I’m trans (FTM), not out publicly and still living outwardly as a lesbian. I’m married to a woman. We’ve been together since I was 17 and she was 18 and now we are 29 and 30.

About a week ago I had a wave of intense depression and suicidal thoughts that I couldn’t get rid of. It was like I had to tell someone this secret that I’ve been keeping for over a decade, that I’m trans. I constantly felt like crying, I couldn’t function at work, I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

I told my wife, that I don’t think I’m cis in tears. I told her I don’t like being perceived as a woman and that I’m struggling intensely with gender dysphoria. She said “okay, we can fix this. I love you no matter what” and told me she wouldn’t care if I got top surgery, just not bottom surgery. She then proceeded to tell me that I need to get into the gym because that makes me feel better about my body, and go shopping for new clothes.

I felt good getting that off of my chest. Well, fast forward to just a few days after that and she’s still calling me wife, and referring to herself as a lesbian, us as lesbians, and saying she, and referring to me as female and not treating me any differently.

I’m retreated back into the closet after getting the bravery to finally tell her, and I’m struggling immensely again. I feel like a guy internally but I’m forced to live every waking moment as a woman, and I can’t take it anymore. Idk what to do

But I don’t know what to do because my wife has a complicated relationship with men, she was SAed and is a bit of a man hater, and outwardly identifies as a lesbian proudly and I just don’t think she wants to lose that identity.

I want my friends at school to use my preferred name more & deadname me less, but I want to enforce it in a way for them to adjust to gradually without seeming too hot-headed. Most of my friends I have told in what I would consider an explicit and direct way, but quite a few of them (particularly those who are 'new' to adjusting to someone trans &/or with a preferred name) continue to use my deadname. I believe that leaving subtle markers (such as a hand-crafted badge of my preferred name) would aid in enforcing more frequent usage of my preferred name because I don't really have the guts to address them directly. What have been your experiences with moving people to adjust to your preferred name, and what would you recommend?

My son identified as a boy when he was 4, we accepted but didnt change anything, he didnt ask for anything to change he still went by his government name. When he was 9 he asked to be called by a male name we accepted and used his preferred pro nouns (he/him). He is now almost 14 and has done his research and has decided that while he knows he is male he doesnt want any surgeries but has been on blocker and will start testosterone at some point. I'm open and accepting of his feelings and love everything about him but I have a hard time wrapping my head around his decision to not have surgury. Im not pressing for him to have anything done I just dont want him to regret anything in the future. Can anyone help me understand?

Hi friends,

My 14yo trans daughter lives with her mom and her 2nd husband (aka "Dad"), but recently privately expressed her desire to come live with me. Mom currently has full physical and legal custody, but for the last decade I've spent an average of three days each week with my daughter.

Daughter wants to come live with me because she's fed up with Dad's bullshit and Mom's inaction. My brave girl told us who she is at 9 years old. Since that time 5 years ago, Dad has steadfastly refused to honor her pronouns except to mock her.

My daughter has received no gender-affirming care under Mom's roof, and a long conversation last night with her and her brother (who came to live with me several years ago) revealed a shocking history of emotional and physical abuse that went far deeper than anything I'd previously known about. Thankfully, both kids denied any sexual misconduct.

The kids have warned me that Dad is extraordinarily manipulative. While I'm confident in my case (especially given the kids' disclosures about abuse), I also fully expect an uphill battle. Dad's also much more financially stable than I, which could be a real problem if it comes to a prolonged legal battle.

I've left messages for GLAD and PFLAG, and now I'm reaching out to this community for support. I need referrals, resources, anything and everything that will help me ensure that i can give my daughter the safe and loving home she deserves. What do you have for me?

Thanks in advance. Please know that this dad loves you, too.

Ok, this will be a long one, I’m discovering a lot recently (?) and I don’t know if this is the right subreddit for this venture/question (please redirect me to another subreddit if so)

I remember when I was 5-6 years old and I would have many girl friends at school, I tried once asking to go to their houses and dress in their clothes but it never happened. I also had a theater presentation around that age where I used a very nice dress as I was a pharaoh (or smth like that)

I don’t think I’m trans as I’m very happy being a man, I mean it, I’ve thought about it a lot honestly. I like my irl name, I like my body, I’m very happy with my pronouns but at the same time, if I had a button that I could push and instantly turn into a girl and back to a boy when I wanted to I’d press it many times

I like the idea of being an attractive woman, always did, for a long time I thought this was normal? I’m mean, I’m heterosexual, so I like beautiful woman, isn’t it normal that I would want to be one? Apparently that’s not how everyone thinks lmao

I had two girlfriends before and both were bi, I even asked if one of them wanted me to dress as a girl as she never dated a woman before but se refused as she thought I was doing a “sacrifice” for her (little did she know I was trying to say something)

A friend of a friend of mine is throwing a gender-swap party where guys goes as girls and girls as guys, and I REALLY wanted to go, I wish I would put a make up on, fake bra, a beautiful dress or clothe and no one would recognize me, unfortunately I wasn’t invited and even if I was my last ex will be there, and I’m not really ready to see her again (we ended on good terms but I think I still have feelings, also she would understand what I’m saying in this post, I miss having someone like her)

Now into the title, my friends think I’m a trans woman and I’ve yet to find that out, on the other hand I don’t think so. I’m very happy with the stereotypical male vision toward me, I just like the idea of dressing as a woman once in a while and being hot

Yesterday I cosplayed as Frieren at a party, very simple cosplay and it was a “male version” (no skirt and short hair), I thought I’d look feminine and pretty but I just looked like a male trying to dress as a woman, this kinda bothered me because I wish I had a more “versatile” body and face but I’m pretty much a standard man, the only “feminine” part of me are my eyes, I have very long eyelashes, other than that I’m as much as a male as they come

Is there anyway I can be both? I really want to still be a man but also have a body and face which I can crossdress, I like the femboy/e-girl style, I just want to sometimes pass off as a girl yk? Idk, I don’t think that makes me trans, but what does that makes me? Any tips for dressing?

I am a straight guy and i´m 15. I recently met a trans guy. He hasn’t really started transitioning yet but has the intention to eventually do it. We started talking and became best friends. Very early on, he told me that he is trans. He is open about it with close friends and i totally support him.

I feel conflicted because I kind of like him, but I’ve always considered myself straight, and I feel that I only like the feminine aspects of him. And that is weird because I feel that I don’t really like him for who he really is. I don’t think I really like HIM, but the other version of him, and I feel bad about it.

And to add to the situation, I recently discovered that he likes me (he’s gay). I’m pretty sure he knows I’m straight, which makes the situation even weirder. If he doesn’t know, then I think I should tell him, but I don’t really think that’s the case.

Any advice on my situation? I dont know how to feel or what to do.

So, I'm an 18 year old trans man, and I've known that Im trans since like late 2023, but its really hard accepting it. I dont get that like absolutely soul crushing and day ruining dysphoria a lot of people speak of, maybe because I've went trough a lot of trauma already and my tolerance for bad feelings is up in the sky, but I feel like an impostor, like I'm not trans enough because my dysphoria isnt severe. I also get so many doubts about being trans, like what if Im not even trans and I'm just manipulating myself for some reason even Im not aware of, and then I get even more doubts because "if I'd be truly trans I'd know for sure and I wouldnt be doubting myself" maybe its internalised transphobia because my parents are also homophobic as hell and I live in eastern europe which also isnt a very accepting place, and like I just feel so alone with these issues, everyone else thats openly trans seems to have their shit together while I have an identity crisis about every week.

I also kinda hate that one button question, because yes if I could press a button and become a man without any consequences I'd press it for sure, but at the same time how do I know that I'm really answering the truth, again what if Im just lying to myself for some obscure weird reason even I dont know?

I have seen a lot of cringe what not to do including some attack helicopter type jokes even recently 🙄. Would be cool to hear from the community what they think are good jokes about/for them (that isn't questioning their inherent humanity/taking away their rights).

Their jokes don't have to be exclusively about trans stuff but it's ok if they are. They can be trans themselves or cis.

I do consider myself a trans-inclusive person but what's funny to me might not be funny to the community it's about or be offensive in a way that I hadn't considered.

I am sleep deprived, neurodivergent and I have social anxiety so hopefully that all came out right. Please be gentle if I said anything wrong. I am trying my best.

Im 15 transfem and all my friends are cis girls. They very often complain to me or each other about their periods and all the unpleasant stuff that comes along with it. While I always try and be supportive and tell them how much that must suck, in reality all I can think is how deeply jealous of them I am. I genuinely wish so badly that I could have a uterus and have periods and yet they all get to complain about it. Lots of them are on birth control for it, and like the fact they choose to give up something I want so badly also makes me jealous. Obviously Id never say any of this to them, because I understand why they find it unpleasant, but its hard not to envy it, especially when its something they have the privilege of complaining about. Is it bad that I feel like this and can anyone relate?

Hello I’m making this post very quickly as I just want the point across and tips fast(?)

Every time my girlfriend is sad or angry she goes into this mood where she misgenders herself in front of me and says she’ll “never be a real girl”. It doesn’t bother me but I do get upset when she talks to herself like that. how do I stop this? Can I stop this?

So I’m mtf, 16. And my friends almost always use names like bro, and dude. And when we’re a group, always use guys (even though we’re all girls) I’ve been out for 5 years and met most of them about 1-2 years ago and I’ve told them that I’m trans. And recently my dysphoria has been really bad and things like that has been sticking to me a lot more than usual.

Sure it isn’t That big of a deal but still. So I’ve been asking every now and then for them to not call me that since it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable but they always answer “oh, but i call everyone that.” and i just feel like an asshole if i were to demand they change.

So i don’t really know what to do. Am i wrong for asking them to call me other things instead?

​

Hey everyone! (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

I'm hopefully going to be starting estrogen in about 3 days, and it's finally starting to feel real! I'm excited, a little nervous, and trying to prepare myself for what to expect.

I'm also a really sentimental person, and this is such a big milestone for me that I want to do everything I can to document my journey and preserve memories of this time in my life. I want to be able to look back years from now and see how things changed, both physically and emotionally.

One thing worth mentioning is that breast growth has always been the change I've felt the most hesitant about. I'm excited about feminization overall, but I've had more complicated feelings about that particular aspect of HRT, so I'd especially appreciate hearing about people's experiences with it and how they navigated those feelings.

For those of you who are on HRT, especially transfeminine people:

What are some things you wish you'd known before starting estrogen?

I'm interested in absolutely anything, including things like:

- Physical changes: What changes did you notice first? Were there any unexpected changes or things that surprised you?

- Timelines: How long did it take before you started noticing changes? Did anything happen sooner or later than you expected?

- Emotions and mental health: Did you notice any changes in your mood, emotional responses, confidence, dysphoria, or general sense of well-being?

- Day-to-day life: Were there any little changes that caught you off guard, or things you had to adjust to?

- Fitness and body composition: Did you notice changes in strength, stamina, fat distribution, or how your body felt during exercise?

- Breast development: What was your experience with breast growth? How did it progress over time, and was there anything you wish you'd known beforehand? If you were uncertain about breast growth before starting, how did you navigate that?

- Documenting the journey: Did you take progress photos, measurements, journal entries, or videos? What did you find most meaningful to look back on? Is there anything you wish you'd documented from the beginning?

- Things you wish you'd done beforehand: Anything you wish you'd documented, bought, prepared, or thought about before your first dose?

-Things you wish you'd known about the medical side: Anything important about monitoring, side effects, or talking to your doctor that you didn't fully appreciate at the beginning?

- Expectations versus reality: Was there anything you were really excited about that took longer than expected, or anything you didn't expect to care about that ended up meaning a lot to you?

I'm especially interested in the little things that might not come up in the usual HRT guides. The good, the bad, the unexpected, and the things you only really understand after experiencing them yourself.

I know everyone's experience is different, and I'm not expecting estrogen to magically change everything overnight. I just want to go into this with realistic expectations and learn from people who've already been through it.

If you could go back and give yourself one piece of advice on the day you started estrogen, what would you say?

Thank you! And sending love to everyone on their own journey. 🩷💖💓💕

Bro I'm so doomed. I am a trans man ok. I can't keep living with this long hair. I can't pass with it and it just makes me want to give up and all of that shi. But if I cut my hair I'm probably gonna be found in a coffin. I have STRICT, religious, transphobic, homophobic, sexist parents. I need some kind of haircut that can be styled in a masc way and fem way. My luck is that I have masculine features that save me without being on t. Bushy eyebrows, sharper jawline than regular afab individuals, hooded eyes, long nose AND bonus.. I might or might not be able to grow some kind of mustache before t.

Also a little thing, when I meant I can't pass with my long hair I meant I can't pass if I was out (only a few ppl irl know ab my identity since it's pretty dangerous for me to be out). Tho I do plan to make a change in highschool cuz I can't keep living like something that I'm not

For some trans people, feeling comfortable with their voice can be a personal journey. I am curious about what has helped people feel more at ease with how they sound, whether that means voice training, practicing different ways of speaking, or finding other approaches that work for them.

What has made the biggest difference for you in everyday conversations, phone calls, or voice chats?

If you are still figuring things out, what do you wish had been easier?
*this is the person belonging to this account. I did not write the post. I was hacked. I can’t even report my own post.

I know that trans femmes have to deal with accusations of “male socialization” being used to discredit them.

But I’m interested in hearing stories of if any fellow trans mascs ever had “female socialization” thrown at them.

I remember one time, my cis male friend told me that I didn’t know what it was like to have to fear being physically beaten. Because society has the whole “don’t hit girls” thing and when teen boys bully each other it’s not uncommon for it to get physical, whereas, when teen girls bully each other it’s usually psychological.

Nice argument, one small issue:

…My mother was physically abusive.

Another time was when a trans femme friend of mine told me that I never got bullied for having traits or liking things of the opposite gender.
Because girls wearing pants is seen as natural. Boys wearing skirts would be made fun of.

I can see the thought process, however, I do think it comes with some caveats:
Girls aren’t made fun of for having masculine traits… as long as they’re still hot.

I never shaved my legs when I was younger. (Still don’t.) I’ll never forget the collective “ewwww…” when I rolled up my pant leg to scratch an itch in front of my guy friends.
That’s not even getting into that time I made the mistake of… wearing shorts to school.

Girls don’t get put down for liking boy stuff… until they start quizzing you on it/dont believe you actually like it.

I’m into Marvel and DC comics. I have this distinct memory of this one boy who basically just insisted I only liked superheroes because I must’ve thought they were hot.
A lot of the time, you’ll be quizzed in order to prove that you’re a “real fan.” And if you don’t like the exact same things that they like, then you’re a poser. (Example: Nintendo games/mobile games don’t count as “real games.”)

Okay, but let’s say you do like the “real guy stuff.”
Then you better not be better at it/know more about it than they do.

Not all men do this, but some of them do get insecure and feel emasculated when someone they view as a woman does something masculine better than them or corrects them on a topic that’s supposed to be men’s work.

Bonus thing:
This one isn’t really a “female socialization” thing, but I usually see it paired together with it.

Claim: Society is more accepting of trans men, because in a patriarchal society, of course women would want to be men…
Caveat: Of course, we don’t actually view them as men, though. And if they try to insist that they are men, it’s our job to remind them of their place.

For example, here’s how it feels trying to discuss trans men in sports:
“Of course they’d never beat a real man. Because people born male are always bigger, faster, and stronger than people born female. I don’t know why you’re so triggered by basic biological facts.
I mean, remember when that one professional women’s soccer team was defeated by a group of 15 year old boys? I’m just stating facts. I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset that I’m reminding you of how naturally inferior your body is.
Testosterone might make you stronger than a cis woman, but you’re not a man.”

I can't find the specific video that caused the oh shit moment, I binge 'the line' on YouTube so it's hard to find which video it was. The host was either Forrest Valkai or Jimmy Snow, posed a hypothetical to the caller I think along the lines of 'if you woke up tomorrow as a woman...' or like if you woke up and your penis is gone, and their answer caused him to say 'THAT MEANS YOU'RE TRANS... or atleast...' and that has been replaying and replaying in my head since I saw it. You don't struggle with these hypotheticals for no reason, you don't have these conversations with yourself that lead to conclusions like 'if I could flip a switch, and it be as if I always had been' for no reason. You don't think about it, and grapple with wondering and wishing for so long, since at least a preteen, for no reason. You don't listen to that conversation as a 3rd party observer and have an earth shattering moment, and week long existential crisis constantly having to just sit and breathe and feel like I want to cry without there being more to it. An epiphany, oh shit moment, accepting that there's a reason I've struggled with it so much, accepting that I may be trans. And only becoming more frequent and intense in a full existential crisis, more and more certain that it's what I want. I guess I don't have a specific question and more seeking guidance, I don't know what to do now.

Okay, so, before anything else, I specifically want to say that I worded it as "I might be a girl," mostly because I wasn't sure about my own feelings and whether it was that or could be something else, I've been trying to do research and set up therapists experienced in it.

She thought I didn't have any hints that this was a possible thing, which does feel true, I hadn't even felt anything of the sort (or so I thought) until pretty recently. According to her, she's very conservative (has a lesbian bestie btw) and thinks I need to be challenged on this because there's "nothing wrong with just being a feminine guy so why don't you just be that instead?"

She's not as conservative as she may think she is though, just badly informed I think, she talked alot about the possible "bad effects" this could have on my mental amd physical health. She wants me to have more life experiences before deciding anything.

She's not kicking me out or being transphobic, so I'm incredibly greatful with how lucky I am for that but... Idk. I just thought I'd feel something but I'm just kinda numb, which is something I am trying to work on but that numbness has been rather pervasive for a while now.

I guess I'm happy? Idk. We all seemed to go back to normal very quickly. She does like that we are able to have open discussions on serious stuff like this, so this kinda talk hasn't completely come out of nowhere.

Any advice? Experiences? Not sure what I should be asking here.

Long story short here’s my life story:

1. I am a 26 year old woman who was assigned male at birth.
   
2. I have autism and OCD (ocd is under control with a high dose of fluvoxamine and I use some techniques from past therapy sessions to help)
   
3. I grew up in a conservative Catholic Italian American family with little to zero education on lgbt topics let alone cishet sex ed so I was oblivious to a lot of stuff. Wasn’t allowed to watch mature tv shows or media as a teen and spent my teenage years brainwashed into thinking my parents beliefs were right.
   
4. I have a hard time remembering how I felt since childhood and pretty much anything before a few months or so from the present so I don’t recall being happy as a boy or wanting to be a girl as a kid and just went with the flow as I didn’t know better. I did connect more with women from a young age as they were nicer to me than the boys and I simply related to the girls more than the boys as I didn’t like fighting and violence. I also recall feeling emotional (to this say) seeing a mother nurturing her child for some reason and I don’t know why.
   
5. I went through puberty thinking I was a straight guy as I barely had any proper sex ed and was surrounded by media aimed for straight men like ecchi anime as “that’s what I was supposed to like”. I don’t recall any excitement or discomfort with puberty and I was just “whatever” towards the whole thing as I thought it was just the way the world was. I didn’t really have that deep desire for women most straight guys have and the crushes on girls I had in high school was either me looking to end my loneliness or wanting to be like the girls I had a crush on as I wanted to emulate their style and being. I had one relationship with a girl when I was 15 but I lost interest in her and broke up silently.
   
6. I didn’t even meet a trans person or know what trans stuff was about until senior year of high school/beginning of college. Once I was 19 I started to question my identity as I felt I was wearing a mask and just doing stuff that didn’t feel authentic to me and put on my by society. I started to feel attraction towards men when I was 21 and have felt that way ever since with little to zero attraction towards women.
   
7. I started questioning my gender when I was 22 and became conscious of my dislike for facial hair and my male genitalia and body in general. I never had any value towards my male body and always felt indifferent to a dislike towards it. Once I realized I didn’t have to be a man it opened Pandora’s box and I never truly wanted to be or live as one ever again.
   
8. A few months after I started questioning the identity of Madeline the woman emerged and I came out to family as that. It hasn’t gone well and to this day no one in real life really accepts my internal identity and sees me as a woman and it causes great turmoil and distress every day to the point where I feel detached from my body. I tried going on HRT through folx health out of distress but I stopped a few days later out of cardiovascular health concerns and lack of support from family. I’m not able to afford to move out due to finances so I just deal with the dysphoria in exchange for family support as I have no one else to rely on or trust.

My parents call me wishy washy and confused for being afraid to be myself and they think my autism is causing me to be trans

I am not sure about my gender, but I'm amab on hrt. Whenever I see really pretty girls, I feel sad because I think I'll never look like them. When I see a cute couple with a beautiful girl, I feel jealous, get butterflies and tingling in my fingertips. I wish I could be her and experience that kind of love. Is this gender dysphoria, gender envy, or something else?

So, I'm MtF and I've been on HRT for a couple of years. Unfortunately for me, I've taken from a side of my family that is very hairy, and that has been my biggest cause of dysphoria. I hoped that HRT would help, but in this case, it really didn't do enough for me.

And the thing is, not only is my body hair growth fast enough that I simply don't have it in me to deal with it constantly, I'm sort of unable to deal with it entirely in the sense that I have sizeable amounts of body hair in somewhat uncommon areas (like my upper back) that I can't quite reach? So most of the common methods haven't really worked for me. I have considered laser hair removal but I currently am not in a good enough financial state to commit to how much I would have to do, and even if I did, that would still be a lot of laser.

Asking because I really haven't seen much of this issue around and it would really help to know how others in this situation deal with it :>

I know it's also part of being young - I just turned 18 but oh my God I'm horny all the time

I obviously got horny pre t but it didn't feel like this, I've been on T for 3.5 months and its all the time now

I have a bf and I lost my virginity in August and it feels like that has also made it worse because jacking off does nothing. It just makes the horny 10x worse, it feels as if my bf has put a spell on me or something because I just think I want you so bad

My bf is a cis dude so he understands and finds it funny but I wouldn't even say his own sex drive is this high and I also don’t want our relationship to just be SEX, i want romance too and just to cuddle him but even him touching me in a non sexual way has given me a boner which is then all i think about and feel and get horny because the bottom growth is so sensitive and intense

Even when we do have sex I get horny again not that long after so it’s a cycle that no matter what i do im horny all the time

We are also in our final school year so have exams and mocks and all i can think of is revising is sex

I don’t know what to do it’s driving me insane

So I'm having ffs next year and I'm honestly scared of my parents finding out about it. I don't live with them and see them only once a year. I planned my surgery immediately after my annual reunion, but that only gives me another year to figure things out. Would it be possible/feasible to boymode in front of them while I'm around them even after ffs?

I don't have access to HRT. I'll have to be closeted to my family and community for years. Prisons are experimenting on us and using us as sex slaves. I've spent so long deluding myself into thinking I'm cis all while testosterone deformed me. Fuck, I could have gotten treatment years ago if I had known, if trana people weren't groomed to think they have to be cis, if we weren't despised by the general population. I'll never be able to undo the damage that's been done to my body. I hate it. What am I even supposed to do when it all just comes crashing into me like a wave that I'll always look like a man?