and his mom that I am really grateful for helping me to get where I am now and his mom would always tell me that I was welcomed and we're like a family and I didn't need to repay them, but I still think of how I should repay them one day. Maybe because I "haven't done anything yet" that X thinks I am being spoiled and ungrateful.

Back to the present about the birthday gift problem after some filler stories, I told him, he didn't need to listen to his mom because I was in no rush to recieve a gift and didn't want him stressing over it. It could be 10 years later, and I wouldn't care, or if he got me a gift at all. I am the type of person who rather receive nothing than an unthoughtful gift because it just boosts their ego. I threw the idea of a dashcam out there as a gift because his mom is the type of person who always wants to give a gift and a dashcam is just something I would like to get because of all the dangerous people driving on the road.

Yesterday when I got home from work, X's mom asked if I found a pho restauraunt I wanted to go yet and if we could go for dinner since we never figured out a time and she's going to her cousin's to pray. X messaged me complaining that she decided for herself that we're going to a pho restauraunt and when to eat because it was convenient for her. I told him I was the one who wanted to go to a pho restauraunt and I didn't have a problem with meeting up for dinner.

Then he messaged back, as quoted, "I mean you could tell her no or a different day just not tomorrow at noon."

I replied, "She didnt say tomorrow at noon. She's going to pray for her cousin at that time".

Him: ""Just not tomorrow at noon" because that's when she's going to pray obviously

It's like you assumed I didn't read or understand what she said and instead you didn't understand why I said that"

Me: "It still doesnt make sense to me because she's not available at noon and wants to meet for dinner, you can wake up any time, and I'm okay with dinner together. I'm not seeing a problem?"

Him: "I literally knew this that's why I said any time but that time even a different day

But you told it to me like I thought she said to eat at that time"

Me: "Because it did sound like you did?"

Him: "How"

Me: "Maybe use punctuations for starters cuz I had to reread that many times to make it finally make sense"

Him: "The only punctuation that sentence could have is a comma after day, and it still is the same. Or after no and after day. But you still wouldn't have gotten it because it's the same"

Me: "And quotation marks"

Him: "It's not a question

Oh that still

Is not the problem"

Me: "What"

Him: "You had to re read it because your reading comprehension not because a lack of punctuation. A punctuation/capitalization problem would be if I wrote "You have to help your uncle jack off a horse" But you couldn't understand that I phrased it saying you could change it to any time or date just not when she's going to go pray. And assumed I thought she meant to eat when she's busy praying"

Me: "I can't with you right now. I'll just see you tomorrow."

I just got so angry with him for saying I didn't understand what he meant because of my reading comprehension. I admit, my reading comprehension is not the greatest, I had always hated English since I was a kid and I struggled with it, and now it has come bite my ass and I really struggle reading, especially out loud. But just because I struggle reading, it does not mean I am illiterate, and I, at least, understand basic grammar. He forgot that I literally fixed his resume over basic grammar.

So if anyone was confused just as I was since I read it as "I mean, you could say "no, or a different day, just not tomorrow at noon"," he meant to say, "I mean, you could tell her, "no" or a different day, just not tomorrow at noon." And to clarify further of what he meant, he meant to say that I could tell his mom that I could say no to having dinner, if I wanted to change the time, or pick a different day, but I can't say I would want to meet up at noon Saturday since his mom has plans at that time.

This whole thing just makes me doubt our friendship so much. I always believed that friends should be lifting you up in spirits, being very understanding and accept you for you, and they can say their opinion, but to name call someone so negatively while being serious about it, and berate you is just... hurtful.. I already have trust issues on top of that, so lol.

But now, it is Saturday morning and I am supposed to have dinner with X and his mom later. Truthfully, I really don't even want to go because I feel so mentally drained, but because I was raise in a household where I have to hold my head high, I have to go. Even if I cancel plans, his mom would want to schedule up for a new one. I don't know if I really am wrong and being dramatic about all of this. I know the second part is totally off topic from the title, but I guess I just got depressed just thinking about all this the whole night.

The concert is coming up soon, so maybe I'll update that next when the time comes.

Helloooo potato queen!! I need some outside perspective for this situation from someone wiser than I lol. Also gotta highlight the typical, English is not my first language and i have dyslexia so please excuse all my errors your highness potato lol

TW: mentions of mental health issues

So we are all in our early 20s. I am gonna call my friend Ella and the guy Anton.

So I’ve known both Ella and Anton my whole life. My mom is friends with both of their mothers but they didn’t know each other prior to the party that started everything. Ella and I are very close until middle school when our paths went our separate ways and in high school we became close again.

Anton and I have been ur classic family friend duo. Annoying the sh*t out of each other. Him and my younger brother teasing me etc and honestly at one point I was very very much disliking him even. But our friendship grew stronger in middle school. Me and Anton went to the same middle school and later high school. Ella was always in a different school but lived in the same city.

So in middle school Anton’s and I’s relationship grew stronger and we became friends. Like before that we saw each other once or twice a year but now we went to the same middle school on the same bus and had some same social circles. We had a very typical relationship, he came to talk to me every time i was waiting somewhere alone. I sat next to him on the bus when there wasn’t space left and we played games during recess. He teased me about my crushes and my friends teased me about him liking me and i acted all annoyed.

Few years went by and we are on our last year of middle school. I started to really struggle with my mental health. I started to skip school and sat inside during recess. He sent me messages asking about it and i was honest to him. He was at that time one of the first people i opened up to. And he was one of the only people who reached out to me. I started to slowly accept my developed feelings and I took every opportunity to talk about him or to him. I was struggling so much. I am lucky that I made through that time. Besides my friends he made me feel seen and cared of. I started to fall in love with him.

Then high school started. We fell apart and that made me sad, but all i wanted was to him to be happy. He started dating. I was also dating few guys and then met my now bf by the end of high school.

After about a year of him breaking up with his now ex gf, me and Ella met him at a party. My bf and I chatted with him a bit, and he caught Ella’s eye. Apparently they talked a bit and Ella told me about it by the end of the night. I was so drunk that I don’t really remember but according to Ella I had told her that they’d be a great match. And I do stand by that still haha. Like they have these very specific interests that are similar. They like similar activities and basically all they dates so far include this specific activity which is so cute. Like imagine two people in their early 20s sitting in the forest snacking on fresh berries type of activity lol. So cute

Slowly but surely they started to cross paths every now and then. And I was pushing her to make a move since she was interested and by knowing both of them, I knew they could be very compatible. Time went by, then she made a move, they went on dates and are now dating. Ella is constantly updating me about how things are going and crushing about him. And i am so happy for her. But i also had to give myself a little wake up call that i don’t know Anton anymore. Like ofc I know what type of person he is and some of his interests but he has grown as I have too. Like we aren’t talking about the same Anton i loved but a different person that has had experiences that i have no idea of. Idk it’s hard to put to words what i mean.

But as their relationship is getting more serious, I feel this slight guilt for not telling Ella or my bf about my past feelings towards him. So would I be the a hole if I don’t tell Ella or my bf about my past feelings towards Anton? They do know that we were friends with Anton in middle school but they don’t know the depth of my feelings.

Rationally when I am thinking about the situation I don’t see it as an important thing for them to know especially since Anton and I were never anything romantic, we were just friends that might have had some quiet love towards each other. Like I never even told Anton about my crush let alone love. And also now when I see him I don’t feel those feelings anymore. Like I have this care for him, and fondness of our past friendship but I don’t really want to be friends with him anymore. Like we grew apart and that is okay.

I know this is very heavily about my relationship with Anton but that is the part that bothers me most. I need some outside opinions. I care so much about Ella and my bf and want to act the best way for them. Also i don’t want to affect Ella’s and Anton’s relationship since they are amazing together and deserve the best! Sorry my thoughts are all over the place. I hope this makes sense