Okay, Reddit, I genuinely need outside opinions because my roommate is now angry with ME, and I'm still trying to understand how I somehow became involved in a situation I wasn't even present for.

For privacy, let's call my roommate Mia and my landlord's daughter Chloe.

I live with Mia in student accommodation. One thing you should know about Mia is that she seems to have a difficult time accepting that other people have boundaries. She acts like she should be able to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and everyone else should simply tolerate it.

Unfortunately, this particular incident happened at FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

Mia has a habit of playing extremely loud music while getting ready for school. And when I say loud, I mean LOUD. The walls in our accommodation are incredibly thin, so you can hear practically everything happening next door.

Chloe, my landlord's daughter, lives next door. Naturally, she could hear Mia's music very clearly, especially at four in the morning when most normal people are trying to sleep.

Apparently, this wasn't the first time Mia had done this.

Eventually, Chloe had enough and confronted her about the noise.

Now, instead of simply turning down the music and apologising for disturbing someone at an unreasonable hour, Mia completely lost it.

She started shouting, making a scene, and going over to the landlord's house to continue the commotion.

Things escalated between the two of them, and Chloe eventually grabbed Mia and pushed her out of the door.

I wasn't home when any of this happened.

I had slept over at my boyfriend's house that night. My boyfriend lives just down the road, and my parents didn't know I was staying there.

Here's where the story gets absolutely ridiculous.

After the confrontation, Mia started crying, calling people, and eventually decided to call MY PARENTS.

AT FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

Not her parents. MY PARENTS.

She woke them up, shouting down the phone and telling them that Chloe had punched her in the face.

She also told them I wasn't home and claimed that I had slept over at my parents' house.

My parents were suddenly being dragged into a fight between Mia and Chloe, while I wasn't even there to know what was happening.

My parents immediately called me and scolded me for not sleeping at home. I had to explain my whereabouts while trying to figure out why my roommate had called them in the first place.

When I finally asked Mia why she had called my parents instead of her own, her excuse was that she needed a parent at that moment.

I'm sorry, WHAT?

Mia has her own parents. She could have called them at five in the morning if she genuinely needed them.

But here's the thing that makes her decision even more confusing.

I ASKED HER WHY SHE DIDN'T CALL ME INSTEAD.

My boyfriend lives just down the road. If Mia had called me and told me she needed someone, I could have come home to be there for her.

I wasn't miles away or in another city. I was close enough to come back if she genuinely needed support.

I could have listened to her, helped her calm down, or at least tried to understand what had happened.

But she didn't call me.

She went straight to MY PARENTS at five in the morning, waking them up and involving them in the situation before I even knew what was going on.

And somehow, I'm the one she's angry with for questioning her decision.

I can understand wanting comfort after a confrontation, especially if you're upset. But why involve my parents when you could have contacted your own family or even called me?

I would have come home if she had asked me for help.

Now, here's another part of the story.

THE ALLEGED PUNCH.

Mia told my parents that Chloe had punched her in the face.

However, according to what I later learned, Chloe had grabbed Mia and pushed her out of the door, but had not punched her.

That afternoon, Mia sent a picture of her face to HER OWN DAD, apparently to support her claim that she had been punched. She had put makeup on, and when I later saw her, her face appeared perfectly fine.

I wasn't there during the confrontation, so I can't personally confirm every detail of what happened between them. But the difference between the account Mia gave my parents and what I later understood had happened made me question her version of events.

If Mia genuinely felt threatened or had been assaulted, she deserved to be taken seriously. But if someone claims they were punched when that didn't happen, that's a serious allegation.

Now, let's go back to the reason this whole situation started.

Mia was playing loud music at FOUR IN THE MORNING while getting ready for school. Chloe lives next door, the walls are thin, and she could hear everything.

When Chloe finally confronted her, Mia reacted by shouting and creating a scene instead of simply dealing with the complaint.

And now Mia is angry with me because I asked why she called my parents instead of calling me or her own parents.

I wasn't trying to say she wasn't allowed to need support. I was questioning why she involved MY family when I could have come home to help her if she had contacted me.

I feel like she's used to people letting her do whatever she wants without questioning her behaviour. The moment someone confronts her, she acts as though she's the victim.

Meanwhile, I'm left dealing with the consequences of an argument I wasn't even present for.

My parents were woken up at five in the morning, they were upset with me, and I had to explain why I wasn't home.

All of this could have been handled differently.

So, Reddit, AITA for questioning my roommate about why she called MY parents at five in the morning instead of calling me or her own parents?

I genuinely would have come home to help her if she had called me. My boyfriend lives just down the road, so it wasn't as if I was too far away to be there for her.

Was I wrong to question her while she was upset, or was I justified in asking why she dragged my parents into her drama?

And what would you do if your roommate repeatedly disturbed the neighbours, got into an argument after being confronted, and then involved your parents in the aftermath?

Because at this point, I feel like I'm living with someone who expects everyone to accommodate her, but gets angry when anyone questions her decisions.

EDIT: To be clear, I wasn't angry that Mia needed someone to comfort her. I was confused about why she chose to call my parents instead of her own parents or me, especially when I was just down the road and could have come home if she needed support.

My husband (28M, let's call him David) works a corporate job with a group of guys who used to all be pretty good friends. There were about 8 of them, plus a few wives and girlfriends, who would regularly get together for dinners, drinks, etc.

For context, my husband and the other guys all hold leadership positions at the same company. They each manage their own divisions and teams, so none of them really outrank the others, and working together is a pretty important part of their jobs. Over time, two of the guys (all names are fake), Brian (26M) and Gavin (32M), have pretty much alienated themselves from the rest of the group. They've developed a habit of deliberately making their coworkers' jobs harder, complaining about everyone to upper management, and generally acting like everyone is out to get them. Their behavior has created a pretty toxic work environment, and while the rest of the guys try to maintain a professional working relationship, they've mostly distanced themselves from Brian and Gavin socially.

Gavin's wife, Amanda (24F), is a very talented and well known hairstylist. Back when we were all friends, I started going to her for my hair, and she's been my hairstylist for 2 years now. She works at a pretty expensive salon, and my appointments typically run anywhere from $300–$500 depending on whether I'm getting new color done or just a touch up. She gives me a friends and family discount (15% off), and I always tip 20%.

Honestly, without the discount, I probably wouldn't go to this salon because it's more than I'd normally spend on my hair. But I really like Amanda, she's great at what she does, and I genuinely thought we were friends. We always have a great time chatting and catching up during my appointments, and she's never given me any indication that she doesn't enjoy having me as a client.

Here's where things get weird.

A while ago, Gavin started telling other employees that he wished I'd stop going to Amanda for my hair. Apparently, he thinks it's embarrassing that my husband "lets" me pay his wife for her services because he and my husband have the same job, and he doesn't need my husband "funding his life."

Which... okay? I'm paying a professional for a service she's providing. I didn't realize that was controversial. I ignored it because I figured it was just more of Gavin's usual petty drama and it doesn't really mean anything to me.

Last night, my husband and I were out having drinks with another friend from the company, and he told us Gavin has been talking about it AGAIN. Apparently, Gavin has been telling some coworkers that I don't tip Amanda at all. He's also telling others that she hates doing my hair because I only tip 20%.

First of all, which is it? Do I not tip, or do I only tip 20%? Second, 20% on a $450 appointment is $90. I was under the impression that was a generous tip?

I have no idea whether Amanda has actually said any of this to Gavin or whether he's just making things up. Here's where I might be the AH: I had another appointment scheduled with her next week, but after hearing all of this, I canceled it.

If Amanda genuinely doesn't feel comfortable doing my hair anymore because of the situation between our husbands, I completely understand. I just wish she'd told me, especially because I thought we were friends. But if she's actually upset that I'm "only" tipping 20%, that's a different story. Either way, I'm uncomfortable continuing to give her my business when her husband is using it to create drama in his workplace.

For some additional context, my husband wants absolutely nothing to do with any of this drama. He started a side business that has really taken off and is planning to leave the company within the next couple months and wants to keep things professional until then. I completely respect that and don't want to make his remaining time there any harder.

I think what actually bothers me the most is that Gavin apparently can't keep my name out of his mouth and that this has apparently been going on for a while without anyone thinking to tell us. It's frustrating to find out that something as simple as getting my hair done has become a recurring topic of conversation.

As for Amanda, I'm not necessarily worried about losing the friendship. We became friends because of our husbands, and while I think she is really fun to be around, we have pretty different interests and lifestyles and probably wouldn't spend much time together one-on-one outside of my hair appointments. That doesn't mean I didn't consider her a friend though, and I certainly never had any reason to believe there was an issue between us.

So here's my dilemma:

Would I be an AH to send Amanda a text explaining why I canceled? I don't want to accuse her of anything or start an argument, but I also don't want her to think I just randomly stopped supporting her business, especially when we've always had a good relationship (or so I thought).

I recognize that she isn't responsible for what her husband says, and for all I know, she has absolutely no idea he's been telling people these things. Part of me feels like she deserves to know why she lost a client, especially if her husband is making things up. The other part of me thinks I should just quietly move on rather than drag her into her husband's drama.

I'm also hesitant because I know anything I send to Amanda will get back to Gavin, and the last thing I want is to create more problems for my husband or his team.

WIBTA if I texted her and explained why I canceled, or should I just leave it alone?

*Will be updating this weekend depending on how everything goes down! We are grabbing coffee Saturday*

My husband and I have been married for five months after dating for over three years. We both work full-time jobs. Growing up as the youngest child, my husband never had to do household chores. When we moved in together after getting married, I asked him to take on just a few basic responsibilities—simple tasks like making the bed, tidying up, and basic organizing. I wasn't even asking for a 50/50 split; I would have been happy if he contributed around 25%, just enough to take some weight off my shoulders. He initially agreed, but that only lasted a week or two. Gradually, he stopped helping altogether. To make matters worse, he will sit back and complain about the house being messy while watching me do the chores alone. Whenever I’ve confronted him about not doing what he promised, he brushes it off by saying he "forgot" or "didn't hear me." I hate having to repeat myself like a parent, and because asking him felt like nagging, I eventually stopped asking and tried to handle everything myself. Inevitably, the exhaustion caught up with me. When he wasn't home, I would break down in tears. When he was around, I found myself withdrawing and giving him the cold shoulder until I could calm down. Today, he kept pressing me, asking what was wrong, and I completely broke down. I vented all my frustration. His response was that he "didn't do it on purpose" and that I should just "remind him" whenever something needs to be done. I told him that having to manage him is part of the problem, that his constant "forgetting" shows he doesn't value my time or well-being, and that I'm deeply disappointed. He apologized profusely and promised he would change—which is the exact script he uses every time I reach a breaking point, only for nothing to actually change. I told him I cannot accept his apology this time because words mean nothing without follow-through, and I don't trust his promises anymore. Hearing that made him furious. In anger, he grabbed the lunch I had packed for him, threw it aside, and stormed toward the door. I told him that if he left his lunch behind in spite, I wouldn't speak to him. He snatched the box back up and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Am I wrong for being honest about how I feel and refusing to accept an apology I know he won't follow through on?

Hi Charlotte and Mike! Love both of you and your videos. You are, as Charlotte says, my ADHD brain’s “binky” and I thank you for all the humor you two sprinkle in the world. 

On a side note - you two remind me so much of my husband and myself. I’m the wacky, documentary-watching, opinionated one and my husband is the sweet, potty-humored, CoD gamer. That dynamic has served us well over the years and I wish you both as much luck as my husband and I have enjoyed. I know you'll create a magical marriage.

// “MOVING ON” //

Today is our (41F / 40M) 20th anniversary! In honor of two decades of marital shenanigans,  I’ll share my crazy wedding story that almost derailed the wedding before it even began.

// “SET THE SCENE” //

Rewind to jolly ole’ 2006. It was a beautiful, albeit hot, October afternoon in Tennessee. 

I’d spent the morning bopping around, making last-minute adjustments to the church. Once guests started arriving, I ducked into the bridal suite to wait for showtime. My two bridesmaids joined me, and we had a good time chatting and catching up. 

Eventually, they both left to run an errand and I was to stay sequestered lest someone see me before the ceremony (clutches pearls). So there I sat, alone, and waited.

Now, it’s important to note here that while cell phones were certainly a thing in 2006, they weren’t yet permanently welded to our dominant hands. I had one, of course, but it was packed in my bag in our getaway car. Additionally, a wristwatch did not exactly go with my bridal jewelry aesthetic, and for some reason, the bridal suite had no clock. 

So there I sat, alone, unaware of what was happening outside my isolated room.

I couldn’t tell you how long I sat there, but it was long enough that I got kind of bored. I could lightly hear the music drifting down the hall from the sanctuary. I had selected a large playlist for both the pre-ceremony and ceremony. I hummed along to my favorite tunes, mind drifting, until at one point I realized which song I was humming… 

Wait.

That is MY song. 

THE song. 

The song I am supposed to WALK DOWN THE AISLE TO.

I shot out of my chair and poked my head out my door.

Nobody.

I walked down the long hallway, glancing in every open door.

Nobody.

It was like a Twilight Zone episode: a lone bride wandering through an empty, dimly lit church hallway, in her wedding dress, music softly playing somewhere in the distance, searching for anyone with a pulse.

It was eerie. Like the church was haunted, but *I* was the ghostly lady in white. 

I turned the corner into the large, abandoned church lobby, save for two people.

First, the woman responsible for opening the sanctuary doors at the appropriate moments in the procession for the party to walk down the aisle. Her hand resting on the doorknob.

Second, my dad, standing beside her in his black suit, hands clasped, staring at the door like he’s ready to walk in alone.

I stood confused for a moment because surely,

SURELY,

my wedding had not started and

NO ONE THOUGHT TO TELL THE BRIDE.

Groom waiting at the altar flanked by our bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Church full of guests, parents and grandparents already seated.

Father waiting at the door… 

An entire building full of people going through all the motions of this wedding and yet not a one had thought to come get ME. THE BRIDE.

I had a half-second of stunned silence, grabbed my bouquet and my dad’s arm as the lady threw open the door for us, and the rest is history. 

Y’ALL. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE SHOES ON. 

But I walked down that aisle barefoot anyway lest 100-plus people think I stood up my own groom. Ready or not (I was not) here I come! 

//

Happy 20th anniversary, babe! Love you!

I still don’t have shoes on while I write this, but luckily it seems a happy marriage doesn't have a “no shoes no service” policy. 

Please don't judge by the title - there is a lot to unpack about this, and sorry, but this may be a long one.

So, let me introduce the main characters of this mess. Me (32 F), my younger brother (30 M), who we'll call Mike, his fiancé/now wife (30 F), who we'll call Samantha, and my brother's ex-wife (also 30 F), we'll call her Tabitha.

Now, for context, my brother's divorce was MESSY - they both called the cops on each other multiple times, there were ab*se allegations, threats, ass*lt allegations--you name it. They also have two young boys together (6 & 8). When Mike met Samantha, I was genuinely happy for him. He's my brother, so I believed his side of the story when it came to Tabitha and tended to believe what he said about her - that she was a liar and that you shouldn't trust what she said, so I took her words with a grain of salt whenever we spoke.

My brother and his fiancée moved to Tennessee from Florida a few months before the wedding - with my nephews staying with their mom in Florida since she is their primary caretaker and their parenting plan was updated to allow my brother to have 1 weekend a month with them and could be allowed more time for special occasions. My brother had a falling out with my mom and sister, so they were not invited to the wedding and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. Being the people pleaser I am, I foolishly said yes and asked if I could help with anything.

I was asked to bake cookies, make a pie, make 2 signs for the wedding decorations, and even prepare snacks for the bridal suite for the morning of the wedding so the other bridesmaids and bride could have something to snack on. The Airbnb had 2 houses on the property. The main house and a guest house that is on the other side of the driveway (about 20 ft away from the main house). Each house had kitchens, play areas, balconies, and hot tubs. So, the night I arrived at the Airbnb, I immediately got to work on the requested treats and the kids all ran around playing between the two houses. Not only my nephews, but Samatha's three kids (6 F, 8 M, & 11 M) and about 6 other kids from guests that were also staying at the Airbnb. One of the balconies at the guest house had a hot tub - because the balcony looked unsafe, my brother and I (because the door was next to the kitchen I was in) told them all that they were not allowed to go out on that balcony and explained why. The kids understood and left it alone while I was there.

After baking and prepping for hours, I finally went to bed around 2 am and went to my room - across the hall from where ALL of the kids were sleeping in bunk beds. I had expected to be close to some of the kids, mainly my nephews, not ALL of them though. They also were not sleeping. My oldest nephew came to me multiple times saying that the other kids wouldn't let them sleep and I ended up with my youngest nephew sleeping in my room with me to break them up (he was one of the two main instigators). Finally getting everyone to sleep before we all had to be up 5 hours later to get ready for the wedding.

The ceremony itself was a hot mess. We'd been getting ready for 4 hours, and the ceremony itself lasted 3 minutes - and no, I am not exaggerating. The venue's MC introduced them, my brother and his wife took a shot of Fireball (again, no, I am not joking) and then pronounced them husband & wife. To say it was anticlimactic is an understatement and definitely not like any wedding I've ever seen.

After the wedding, we took pictures, had snacks, and I yelled at all of the kids - mostly yelling at them to stay out of the creek, not slide down the slope with poison ivy, and not tear up the camper the venue let us use for a bathroom. At this point, I notice that I am the only one keeping an eye on them and telling them not to do these things - not my brother, not his wife, not even the other kids' parents. Just me. My nagging thoughts start telling me I was invited for free childcare, but I tell myself that can't be it because I was the only family present for my brother's side. (Stupid me)

After the wedding, the herd of children spent their time running between the houses playing with each other with the majority of adults in the main house and a few in the guest house playing beer pong. So, the kids were mostly unsupervised and running wild - not in a bad way, but like when all the kids in the neighborhood get together and they want to just run around and have a good time. I left the night of the wedding because I knew I would be exhausted, could only afford one night at the Airbnb (my brother and his wife made all the guests pay to stay there), and had work the next morning, so after saying good-bye to everyone, I left and drove home thinking that was the end of that - boy, was I wrong.

Tabitha (my ex-SIL) called me frantic the following day. Now, I like Tabitha and didn't entirely believe everything my brother said about her because I had my own relationship with her after their divorce - she'd send me pics of the boys, I'd hang out with them when I was visiting, and her family loves me, so we have a pretty good relationship. So, when she called me panicking, I knew something was wrong.

She asked if I was at the Airbnb, and I said that I wasn't - she paused at that and then quickly asked me to give her the Airbnb address. I did because, according to the parenting plan, she was allowed that information - plus, they're her kids, so I wasn't about to say no. After getting the address, she explained what had happened - apparently, my oldest nephew FaceTimed her saying he couldn't find any adults and, on the FaceTime, she saw that my younger nephew and some of the other kids were in the hot tub on the bad balcony - with no one around. She started recording the call for documentation - there were no adults in the guest house when this was happening, and when she asked him where his dad was, he said that he was hanging out with his friends watching football and that the door to the main house was locked. Our call was cut short because my oldest nephew was calling her back and she had to hop off the call, so the call ended without me getting further details.

Immediately after, I started to reach out to anyone who may be at the Airbnb - I didn't call my brother or his wife first because if this was nothing in the end, I didn't want to ruin their weekend. So, I called my brother's friend (no answer) and then another bridesmaid who said that the bridesmaids and Samantha were hanging out in the city and not at the Airbnb. So I called my brother right after. He answered, and I asked where the kids were - he said they were in the guest house playing. I asked where he was - in the main house watching football with his friends. I immediately told him what Tabitha had said and how she was panicking, asking for the Airbnb address because of it, and that I gave it to her. He quickly said that he'd handle it and hung up.

I didn't find out till later that Tabitha had called the cops for a welfare check. After that, I got texts from my brother and Samantha demanding to know why I thought it was appropriate to give Tabitha the address and why I didn't call them first when I started reaching out to people at the Airbnb. I explained my reasoning, but my brother said that since he was there, the kids weren't left alone. I reminded him that he was in the other house and that the kids were, in fact, left alone. Samantha then started accusing me of causing drama because I gave Tabitha the address and didn't call either of them first to get permission to share the address with her. Samantha said that Tabitha was "looking for any ammo and you participated in this. You can't be in the middle and supply ammo at the same time. This has crossed a line." - which I don't think I did because Tabitha is allowed to know where her kids are - especially if they are multiple states away. Not to mention the FaceTime video.

They both (mainly Samantha) go on and on calling me toxic, saying I was on Tabitha's side all along, that I was manipulated by her, etc. My brother also changed his story saying that the kids were with him the whole time during all of this. I stopped responding after a while and was crying because I didn't think I had done anything wrong, but they were so adamant that I was this horrible person who had caused all of this. I still have the messages, but can't add them because they have everyone's real names, and it would take a while to blur them out.

My mom and sister were quick to reassure me that I did nothing wrong, but I know they are biased in this.

A few days later, I found out that Mike had refused to return my nephews to their mom, saying that the oldest had said he "felt unsafe" with Tabitha's boyfriend around. I've met him - he's a firefighter and hasn't set off any alarm bells for me, though I will admit that he has a dark sense of humor and can sometimes come across the wrong way. Which caused another round of drama and led my Mike to file an emergency injunction to keep the boys with him.

I came to find out that my brother was behind on his child support payment (by more than a few months), and the injunction that he filed was submitted 15 minutes after the welfare check the day before, not when they were en route to return them to Tabitha like he claimed. With all of this information from Tabitha, I texted my brother asking what he was doing and that he was going to be in massive trouble and could possibly be arrested - ruining his plans to rejoin the Navy that he had spoken about. He said that everything Tabitha said was a lie and that he had documentation - never once showing me any. Tabitha, on the other hand, did send screenshots of the conversation and her lawyer's findings about the injunction submission.

Mike then said that I was believing her lies, being manipulated, and that "the boys would be in his possession before the year is out" and that my mom, sister, and I would regret choosing Tabitha's side in all this because we'd never see the boys again.

I have never seen this side of my brother as an adult (he had diagnosed anger issues as a kid and was getting help, but I thought those days were over), and I'll spare you the vile things he texted me later on (more name-calling and calling me an attention seeker), but I truly want to know if I did anything wrong in this situation. It feels like since I gave Tabitha the address, it's just spiraled into chaos from there, and I really don't know if any of this could be my fault at all. I know I can be an a-hole on some things, but I don't think I was on this.

So, I await your judgment, fellow potatoes, and if there was anything I should have done differently, please let me know.

UPDATE - Thank you guys so much for your insights and helpful advice. Yes, I am working on the people pleaser part of me and it’s an ongoing struggle - I have a great friend network that is helping me with it so hoping to curve that bad habit. I sent some of your helpful suggestions to Tabitha and hopefully they bear fruit. I already sent screenshots to her from the group text with Mike and Samantha and their individual messages to me.

Tabitha did say that a court date was in the works and I have told her that I will make the time to be there. I’ll try to keep you guys posted, but it may be some time before I have anything.

Thank you again potatoes for your insights, encouragement, and ideas to pass along to Tabitha. Hopefully I’ll have more news soon

I (f), my bf (m) and our roommate (f), all in our 30's..

For context, my boyfriend has a liver transplant and has had it since he was 5 months old. He has already outlived his life expectancy, thankfully. he has to take medicine twice a day every single day to just stay alive so his liver won't fail.
Our roommate has a habit of leaving food like cut, cucumbers or anything really unsealed and in the fridge or on the countertop. she says she will eat it later, but then she never does and it gets moldy or rotted so I can’t take her word for it if I ask her if she’s gonna eat it or not, and she says yes. I keep trying to explain cross-contamination and the importance of food hygiene because pests are not gonna stick with just whatever she leaves out.
They are gonna contaminate everything around it. Same with bacteria. my boyfriend and I do all the house chores. She has done them partially a handful of times. today I did a deep clean and cleaned out the refrigerator with over seven containers of food.
She said she would eat and never did that I properly put up for her to eat. A lot of the food had mold on it because it sat so long. I had it properly stored in Tupperware so it couldn’t contaminate everything else in the refrigerator. flies, bacteria, gnats etc touching the food for even a second and he eats it, not knowing could put him in the ICU or take his life completely. I never throw out food if it is perfectly safe to eat or if it has proper food hygiene. I only ever throw out food no matter who’s it is that could potentially cause infestations or harm to my boyfriend.
She gets upset every time I throw something out and tells me that it’s wasteful yet she let 7 containers worth of leftovers go to waste from not eating it like she said she would. And that’s only from the past 2 weeks worth, that’s not including the entire time we’ve been living together.
so Reddit, AITA?

Hello ,
I am writing in to get some perspective on the situation I am currently experiencing. My husband has been lying about money and has been doing inappropriate things online with other women. When I confronted him with everything and asked for the truth, he exploded with anger and told me that he doesn’t want to have the responsibility of a family any more. He also told me that no one will ever love me because my expectations are to high . I don’t feel like I have high expectations he wanted me to stay home with our kids so I quit my job and I’ve just been cooking, cleaning and taking care of the house while he works. Now we are in such a bad spot financially that we can’t pay our rent and our daughter will have to stay with a family member . My only expectations of him were to be honest and responsible. He tells me that those expectations are not realistic he also told me that when ever he’s with someone for over 6 months he stops being attracted to that person and has to fight the urge to cheat on them. Up until now he wasn’t acting like he was no longer attracted to me. But since this situation has been unfolding he has been mean and doesn’t seem to care that what he is doing is hurting his entire family. What am I supposed to do? Do I give up on our marriage? Do I try counseling? Does anyone think that someone with these issues can overcome them and start doing the right things for their family ? How can I explain how he is effecting everyone without him getting angry? Or should I I just let him get away with lying, and look the other way? Sorry I am not the best writer but I hope someone can give me some advice.

First, let me say that my wedding was lovely and the happiest day of my life. I am still happily married over 3 years later, but this still irks me and I would love to share to my lovely fellow potatoes.

Let us start with some *Context* Set the scene!

I have been going to this same church all my life. I am very involved in its activities, one of them being choir because I love to sing. I joined when I was in high school and was the youngest by many decades. It was fine though; all of the older ladies and gentlemen took me under their wing and treated me like their granddaughter. It was all fine and dandy, except for Darryl.

Now Darryl was in his 60's/70's, tall 6 ft lanky fellow with a soft honey trap like voice that made him sound all polite but hid something unexplainable underneath. Some background on him was when he was young, he had a car accident which resulted in a terrible brain injury. He has full mobility and speech; however, his brain seems to think he is younger than he really is, which means he is interested in young teenage girls, and I was a prime target.

Now let me begin by saying he never did anything too horrible to me that was worth pressing charges for. He was just very insistent in conversations, inviting me out for dinner, concerts, and to come help out as his house. He would also slip me notes and bring me gifts like cheap necklaces and other trinkets. Not to mention it was just that creepy vibe you can feel when someone is pursuing you that you don't want their attention.

My mother was rightfully concerned about him. I mean an over 6-foot man was interested in her naive teenager. She would drive me to choir and wait for me to get out and walk me to the car, and when I could drive myself, she called me to make sure I wasn't alone with him. The choir director was also made aware and made sure I never sat next to him or near him, and some of the other choir ladies also noticed and were very protective of me. I was never truly terrified of him but was very cautious and aware of him in rooms for a long time. I knew it was the brain injury's fault and not really him, so I was polite but avoided him when I could.

I grew up and moved from high school to college. I attended on scholarships, one of them being an athletic one for cross country and track and field. This is where I met Kevin, my sophomore year.

Kevin was homeschooled his entire life, and you could tell painfully quickly 2 things.

1. He lacked a lot of social skills due to not attending school his entire life.
2. He craved socialization so bad he would do anything for it.

Results: Once he decided you were friendly to him, he stuck on you like a barnacle and wouldn't let go. He would stay long past time that most friends would leave and arrive early the next day. and texted incessantly. We would hang out because track meets lasted whole weekends and he needed somebody to talk to. He had awkward humor but wasn't a bad dude, just a little uncomfortable at times. Another person he decided to latch onto Bailey, my best friend who lived next door to me. They shared several classes together, so he was almost always in there studying. Sometimes it would be late at night and he would still be in her room, not getting the hint that she was going to bed.

One day we were hanging out in Bailey's room, Me, Kevin, and a few more friends playing some truth or dare. There was no alcohol involved, just some friends hanging out on a chill Tuesday afternoon. One of my friends asked Kevin.

"Do you have a crush on anyone?"

"Yes."

A simple answer, but it was like blood in the water. Everyone glanced at each other. We all had the same thought. It had to be Bailey, since it was her room he stayed in all the time. She was in a long-term relationship though so it would be no hard feelings and the crush would die away. Simple easy. Another friend asked.

"Who do you have a crush on."

This pickle turned to look right at me and said,

"OP"

I could feel the five stages of grief cross my face for a second as I processed the absolute curveball that was. First, that was slightly more complicated because I wasn't dating anyone. I had no excuse to turn it down. Second, I did not think of him that way at all. A good friend perhaps but definitely not boyfriend material. So now how was I supposed to let him down gently in front of this group of people all staring at me.

So while I screaming internally and struggling to come up with a politically correct answer, Kevin bless his heart gave me an out.

"You don't have to like me back I'm just letting you know."

Ok cool so now I just have this lingering in the back of my mind for every conversation from now on? Cool, love that for me. I just stammered something awkward and everyone thankfully moved on, but I think the game ended pretty quickly after that.

Kevin and I remained friends, but like I said that conversation never truly left and lingered in the back of my mind. He joined clubs I did, and joined the church I was attending as well, joining choir and my Bible study classes. I couldn't get away from him. But just like Darryl I remained polite but kept my distance.

Ok Scene is set, time for wedding.

I married the love of my life at the church I grew up in. I told the pastor that he could extend the invitation to the church for the wedding, but not the reception. I was already pretty much bursting at the seems with the amount of guest I invited, but that is a story all in itself. Besides this church had watched me grow up. I had no problem with the sweet little old grandmotherly ladies who had seen me go from a child to a young adult come watch one of the best days of my life.

The wedding day went perfectly. We got ready at the church with hair and makeup. There was a brunch at my aunt's house. My sister was my maid of honor, but Bailey was a close second. They primped and primmed me. My husband gave me gold jewelry and a note saying how much he loved me. All was perfect.

I was holding my father's arm waiting for that crucial moment to walk down the aisle. The music swells, and so do my emotions. I am finally getting married. So much love and joy and happiness fill my being and I feel tears start to well up. I am so ready to have my day.

Three steps down the aisle I search faces of friends and family, trying to take a peek at my husband, when a tall lanky old man blocks my view.

Dag Nabbin Darryl.

Since he was apart of the church, he had decided to come. I thought I was safe because he had stopped coming to church for several months, but nope. There he was. Because he wouldn't miss it for the world. My feelings instantly dampened a moment as old reflexes jabbed of wariness and caution. Then I saw my husband and forgot all about it. A small hiccup no big deal. It's not like the wedding is ruined. Then I saw Kevin 2 rows ahead of Darryl. Again, small hiccup. They won't ruin this for me.

The rest of the wedding without a hitch. Then it was time to go the reception which was a few blocks away. The Bridal party rode together and Bailey turned to me with fire in her eyes, because she is the one in our relationship that does not care about confrontation and I am a baby people pleaser.

"I swear if Kevin had objected or done anything I would have taken him out."

That's the kind of friend Bailey is: Fierce, Loyal, and will bury a body for you. I kind of laughed and waved her off. I am glad he didn't but it was fine because I wasn't going to see him again the rest of the day.

We arrived at the wedding reception and I glance around at loved ones and stop cold. There he was, Kevin. He was sitting next to my Track coach from college, that I did indeed invite to the reception. I am assuming he asked Coach where the reception was and without any social decorum, invited himself. I don't blame coach because how was he supposed to know I absolutely did not want him there. So here I am, trying to enjoy wedding bliss, and the man who confessed his love to me in a truth or dare game is there hovering like a vulture. Bailey locked eyes with me, and I could tell she would do something if he tried anything, so I enjoyed the rest of my evening.

Now, this is the thing that I am still not over. Remember, I was already full up guest wise for this venue and the catering. The food was quickly polished off and we left no crumbs. I was told after the fact, because my mother is a SAINTLY woman. My own mother, who had been up since the crack of dawn with me, getting ready, had helped decorate, would give the clothes off her back to a stranger, who is the strongest most amazing woman of all time, didn't get to eat at my own reception. She told me after my honeymoon that she and my dad ate had a little food and she got nothing. Not a single bite. Probably because there was one guest that wasn't supposed to be there.

Plus, I have seen Kevin eat. Us athletes can put food away. I have seen the man demolish 4 sushi rolls in one go by himself. I wouldn't put it past him to load up a plate of food because it was buffet style and eat it all.

So there you go. Two men who had crushes on me came to my wedding, and I still see both of them regularly. I want to say something to Kevin so badly about how he stole food from my own mother at my own wedding reception, but I don't know how to bring it up. I guess I am just here to vent, and of course hopefully give Charlotte a good story. Thank you Charlotte for all you do for this community!

Edit: Apparently, I am the ahole, even if I wasn't asking for that advice. Like I said, this was such a minor thing on my wedding I barely let it bother me. I just thought it was a minorly dramatic thing that happened in my life I would like to share. I understand a lot of this came down to people pleasing and I am still recovering from it, but I have never done a wedding before and never want to again so maybe that is why I underestimated the food? Also, there were guests added last minute which truly stretched the budget.

My wedding was in June and everything was finalized and ready to go by that March. Venue and catering were locked in with the amount of people I had invited, and contracts were signed. It was about April when my Mother in law, a cinnamon roll in human form, told me that my fiancé had left off like 20 family members and they wanted to come. Again, I understand that this was my people pleasing ways, and it would be different if she was a monster in law, but she is truly a wonderful MIL, so I accepted. I guess I should have done something differently, but I thought it would be too late to change the contract and thought we could stretch it, that some people might not come. So again sorry for that.

I still see Darryl and Kevin at church weekly, and I treat them kindly as I always have. I do not feel rage burning within me every time I see them, just a spike of irritation every once in awhile that I will try to get over, thanks for that advice.

My confusion is coming from the mindset. If there was a boy that I admitted I had a crush on to him, but still remained friends with him, I wouldn't think to myself oh I should go to his wedding. Or maybe I am wrong again?

So if I could do it over, I would say no the guest list is already locked in and have plenty of food. Hope you all have a Blessed Day.

This is the story of how a disagreement over dog poo turned into six months of neighbourly warfare, a forensic investigation involving GPS coordinates, a dedicated poo notebook, and an act of revenge that I fully admit went too far.
Before all of this started, I was actually a very good neighbour to them.
If they needed sugar, eggs, tomato sauce or anything else, I was happy to help. On one occasion, I even lent them £20, which they never paid back, by the way.
The one time I asked them for something — I think it was an egg because I was making a dish and had run out — they said, “Oh no, sorry, we don’t have any,” and refused to help me.
So apparently, we weren’t “skanky bastards” when they needed something.
In fact, she once came over and asked me to apply fake tan for her.
But apparently, we had “no self-respect” when I invited them round for coffee.
My husband and I lived in a complex of three houses with a shared garden.
We had a small working dog. Our neighbours had a larger dog, and contractors working on the third house occasionally brought their own small dog.
Now, I’m not squeamish. I’ve spent plenty of time around animals, so picking up dog poo doesn’t bother me.
Whenever I cleaned the shared garden, I’d simply take a scoop and collect every poo I could find.
Mine, theirs, the contractors’ dog’s — I didn’t care.
We all shared the garden. We all had dogs. Let’s just be adults about it.
Apparently, that was too much to ask.
The accusations begin
I regularly travelled away for several days at a time, taking my dog with me.
Before leaving, I’d clean the garden. When I returned, I’d clean it again.
But the neighbours started finding dog poo in the garden and decided that every single one belonged to my dog.
Even when my dog was away with me.
Apparently, my dog had developed the supernatural ability to teleport her bowel movements across the country.
They started collecting what they believed was her poo and dumping it on our doorstep.
Then they escalated to throwing dog poo at our front door and smearing it across our vehicles.
AND WE HAD SECURITY CAMERAS RECORDING THEM DOING IT.
I explained repeatedly that other dogs used the garden and that my dog couldn’t possibly be responsible for poo appearing while we were away.
They didn’t listen.
Eventually, they complained to our landlord, who contacted me about the situation.
I explained that I’d been voluntarily cleaning up after everyone’s dogs and that I couldn’t reasonably be expected to collect poo when neither I nor my dog was home.
He asked us to resolve things amicably.
So I invited the neighbours round for coffee.
Their response?
They called us “skanky bastards”, said we had “no self-respect”, and said they wouldn’t lower themselves to visit us.
Lovely.
This was especially rich considering I’d previously helped them out with food, lent them money they never repaid and had even been asked to apply fake tan for one of them.
Apparently, we were good enough when they needed sugar, eggs, tomato sauce, cash or cosmetic assistance.
But not good enough for coffee.
Shortly afterwards, one of them drove up to our front door, threw dog poo at it, filmed the result, laughed and drove away.
All captured on our security camera.
That was the moment I decided I’d had enough.
But rather than retaliate immediately, I decided to become a scientist.
A forensic scientist.
A DOG SHIT FORENSIC SCIENTIST.
Operation Dog Poo Wars
I went online and ordered a notebook.
Not just any notebook.
A NOTEBOOK WITH A LITTLE POO EMOJI ON THE COVER.
Because if you’re going to investigate canine bowel movements, you might as well have appropriately branded stationery.
From that day onwards, every time I went into the garden to collect dog poo, I recorded myself doing it on our security cameras.
Then I opened the what3words app.
Yes, THAT what3words app.
The one that identifies geographical locations using three-word combinations.
And I recorded the exact three-word location of EVERY. SINGLE. TURD.
I wrote down:
The date and exact time of collection.
The what3words location.
Whether it appeared to be a smaller or larger dog’s poo.
The reference number of the corresponding camera recording.
Any other relevant observations.
Every video was saved into a dedicated folder on my phone.
The folder was called:
DOG POO WARS.
I wish I was joking.
I also documented every occasion that my dog and I were away, including the dates and our general whereabouts.
Essentially, I was building an alibi for a dog.
And because the contractors also had a smaller dog, I knew that even finding a small poo didn’t prove it belonged to mine.
I was conducting a more thorough investigation into dog shit than my neighbours had conducted into anything.
This continued for THREE MONTHS.
The landlord calls a meeting
Eventually, our landlord became thoroughly fed up and called a meeting with both households.
Before the meeting, I informed him that I’d be emailing him a ZIP file containing my evidence.
What was in the ZIP file?
Three months of footage showing me collecting dog poo.
Alongside every recording I had of the neighbours throwing dog poo at our property, dumping it on our doorstep and smearing it on our vehicles.
Imagine being a landlord and receiving an entire audiovisual archive dedicated to dog shit.
At the meeting, the landlord showed the neighbours the footage.
Then came my moment.
I reached into my bag.
And produced…
THE POO NOTEBOOK.
I explained that every single entry corresponded to a video, complete with its date, time, geographical location and specimen description.
I showed them the dates my dog had been away.
I explained that I’d been collecting everyone’s poo, regardless of whose dog I believed had produced it.
The landlord told the neighbours that he would also send them the files.
I then made my position very clear.
If the harassment continued, I would take the footage of them interfering with our property to the police.
All I wanted was a formal apology and for the behaviour to stop.
They apologised.
We went home.
Victory, right?
WRONG.
The final straw
The VERY NEXT DAY, I discovered a dog turd sitting on the windscreen of my vehicle.
Unfortunately, it was parked just outside the camera’s coverage, so I couldn’t prove who had put it there.
But after six months of this nonsense, I was absolutely furious.
And this, Reddit, is where I went from being the reasonable neighbour to becoming the villain in somebody else’s story.
I’d tried reasoning.
I’d tried being neighbourly.
I’d helped them whenever they needed something.
I’d lent them money they never repaid.
I’d even been asked to apply fake tan for one of them.
I’d offered coffee.
I’d documented everything.
I’d attended a formal meeting.
And I’d received an apology.
So when the neighbours went away one weekend, I decided to retaliate.
I collected the dog poo from the shared garden, as usual.
And yes, before you ask, I STILL documented it in my ridiculous little notebook.
But this time, instead of disposing of it normally, I kept it.
I put on rubber gloves and turned the collected poo into a thoroughly revolting mess.
Then I went over to their pickup truck.
I used the mess to contaminate parts of the vehicle, including areas around the doors and handles.
It was disgusting.
It was completely disproportionate.
And I fully acknowledge that it was a serious hygiene hazard and could have landed me in legal trouble.
But at the time, after six months of being on the receiving end of their behaviour, I’d completely lost my patience.
I cleaned myself up, disposed of the remaining mess and went home.
The Monday morning entertainment
On Monday morning, at around 5 a.m., my husband and I watched from inside our house as the neighbour went out to his pickup.
He began opening the doors.
And immediately discovered that something was VERY wrong.
There was an awful smell.
There was an unpleasant surprise on the handles.
And he couldn’t work out exactly where the smell was coming from.
My husband and I were absolutely crying with laughter.
For weeks afterwards, we could see him trying to clean the pickup and work out why it still smelled so dreadful.
Looking back, I realise my revenge was excessive and potentially harmful. I wouldn’t recommend anybody copying it.
But at the time, the combination of frustration, exhaustion and sheer absurdity had got the better of me.
And here’s the ending.
WE NEVER HAD ANOTHER DOG POO INCIDENT.
No more turds on the doorstep.
No more poo thrown at the front door.
No more poo smeared on our vehicles.
No more arguments about which dog had done what.
Nothing.
And the neighbours’ final response?
THEY BLOCKED ME ON FACEBOOK.
That’s it.
Six months of warfare.
Three months of forensic evidence.
A landlord’s meeting.
A formal apology.
One extremely unfortunate pickup truck.
And a Facebook block.
So, Reddit, I fully accept that I crossed a line with my revenge.
But I would also like the record to show that somewhere in my possession is a little notebook with a poo emoji on the cover, containing the geographical coordinates of three months’ worth of dog turds.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I became the world’s most overqualified dog poo investigator.
TL;DR: Neighbours repeatedly blamed my dog for poo in our shared garden, even when my dog wasn’t home. Before the feud, I’d been a helpful neighbour, lending them food, money and even helping with fake tan, despite them refusing to help me when I needed an egg. They started throwing poo at our house and smearing it on our vehicles. I documented months of dog poo collections using CCTV, timestamps, what3words locations and a dedicated poo notebook. After a landlord meeting and an apology, another turd appeared on my windscreen. I retaliated by contaminating their pickup with dog poo. The incidents stopped, and they blocked me on Facebook.

Hello fellow potatoes and Potato Queen Charlotte! I am 13 weeks pregnant so I'm not sure if that's what's causing me to feel extra spiky and baby-ish about this.

I'm going to work in a different city three hours away for over 7 weeks. (House-sitting.) There is not a lot to do while there. I have my phone and my switch (not many games and I've played all except one).

He won't let me take his ps5 OR computer there with me. He said he'll let me take his laptop (for my schoolwork). The laptop is an old, slow, internet and word only kind. So I can't play Steam on it with my sibling who lives in another state. (I get lonely on long stays.)

He says it's because he wants to use them and because he's worried about them getting damaged. (I have moved multiple times with game systems and computers and never damaged them.) But last year we stayed a few weeks someplace in our city together and he was fine moving the computer and ps5 then. I guess because he was also there the whole time?

He says he'll visit me sometimes on weekends. I know he has the right to say no, but I don't understand why he doesn't trust me to take care of them or why he has anxiety over it. He said I could take his switch that has more games. (But I still won't be able to play with anyone.)

We are in our mid-thirties and we cannot afford another system or computer right now for a few more months because I had life-threatening medical issues come up last year. I will have books and other things to entertain myself but nothing social. I mostly want the pc so it's easier to do schoolwork and so I can cross play games with my husband and play with my sister.

Am I overreacting for being really hurt by his refusal to let me take one of the systems?

(Outside of this small issue, we are very happy and have a very good and healthy relationship on both sides. We rarely argue and we are very good at resolving them through calm conversation. I just feel like, as his lonely pregnant wife, who is going through a very risky and difficult pregnancy, he should want me to be as happy as I can be? So I am a little sore about it.)

Hello everyone reading!

All names are not real names. To be quite honest this shouldn’t even be an issue in my opinion because this is ridiculous.

I need some outside advice on how to handle this situation. Before we get to the part I need advice on, a bit of context: My sister (Stacy) and her boyfriend (Jax) have been together for over 10 years, not married or engaged but living together. We all live in the same house with our other sister and my parents. For some reason unknown to me Jax does not like my boyfriend (Thor). We have been together 2.5 years. He has never given me a reason, just doesn’t like him.

This house we all live in has a driveway so any time Thor comes over he will park in the driveway. Jax works nights so gets home at some time in the morning. I have texted before to let me know when he is nearby so we can move the car etc. the last time this happened Thor went to move the car Jax pulls in driveway but pulls in in a manner in which Thor cannot come back into the driveway. Thor goes home because he’s irritated now which understandable. I text Jax politely asking him to not do that please and next time can he just pull in so Thor can pull in behind him. His response was basically “no because he’s a stranger/unwanted guest and if the owners of the house have a problem with it they can tell me”. I tell my parents this but they don’t do anything. I did not tell my sister at this point as this is in my opinion not something that should be an issue.

Now most recently, he did a double shift at his job on a Sunday. Sunday nights are mine and Thors date nights and he drives me home and stays over. Monday was a holiday here so everyone is in the driveway, my other sister’s car, her bf’s car, my bf’s car at the end. Jax decided to send a message to our house group chat (includes me, both sisters, my parents and Jax) saying the following: “Morning everyone sorry to be doing this so early but ,at we not have strangers/people not wanted in the house not parking in the driveway…..especially after i I work a 16 hr shift. Thank you” and sent a pic of the driveway when he parked directly across the street. It is not very hard to find parking in our area in the morning.

I told my sister that this is not the first time this has happened this is just the first time it did “publicly”. I did not respond at the time because I would have been very mean and caused more drama. So my sister Stacy spoke to him but he just said he would keep his ,ouch shut (he is on thin ice with everyone for other reasons). So basically this petty driveway issue has been unresolved but it is definitely lingering in the air so how should we confront him/resolve the situation?

I also do not really care to be nice at this point as I am fed up with this “man”. Just before I get asked Jax does not pay rent or any other house bills aside from gas/electric and water which is split amongst all of us.

Bare with me okay, there is a old lady(65+) that comes to the pool and the bar I (F25) work at, she thinks she is very important in the complex so lets call her Karen.

Karen is an architect that works in a city 3h from here but also has a house in this complex ( some are owners some rent for holidays) for years. I live in the Algarve in Portugal and its very busy here around the summer so a lots of family come to enjoy the beach and the pool and the food right? Also by family I say with kids okay.

Then why is the woman saying to the kids to stop making regular noise that they do while playing around? She made the complex have rules such has

- no floats

- no toys at all

She complains if the security guard is not yelling at the kids, is he is taking to long to react etc.

Today she complained about the music, we put all types so people can have fun,I have seen people dancing and asking me to put the music louder. Now she comes to me saying that people don't like the music and they complain ( no one has complain to me or the reception) to her. I answer this lady in a very soft tone " they have to complain to me not to you" and she tells me she's the owner because she has a house here so they have to tell her not me.

She is not the owner of the complex or the bar, and tomorrow is my last day. Should I say something tothe director? Because he might loose some client and even some staff

In this story, I know I could have been the bigger person and handled things differently, but I don't regret anything I did.

One day, I (32M at the time) was in a pub celebrating a friend's promotion. I was pretty dizzy already, and when I looked over to the corner, I saw the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen in my life. But what attracted me to her wasn't her eyes, her peach skin, or her beautiful dress. What caught my attention was that she looked almost as uncomfortable with the place as I was.

See, I'm a late-diagnosed autistic person. I hate crowds and loud noises, so I approached her and we instantly bonded over our discomfort in those kinds of environments. She was 26 and pursuing a second major at the university where I teach. We exchanged numbers and started talking the next day. The following weekend, we went on a date, and everything was great. I instantly knew that I wanted to make that woman the happiest person in the world.

As the relationship evolved, we started spending more time together. She lived close to the university and I lived downtown, which was a 40 minute drive. Because of this, I spent a lot of weeknights at her place since it was closer to my work. She was amazing, she always treated me with kindness and was the type of person who had a nice gesture every single day to make me feel appreciated, thoughtful gifts, waiting for me with a nice meal, and since she left earlier than me for class, she always brought me breakfast in bed. You name it. On my 33rd birthday, she gave me 33 presents, all of which were things she had noticed I wanted over the past few months.

In the summer, we went to her parents' home because they had a small company that was struggling and they needed help. I’ve never enjoyed getting my hands dirty, but between helping with the business and building a chicken coop for her father's chickens, I was working 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. And I was really, really happy to be able to help them.

She, on the other hand, hated it. She hated that city, that company, and the way her parents overprotected her. Yes, they were very manipulative with her, to the point of standing behind her bedroom door to listen when she was in an online session with her therapist.

When we got back, she said she had a two week internship in another city for a company in her field, so I said, "Go for it, I'll stay here and take care of Arya (her cat's name)." And off she went. I was so happy; this was the best relationship I had ever had.

Fast forward to a few months later. She had her BIL birthday party in her hometown, and I wasn't able to go because of work, so I stayed behind to take care of Arya. I was having a few problems with social media on my phone, so I had to open it on her computer to make a backup. While I was typing the URL, I didn't notice that the autocomplete sent me directly to her messages. But not HER messages. Some random account.

Well, a lot of conversations for a fake account. The top conversation was with the owner of the company where she allegedly did her summer internship. I'm not proud of this, but I opened it.

And there it was. Years of explicit messages from a guy who is married. I'll spare you the details, but I was furious. Then I opened the other messages. There were 7 different guys she had booty calls with when I wasn't around, when she said she had to clean the house, when she said she was tired, or when she was supposed to be working or in class. There were even messages like, "Wait until I make my goodnight call to my boyfriend, and then you can come over." None of it made any sense.

Since my mind was racing and my neurodivergent brain was spinning, I had to investigate. I talked to the building's security guard, and he let me see the past month's footage of the hallway. He allowed it because we always chat when I'm downstairs having a cigarette (a bad habit, I know) and we had become almost like friends. What I saw was even worse than I imagined. She wasn't studying or working. She would just wait for me to leave her apartment in the morning and then come back. She barely left the house, but a lot of people went in.

I was devastated. Out of anger, I started plotting. Here is where I became a petty and vindictive MF.

When she came back, I acted like nothing had happened. We slept together like it was our last day on earth. Well, for our relationship, it was. Then I went home. I immediately called her mom and told her everything. We spent over four hours talking. I told her mother that she was struggling, that she wasn't working or studying, and that they needed to come pick her up and take her back home. I know I was being a cold, manipulative person for doing that. Her mom even told me that on the BIL birthday, she didn't actually go to the party, a family friend had spotted her in the back of a truck on the road drinking with two random guys.

Then I called her best friend, and he told me even more disturbing things, like how she slept with and used their entire friend group.

The next day, as usual, I went to her house after work. I asked her if everything was okay between us, and told her she could tell me anything. She said everything was perfect, that I was a perfect boyfriend, and that nothing could be better.

Then I asked her (knowing the whole truth), "Then why did you cheat on me with the internship guy?"

She denied it. I said, "So you never hooked up with him? I was talking to [Best Friend's Name] and he told me you used to hook up with him when he lived here."

She said that was in the past. And then I said that if it was in the past, she wouldn't mind if I looked at the messages between the two of them right then.

At that moment, she broke down crying. It wasn't out of regret or guilt; she cried because she got caught. I didn't even mention the other things I had discovered over the last four days, but I was hoping for a full confession. She didn't give me anything, though. She just said she wasn't going to tell me anything else. She begged, "Please scream at me, hit me, do anything, but don't be so apathetic about it."

I replied, "Hit you? Who the hell do you think I am? Now you're just sounding pathetic." Then, I packed my stuff and left.

That same week, her parents came to take her back. From what I gathered, it wasn't pretty. She tried to run away, but her dad caught her while her mom packed her belongings into a truck. Later, her mom told me they had to admit her to a psychiatric hospital because her mental state was terrible, and she was diagnosed with borderline personalitydiisorder.

And now here I am. Since then, I haven't been able to trust anyone else. But I'll let time be the medicine.

Thanks for reading, guys.

(Throwaway account. Given the content of my other posts, I would be easily recognized by friends, family and coworkers).

Hi! I'm seeking advice regarding my relationship with my sister [43] and my mother [70]. I'm [39F], and I'll also mention my husband [45] and our son [3 months old].

This will be the only child my husband and I have, after three years of trying to conceive, including two miscarriages. My mother and sister know about this. My sister doesn't have children and has said many times that she doesn't want them, so this is the only chance we'll have to share this experience.

This might end up being a long post because I have a lot of unresolved issues with my sister and mother, and the most recent one revolves around the birth of my son. So thank you in advance for reading!

One week after giving birth, I told my sister and mother that we were disappointed by their reaction to the birth of our son. I initially told my sister, who suggested that we wait until she got home so that we could all talk together. However, I ended up receiving a phonecall from my mother alone, and the conversation didn't go well.

For context, I've attached some screenshots. The first three are from the group chat on my phone, where I asked my husband to message them. My mother's messages have been translated, as English isn't our first language. The messages at the end are AI-generated photos and jokes that my mother sent at 7:45 pm.
The last screenshot is from my husband's phone. They never responded to the message from his mother.

What hurt was that there was no 'congratulations,' 'we're happy for you,' 'how did everything go?' The comments about whom he looks like were actually difficult for me because during my pregnancy my sister had repeatedly focused on whom the baby would look like / take after. She expressed a clear preference for our side of the family, even mentioning a couple of times that he might take after her.

I gave birth via a planned C-section because the baby was in breech.
During the following week, they asked how we were doing every couple of days. Towards the end of that week, my sister told us she bought a plane ticket to visit when the baby would be around three months old, planning to stay for two weeks. But I was so hurt by their lack of interest that the thought of her visiting made me extremely anxious. That was when I messaged her to tell her that we were disappointed in them.

During the phone call with my mother, we initially discussed my struggles with breastfeeding, and she was receptive. After that, I brought up the main issue. She became quite defensive and said that they had both been worried sick about me and hadn't been in the right state of mind to react properly to the news.
I told her that I found it difficult to understand why they didn't ask a single question that would show some genuine interest. They didn't ask how the surgery went, whether there were any complications, or what tests had been done on me and the baby.
She said she'd assumed that we would have told them if anything was wrong and that they didn't want to bother us. She also said that if I think that they don't care about me and that this is the kind of people I think they are, then that was my problem.
I was kind of done with it when she said they are far away (I moved to a different country), they can't do much and I must understand them also. I got annoyed by the "also" and asking me during the state I was in to be understanding with them. I said it would help me now if we don't talk for a while to which she rushed to end the conversation and told me to call her when I'm ready.

Two days later she sent me a message to tell me about her recent health complications, mentioning that she didn't want to tell me anything during my pregnancy. She also said they wanted to buy a ticket for my sister to come over and help me during the birth because mom can't. However, they were having financial difficulties, so they could only afford to buy the ticket for a visit three months after the birth. This threw me off, because three months was exactly when I had asked my sister to visit anyway. My sister is proudly child-free, hates hearing babies cry on planes, and doesn’t cook or clean. Her lifestyle choices and preferences do not bother me, but I didn't see a scenario where I would get a lot of practical postpartum help from her. Hence my request of 3 months, until things would settle, the baby would have a better immune system and I could mentally tolerate another person in the house. I had to negotiate this at a point because she wanted to come earlier and catch some better weather. I also wouldn't have wanted mom to come over anytime soon, because she is a very heavy smoker and we were advised by health providers to not have smoke around the baby, not even on clothes.
I digress. 
She ended her message by saying that she has a lot more on her mind but what my husband and I need right now is to discuss with my therapist.
 
For context, I was in trauma therapy a few years ago due to issues involving my father. Afterwards, I started seeing a therapist every 1-2 months and I've taken my husband with me to a lot of these sessions.

This prompted me to go on a bit of a rant. I told her that she misunderstood the situation and that I didn't bring this up for my own sake, but for my son's. I was disappointed by their lack of interest in him. I also explained that I would have declined any help from them around the time of the birth anyway. Regarding her suggestion that my husband and I discuss things with my therapist, I told her that I already discussed my concerns with my therapist at my previous appointment, and that they actually suggested going no contact. But I hoped that my mother and sister would pleasantly surprise me instead. The conversation with my therapist was in regards to my sister sending links to videos throughout my pregnancy of children being annoying (which I found daft given my fertility journey) and the fixation with my child's DNA; I explained this in the text, adding that my son is a small human baby, not a racehorse. And I ended by saying I am sorry to hear that she is struggling with her health.

I spent the following day worrying about what message she would send next. My mother didn't reply in the meantime. I cried and struggled to get any rest because I couldn't stop overthinking, and getting enough rest was already difficult at just one week postpartum. I kept replaying everything that had been said, everything that could have been said, and everything that might still be said. By the end of the day, I decided to block both my mother and sister. I reversed that decision less than a month later, without saying anything to either of them.

We haven't spoken since, apart from a couple of exchanges with my sister in a group chat we share with some cousins. They canceled the plane ticket that my sister bought and I was happy with this tbh. I did reimburse them for the full cost. In the text from my mom she mentioned that they lost some money while canceling the ticket.

I still struggle with what happened and with the decisions I made, and I'm unsure what to do next. I sometimes find myself overthinking everything all over again. Whenever I start doubting my choices, I remind myself of everything that happened and how we ended up in this situation. I thought about it so much that I managed to unlock repressed childhood trauma. Regarding past trauma, there is a lot. To give a small view, I remember crying almost every day through my teenage years due to my mother coming home from work and yelling at me every day. One day, while sobbing, I asked her whether she really blamed me for everything bad that had happened in her life. She barked a hateful "Yes" at me and then left me there. My sister wised up after some time and cozied up to mom so she wouldn't become the target of her anger. A lot of times it felt like they were a team against me. As an adult I tried to put this behind me, because my father was the real abuser for all of us. But I think it has all become too much, and I don't think I'll ever be ok with any of my close family.

I don't want to punish them. I don't wish upon my sister to be stuck alone with the care of my mother. I'm worried that when the time comes they will be too proud to ask for help, and maybe by this point they expect an apology from me, which I don't know if I can muster. At the same time, I want to be ok for my own little family and I want to protect my son.

So, WIBTA if I cut ties with my mother and sister and they never get to meet my son?

I need some outside perspective, Reddit, because I'm starting to wonder if I'm the villain in this story. AITAH for questioning my daughter's relationship and suggesting, indirectly, that she might be wasting her time?

My daughter, whom I'll call Tulip (34F), has been with her partner, Brad (36M), for approximately 10 YEARS. Ten. Years. They aren't married, they don't have children together, and I'm beginning to wonder if they even have a shared vision of what their future is supposed to look like.

Before anyone grabs their pitchforks, let me give you some context.

Brad has a child with his ex, and that child has cystic fibrosis (CF), a serious inherited genetic condition that affects the lungs and digestive system. It requires ongoing treatments, medications, and hospital visits, and naturally, Brad worries about his child's health and future.

As a mother myself, I cannot begin to imagine the fear and uncertainty that come with having a sick child. I have never faulted Brad for loving his child, prioritizing their health, or wanting to spend as much time with them as possible. That's what a parent should do.

My problem isn't that Brad is a father. My problem is that, after TEN YEARS, my daughter is still being kept entirely separate from that part of his life.

Tulip has never even met his child.

Not once.

Two years ago, Tulip bought a house, and Brad moved in with her. He visits his child twice a week, but those visits also include spending time with his ex. They'll go to the zoo together, spend an afternoon ice skating, or do other activities as what essentially looks like a little family outing.

Now, I understand that co-parenting can be complicated, especially when a child's medical needs are involved. I'm not suggesting Brad shouldn't spend time with his ex if it benefits their child.

However, his ex has decided that Tulip cannot meet the child because the child is supposedly too medically fragile and Tulip doesn't know how to care for someone with CF.

Let me be clear: Tulip isn't trying to show up with a medical degree and start adjusting the child's treatment plan. She's his partner of TEN YEARS. Surely there's a difference between introducing a child to a longtime partner and handing that partner responsibility for the child's medical care?

About two years ago, Brad decided to fight for unsupervised visitation. This battle dragged on for approximately a year and a half and became extremely expensive for both sides.

Eventually, his ex approached him and suggested they stop fighting and work together for the child's sake. Brad agreed.

Tulip thought this meant things might finally change. She hoped Brad would be able to spend time with his child independently, without his ex accompanying them on every outing. Perhaps, eventually, she might even be introduced to the child.

But nope.

Everything went right back to how it was before the custody battle. Brad still sees his child twice a week, his ex is still part of those visits, and Tulip remains completely excluded.

Ten years together, two years living under the same roof, and she is still essentially a stranger to a major part of her partner's life.

And now we get to the part that really bothers me.

Tulip wants to get married someday. She wants children of her own. She's been very clear about this, and she and Brad have discussed it numerous times.

Brad seems to want those things, too. At least, that's what he says. But when it comes to actually moving forward, there's always a reason to wait. There's always another complication, another issue involving his ex or his child, another reason why now isn't the right time.

And so the years keep passing.

Tulip is now 34. She isn't asking Brad to abandon his child, choose between his child and her, or stop being a father. She wants to know whether she's going to have a husband and a family of her own someday.

How long is she supposed to wait for that answer? Another year? Five more years? Until Brad finally decides the timing is right?

Nobody can guarantee how long it will take to conceive a child, and nobody can promise what the future holds. But time is passing, and her dreams matter, too.

Every so often, I ask Tulip how she feels about the situation. I try not to outright tell her what to do. Instead, I ask questions. Does she feel included? Is she happy with how things are going? Does she believe they're actually moving toward marriage and children, or are they just having the same conversations over and over?

Unfortunately, these conversations usually end with Tulip feeling angry, defensive, and sad.

I know she loves Brad. I know it's difficult to hear someone question a relationship you've invested a decade of your life in. And I suspect she knows exactly how I feel, even when I try to keep my opinions to myself.

But from where I'm standing, it looks like Brad gets to maintain the life he wants while Tulip waits patiently for the life she wants. And whenever she hopes things will change, nothing actually does.

At what point does patience become putting your own life on hold for someone who may never be ready to give you what you want?

I recently let Tulip know that I don't think Brad is considering her feelings enough, and now I'm questioning whether I crossed a line. Maybe I'm being an overprotective mother. Maybe there are things about their relationship that I don't understand. Or maybe I'm watching my daughter put her dreams on hold for a man who is comfortable with the status quo.

I don't want to make her feel judged or push her away. I want her to be happy, even if that means making a decision I know will hurt.

So, Reddit, AITAH for questioning my daughter's relationship and telling her that Brad doesn't seem to care enough about her feelings? Should I keep my opinions to myself and let her figure it out, even if I believe she's running out of time to build the family she's always wanted?

This happened over 20 years ago, but when I think about it, I still blush from embarrassment. For a little bit of context, back then I was a people pleaser (now retired from it lol) and had this terrible, unconscious reaction when I got nervous, I would laugh (this will come into play later).

So, when I (f) was in my early 20's, I was talking to this guy, we'll call him Ned, on yahoo chat (listen, I know I'm old, that's how we met people back then!). After talking for a while, he asked me out and I said yes. I was excited, but nervous. I wanted to meet somewhere public and possibly have back up if I needed it, so I suggested a bar that my bff (also early 20's F) at the time and I frequented. I knew just about everyone there, including the bouncer, so I felt safe.

Ned was fine with it but asked if I could drive since I knew where we were going. That was fine and that night, I picked him up. We had good banter in the car, and it seemed to be going well. We got to the bar and I introduced him to my bff, then we ordered some drinks and played pool.

At one point, bff and I were playing pool and he was sitting by himself on a bench by the second table. So, I went over to sit with him, and we were talking and I don't remember how it came up, but he looked at me and said, "my twin died in the womb." And I laughed. Remember what I said happened when I get nervous? Yep. I did it. I didn't mean to, but it just kinda came out. And I think maybe I thought he was kidding. He got this very angry look on this face, got up and walked away. I didn't know what to do. I think he went outside.

I went up to my bff and she when she asked what happened I told her. Then I said, "what do I do?" She told me to apologize and hopefully just try to salvage the evening. I did apologize, but Ned said he wanted to go home. I brought him home, and on the way there, I tried to hold his hand, but he yanked it away and looked at me like I was nuts. I guess I don't blame him. LOL. Once we got to his house, he got out without a word and slammed the door. That was the last time I talked to him.

So Ned, if you see this. I'm sorry. I wasn't making fun of you, or anything, you just caught me off guard with that. Hope you found someone nice to settle down with.

Hello fellow potatoes and our beloved Potato Queen! I have been marathoning Charlotte's videos lately and I recently saw one about entitled people which reminded me of a customer I once had and wanted to share.

As our lovely potato queen likes to say: CONTEXT!!!

This story happened a couple years ago, I don’t remember all the details exactly, and it's not a very long story but this is my story on dealing with an entitled customer.

So, I (currently 37F) work in retail. Not going to say what company but its a very popular chain of stores with several stores under the same company and even a few international stores. I am a member of management known as a key carrier which is a position below an assistant manager but allows me to make management decisions and open/close the store by myself.

One day, one of my associates, we'll call him M (at the time 17M), called me to the front because he was having issues with a customer who was being rude and mean and if I could come up front to help. When I arrived the customer was acting very rude, aggressive, and entitled. When I asked what was going on and, before M could say a word, the woman said "It's my legal right to use my debit card and he won't let me use it," and then proceeded to be mean and even insult M by calling him stupid. That pissed me off because M is a sweet, smart kid who always has a positive attitude but I had to keep my cool and act like I wasn't mad.

I told the customer to please give us a minute while I talk to my associate. I looked at M and asked him to explain, meanwhile customer is still muttering angrily under her breath, just kept repeating we should let her use her card and other things I don't remember. So, M told me that the computer won't let him run her card. Confused, I looked at the computer and in our tender menu, the credit/debit option was grayed out which means we can't use that option. We physically can't click on it.

It was at this point the customer once again reiterated that it was her "legal right to use her card". Annoyed with her attitude, I looked at her and in my best customer service attitude said, "I understand that it is your right to use your card Ma'am, however, our register is not giving us the option for us to be able to let you use your card. If you could please just give me a minute to figure it out, we can get you sorted." She huffed but didn't say another word.

Upon further investigation, turns out the customer also had a return and M had rang it in as an exchange so the lady could put the price of her return towards her purchase. I asked to see the original receipt and see if it could shed some light on the situation, which it did. Turns out she had paid in cash for the original transaction and at the time (before our newest updates) is why the computer would not let her use her card. I told the customer this and she did not like that answer and once again demanded that she be able to use her card.

I told her "Let me try taking the return off and see what happens." So, I took the return out of the transaction which then the computer allowed us to run her card. I told her this and said we can do the return afterwards. She was irritated but seemed to settle down. So, she paid and then we did her return. She then left the store in a angry huff. M, who had never dealt with a difficult customer before, asked to go to his lunch early. Seeing he was visibly shaken, I allowed him to go and told the front end corridnator who ran the front that I was sending him to lunch.

When M got back from lunch, he came to me and told me that the customer, the same one, proceeded to follow him halfway to McDonald's which was across the parking lot, berating him for what transpired. I felt extremely bad for M as that is not acceptable and that lady was out of line. I then talked with my fellow managers and told them what happened in case that customer complained. Thankfully, she did not complain and that was essentially the end of it. The customer to this day still shops with us, she is a regular and I hope she was embarrassed by her behavior (probably not though let's be honest) and I haven't had a problem with her since. M has moved on to work at his dream job.

So, that is my entitled customer story and hope you enjoyed.

Hello Petty Potatoes!

So I don't normally post on Reddit a lot but here I am because I'm still steaming from the situation that happened earlier today. So buckle up and make sure that your elbows and knees are tucked in cuz it's going to be a fun ride.

So for some context, my mom follows a local influencer to our area who does a podcast for all kinds of community News. Guys all I will say about this person because I am not going to be doxing anyone. This influencer has recently become more and more popular in the last month due to a local story. And my mom likes to follow certain kinds of news. My mom is 60 F and I am 33 F and the influencer is 42 F.

Now to begin. So this influencer reached out on her Facebook page to all of her followers to ask for some assistance since her page has started blowing up. My mom responded and said she'd be happy to participate and the influencer set up a meeting to meet with interested community members. My mom invited me and I was happy to go with her.

We get there to the meeting and each of us introduce each other. There was only four people at this meeting. Besides my mother, the influencer, and I there was a close friend of the influencer who we'll call Ted (42 M). At the beginning of the meeting, the influencer sent out no pads for us all to use at our discretion.

During the meeting, I am just randomly taking notes scribbling and doodling when the influencer suddenly calls me out and asks me, "Um why exactly are you taking notes? This is confidential material." Ted's eyes widen and he coughs before trying to make himself distracted with his phone.

I blink at her concerned and confused and before I can even speak up to explain exactly what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, my mother says that I am simply doodling on this notepad. And of course the influencer makes this scrunched up face like she stepped in the biggest dog turd in history before apologizing multiple times. I stay quiet and the meeting continues.

Later, we get home and a couple of hours pass by and the influencer reaches out to my mother to apologize again. My mother passes the apology along and I tell her, "Okay. But I don't accept her apology." My mom asks why. And I simply respond with, "I didn't like her calling me out like that when I was not bothering anyone with my doodles or my personal writing." And my mom proceeds to tell me that it is at my own detriment to not forgive this influencer and to not like her.

I acknowledge the fact that she wants the best for me and that the influencer did apologize but I wasn't going to accept the apology. And now my mother is concerned for "my immortal soul" because I won't forgive somebody for doing that but I will "forgive a man for putting makeup on his own face".

And she said that about the makeup on the man's face because I regularly watch a few makeup channels on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram that are ran by men. And I pointed out to her there are such a thing as male makeup artists. And I think that it's great they feel confident enough and like to do their own makeup.

So Petty Potatoes, AITA for not forgiving the influencer for her words?

Me (25F) and my fiancé (27M) got engaged last summer. It wasn’t what you’d call a “traditional proposal.” We both knew we wanted to get married, and neither of us is super romantic, so we just went ring shopping and had a nice dinner afterwards. I was honestly really happy with how the day went.

We wanted to engrave the date on our rings and make it a day we’d both remember. When we checked the calendar, we noticed our fourth anniversary was coming up in a week, so we decided to make that our engagement date. That day also happened to be the day before my cousin’s graduation.

We announced the engagement on social media on the day we got engaged. The next day, we went to my cousin’s graduation, and I immediately noticed my aunt was avoiding me. She has a tendency to have a very fluctuating mindset, so at first I didn’t think much of it. I talked to her husband, but he was acting weird too and left the conversation pretty quickly. My cousin congratulated me and seemed genuinely excited. The party went on as normal, and my other cousins congratulated us as well — they all seemed happy for us.

I tried to talk to my aunt, but she kept leaving the room whenever I walked in, so I figured she was just busy. Later, I found out she had removed me from her social media and told my mom that I “ruined her daughter’s party” by showing up with engagement news. My mum said she is being crazy. I didn’t flaunt my ring or anything — I only showed it when someone asked. I didn’t even know anyone else at the party besides my aunt, her husband, and my cousins, so no one else knew we’d gotten engaged the day before. I didn’t tell anyone there; everyone who knew had already seen the social media post.

My aunt hasn’t contacted me since. So was I the a-hole for getting engaged the day before my cousin’s graduation and supposedly ruining her party?

Fake names for all.

I 33F and 7 months pregnant, made some graduation ribbons for my friend Zoey 27F.

Zoey asked early in the month if I could make them for her to wear specifically to walk down the aisle during her graduation ceremony. At first she was concerned I'd be too busy since my baby shower was the week before. I told her making ribbons was no trouble (costume creator so I'm super crafty) and I could do it in less than a day.

I made the ribbons, we both got busy during the end of last month with life and I eventually saw Zoey at my baby shower. However with the excitement of the party, hosting, and her leaving earlier than I thought I forgot to give them to her then. I knew that was totally my fault, so I reached out immediately the next day that I forgot to give them to her. She says she'll get back to me within the week. Her graduation was Saturday, and she lives 20 minutes away. I can't drive so she knows she has to come to me to get them. No point in the mail since we're basically around the corner.

The graduation draws near, it's on a Saturday. I text her Monday, she doesn't respond till Thursday saying "I'll have to find time to get it Friday". Friday, silence. 😶 So then I thought okay maybe last minute prep before the big day.

The day comes, still no response. I reach out one more time the early morning of to ask if she's getting the ribbons. Silence.

2 hours later in our girl group chat-

HEY Y'ALL I GRADUATED!!!! Meanwhile she had ribbons she made herself and attached to her graduation stole.

While happy for her accomplishment, I am pissed 😡. The graduation passes she's happy and I didn't want to ruin her mood but I feel like I wasted my time.

She says she still wants them but what's the point now if they not even being used for the thing she asked me for?!

I used materials I already had at home but I feel like I should make her pay for the work I did.

I made the ribbon out of iron on vinyl, ribbon and lace which she requested. Iron on vinyl bring the most expensive of all of it. Just for her to end up doing it herself anyway.

So WIBTAH if I charge my friend for the work I did?

A few years ago, I was best of friends with Sara*. She is a few years older than me (both late 30s early 40s at the time) we met through a local social group and became great friends. Hung out all the time, talked every day, and even went on trips together. Then, on her birthday she effectively ended our friendship.

Some background: Sara has a problem with drinking and depression. She also has a hard time holding down jobs and paying her bills. I have a decent career and a steady income. Every time we would do something together, if she could not afford it, I would pay- sometimes as a gift or she would pay me back when she could. It was never an expectation on my end to recieve any compensation unless we specifically talked about it. I know things were hard for her and I wanted to make sure she felt included. I have been in her shoes before and know how that can feel. There were several times throughout our friendship, where I would suggest events or stores or things and she would tell me no, she couldn't afford it. No big deal. But then a week or less later, id see her doing the same thing with someone else. That hurt, a lot.

On to the birthday fiasco, she was having a low week and asked if I could plan a hike with our friends for her bday. (They were my friends that I introduced her to). Sure! No problem! I set something up, then with talking to the group we wanted to take her out for her bday, nothing too fancy, just Olive Garden, bc we love her and wanted to do something for her. I told her about it and that it was my treat for her bday. She lost her mind. Began yelling at me telling me thats not what she wanted and she didn't want her birthday to be a big deal (even tho she specifically asked for me to do something for it!). Then she said that I "always look down on her and make her feel less than".

I truly feel like that was one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me. I began crying and told her that I was worried about her and she may need help. She got even more angry at me. I wound up ending the conversation with her screaming at me. I told her that I needed to protect myself at this point and hung up. I was crying for hours over it. Its been a few years and it still upsets me.

We have mutual friends who still hang out with both of us. We all met at an event (drove separately) and I saw Sara. Didnt know she was coming and I felt blindsided. I was so anxious, I had to step away, again crying. Not sure if it was an intentional chance meeting orchestrated by our mutual friends or an accident. But we did not speak and actually completely avoided each other. Yet, I was still upset.

So reddit...Am I the asshole for trying to take my friend out for her bday?

So this is a long post I do apologize.

I (27F)work at McDonalds recently since September and the bully or manager (24m) Z decided to harass me in front of everyone. For context I barely started with with morning shift and mid shift like lunch time. Due to schedule around my son's drop off and pick up time. I only work 3 to 4 days a week. So I barely come when it rush in the morning for breakfast and about to start the lunch time serving. I enjoy working and getting along with my coworkers who had done their best to show me the ropes work the grill. Now for the guy who is manager Z, he has been know to harass female staff that are bigger than him and treat some employee like crap. I am currently on wait for my weight loss surgery to being in Nov. Anyways he has been making rude comments and overstepping his position as manager. Things like be said to anyone " You don't have to work , You making us look bad and other comments about my weight in front other employees. Mind you the owner didn't made the kitchen area where the grill is big size person friendly. So getting around the area cause us to be squish next to each other. In the past week I have let it slide from the comments he made towards me. Honestly every manager I got to know has treat me with respect and not once made me feel unwanted. Only this manager Z has been harassed by as me to do ridiculous stuff and abusing his position to say " Well I told you not her." " It not that hard to do your job." " What that your behavior is a write up." When I did not talk or say anything but okay , got it or even a light nod. I'm was not a person like to back talk or lose her cool and let comments wash over me.

On Saturday morning I was scheduled to 8 am to 2pm. This happened between 9:30 am. I was working the grill, help orher employees catch up and Z decide to give me a hard time. First thing he had me do was the floors. Sweep and mop easily no problem. I went back to grill duty. He comes ask be to pull away one of the dish to person who washing dishes. Then a few minutes later not longer than 3 minutes he start complaining and blaming me for behind breakfast when he was at my station block the way. I was putting a rush on get the orders caught up. Doing 4 things at once and he try to assist another thing on me when he clear see that I doing 4 things and he blocking to work space. He is build tall like 6 ft and skinny very slim size. Compare to me being a short 5'3 chubby girl 200+lbs can't squeez by him. Turn to me and yell in my face everyone around stop and stare. " You can't handle this or you don't have to work today". Throw more awful comments on being slow. Then I just had enough and snap back him. I said " What the fuck is your problem with me. Don't go and denied it because everyone else had never talk to me with some much disrespect and hated." He goes on to say My body is a problem, my positive attitude is a problem. Even had the nerves to push on me getting less hours to work. I want to hit him but hold myself from getting to his level. It so happen to appear the main manager was there. She was busy but heard the commotions happen. As I turn to leave from him and clock out because I was to upset and felt very distraught about the way he talk to me and knowing there are cameras recording the event. Last think came out of his mouth was " You're fat ass was holding us back ". The main manager not her real name Sylvia finally turn to me asking me what going and pull me in the offices to talk. So I not pull this out there but Sylvia is Mexican lady and if you know how some Mexican lady can be blunt than look at a situation would not put my harassed as side. I'm half Mexican and Apache. Anyways she pull me in the other while Z is yell about me being lazy and disrespectful. Lying about the work. She ask me what happened I told her how I was being treated and get harassed by Z only. That he is the only one treat me like crap. She goes to tell me to take 30 minute back at this point I was like are you seriously push my harassed aside to finish breakfast then expect me to work in the same environment with him. I told her I was leaving because she clearly wanted to focus on work than handle her manager. She has been know to pick favorites in the company. She also knows not to take Native Women such as a Apache woman seriously. How I know this because my husband and my sister in law worked for her in the past year.

Now I was in tears about the harass being push aside and her saying if I walk out that they will let me go. I didn't care at the moment and clock out crying. Lot of people say the harassment and said it wasn't right that I'm being push aside. On of my coworkers Tam who was on her break said he shouldn't be manager since he doesn't treat any of them with respect, and that Sylvia choosing to focus on breakfast over my issue shows she didn't care to talk to guy.

So as I was leaving my husband calls me to say something but heard me crying and said what's wrong. My husband is a very short temper guy but is chill if you don't mess with me. He's very loving and overprotective of me. So I tell him what happened and how I was brush off by Sylvia. So he ask if the guy was there and how he looks. I tell him he is. My husband did not waste time leaving work to confront the guy who been harassing me for weeks. My Husband has known that I was being harassed but I keep telling him. I just new so it fine but my husband last straw was hearing me crying and sound very distraught.

I was hurt by the way I got talk to and that he bought up my insecurity for my weight. Out of context I was Skinny and pretty but having a child at 24 years old cost me to gain over 100lbs and prediabetic. After having my son (37 weeks and 5 days) through c-sections because my son was over 9.5 lbs big head and long body was too much for me. Labor hours was 34hours cause my health to go down hill. Getting late postpartum preeclampsia after 6 weeks from giving birth to next month get gallbladder removed all with in 2023. So healing process took long being bedridden and can't workout cause the weight to stay and slow making me in a danger zone. So now im deal with bariatric surgery and very nervous about. It a mandatory surgery. I need because on my weight is not going down but gain more. Anyways that way I been so insecure ​about my weight.

Now back where my husband show up at my work place after I left home cry in tears. He walk up to the counter ask for that manager Z. Z straight up lies that he's not there or they don't have that person there. Walk off to the back and another employee who didn't know said he was there and my husband say for a while then leaves after 20 mins. He call me tells me that they must be hiding or covering each other. By the time I go home. My mother heard me crying and ask what happened. She goes all mama bear out calls my work place and the main manager tries to blame me for not staying and that I had my husband show up and looking to fight the guy. My mother goes on to say " So you want my daughter to work around your manager who is not going to stop harassing her. Do prioritize your staff over the ones who is being harassed." My mother hang ups and call the police long story short police info me that they will get to the bottom of it but my husband is banned from there.

As of Today I been calling the main company for McDonalds and leaving a message for this harassment. I will update you more in few days

So Am I the A-hole for wanting to get my manager fired???