The older I get, the more I realize that my mother knew what she was doing. For decades I excused her behavior, forgiven her a million times , I took care of everybody, because ' they don't know any better', babied my older brother when they bullied me for a cheap laugh, used me as a maid, as a bank , as someone to put the blame on.

3 years ago once I ebmntered perimenopausal stage, I snapped out of it. I am not even mad anymore, I just want to forget and enjoy the rest of my life as much as I can. They don't even deserve my anger.

My mother was worst to me when she was in her 50s. A grown, mature, experienced woman was so cruel to me for no reason. And I excused her and felt sorry for her. She was intentional.

Probably one of the good outcomes of perimenopause is this. We stop caring and prioritizing everybody else to the point of getting one or multiple autoimmune diseases.

My body won't eat itself anymore to keep the peace

I'm 41 and I'm in perimenopause. One thing that I didn't know was that your skin itches. I have been scratching for months and just thought it was super dry skin. I changed my soap. I changed my skincare routine. I changed my laundry detergent. All thinking that was the problem. Nope it wasn't I'm now in perimenopause. I do get the awful hot flashes. The aches and pains. I can't sleep at night. It's a nightmare and I still have a long way to go. Wish me luck.

Last night, I was using my son's calipers (he designs stuff for our 3D printer) to try to mark equal lines on the tiny 2" long packet of testogel that I finally got to pick up from the pharmacy yesterday, since one 25mg packet is supposed to be five doses.

Son: Why don't you put it in a syringe?
Me: Because it's topical, not injected.
Son: No, I mean a graduated syringe.
Me: Like for giving a cat medicine?
Son: Yeah! Those!

So I ordered a 3-pack for $5 for delivery with the groceries that were coming today anyway, tiny ones that hold 3mL of liquid and have a cap to stop leakage. And sure as shit, my kid is brilliant. No guesswork on dosing, no trying to keep a tiny packet shut with a paperclip or tape or the tiniest 3D printed chip clip ever. Just stick the tip into the packet, suck it up slow while gently squeezing the packet with the other hand, and bing-bang-boom you got yourself an applicator that has the lines on it & can be closed up for tomorrow.

I share this because I haven't seen it suggested anywhere (I searched, maybe I missed it?), and thought other people might find it useful.

Please do not crucify me for this post but I am in complete despair over being in peri at 37. This started already for me around 35. I have ADHD, a shitload of trauma from narc parents and ex husband, single momming this thing and every time I see posts from 50 year old women on this sub something inside me rages.

My mother was a grandmother by 52. At 35 some of my friends are just having babies and getting married NOW! I know every woman has to go through this but I feel absolute robbed of my life, especially after 30+ years of abuse.

Can any of the other women in their 30s relate? Again, no shade to anyone complaining but there is so much grief in this being as young as I am. I just met a partner who is two years younger than me, he’s in his prime, and he would like to have kids and I am just in this grief about how my entire teens and 20s were spent in high cortisol stress responses due to abuse that that’s squashed my hope of likely having anymore kids. I have one son and he’s a doll and has always wanted siblings.

Thanks guys. Just feeling like a lowly bottom dwelling creature. 🧌

I have always been the woman that is constantly cold. Always make sure to take a hoodie with me to restaurants, even in my apartment.

My area is going through a cold front atm, it is currently 55 degrees(its south texas, that is decently cold here). Went outside with my jacket and sweatpants over shorts. Quickly took the over stuff off. No worries, still fully clothed, just in a t shirt and basketball shorts in 55 degree weather!!

A little rant I suppose. My mom's frozen shoulder was not her fault. She had severe problems with her shoulders, it started with the right and then the left. She could barely raise her arms. She was in a lot of pain. She felt like it was her fault - she's short, she over stretched constantly to reach for things.

I guess I feel frustrated because my mom died in her 60s and now that I know that frozen shoulder/joint issues is common for perimenopause and menopause I wish I could just tell her, it wasn't her fault, she didn't do anything to cause the problem and no one - no medical professional gave her real comfort.

Secondly, I'm annoyed because I have started to shoulder issues and I have mentioned it to multi health providers - drs, physio, etc. Also bringing up my mom's issues because a lot of what she experienced I'm experiencing now. Not one - NOT ONE - has mentioned issues related to change in hormones.

I'm annoyed.

If it's any consolation, at least we have more information now, and a some things I can do to help myself.

Hey everyone!! I'm peri-menopausal.53F. It was just on the news that it is world Menopause Day. It didn't even occur to me that I could discuss what I'm going through in a Reddit sub. My brain is just not what it was. My attention span has gone out the window.

I don't really have a specific question, but I'd love to talk about what's going on with you today?

Hello, I know I’m not the only one but I feel like my body is giving up. I suffer from stomach issues since 4 years and with back pain in the middle of my shoulder blades for about two years. For my back, been getting massages, did exercises my PT had given me, it helps for a few days but then comes back. As my stomach I have a mild hiatal hernia which there’s not much to be done but I just feel bloated all the time and I wonder if any of it is related to peri. I’m on estradiol patch since last Jan and on progesterone already but no improvement. I’m going back to my physician to ask for another scan for my stomach and back. Anyway just felt like venting. Thank you for listening 🙏

50F, two years into perimenopause, and my libido is DEAD. I’ve been married for decades and yes my husband and I have sex, but I miss actually wanting to have sex. I miss feeling like sex is an important part of my life and my relationship vs something I could take or leave.

There’s all this literature aimed at middle aged women about “reactive desire” and how you can still enjoy sex if you put on a cute outfit and burn a scented candle and make it romantic!!!! Fuck that. I miss actually experiencing lust, being excited to lick and taste and breathe in the other person. It’s just gone and it’s almost like it was never there, like I only imagined it.

I miss being attracted to strangers on the street, even if I would never act on it. Losing that sense of attraction feels like losing the ability to see in color. I miss the sense of having something a little bit uncontrollable and untamed within me. It feels BORING and I can’t believe I have to live the next four decades this way. It makes me really sad.

Is anyone else experiencing a paradigm shift or a change in your relationship to spirituality? Like, I've always wobbled between bleak-and-utterly-indifferent Atheism and hopeful Agnosticism, but for like the last few years I've felt pulled toward a more Animist worldview. What's more, I've started experiencing spiritual feelings more frequently, like moments of love and gratitude or connection.

And like, growing up I remember a lot of women around my age (46) or just a little older getting really churchy. I always assumed most of it was loneliness and needing to find a new sense of purpose after their kids became more independent/ left home. I'm pretty cynical and never had a lot of religious anything, I thought the women banging on about praying and feeling God and all that was just performative.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's neurochemical and I don't think it's a tumor, so I guess I'm just some dirty trustafarian-type now. There are worse ways to be, so meh.

Just wondering if anybody else has noticed a change in their relationship to that part of the human experience. Sorry if this isn't allowed.

My primary started me on birth control initially and the BC exacerbated my rage and I was a crying mess. She then decided to put me on the estrogen patch. And I cannot contain my rage anymore. I'm so incredibly angry. I'm on the lowest dose, has anyone had success upping their dose to combat rage? I'm also on 200mg of progesterone at bedtime.

To be fair, I've always been a little bit angry but that only used to come out when I got pushed too far and currently everything and everyone is pissed me off. And while I can control myself in just situations, there's definitely more angry outbursts after beginning hormones.

Do I maybe need to wait a bit longer before being on HRT? I will be seeing my primary next month.

I'm sure this is something many can relate to. So I'm 49.5yo , in peri & have been trying to increase my iron without much success for years. So I spend all the days leading up to my period, which of course is erratic, painful & just won't permanently fck off, taking iron tablets to try & increase my low iron stores. And then every month half that iron just falls out of my body & goes down the drain.

It enrages me beyond belief.

The crap women have to deal with 😡.

Why the body persists with creating this waste of iron for a baby I'm never going to have bc my eggs are nothing more than dust while I have to keep shovelling iron tablets down my throat which as most of you will know, is a nightmare with little reward.

When will it end. 🤬🤬

I'm 49 and have only had two periods so far this year. Because I developed severe trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, my gynecologist prescribed progesterone, which I was really happy about.

It worked great, but then I had breakthrough bleeding for quite a while because I'd misunderstood her and started at too high a dose, 200 mg.

We lowered it to 100 mg, and she also added estrogen (one pump). But then I couldn't sleep again, so after a few months I went back to her.

Since I'm now on estrogen, we raised the progesterone back up to 200 mg and increased the estrogen to two pumps to match.
Now I'm sleeping a little better, but the breakthrough bleeding is back. My breasts are also sore.

My gynecologist is really far away and rarely has appointments available, and she'd like to put me on the pill, which I'm not too keen on.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, and what worked well for you?

So in June I was bumped to .1 patch from .075 since I still experienced rage, & night sweats. Progesterone was kept at 100mg. I have now been having 2 periods a month with spotting in between. I chalked it up to peri. We just bumped my P to 200 in Sept and the cycle continues. So I seen my dr on Friday & she said going back to .075 should stop the spotting & 2 periods. I am just curious if dropping back on the estrogen could be helpful in your experiences? Thanks for reading. I appreciate all the input. I also just got prescribed a pea size amount of Androgel as well but I have not picked that up yet. I've just felt like shit lately, cramping, sore boobs, omg and the random crying is just bullshit. I sat at my desk last week and lost it over our dog we had put down way earlier in the year. Just emotionally all over the place. Then I get home and yell at my family. Does this ever get better?

Anyone getting massive amounts of discharge and smells horrible?

Why oh why are we not told just how debilitating menopause can be ( for some women) ?

It’s crazy to me that all I’d really heard was about the hot flushes. Jeez. My hot flushes started small and then 2024 & 2025 it was like white hot intense flushes, felt like I had a nuclear bomb inside of me ..

Brain fog (still get a bit of this) my memory sometimes goes completely blank - even during a conversation..

Sleeping problems & fatigue - 3 years of hardly any sleep. Which I tried every single non sleeping tablets. I tried antihistamines, magnesium, meditation, nothing helped.
Doc tried melatonin finally and with some acceptance around the fact I may not sleep , things improved slightly , I just felt so tired and fatigued all the time.
Probably from not sleeping and thinking I was going crazy.
I didn’t recognise myself. I stopped going out And became reclusive almost.

I tried the HRT patches - they kept sliding off with the flushes. So I then tried the gel - seemed to work better with the progesterone tablet each night.

I Did Not Know How bad / different / changing / challenging would get.

Why are we not more informed about it. I did not recognise myself. I hated myself. I thought I was going crazy , stopped caring about things and stopped leaving the house … I was even getting shopping delivered so I didn’t need to go out.

So. All in all, I am in a much better place now I seem to have come through it ( 4-5 years) I still get the odd hot flush , but I’m feeling like me again.
Loving life, getting proper sleep so feeling rested. Loving life ( even the bad days )
Don’t give up. The more we normalise ALL that we feel , maybe we wouldn’t feel so alone.
Sending love to all of us Warriors ✌🏻

https://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2026-10-17/ranzcog-new-guidelines-for-managing-menopausal-symptoms/107269850?utm_source=abc_news_app&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_campaign=abc_news_app&utm_content=link

Hello lovely people,

Can someone please help me out here. I’ll try make this short— I’m 42 and have had peri symptoms for probably the last 12 months-night sweats, itchy skin, insomnia, random anxiety and some random bouts of rage. I was prescribed Estrogel plus prometrium which I was cycling. And all was going well and symptoms were being managed and my mood was great. Fast forward and they found a lump in my breast which I had biopsied and found to be a benign fibroadenoma. Recommended to have a mammogram in 6 mths but also found out I have dense breasts so will opt for an MRI instead. My GP said she was ‘uncomfortable’ with me continuing HRT until the mammo/ or MRI and also because progesterone makes breasts denser. I got a second opinion and the new GP said I should be fine to continue on HRT but that if I wanted a ‘safer’ option then to try Slinda for both the birth control benefit and also some mood stabilisation.

I just did a bit of research and Slinda also has a slightly increased breast cancer risk (and can increase breast density), so now I am wondering why she put me on this? I’ve only been on it a few days but my mood has flatlined. I am so goddam confused by all the mixed messages from different people/ GPs. I just want to feel normal and live my life! Can I go back on the HRT? Or is Slinda a better option? They both seem to carry ‘some’ risk.

My GP also told me that the next ten years of peri is likely to be a clusterf*ck and that the only way to get through it without crashing and burning is to ‘underperform’ at work. She is a women’s health specialist and around my age so I was surprised by her negative take on things. Would very much appreciate your thoughts and the above!

Is that really me with the frizzy hair? Or a wicked witch? I don't get the peri crappy hair -- or tinnitus, itchy ears/eyes/insomnia. Hot flashes/mood swings are more than enough. Does it last forever? My 97 yr old mother. 90 yr old aunt, 67 yr old neighbor -- my 54 yr old best friend -- no frizz. I LOVED my long, silky, brunette hair -- my crowning glory. WHY???

I’m 47, live in the US, I’ve been on HRT for a year and a half and added the Testosterone cream (2-3 mg daily) a year ago. (0.1 mg Estradiol patch, vaginal estradiol twice a week, 200 mg progesterone daily). In July I was finally feeling excited, horny, getting wet so easily, and giving myself multiple orgasms a day. After about 4-6 weeks boom it was gone. Not only that but my clit has begun to get smaller again. I’m terrified it’ll go away completely and then that’s it for sex. Anyone have suggestions on how I can save my clit and maintain a good libido?

My partner drank a beer yesterday and we washed the sheets today. I am now awake in the middle of the night smelling a strong alcohol smell in the room (we sleep separately) How is this possible! How am I smelling his alcohol from the day before on freshly washed sheets??

Also a few weeks ago I washed my hair with someone else’s shampoo and I could still smell it on me a week later despite having washed my hair three times since then 😑

I hate this.

Is anyone a bad patch absorber?

Hi ladies, after bloodwork turns out i am a bad estrogen patch absorber. My levels are very low with highest dose estradot patch. I had a hysterectomy a year ago so i am not on progesterone. I have terrible anxiety, adrenaline sleep responses, brain fog and cold flashes. I have tried estrogel without relief either. Is anyone here on the same boat? What were your experiences with oral estradiol? Any insight appreciated.

I counted and in a 24 hour period I urinated 19 times and 9 of the times were at night.

At this point I’m exhausted and don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to keep my job which doesn’t allow me to use the washroom whenever I want.

Also it’s not just urgency but it burns after and UTIs have been ruled it.

I hate peri so much. I have so many symptoms but this one is the most stressful one for me.