Comment on this post to discuss off topic (by off topic we mean non-pregnancy related topics, such as childcare, trans rights, or even how your week went and if you need support!)

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I'm 43yo. I've been on T for years. I also have a copper coil fitted as I had a summer of fun this year (which sort of extended into autumn). I do a pregnancy test before every T injection (just in case!) and guess what - it turned positive today.

I know it happens, even on T, even with a coil. I'm also familiar with the risks associated with my current situation and I am receiving appropriate medical support.

As I'm mulling though my options, I wonder if I could somehow pull it and stay mostly stealth with the general public (my closest network would know obviously). I work mostly from home. I am a big-ish bear-ish guy. 5'11 (180cm), naturally about 100kg. I have relatively short legs and a long back. I have a beard and a receding hairline. How realistic is it that I could just fly under the radar and people assume I'd got fatter? I did have some weight fluctuations throughout the last 5 years so that's on my side too.

I would appreciate anyone's experience of being pregnant (and stealth-ish) post-transition.

(Also, I'm already a parent - I carried a child pre-transition - so perhaps that's why I'm not too freaked out, although I am single).

My sister cannot carry a fetus, but her partner and her would like biological children. (They’re not against adopting but would also like a biological child.)

I was considering offering to carry the child for them, but I’d like a little more info on the short and long term effects of pregnancy from some other trans guys. I’ve been on T for 4.5 years but have not received any surgeries yet, tho I’m hoping to have top surgery soon (I’m on the waitlist and it should be within the next year but we shall see, there’s been some delays already lol).

I’m presumably fertile, I’ve always had extremely regular periods pre-testosterone. However I’d preferably not be using my own eggs, but have an embryo implanted.

My main questions are:

What happens to the chest area post top surgery when pregnant? Are there many changes, and if so, do the changes remain permanent?

Are there any significant changes to the rest of the body, particularly the genital area? I know stretch marks and loose skin on the stomach are expected, I already have stretch marks so I don’t care. Not sure if I’d prefer a natural or c-section birth. I don’t have a whole lot of bottom dysphoria nor am I planning to get bottom surgery at this point, but I don’t want any massive changes down there probably. Idk.

What was the experience like? How was your dysphoria? I know that’s individual but I’d like some reference points lol.

Final question, is this crazy? Has anyone else carried a baby for a friend or family? Maybe it’s crazy to put myself through that and willingly get pregnant as a trans guy but I love them quite a lot and I don’t think I’d mind being pregnant too much, it’s only for nine months lol.

Anything else you want to share is greatly appreciated as well! I’m autistic and like to have all the information possible.

Hiiii I think I just need to vent. I am turning 26, am GQ/NB, and trying “naturally” with my amab partner rn to have our first. It’s cycle 5, I have really regular cycles and confirmed ovulation on 3 cycles which was all 3 times I was tracking it. This cycle I kind of wasn’t trying as hard bc we had a lot going on in the fertile window and it’s kinda hard to bring the level of excitement that I do genuinely want to bring to the process every month. Esp bc last cycle I was soooo late but it wasn’t our time. My period is due any day now, my titties feel way too big, on cycle 3 our friends decided super spontaneously to have their second kid way sooner than planned (well, the girly decided, and they are in a straight relationship where the dude feels he just has no say about that loll) and they got pregnant immediately on the first try and they haven’t been the most sensitive about pregnancy around us. Like literally comments about how fertile they are (when really they r just lucky !! It’s statistics baby!) and like giving her so much special treatment from being pregnant even though she doesn’t have any symptoms yet or anything, idk there’s more but it I don’t even want to go there. There’s another straight couple around us that had their first baby recently and I’ve loved connecting with dad who is ND in a similar way to me and they are both very humble around their fertility stuff and that’s been nice but the mom of them is like always trying to bond with me in this way that I know is like this woman to woman vibe even though she’s not saying it but I just can’t handle it. Like really being around anyyyy white women who are pregnant or moms is soooo hard for me like esp pregnant I’m seriously like yall are annoying and entitled low key.

I just want to bring our little alien into the world in peace, and our best support friends are getting really busy in this season right now so it’s been hard to feel like there’s less to lean on and less time to catch up with people who I feel really get me. So here I am I guess !

I want to be more cheerful rn but I’m just not

Are there any other transmasc peeps out there who had kids before coming out and starting to transition? How did your kids handle it? I had my kids at 20 and 23 and came out at 26. I came out after learning I was intersex and learned how hormones affected my psyche. (First born is male, second born is female. Felt great with the extra testosterone from pregnancy with the first but went mentally crazy during my pregnancy with my second due to the added estrogen and progesterone. My doctors and psychologist kinda took that info, did a bunch of tests and now we know I'm intersex with body presented as female but psyche does better as male.) Anyway... I came out about 5 years ago, been on T for over 2 years now. I let my kiddos pick my parental name from a list of gender neutral names online because "Mommy" was causing a lot of dysplasia. They picked it together and have been calling me that since with no real issue that I knew of. Jump to 2 weeks ago and my son says he's heard his dad's side saying things that are not nice about me and my transition. He's a little boy who is very gender fluid in his self expression. Loves pink and dresses and cutesy things but also loves cars and dinos and action figures and play fighting. So he internalized what he was hearing about me and put it on himself too because he also likes things that are considered "opposite of his AGAB" and so those things must be true about him too. How do I stay true to myself but also protect and help my kiddo when people deadname and misgender me blaming "age" or "how they were raised", then say mean things away from me but in earshot of my kid?

I'm sorry if this is all over the place. I don't really have people who I can talk to about this stuff other then my partner and hes the one who got me here on reddit.

What is the process like? So I’m at the very beginning of figuring out if I want to be a seahorse dad. Today I did a saline sonogram and had to do it under anesthesia because of pain issues etc. My question is, if I become a seahorse, how many exams are there where they have to go inside you? Is it something that is every month etc? And are the alternatives? Sorry if I’m not asking this properly. Just trying to get a sense of what it would look like.

(23ftm) when i was a kid i never ever dreamed or yearned for a child, even going as far as to say i felt scared of them. now that i'm older, i'm still hesitant- the body horror that is pregnancy, having to raise another human for about 20 years and trying to build it into a respectable member of society, the insane responsibilities, etc. are all scary for me.

however, my mind is starting to change, especially since i'm in a very good relationship to the point where we've even started talking about the future. he wants kids, and he knows i'm hesitant- he respects that, and he would never push my boundaries, but he's been bringing it up a lot more frequently and it began to make me think.

i never could've imagined someone would love me so much to even think about starting a family with me, let alone do it with me. now i'm curious- looking up baby names, thinking what the child would look like, recreating ourselves as sims and starting a family on there to see what would happen, whatever whatever.

however, one of the main things i'm concerned about is the child's health. mental illness runs in my family DEEP, and it affects me too. on top of that, my partner deals with a minor heart issue. i'm not scared of dealing with a child that has these issues, but rather that the child will be inevitably disappointed with their life.

has anyone experienced hesitation, but went on to have children?

My partner and I recently decided we want to start trying to have a biological child before either of us continue our transitions. (Including making the decision to chestfeed)

I’m still learning, so any advice would be very much appreciated, he has stopped T and im wondering if there’s anything extra I can be doing to make him feel more comfortable during the process?

Including him being trans masc and making the decision to carry a biological child, i want to do everything i can to make him feel comfortable and (if possible, less dysphoric) while he’s off T.

Any advice would be appreciated :)

Yeah okay this is a bit weird. But im 34, my wife is 47 mtf. We have 4 kids, our oldest is 16 and our youngest 13 months.

So basically one time while we were having intercourse she mentioned that if she could she would never let me not be pregnant.

I ignored it ofcourse. It was just dirty talk, nothing serious, shes always loved seeing me pregnant. And it was months ago.

Friday night we had just come home with our kids from an acquaintances wedding we attended, it was very fun. Got the kids to bed, we went to bed, we watched a movie and drank a little wine.

She drank a bit too much, and ended up telling me that all the "accidental" pregnancy's we had, weren't as accidental as I thought. Apparently she messed with condoms the first 2, and our last pregnancy.

She told me she did it often, but I just didnt end up pregnant. Thank god.

Yeah I dont know where to go from here, I dont think she knows she told me. But I feel violated.

I have a 18mo and a 4 yo. Last night my partner and I were talking about birth control — I am using one of the arm implants now and it makes my period really irregular and I hate it — and one of the discussion points that came up was: would we be interested in having another child ever?

I don’t think I have to tell you fellas how hard pregnancy is. In addition to the firehose of dysphoria, I had preeclampsia. I feel so torn though. I love my children, and the way that the love in our house has multiplied since they got here is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

So yeah. My question’s in the title. Would love to hear others’ thoughts on their own family planning adventures, if people are willing to share.

Crossposted from r/FTM, hopefully this is okay to post here! I (25 FTM) and my husband (36M) have a 2 year old son together. To provide some context, my husband is a cis man and I'm transmasc and have been since I was a teenager. Our child is biologically ours, and we live in the USA in a southern red state at the moment, so for our safety and comfort during the pregnancy and as new parents, I became a lot more fem-presenting (grew out my hair, wore feminine maternity wear for lack of better options, etc). We also talked a lot during the pregnancy on what we wanted to be called, and after spinning around some alternative titles, decided to just go with my husband as "dad" and myself as "mom" because if we have to stay here long enough for him to start school, we don't want him to be bullied or ostracized in a very conservative space for having 2 dads.

Here's the kicker: I was fine with it for a while... but now, 2 years later, I'm fully masc-presenting and (mostly) passing again, and it's becoming harder and harder not to cringe and feel dysphoric when my kid calls me "mama," particularly in public. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that it's too late to change it, and if we did change it, I'm not sure what we should change it to. Additionally, currently, we're living with my unsupportive parents (who choose to believe I'm "detransitioned" and a "woman" in a hetero marriage, and they call me "mama" to my son as well. Our goal is to move up to a very liberal area in the PNW next year, but we're not sure if/when that's going to happen.

I'd love to get some input, if anyone has been in a similar situation, or has any thoughts? I don't want to lose myself or invalidate my identity, but I don't want to confuse or upset my kiddo either, or make his life harder.

TL;DR: We're an cis4trans MLM couple, but I'm "mama" and my husband is "daddy." I'm not sure I can keep being OK with being "mama," but I don't know what I'd change it to, and don't want to negatively impact my kid by changing it. Seeking thoughts/advice on the situation.

First of all, sorry for bad wording in some parts, English is my third language and sometimes I don’t have the correct vocabulary in my head, I don’t want to offend anyone or so

I’m 20 and now 19 weeks pregnant. I got off T (after 2 years of use and 3 years puberty blockers) at 18 and me and my husband started trying.
Now I have an irrational fear of losing our daughter. It took extremely long to conceive and every little thing like that my chest stops hurting or my hunger is missing just feeds into my fear that something is wrong.
I’m scared that I “ruined” my body or made it harder for the child to stay.
Is that a realistic fear? Could earlier use of T or puberty blockers harm future pregnancies? Is it all just in my head?

Comment on this post to discuss off topic (by off topic we mean non-pregnancy related topics, such as childcare, trans rights, or even how your week went and if you need support!)

Please bear in mind that our second rule, Be Welcoming, still applies to any and all comments within this post. We also kindly ask that you do not self promote in these comments, as we cannot validate or review every comment each week.

With that being said, have fun!

I (42 TMasc) and my wife (37 TFem) recently decided that we want to start trying to conceive. I stopped my testosterone injections about 2 weeks ago after being on them for 5 years, and just had my Paragard IUD out yesterday. We tested her sperm while she was still on her full HRT regimen (estrogen, spiro, and progesterone, for 3 years), which showed she is still fertile, and she recently stopped taking spiro. My concern is given my age and both of us previously being on HRT, it will be difficult for us to conceive naturally. My insurance covers IVF, and I plan on utilizing that if I don’t get pregnant by early next year, but I wanted to check to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation and was able to conceive naturally. I appreciate any advice or suggestions!

Hi! So I'm a trans man who has been in a long term relationship with my cis girlfriend for a few years.
Having kids and family has always been on the table for us since getting together.

From the beginning we agreed on her giving birth to them, since being together her periods have always been bad. Heavy bleeding, headaches, irritability, nausea and throwing up, bad cramps, etc. She's been on birth control and even then it hasn't greatly improved. We talked and she decided that she would get her uterus removed and we both agreed on adoption instead. Fast forward, some time passed and I began to open up to the idea of carrying myself and the idea brought me genuine joy. I lightly opened up the topic to her, what if I carried? It could be a possibility. She lightly teased a bit saying, "you'd be carrying my kid". Anyways, when I asked her what she genuinely thought she said it was cute. She seemed normal about it. Then a month passed when she started making comments in passing about how "when she's pregnant", "when I give birth", and that confused me. I didn't wanna take it wrong but ultimately I asked her straight up, I thought you weren't gonna give birth? She responded no, no, you never know. I still might bear you a child. Then on a separate occasion I said I think we should adopt in response to one of her comments and she said okay, now l can still get rid of my uterus!

I kinda came to the realization that I would prefer carrying our children. To me, I think I got really attached to the idea... but also, my girlfriend already struggles a lot with low iron, headaches, nausea, l feel those things could worsen with pregnancy. I would also feel more in control being able to carry and whatnot. I wanna be able to just, talk with her, tell her what I feel but I'm worried that this could be a fundamental difference between us or something.
I feel a bit guilty and kinda embarrassed wanting to talk to her about this. We're still young so nothing is set in motion but I would wanna get a grasp of where we stand, it's important to me.

Any advice would be helpful 😅

I (18FtM) am in a QPR with my partner (19MtN). We have discussed children before and my partner isn't quite ready to think about kids seriously but has said they are open to adoption. While I like adoption, I have been thinking hard about having bio children. I've always like the idea of seahorse dads but wasn't vocal about me wanting to be one because pregnancy still scared me.

An important note here is that we're both ace repulsed. I don't know how to bring up the idea of reproduction without making them uncomfortable or anxious.

Obviously I do not plan on having kids right this instant, but I really want to bring this up with them for the future.

How can I bring this up politely and calmly?

I am 35 and 12 weeks pregnant. We have already before trying discussed with my partner that he would stay home longer and I’d go back to work soon after birth because my career is not at the point his is and we both preferred this. Also I am not chestfeeding so this isn’t a factor for us. The plan is for me to take off 4,5 months with about 3,5 months being post birth. (Of course hard no for sure when the birth is.) This way we can maximize both our time together at home with the baby and our benefits/income.

My question is: if you returned to work 3 to 4 months postpartum or sooner, how did it go? Did you feel recovered enough?

I’m 2 days pp after an emergency c section and feeling those baby blues. This is my 2nd delivery so I KNOW it gets better but I could use a little encouragement. Evenings are always the hardest.

I also want to add that I’m in a foreign country and we’re experiencing an extreme heat wave. I was concerned for my baby’s safety so we got a hotel that has AC and had to leave my dog(daughters) with family. So it’s actually been a very challenging week even beyond birthing.

Hi! Im trying again after my chemical pregnancy and of course tracking has been weird, on cd 19 I had a pretty significant jump in lh from a morning that was barely visible to a lot darker later that afternoon. Im wondering if I may have missed my surge? I tried both days before my cd19 and was temping as well. Cd 19 my bbt was 96.86, then cd20 it was 97.38, cd21 97.21, and then cd 22 it was 97.02 does that fit ovulation? Or is it just a random pulse? I have also been taking clear blue advanced digital and gotten what is now 9 days of flashing smileys 🙃

Hello fathers and fathers to be,
I’m considering going on T but as I get closer and closer to taking it the question of fertility has come up. I’ve meet with doctors and heard some opinions and options but I think I need to hear it from the source as well.

Important thing to note I’m ace, and I’m partners with a trans woman. I’m also 20 so I’m sure I shouldn’t worry myself to death but I’ve imagined having kids since I was 5 and I guess it’s overwhelming to think that I may have to give up on my dream. Although I’m not against adoption.

Im worried about my ability to go through the examinations. I’ve been told that I could do IVF but the process sounds so daunting. I’d rather the turkey baster method since my partner is willing to go through the whole freezing process.

I am scheduling a Pap smear next year so I can expose myself to what these examinations can look like in the future but I’m still so anxious about the whole thing.

If having bio kids is off the table then I can take T without worry but if it is I’d like to take T cautiously I know many of you have had kids on T or after T without much problem. But I want to know if I should worry about my fertility in the future but if I can’t get through a Pap smear then how do I get through everything else?

I don’t know, what I’m asking is how was your guys experience with everything? Are the examinations as terrifying as they sound? How was the process of giving birth? And if anyone is ace how did you feel about it?

Hey all. I’m already a dad, I’ve given birth to my wonderful 2 boys. But we’re going to try for #3 in April and I have a question about stopping testosterone.

For reference, with my youngest, I was only on T for 6 months when I quit. Hormones were definitely in the male range at the time. It took 3 months for my period to come back.

Now, I’m almost 2 years on T. I’ve been planning to stop on Jan 1st, 4 months before the month we plan to start trying. But now I’m thinking that might not be enough time? I’d be really upset if my body wasn’t ready by then. But id also like to reduce the amount of periods I have to go through by as much as possible, hence why I plan on cutting it so close. And I also have that history of getting my period 3 months later, so it’s possible the same thing will happen again.

But stopping now, 6 months prior, would pretty much guarantee I’m ready to conceive by April. But I’d have more periods, and less time on T to boost my transition as much as possible before I stop. I really want to pass before I’m pregnant. I have a full beard but high voice so it worries me.

What do you guys think?