Gifted women has this been your experience?

Gifted men, how about you, have you noticed a difference between your non-gifted male coworkers, and/or noticed differences between how coworkers treat you versus highly intelligent women?

Has anyone else experienced the horn effect, where people judge your intelligence purely by how you look?

l've been bullied my entire life, mostly because of my appearance, even though I tested in the superior-to-gifted IQ range. I did well in school, but I was quiet, observant, and studious. I really don't like small talk and almost never initiate it, though I always tried hard to fit into new environments. I also stay calm under pressure, so when people mocked me, I never snapped back or escalated. That composure made people think that I was slow. Some people even believed that l have a cognitive disability.

As a woman who doesn't fit conventional beauty standards, I've had a lot of random verbal abuse from men. In my early twenties I moved to Europe for my master's degree, hoping I'd finally find my own tribe. Instead, my classmates used me as a punchbag to win points with my prettier friends. The more I tried to show I was capable and smart, the worse they got. My flatmate, who's a European citizen, told me that I was ugly and an idiot, said my presence disgusted him, and that he'd do everything he could,to get me deported. This triggered my social anxiety, and major depression and things got worse afterwards.

ln my late twenties, I internalized all of it. I missed out a lot of job opportunities and withdrew from social life. I tried to convince myself that if so many people saw something off in my intelligence, they couldn't all be wrong, and I must be below average.

That's a strange conclusion for someone who was valedictorian in high school, graduated with highest distinction in bachelor's, and earned a master's from a reputable institute. I know those aren't guarantees of success or high lQ, but I gave up on building a secure career because of the bullying. Now I live in a rural village with my cats. I never turned my education into marketable skills, I'm broke, and I'm depressed.

I never stopped learning. I taught myself coding, painting, and several languages. I even taught myself nuclear physics which has been my passion since my childhood. But I still ruminate on the past, I'm hypervigilant around people, and I have no social life.

I don't know how to break this cycle.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you get out of it?

I’m 17, and one of the hardest things about being gifted for me is feeling disconnected from people my age.
I’ve always had interests that seem unusual for someone my age. I spend a lot of time questioning things that other people seem to accept without much thought. I often notice how much people’s behaviour is influenced by social approval, appearances, status, and the need to fit in.
I struggle to relate to the things that seem to matter to many people around me. I’m not particularly interested in drinking, smoking, partying, or following trends just because everyone else does. Sometimes I look at the people around me and feel like we’re living in completely different worlds.
I don’t mean that I’m better than anyone else. I know people are more complex than what they show on the surface, and I don’t want to become arrogant or judgmental. But I often feel isolated, as though I’m missing something that makes it easy for other people to be happy with their lives.
I also struggled with depression and PTSD when I was younger, which affected my academic performance for several years. Now I’m doing much better academically, and I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD too, but I still struggle to figure out where I fit in.
I know there must be people who think similarly to me, but they seem so scattered that finding them feels difficult. I’m still in school, surrounded by people I often struggle to relate to, and sometimes I feel like I’m just waiting until I can find an environment where I finally belong.
For those of you who experienced something similar, does it get better?
I don’t want to feel superior to anyone. I just want to feel understood and to find people with whom I can genuinely connect.

I don't really know how to explain it, but whenever I talk about my mindset with most of my classmates, they don't understand me at all. I have a "I'll work as hard as I can, and I'll never give in to peer pressure and popularity" kind of mindset and everyone thinks I'm strange.

Sometimes, I'll outline something/how to solve a problem and people will be so confused about how I figured it out, but I don't know how to explain that it's intuitive.

I hate coming off like an arrogant braggart so I'll often downplay my own intelligence. I get upset when people don't understand that I'm disappointed when I don't do as well as I hoped to do (94 instead of at least a 97, etc). I don't think I'm better than anyone, but I've been told that I seen as pretentious or a know-it-all.

I have no interest and am heavily uncomfortable with the idea of taking drugs, alcohol, or vaping and it feels strange because a lot of my classmates either are excited to drink alcohol, or some vape.

I also have auDHD and anxiety (officially tested) and I can't even find other neurodivergent people who feel the same, which makes me feel even worse.

Just a rant, I guess. I want someone to understand how I feel and feel the same way.

Hi, 15f. I've been tested, I'm gifted. I'm just curious if anybody relates/knows how I can get help. I've seen similar experiences with gifted people online, so I decided to post here.

I hate how my life has been going, this month specifically. I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I feel like wasted potential. My dad was so happy the night everybody found out I was gifted. I remember it in full clarity even though I was 9 or so. When I started high school, my grades went down. When I got an 86% in geography, my mom yelled at me telling me that those are 'average' scores. My dad backed her up. I bet they don't even remember that now.
My dad loves my sister more than me. It's so obvious. He's always talking about how she's better than me. The joke he likes most towards me is "Your gifted has shifted" oh wow so funny cause it rhymes get it /sarc. He's been saying this joke since I was 9. He genuinely believes it now. (By the way, my dad isn't a terrible person. I love my dad, he's just really mean sometimes.)
I struggle to fit in. Really badly. The thing is, this year specifically, i've been isolating myself and playing dumb because I'm scared that if I speak up, I'm going to get criticized. I can't even ask for a pencil. Yesterday in drama class, I was supposed to rehearse a dialogue with my partner in front of my teacher. My teacher said It wasn't good. I genuinely wanted to cry. I'm scared and I've been withdrawing from everything.
I hate my appearance. I try to cover my face in conversations however I can. With my jacket collar, with my hand scratching my nose, everything. People are always so mad at me and I somehow always manage to say the wrong thing.
Even online, the second someone says an opinion that contradicts mine, I would immediately withdraw on my statement. I don't know why this is happening and I want to get better.
I feel like an alien. I'm looking at other people fitting in and I hate everybody. Why can't I fit in? Why is everybody so much better?

Another thing I wanted to mention is that I feel like I have something I'm not diagnosed with. My parents would never let me. Ever. My sister got diagnosed with arfid after being in the hospital for weeks and the first thing they did was yell at her because she can't control her eating. I supported her, and she's doing well, don't worry. But.. they genuinely believe arfid is a 'label' (I'm quoting them.) and I can't do anything. I struggle to get around in school because I don't know where everything is. I don't even know where the bathrooms are because I've been too scared to ask. I genuinely am suffering more day by day and have been trying to find an escape through social media, art, talking online, but nothing's working. I feel really anxious for school on monday. My teacher says I have to perform my dialogue for real. I won't do it right. I can't talk to people, let alone act without stuttering or messing up. I hate this.

Hey guys,

I have a kid (5) who I am not sure if gifted but since young showed interest in learning and never really played usual toys for long. He can play toys like ice cream machine and stuffs but that won’t be long lasting. What he is really into is more I would say mentally stimulating stuffs. It’s also kind of weird where once he “masters” something, that thing will be left for dust. 0-100, nothing in between. He’s also quick to learn concepts.

He’s into space (solar system), country maps (at age 4, he could tell me about 160 country by its shape), rubik’s cube, music, puzzles, colours and letters/alphabets. He had some other interest like Geometry Dash along the way.

Space is probably the longest interest he’s had but now he’s into Quasars.

I find it hard to find him peers with the same interest which I sympathise with. He usually shows me and mom his stuffs. Even if he tries to show his cousins, I could see some mismatch there like he’s very enthusiastic about it but cousins will be like “oh yeah cool, GJ3378b.” and ask him to join them on Roblox. I find him interesting though! His cousins/sibling have general kids interest.

I wonder if gifted kids are generally into similar stuffs like that?

Oh yeah and we did hold him back from Roblox due to all the online stuffs we heard but I see it as a potential gateway for him to connect with others better due to it. I’m wondering if I should just allow him to play Roblox?

(32M) I have stopped drinking alcohol. For the last 16 years, I spent my weekends getting drunk and socializing in that way; I have now been sober for a month. Right now, the sense of loneliness is extreme, though I’ve been told this is normal when you stop drinking. The first time I went out for a drink (a non-alcoholic one), I realized that the focus is no longer the drink itself, but the person or people sitting across from me. Previously, I could tolerate people who I now find unbearable—"friends" with passive-aggressive behaviors, for example.

The problem, as I mentioned, is this feeling of loneliness. I’m told it’s normal at the beginning and that I should make new friends through activities I enjoy. But the things I enjoy—daydreaming, searching for useless facts online (such as which mattress brand holds a "Royal Warrant"), playing online poker, and walking a set urban route that starts and ends at my home—are all quite solitary activities. I also enjoy reading and listening to J. Krishnamurti and Nisargadatta; these, too, are deeply solitary pursuits, though they certainly help me understand and accept things. There are other activities I might enjoy—such as playing an instrument, painting, learning a language, dancing, or stargazing—but I lack the time, especially since I work almost every day, play poker, and am about to start studying for medical school. Furthermore, I can’t really imagine doing these things alone—well, perhaps learning a language, though I’m not sure how much that actually leads to making friends. My goal is to have a well-paid and rewarding professional career by the time I turn 40, that It seems that Will be a gift from me to my future me that I Will thanksgiving.

About a year and a half or two years ago, I joined an online group for gifted individuals in my area. I met up with them twice in person and had many online conversations; the social dynamics were identical to those of a high school classroom—even though I was one of the youngest people there. For me, it was an interesting exercise in observation, but—without meaning to be offensive—every single one of them was quite shallow, possessing only a limited amount of curiosity, and none seemed willing to explore anything beyond their own foundational beliefs.

As I mentioned, the social dynamics were painfully mediocre; people would constantly pat each other on the back and form little subgroups, much like teenagers. I felt ostracized—even more than I might have felt among random people in other settings. Perhaps this was because I had hoped to find peers, common ground, friends, or even a potential romantic partner. Instead, I encountered people who were mediocre—intensely mediocre, in fact—which is far worse than mere mediocrity.

Yesterday, I bought the book How to Win Friends and Influence People, after seeing it recommended on Quora some time ago by someone who is "profoundly gifted." I’ve already listened to the audiobook version, but now I intend to read it properly. Beyond that, however, I have no idea how to make friends outside of my usual environment (bars, alcohol, and parties) I didn't make Friends neither on parties, but It mitigates loneliness, I even had an incompatible girlfriend from there Who teach me that I would no got a compatible girlfriend from that world.

On Reddit, people have suggested places that, quite frankly, don’t appeal to me—such as church or AA meetings. Should I perhaps simply accept my solitude as a "highly gifted" individual and resign myself to socializing only at work, in bars, or at parties—albeit without drinking—while accepting that I will likely never find meaningful connections or a compatible romantic partner?

In short: I no longer seek refuge in alcohol, but now, the loneliness has become heartbreaking.

I'm a 19-year-old male, a fourth-year med student in a six-year program. I'm exhausted, honestly. I don't know where to begin... I'm tired. Don't mind me if my thoughts aren't arranged. I'm just gonna write as they pop into my head. Since I was seven or eight, even before I knew what a soliloquy was, I'd always find myself at the back of our house talking to myself, and it's been like that ever since. I'm not to blame; nobody understands me at all. Nobody gets how my head works. Everybody's just so superficial, and it's suffocating.

It's tiring. I set these very high goals for myself, like publishing a scientific research paper, getting started on a paper I've had on my mind for the longest time on "feminism and it's inevitability," bagging a distinction in my academics, and reading other books outside my academics because I love reading books about scientists, like their biographies and contributions (e.g., Madame Curie). And then I self-destruct when I don't achieve these goals.

I'm struggling with self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and depression. Once, I spent the weekend in my dorm room, on my bed, and only got up to get snacks to eat. I was so mentally exhausted that I couldn't cook or bathe (and naturally, I don't like being filthy). There was no buildup to this; I'd been OK prior, studying and reviewing papers so I could contribute my quota to a group research project, and then, boom, I missed a class on Friday and felt bad about it. Just like that, I'm on the bed hating myself, binging on series to get doses of dopamine, wasting money on data because the moment an episode ends, I'm reminded of my failures.

I go to bed thinking about wars, genocide, cancer, global warming, climate change, women in Afghanistan, rape, and what I can do to help. Should I start reading topics related to these cases so that I can prevent another flash flood or something? I go to bed thinking about the fact that someone somewhere is getting murdered and I can't help it. Crazy, I know.

I go online and see a person younger than me inventing an iron that's solar-powered to prevent carbon pollution, since most people in her city are still using charcoal irons, and I feel left behind. I know it's something I'm capable of doing, but I won't start. All I do is get the wildest ideas, and the moment I see some kind of limitation, I crumble and just "fuvk it all."

I've been doomscrolling on Insta for two days now, and I'm tired... I'm just putting off my responsibilities, but it's easier... At least for a second or two, I get to forget that I have books to read, academic and in my personal library; I get to forget that I have a paper in mind to get to.😭😭

It's hard, and there's no one I can talk to. And my antisocial behavior and the fact that I'm bad at sustaining friendships don't help matters. I don't like superficial relationships or friendships. I crave a deep connection with people who understand what I'm...

I'm kinda cooked, ngl. I was bullied in school; I was among the most intelligent in school, the youngest, and short.

Why they bullied me exactly, I have no idea. Thanks to them, I developed an inferiority complex, hate social gatherings, can't initiate conversations, can't take compliments, and can't sustain friendships (probably my fault), because I want to talk to you about feelings, emotions, social constructs, global warming, scientists, and what makes them so different from the average person. And, well, you want to talk about classmates. I could try to do that just so I won't be the only person without a friend, but for how long?

I just want to stop doomscrolling and get my life back. I want to have friends who actually understand and resonate with me; please DM if you do. I want to stop pretending to be fine. I want to be actually fine.

I've seen this analogy pop up in all corners of gifted circles (phrasing?). Had me curious. Rarely see such convergence on analogies.

Where did you first see this analogy? (if relevant)

Although my dreams are incredibly grand, I hate them intensely.

There's a very short story I want you to hear.

A year and a half ago, I almost ended my life for the first time. My problems had piled up, and all I wanted was to find peace by any means possible. There was a razor blade in front of me, and I grabbed it. I was terrified.

But my mind wanted to have one last conversation with me, to understand the source of all this pain. I kept replaying everything that had happened until I realized that the main reason was people and how they looked at me, as if I were a failure, short, ugly, and stupid. If I had died then, I wouldn't have been able to get revenge on them.

My dreams have become so grand that failing to achieve them would be a devastating loss for me, even though I don't want to pursue them.

But today, for the first time, I genuinely wished for death. I thought about how much peace I would finally feel if I died, but I don't know...

I just took an IQ test, and my score was 137. But why do I still feel like a normal person?

I’m Malaysian btw.

It's makes for a stimulating read, not to mention that it's one of the classics written by Dostoevsky himself!

Hey everyone, I’m 15 and wanted to share something I’ve been dealing with for the past few months to see if anyone relates.
About 8 months ago, I realized I have constant inner monologues and all these deep, weird thoughts running through my head. I’ve had this for a while, but back then, after talking to some friends and realizing they didn't really experience it the same way, I thought, "Wait, am I actually smart?"
Since then, over the last 8 months, I've taken around 20 online IQ tests—both reputable ones (like Mensa practice tests) and random online ones. Most of them were matrix reasoning tests. My average score is around 115–120, and sometimes higher.
The problem is, I can’t stop doubting myself. My mind keeps jumping all over the place:
Sometimes I think, "What if I'm actually just stupid?"
Sometimes I think, "Maybe I really am gifted (130+)?"
Other times I accept the 115–120 range, but for some reason, that score doesn't satisfy me or give me peace of mind.
When it comes to hobbies or interests, I basically have almost zero. I’ll occasionally get super into something for like two days—for example, I tried learning coding and trading. I had intense hyperfocus for two days, studied non-stop, and then completely lost interest and quit. Other than that, in my free time, I mostly just play video games or talk to AI about all kinds of random topics.
I also talk to AI a lot about my IQ and these thoughts, but deep down I know AI isn't real proof because it usually just tells you what you want to hear and tries to validate you.
In school, I often feel underchallenged—I barely ever have to study and basically just listen in class to get good grades. At the same time, I know that good grades don't automatically mean having a high IQ, which makes me question it even more.

I’m planning to take an actual professional IQ test as soon as I have enough money saved up, just to get a clear answer.
Has anyone else gone through a phase like this? Does anyone relate to this constant self-doubt, hyperfocusing on hobbies briefly, or obsession with scores? Would love to hear your thoughts.

A little context about me:
- I play chess every day for fun, about 1600 elo and i’ve played a few tournaments without much success
- 3 instruments
- into weird music in general / large rep of music
- Loved math, knew calculus at age 12 or so
- Nerdy with laptops (constantly modding them, working on software, etc etc)
- Speak 4 languages, grew up with 3 and learned english myself
- i don’t do anything in school, just passively listen and get good enough grades but make simple mistakes every so often. Haven’t looked into a single book / homework and haven’t studied for years and i have a 1,9 or so average grade (german)
- into philosophy a lot (Deleuze, Stirner, Guattari, Land, Kant, etc)
- had very good drawing imagination when i was younger (i don’t do it anymore, but i’m still well above avarage in drawing and visualizing 3d spaces)
- 15 yrs
- AD(H)D (Edit: i’m in the process of getting it diagnosed, so i will soon enough have an IQ test)

all this obviously seems textbook „smart“ but i’m heavily convinced that it’s just my interests/hobbies rather than me being actually gifted. I don’t feel like i excel at anything and i just kinda like a lot of things..

In my noble question to find a suitable female partner to sexually reproduce with (not asexually as humans don’t do that) I came upon many challenges.

Obviously someone like myself has no problem getting these fine ladies to the dinner table, but I found that our conversations were… lacking.

When I tried to bring up Quantum logarithmic resonance theory and its implications for the retroactive acceleration of global entropy, I would get stared at as if I had said something impossible to grasp.

So I let them speak about their foolish and trivial daily lives, resulting in intense boredom.

Is there any way I can find a partner to place my genitals inside of their genitals until I ejaculate without lowering myself to mingling with simpletons?

Drugs are one of the only things that consistently allow my brain to not be in overdrive all of the time. Idk if its the fact that i first used at 12 and have been progressively using more frequently, and using harder stuff ever since fucked with my brain, that i have attention issues, or i have other mental issues stemming from both environmental and biological factors, or everything in between. I just feel like I’ve been dancing around doing something constructive with my life for years. Im a senior in high school, and i cant even begin to think about committing to doing something with my life. All i can imagine when i think about the future is all the mental effort i will have to put in, and how easily it will be for me to lose interest in my career. My issues clearly don’t singularly stem from my giftedness, but i feel like its mixed with everything else and made a completely different monster.

Ive gone through numerous hobbies that i truly was motivated to dedicating a lot of time into. Hobbies that i felt i could be great at if i worked for it, but they always fall through. And it sucks because i have experienced how deeply i can get myself to focus and be engaged in this stuff, making music especially. Ill be creative and so in touch with the elements of music available to me and where they need or not need to be used. Yet it feels like my brain is actively pushing away this stimulation i so desperately crave.

Im not doing so well right now and im just kinda blurting every thing out all at once. Maybe its because ive been sober for 4 days, or that my adderall is messing with my head. Whatever it is, i dont know how to cope with it.

Maybe all of this is just because im a teen and i need to grow into my brain (which my old therapist has said before), but i really need to be able to function properly before i completely throw my life away.

I probably just need to get out of my head more, but lord knows that aint no simple task.

I was identified as gifted at a young age and eventually dropped out of the program.

I'm 24 now, and life has taken some interesting turns since then. I'm currently in the middle of med school, as well as almost finishing up law school.

Academically, I've done pretty well, although I've also had my fair share of setbacks, periods of underperformance, and questions about what I actually want to do with my life.

Looking back, I think being labeled gifted at a young age shaped my relationship with intelligence, ambition, achievement, and failure in many ways. Dropping out, and dropping the label of a smart person was one of the best things i did in my life. It was in so many ways freeing.

Happy to answer questions about education, motivation, burnout, social life, expectations, or anything else.

AMA!

‘Wait a minute who are you’

What is intelligence anyway? Stripping away the conventional consensus like IQ scores , multiple intelligence theories.

I wanted to understand and discuss the views on this from the ‘gifted’ community.

Isn’t intelligence too hard to define, number of variables involved subjectivity etc ? Coz if i go by IQ Test then Messi wouldn’t be gifted nor would Ozil but in my opinion they are gifted .

If I think of ‘Multiple intelligence’ like you have IQ for different areas of cognitive abilities, the current IQ test WAIS or whatever captures a small sub set of this .

Also wouldn’t whatever test that I administer give a normal distribution on a sample size large enough . So aren’t we basically in case of FSIQ score is intelligence or giftedness (130 score) curve fitting?

Curious to hear your thoughts on this.

I was something you might call a "child prodigy" - went to a gifted elementary school, was still limited academically so was pulled out to homeschool, did dual enrollment 15 credit hours/semester for a couple years, got a full scholarship through Grad school for Business Analytics at UNCC. I then became rapidly disillusioned with my life, dropped out, and from 16 onward have been working random entry level jobs living paycheck to paycheck.

Most of my free time is spent playing strategy games and self-reflecting. I am obsessed with metacognition, and for better or for worse have effectively been a hermit for the past 8 years quietly building out my understanding of my mind and untangling the emotional and intellectual "spaghetti code" that I was left with after living a very lonely and completely outlandish life. I like to think I'm in something of a springboard position - I'm very competent in a wide variety of domains but due to the isolation hole I've dug myself into there's no telling when I'll be able to break through and germinate. I've run face first into many of the glaring societal issues that have destroyed community for a lot of people. I've been very resentful of these issues for much of my life, but I like to think I've moved past this and try my best to maintain a dispassionate outlook on my condition. I don't know that there's much to do other than bide my time and keep quietly searching for a path out.

I just stumbled upon this sub, so bear with me. Also if anything i write sounds mean, it's all in good faith i promise.

When i was 11 i was placed into my schools gifted program. I was probably the most talented kid in that program. It was mainly STEM focused, and after a year we started classes meant for students 1,2,3,4 years older than us as we progressed.

The classes went completely fine, but I had a problem. The kids around me were the quintessential movie nerds - rubik's cube, thick glasses, couldn't hold a conversation, no interest in sports etc. I felt out of place, socially. My parents are also working class, and that was also out of place for that specific group of kids (most had doctors, engineers etc. as parents).

So i stopped going. I managed to hide it from my parents for almost 5 months, and by that time we were finishing up from elementary school and going to high school so there wasn't much to do about it. My parents were very upset, like i said working class and they thought i had squandered my only opportunity for success ever.

Now for what it cost me:

I went through a completely normal high school life, lots of sports, social things, parties and really enjoying my time. Now that i was taking regular classes i was literally getting straight A's with almost no effort. I spent almost no time on school, and got to focus on playing soccer and video games.

After high school I started law school. During the first year i landed a pretty nice internship, and kept my grades very well. After my first year i applied to med school, and since then i've attended both simultaneously. I will say my grades in law school took a little drop for a while, just for transparency's sake.

long story short i traded my gifted spot, and my identity as a smart kid for a life i truly enjoy living.

EDIT: I'm in europe, and have been made aware the terms elementary and high school were conflated. To be clear, we do 1st to 7th grade as elementary, then 8-10 as what i assume is high school in america, then 11-13th grade as college (or maybe that's high school?) -> then proceed to university. Hope that makes sense.

Hi I’m a 17 year old and I found out a couple of months ago that my iq is 130, but if I’m being honest I kinda suck at everything in school, I don’t really try either but even when I do I can’t get myself to do it right. I have ADHD and I had depression sense I was a kid, apperantely those two things are connected to my iq somehow. When I talked to my therapist about intelligence and iq she said that almost everything I describe screams that my iq is high, I have a good pattern recognition and I can tell how people feel by looking at they’re faces for a few seconds or less, I learn complex guitar songs like playing god by polyphia and psychosocial by Slipknot, and I’ve been getting into learning Japanese and playing chess for fun lately because tbh I’m bored. But if I want to and try I can learn math just depends if I try, a proof is that I learned a whole unit in 3 days in math and managed to get 78 on the test, not an amazing grade but good for 3 days worth of work. I notice almost everything and anything around me but I still can’t shake off that feeling of not being smart enough, idk what to do it’s getting into my head and I can’t even explain how much it reflects on by day to day life.

Not much to say here lads I was just a stupid kid growing up