The older I get, the more I realize that my mother knew what she was doing. For decades I excused her behavior, forgiven her a million times , I took care of everybody, because ' they don't know any better', babied my older brother when they bullied me for a cheap laugh, used me as a maid, as a bank , as someone to put the blame on.

3 years ago once I ebmntered perimenopausal stage, I snapped out of it. I am not even mad anymore, I just want to forget and enjoy the rest of my life as much as I can. They don't even deserve my anger.

My mother was worst to me when she was in her 50s. A grown, mature, experienced woman was so cruel to me for no reason. And I excused her and felt sorry for her. She was intentional.

Probably one of the good outcomes of perimenopause is this. We stop caring and prioritizing everybody else to the point of getting one or multiple autoimmune diseases.

My body won't eat itself anymore to keep the peace

A little rant I suppose. My mom's frozen shoulder was not her fault. She had severe problems with her shoulders, it started with the right and then the left. She could barely raise her arms. She was in a lot of pain. She felt like it was her fault - she's short, she over stretched constantly to reach for things.

I guess I feel frustrated because my mom died in her 60s and now that I know that frozen shoulder/joint issues is common for perimenopause and menopause I wish I could just tell her, it wasn't her fault, she didn't do anything to cause the problem and no one - no medical professional gave her real comfort.

Secondly, I'm annoyed because I have started to shoulder issues and I have mentioned it to multi health providers - drs, physio, etc. Also bringing up my mom's issues because a lot of what she experienced I'm experiencing now. Not one - NOT ONE - has mentioned issues related to change in hormones.

I'm annoyed.

If it's any consolation, at least we have more information now, and a some things I can do to help myself.

Last night, I was using my son's calipers (he designs stuff for our 3D printer) to try to mark equal lines on the tiny 2" long packet of testogel that I finally got to pick up from the pharmacy yesterday, since one 25mg packet is supposed to be five doses.

Son: Why don't you put it in a syringe?
Me: Because it's topical, not injected.
Son: No, I mean a graduated syringe.
Me: Like for giving a cat medicine?
Son: Yeah! Those!

So I ordered a 3-pack for $5 for delivery with the groceries that were coming today anyway, tiny ones that hold 3mL of liquid and have a cap to stop leakage. And sure as shit, my kid is brilliant. No guesswork on dosing, no trying to keep a tiny packet shut with a paperclip or tape or the tiniest 3D printed chip clip ever. Just stick the tip into the packet, suck it up slow while gently squeezing the packet with the other hand, and bing-bang-boom you got yourself an applicator that has the lines on it & can be closed up for tomorrow.

I share this because I haven't seen it suggested anywhere (I searched, maybe I missed it?), and thought other people might find it useful.

Please do not crucify me for this post but I am in complete despair over being in peri at 37. This started already for me around 35. I have ADHD, a shitload of trauma from narc parents and ex husband, single momming this thing and every time I see posts from 50 year old women on this sub something inside me rages.

My mother was a grandmother by 52. At 35 some of my friends are just having babies and getting married NOW! I know every woman has to go through this but I feel absolute robbed of my life, especially after 30+ years of abuse.

Can any of the other women in their 30s relate? Again, no shade to anyone complaining but there is so much grief in this being as young as I am. I just met a partner who is two years younger than me, he’s in his prime, and he would like to have kids and I am just in this grief about how my entire teens and 20s were spent in high cortisol stress responses due to abuse that that’s squashed my hope of likely having anymore kids. I have one son and he’s a doll and has always wanted siblings.

Thanks guys. Just feeling like a lowly bottom dwelling creature. 🧌

Hey everyone!! I'm peri-menopausal.53F. It was just on the news that it is world Menopause Day. It didn't even occur to me that I could discuss what I'm going through in a Reddit sub. My brain is just not what it was. My attention span has gone out the window.

I don't really have a specific question, but I'd love to talk about what's going on with you today?

Is anyone else experiencing a paradigm shift or a change in your relationship to spirituality? Like, I've always wobbled between bleak-and-utterly-indifferent Atheism and hopeful Agnosticism, but for like the last few years I've felt pulled toward a more Animist worldview. What's more, I've started experiencing spiritual feelings more frequently, like moments of love and gratitude or connection.

And like, growing up I remember a lot of women around my age (46) or just a little older getting really churchy. I always assumed most of it was loneliness and needing to find a new sense of purpose after their kids became more independent/ left home. I'm pretty cynical and never had a lot of religious anything, I thought the women banging on about praying and feeling God and all that was just performative.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's neurochemical and I don't think it's a tumor, so I guess I'm just some dirty trustafarian-type now. There are worse ways to be, so meh.

Just wondering if anybody else has noticed a change in their relationship to that part of the human experience. Sorry if this isn't allowed.

I'm 41 and I'm in perimenopause. One thing that I didn't know was that your skin itches. I have been scratching for months and just thought it was super dry skin. I changed my soap. I changed my skincare routine. I changed my laundry detergent. All thinking that was the problem. Nope it wasn't I'm now in perimenopause. I do get the awful hot flashes. The aches and pains. I can't sleep at night. It's a nightmare and I still have a long way to go. Wish me luck.

Is that really me with the frizzy hair? Or a wicked witch? I don't get the peri crappy hair -- or tinnitus, itchy ears/eyes/insomnia. Hot flashes/mood swings are more than enough. Does it last forever? My 97 yr old mother. 90 yr old aunt, 67 yr old neighbor -- my 54 yr old best friend -- no frizz. I LOVED my long, silky, brunette hair -- my crowning glory. WHY???

Hello, I know I’m not the only one but I feel like my body is giving up. I suffer from stomach issues since 4 years and with back pain in the middle of my shoulder blades for about two years. For my back, been getting massages, did exercises my PT had given me, it helps for a few days but then comes back. As my stomach I have a mild hiatal hernia which there’s not much to be done but I just feel bloated all the time and I wonder if any of it is related to peri. I’m on estradiol patch since last Jan and on progesterone already but no improvement. I’m going back to my physician to ask for another scan for my stomach and back. Anyway just felt like venting. Thank you for listening 🙏

I'm sure this is something many can relate to. So I'm 49.5yo , in peri & have been trying to increase my iron without much success for years. So I spend all the days leading up to my period, which of course is erratic, painful & just won't permanently fck off, taking iron tablets to try & increase my low iron stores. And then every month half that iron just falls out of my body & goes down the drain.

It enrages me beyond belief.

The crap women have to deal with 😡.

Why the body persists with creating this waste of iron for a baby I'm never going to have bc my eggs are nothing more than dust while I have to keep shovelling iron tablets down my throat which as most of you will know, is a nightmare with little reward.

When will it end. 🤬🤬

https://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2026-10-17/ranzcog-new-guidelines-for-managing-menopausal-symptoms/107269850?utm_source=abc_news_app&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_campaign=abc_news_app&utm_content=link

My primary started me on birth control initially and the BC exacerbated my rage and I was a crying mess. She then decided to put me on the estrogen patch. And I cannot contain my rage anymore. I'm so incredibly angry. I'm on the lowest dose, has anyone had success upping their dose to combat rage? I'm also on 200mg of progesterone at bedtime.

To be fair, I've always been a little bit angry but that only used to come out when I got pushed too far and currently everything and everyone is pissed me off. And while I can control myself in just situations, there's definitely more angry outbursts after beginning hormones.

Do I maybe need to wait a bit longer before being on HRT? I will be seeing my primary next month.

I’m 47, live in the US, I’ve been on HRT for a year and a half and added the Testosterone cream (2-3 mg daily) a year ago. (0.1 mg Estradiol patch, vaginal estradiol twice a week, 200 mg progesterone daily). In July I was finally feeling excited, horny, getting wet so easily, and giving myself multiple orgasms a day. After about 4-6 weeks boom it was gone. Not only that but my clit has begun to get smaller again. I’m terrified it’ll go away completely and then that’s it for sex. Anyone have suggestions on how I can save my clit and maintain a good libido?

Hi beautiful women, I was looking for people’s experiences on testosterone, I’m going to start trialling it soon, and I am hoping and praying that I will also have the experience of increased energy, a.k.a. Get rid of that pesky fatigue, and improved cognition.
I’m wondering if that hope is even slightly realistic? Or is it rare to have those experiences from testosterone treatment?

Hi, i'm 35 (diagnosed adhd, suspected autistic) I've been seeing the doctor for a year now trying to find a solution to feeling so terrible. I originally thought either perimenopause or fibromyalgia (my sister and niece have fibro)

I've been having most classic peri signs for a few years at this point but I'm only just learning peri exists. Hot flushes, anxiety, night sweats, dryness, no libido, aching muscles and joints etc I filled in a checklist and was high for pretty much every symptom. All put down to stress. But my main discomfort was extreme sinus pressure, burning mouth, strange taste and then what I now know is reoccurring mild oral thrush. At each blood test there has been something to improve. Kept getting told sinus pain was infection but I had no other signs.

Take folic acid for a few months, we will contact a gyno for advice re peri as first Dr didn't have experience in someone as young as me. Folic acid helped A LOT with general fatigue and brain function.

Next appointment my iron was low, this dr saw me a few times and said after iron goes up if there's still signs we can try hrt. Next time I see him due to weight gain and life stress my BP is very high so I have to go on meds for that, I had to come off adhd meds whilst that settled so it was a ROUGH time for me.

I'm still having bloods in between, next appointment Dr has a great response from gyno to say they can do an fsh blood test but even if it doesn't show anything it doesn't rule out peri so combined pill could be tried or alternative. I say I cant have combined pill due to factor V leiden so would need a patch. Dr says ok your vitamin d is low but bp is stable.

My iron and everything is good after bloods, i go to the drs hopeful because I've been feeling so rubbish with horrendous hot flushes and now have a uti for the first time. (have had bladder issues for years and just counted it as normal for me) I ask for hrt because I still have all peri symptoms but Dr says he doesn't feel comfortable and wants to send me for an ultrasound. He knew i had a scan a couple years ago but why could he not have referred me for this 6 months ago, I don't mind a scan because its good to know if there is anything going on but the the thought of another 10 weeks of feeling horrendous is making me kinda spiral. Especially since I have 9 Yr old autistic child with me all day.

I have all my symptoms tracked and they clearly flare up around ovulation and period each month, period is all over the place, sometimes early sometimes late.. The mouth issues are worst around then too, so odd.

Sorry this is so long I just don't know what to do from here... suck it up and wait for the scan, seek a second opinion somehow? I'm in the uk so just any advice would help me greatly. I stuck with my Dr because I didn't want to have to re tell my story each time but it seems I have to that anyway and i'm such an anxious person lol.

Is anyone a bad patch absorber?

Hi ladies, after bloodwork turns out i am a bad estrogen patch absorber. My levels are very low with highest dose estradot patch. I had a hysterectomy a year ago so i am not on progesterone. I have terrible anxiety, adrenaline sleep responses, brain fog and cold flashes. I have tried estrogel without relief either. Is anyone here on the same boat? What were your experiences with oral estradiol? Any insight appreciated.

I am reaching out here as everyone’s feedback and information has been so helpful in the past. But I am struggling and do not feel like myself anymore. A brief status of things:

—Diagnosed in June with ADHD at age 52 after therapist-recommended psychiatric evaluation.
—Since then, medication journey has included Concerta and me tapering off of sertraline. Was on sertraline for 10 years and still tapering. It’s been two months and likely have at least one more to go. Went from 100mg to 50mg to currently 25mg
—On HRT/estradiol 0.05 patch for perimenopause.
—I have had bloodwork done for everything and will now be testing for my testosterone levels.

This whole path started with a few depressive episodes and my therapist recommended the evaluation. Now, almost six months later, I am NOT myself and feel like I have gone through all of this for nothing. I feel no energy, no motivation, no joy. I have a day or two here and there where I am productive and get shit done. But the other days, it’s an effort to do the things I have “committed” to, like a workout or something else. I think of something, and then that sparks me thinking of something else and go down a rabbit hole for hours, forgetting to go back to the original something I was trying to solve in the first place.

My husband is so supportive but I am terrified that him seeing me like this will drive him away.

I am scared. I want to live a good life and do all of these things, but I feel like I can’t anymore. I am doubting the diagnosis, even though it made sense in the beginning. I don’t understand and I don’t feel like me anymore.

I have advocated for myself with the doctors, I know everyone’s journey is different. But I am begging for any insights or advice, please.

So i got diagnosed with pppd 2.5 years ago that i live with and am in a much better place than I was at first.

Pppd is like a dizzy problem or more like being on a boat feeling.

I know there's lots of women who may have things like vertigo or really bad migrane issues that cause dizziness or other problems as there's loads..

So mine always ramps up around my cycle

I'm 45 and this is so annoying ever month

Just wandering anyone out there with any hrt or mini pill adavice

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So I'm after advice as I read alot on this thread about women dealing with issues daily but for me i have waves of issues that then go. My period every month triggers anxiety and panic. Sometimes ovulation qets me but some days or weeks I feel okay..

When my regular periods arrive there now shorter but the anxiety is awful, dizzy, hot flushes, cramps I literally hate every month and dread it.

This time last vear I had around 4 months of extreme panic attacks and anxietv out of nowhere 1 had so many tests but all clear then things calmed somewhat but this is my new normal when my period arrives. I have bouts of joint aches that come and go. Even my orgasms are dead around and after my cycle but then mid month come back again. My hair sheds like mad. I have bladder weakness. Im 45 and always on the fence what to do

I'm 41 and early perimenopause/menopause runs in my family on my mother's side. (She fell into post menopause in 44). Recently my symptoms are so disabilitating that my gyno said I should stop bc (Slynd) and start HRT. Before Slynd I tend to have terrible periods, like a battlefield. I'm also autistic with sensory issues and feel every drop and hate having periods. So... what is your experience? Changing from bc to hrt will aggravate the bleeding? What should I expect for?

After ten months of discomfort in giving vaginal e ago again. I think I haven’t given it enough of a chance. My microbiome is clearly unhappy. all started when I hit 40 and now I’m 43 and this episode is not disappearing. The gyno didn’t think it looked like atrophy but I’m going to try anyway. Discharge and wearing jeans is horrible. No tears though……any one else have this?

I was super normal until this year. Then Jan thru like April were late and light. Pretty sure I skipped june and July and August and the end of sept it just .. hit with a vengeance. Flooding. Hot flashes. Brain fog. You name it I had it for about six days. And then day seven it all went away - and the bleeding dropped to dark crimson and I stopped soaking pad in like three hours. It’s now day 9 and it just.. won’t go away? I feel fine. No cramping. No brain fog. No hot flashes. My energy is actually back up and I’m not listless. I feel SO much better. But it just.. won’t stop bleeding? I’m taking the NSAIDS on a regular schedule starting last night and it’s actually helping reduce the flow which is nice. But how do I get it to actually stop? I am working on getting an app on but I don’t have a regular doctor. (I tried earlier this year and got fat shamed so hard I went home and cried. I’m only 5’6 and like maybe 220. Yes pudgy but not like life threatening. And I’m trying to find a new doctor. And I’m working on it! I’m doing CICO and I’ve got my ring for out and I’ve almost completely cut out soda. Just one a day to survive work. And I cut out all the sweets and junk food. Which was HARD to cut out sugary sweets. But I’ve found now they are like ugh - if I try to eat a tiny bit. Don’t want it. But I digress. Is there anything OTC I can do at this point or just take the meds and be patient and keep doing my Yoga since it makes me feel better mentally nothing else.