THIS POST IS FOR TRANS MEN/MASCS ONLY!

What are your thoughts on cis people who have changed their name and refer to their birth name as a "dead name"?

For some reason this really gets to me.

It frustrates me because "dead name" comes, not from your name being 'dead', but rather the fact that trans people were (and still are) buried under that name. It was historically the names we had in death, but not life. A dead name.

Cis people don't have that connection to the word and it just comes across as insensitive to me. I understand if they are ignorant, but they're always so weird & uncomfortable when you correct them. Ugh. Getting whiplash here when I find out Annabelle is actually cis and just didn't want to be called Rosemary.

I usually don't care about things like this, but for some reason this one really gets to me. I think I hold it close because the word connects me to the struggles and suffering of all those who came before me.

Am I too over the top in thinking like this?

EDIT: Been reading through all the replies and had some really good feed back. This is definitely a non-issue. I think just one I hold a little too personally with how closely I connect it to trans people who have passed away.

Cis people can refer to birth names as dead names. I'll still feel discomfort but that's not for me to put on them

I'm in a class focusing on LGBT history, specifically the gay rights movements (ex- the Daughters of Bilitis, decriminalization of homosexuality, Mattachine Society, Compton's Caffeteria riot— whose coverage in film seemed to feature mostly if not entirely transgender women?– Stonewall, etc.)

But....

Where are the transgender men?...

We've seen several films but only one trans man was mentioned in passing, for less than 5 minutes, and that's been it.

Its been a bit disheartening to see a lack of us in an LGBT-focused class.

I'm certain we were erased or lumped in with lesbians (the latter of which i understand; even transgender women were lumped in with gay men in the early parts of the gay rights movements.)

If you know of any guys, please share. If I have the energy, I'd really like to do a project on them and share it with my professor, so that we could be included in future semesters.

Thank you.

I know this is a topic that varies ftom person to person, but im curious.

If you are under 18 please DO NOT participate in this. (18 to 40+ are welcome). Let’s keep this as authentic as possible (no false information please).

Recently there was an attempted shooting by a 19 year old white nationalist at a temple in illinois. Now some conservative news sources are reporting that the person who did it is allegedly trans (ftm). Im an indian trans guy and seeing the way everyone is talking about this situation is making me lose my mind. On one hand there are white nationalists justifying it, finding out the shooter might be trans, and then immediately backtracking and talking ab institutionalizing trans people and “trans violence” and “trans people are all mass shooters.” Its genuinely laughable to see them pretend to care about racial minorities when they have the opportunity to pin these crimes on white women or white queer people. Then on another hand, cishet indian people are also saying bullshit like “being racist makes you trans (or vice versa)” or “trans people are mass shooters.” There are even tweets from some white trans women that are like “There you go trans guys! Heres the visibility you want, let them know this ones not on us.” What is making this community think that this is an appropriate thing to say in response to this news? Yeah indian trans people are a small community but what is it with the “only white people can be queer” assumption? Now brown trans guys are catching strays from white trans people and cishet indians for an attempted hate crime against indian people by an allegedly white trans man? Conveniently, this whole attempted hate crime is never just blamed on the piece of shit being a nazi. Thats all. That is why he did it.

I understand that a lot of the overtly anti trans rhetoric focuses on trans women and yes it is transmisogynistic, but so many of the posts from white trans women and even white trans men making that “haha now youre visible” joke just pisses me off. Im not saying that all white trans people are racist/tone deaf or all cishet indian people are homophobic/transphobic but whenever bs like this happens people with intersecting identities ALWAYS get thrown under the bus and erased from existence so people can push their agendas.

I'm looking for advice on dealing with parents who aren't transphobic towards trans people in general, but they're moreso depressed and inconsolable when it's you, treating you coming out like it's their worst nightmare come true? how the hell do you deal with that kind of parent, especially if they do everything in their power to avoid talking about it or looking for a solution? this is NOT intended to be a "my feelings im so sad" type post at all. whenever i see discussions about parents on here it's most often that they're blatantly hateful and transphobic. what do you do in a situation where you being trans is killing them inside, even if otherwise they're decent parents?

The general consensus from my fellow trans friends is to give them a few years to come around, but I feel like that advice only works if you're not actively transitioning, which I will be in a month. I don't think i can wait around for a few years to start living my life. The current best option, it seems, is to transition when I'm away at university, assuming i get accepted

anyway, if you have a similar experience, i'd love to hear from you.

Hey everybody, i’m 16, 17 in december, and live in the UK, i’ve recently been hit with a wave of dysphoria that’s worse than i’ve ever had before and honestly I’m struggling a lot.

A month or so ago i spoke to my Mum about starting T, through gender gp, as it’s genuinely impacting every moment of my day, from going to school, going out with friends, and even just sitting in my room. She’s being pretty resistant and saying ‘she doesn’t want me to get cancer’ and asking ‘what it’ll actually do’. The conversation ended with her saying okay send me some links to read further into it and we’ve not spoken about it since. She’s also said that gender gp being online is putting her off also. I really think all these things are her way of saying no as to not accept that I AM trans, and that it isn’t ‘a phase’, for context i came out almost 4 years ago, and i try be as stealth as humanly possible.

So what I’m really asking is if anybody can advise me on how to talk about it further with my mum, and hopefully have a better outcome.

I’d also appreciate any tips anybody has confidence-wise, not so much about passing but the internal struggle a bit more, how to FEEL more like a man and come across as a man personality and behaviourally, not just looks.

Thanks in advance guys.

like the title says,is it possible to body recomposition to happen if u lose or gain weight?(im talking when u are on testosterone) i only see buff trans guys im wondering if its possible to have a masculine frame without being buff

Hi, chronically ill ftm who doesn't work out. I've been on T for two years, and before I was on T always told myself I would work out consistently once I was on T because it would be so much easier for me. Well, two years in, I've done a couple half-hearted workout starts but always dropped it after a few days because of the hassle and soreness.

I have weights and a pull-up bar at home, and my partner helped me design an every-other-day routine for me that is tough but not intense enough to trigger my chronic illness, so really the only barrier is psychological.

So my question is: can you help me build a list of reasons and encouraging things I can physically post in my room as a reminder of what I'm trying to achieve?

I already have:

-to get hotter

-so I can pick up my partner (she can pick me up)

-to lessen chronic illness symptoms/inflammation

-so I can impress people at gay arm wrestling events

-for the post workout high satisfaction

I'll take anything even if it's silly/zany. hit me!

Every single time I go to get a haircut they botch it.

Idk what the deal is but I have yet to find a stylist I keep going back to, every time it's way to short, uneven, or they shave my sideburns without asking.

About to just shave my head and say fuck it no hair ever again cuz I'm genuinely over it.

Does anyone cut their own hair? How hard is it to get the hang of? I know that vague but I'm so done and don't know what to do anymore. I get top surgery next week and now I'm worrying about my hair like I've got bigger things to worry about rn let me rest 🙃

I really hate hearing the t slur. it has been yelled at me in hate at school which, as you can imagine, was not a fun experience and it stuck with me. my cis friends seem to be totally comfortable using the word around me though. one of them jokingly said something like "yeah, you [t slur]" and my initial reaction was shock so I just said "maybe don't use that word" and tried not to think about it. another friend didn't directly use it on me but i have heard her say it multiple times like it's just another word. but I feel like it's really not just another word, it's a word that has been used in hate for a long time and has been used on me personally to attack my being trans.

it's not like they use it regularly but when they do it really, really bothers me. but I feel like it's wrong for me to tell them not to use it because what if it's really not that deep and I'm just being sensitive?? so, my question is, is it appropriate to ask them not to use it because of the things mentioned in the previous paragraph? thanks.

Edit: thanks for the responses, I've realized I'm kinda being a dumbass and they absolutely should not say it, they're good people so i know they'll stop if i tell them to. 🫶

I've been compliant on T since 2021, and this coming apt with my doctor, I'm going to ask about top surgery. I had been putting it off as both a disabled person and I was obese at the time. I've lost over 110lbs of fat in my body composition between then and now according to tests. I've lost a LOT of structure in my breasts, I seriously doubt my nips are salvageable. There's a few doctors in the area that are chest specialists. At home, I have an attendant now and he would be able to make sure I'm eating and drinking water as well as hygiene.
Mostly, I'm hoping for advice and what kinda things to expect. Living in Texas, it's very touch and go atm with what medicaid and medicare will cover.

I’ve been mourning stud/lesbian me due to how the dating scene is so slim. The first time I try to put myself out there I was rejected which is new for me because I’ve never experienced that. I’ve been on multiple dating apps and barely get any likes now.

Before women would show interest but now it’s nothing. I knew this would come and it’s apart of manhood but man I’m really think of detransitioning because eventually I want to find someone.

I know that this is just a feeling and I’m so happy of who I am. It’s just hard some days.

I got a binder it can go in the washer but not the dryer. And I've washed it 3 times and each time I forget and throw it in the dryer with all my other clothes

I’m a Trans-masc person (He/They) who has UK G breasts (that’s a US I cup I think) and I hate them. They make me dysphoric; taking away my gender identity they’re extremely cumbersome and I’ve waited 10 years for my NHS top surgery. I finally have it booked for January but I’ve realised something horrible. I am an attractive woman, a hideous man.

The issue is that I’ve had so much time to get used to my body that I’ve learned to style around it. Recently, I’ve even started getting flirted with by attractive lesbian women and more people in general seem to like me and want to talk to me. The problem is I look like a woman through and through. I’ve spent a long time disliking how I look so spent a long time “coming to terms with it” and now I have, I’m scared I’ll lose it all when I get top surgery. I hate my chest, I really do, but in the society we live in, I literally could not have done better. I have everything people get plastic surgery for and I don’t want it. Big hips, big chest, big lips, everything.

Every time I try to look masc it just looks wrong. I look like a girl who’s trying to be “tomboy” or an “alt girlie”. I don’t wear makeup or anything so it’s just how I look. What if I get top-surgery and people stop interacting with me again? Around 3 years ago I was like 23st (around 146kg) and I wasn’t all that attractive. I lost weight (I’m now 13st yippee! (85kg-ish)) and learned to style myself and now I’m getting flirty compliments. I’m so conflicted. I’m a hot woman, why can’t I be a hot man?

Should I go through with top surgery? I may loose all the confidence I’ve gained and people might start ignoring me again. It’s not like I even dislike how I look that much, I just wish I didn’t have boobs.

EDIT: I probably won’t respond to many comments left, I’m more of a lurker and I’m pretty awkward usually haha, but I will read them all. I’m already thinking things through while reading and it’s helping a lot already! Thank you to those who have already given me help, it’s been very worth posting :)

On Tuesday they told me that the package has been arranged n that I can contact them on Thursday to get the tracking number. Amazing, right? Haha no.

I messaged them on Thursday but was left on read. I messaged again and they replied a day later that it will be shipped next week (??) and that their shipping system couldn't verify my phone number.

A few times I was able to buy something from them using the exact same phone number but now there's a problem? Happened to anyone else?

I wasn't even asking for a custom. Just basic nexo.

17 days and I haven't even gotten a freaking tracking number.

Some told me they may be playing with me after seeing my post lol

So yeah now I wait for them to tell me that in fact my package has been arranged but somehow my phone number doesn't let them send anything oops.

I ain't being impatient, really. Looking at this whole situation and my previous post it looks like they're delaying it on purpose. I didn't think about it this way until a bro told me so.

Faz muito tempo que venho me questionando e pensando sobre isso, mas ainda tenho muitas dúvidas. Às vezes, gosto muito de ser uma garota, mas, em outros momentos, sinto uma disforia muito forte e até um certo nojo de mim mesmo. (Principalmente dos meus seios)

Por enquanto, não sei exatamente o que pensar. Minha cabeça está um caos por conta de tudo isso. Às vezes, fico pensando que talvez eu não sinta tanta disforia quanto outros garotos trans relatam sentir, e isso acaba me fazendo questionar ainda mais a mim mesmo.
Outra coisa que me pega bastante é pensar que, mesmo se eu decidisse fazer a transição, talvez eu nunca fosse um homem tão másculo quanto gostaria. Quando olho para outros garotos trans, às vezes sinto que não me encaixaria nesse padrão, e isso me deixa inseguro.
Enfim, ainda estou tentando me entender e não sei ao certo o que quero. Gostaria de ouvir os relatos de vocês: como foi esse processo de descoberta? Como vocês lidaram com as dúvidas e inseguranças? Em algum momento sentiram que tinham certeza de que era realmente isso que queriam?
Queria muito ouvir experiências de pessoas que passaram por algo parecido. Acho que ler outros relatos pode me ajudar a entender melhor o que estou sentindo.

so im 15, almost 16, and just started 12.5 mg per dose t gel. i wanna say i pass semi well, i usually get gendered correctly and occasionally get the gender neutral pronouns bc i confuse people sometimes but more often than not i get gendered correctly (except for in medical settings where my deadname and the fact that im afab are on my chart) now, i wanna use the mens restrooms, but my mom is so so so highly against it. like the last time i asked if i could use them she yelled at me and said she would “make sure“ i would never use them again, whatever that means. i know its out of fear and concern but dang. how should i go about this? i want to, because in womens restrooms i make the women in there visibly uncomfortable or confused. its also extremely dysphoric and uncomfortable for me too. i try to keep my head low and just get in and out, but ive had a few negative experiences using the womens room because of the fact im trans and look out of place in there. to ease my mom into the idea, ive suggested using mens restrooms only in safer places like libraries, small shops, bathrooms of places that are openly lgbtq+ friendly, etc, but its still a very hard no. what do i do?

I'm starting t very soon and I'm very excited for my hairline to masculine, my hairline is currently very feminine like my mom and I actually shave it like once a month to make it look more masc, I'm pretty excited for that side of starting t since my goal is to look like the average Joe. Also when did the balding start? My father is bald as hell so I know that fate is awaiting me, not that I'm too worried about it as you can tell

Not sure what the right term for this is?

Im a pre-t trans man and ive been dating a cis man for around half a year. I'll probably be starting T in about 1-2months but this whole time in our relationship ive been comparing myself to him. Especially since I've started trying to pass a lot more (cut my hair really short and more masculine, completely stopped dressing "androgynous")

I get dysphoric when I hold his hand due to my fingers being thinner, or how flat chested he is. And honestly the dysphoria is causing me to stop being as attracted to him as I was before. Instead of seeing how handsome he is i just see the features im missing.

I don't know how to deal with this, especially seeing he's the first cis man I've ever been in a relationship with. (Only dated women and trans men before)

Is there something I can do to stop comparing myself or do I just have to live with this?

Hello!

I’m a visual novel writer, and one of my team’s new projects is a story following a FTM protagonist. The story isn’t directly about the trans experience (since it’s more of a thriller/crime mystery), but it does play a role in the events/reactions/interactions with other characters.

I really don’t want to fall unintentionally into tropes that plague trans characters in media, and want to write a character that people will be able to identify with and see as a good representation.

Any tips or advice or experiences are more than welcomed and appreciated!

Thank you!