i don’t know what to do, whenever i get into relationships i become too obsessed with the person like in such a unhealthy way and i constantly feel like they are gonna leave me. like i notice that in the beginning when ur getting to know each other its so fun constantly texting and such. but its like the other person gets comfortable and starts taking their time to reply and not put in effort in like they first used to do. and it makes me so angry bc i am always like that wether its the first day of meeting or into the 3rd year. and it triggers me SO MUCH and it takes so much not to go crazy on them just because of that. which makes me bottle it up and tent to do unhealthy habits

when im not in a relationship im not as constantly triggered yes but obviously i still struggle time to time. i feel lonely and idk. im looking for anyone is is the same? or have any advice to cope with this.

when you're triggered (i made a mistake and hurt someone so now im spiraling), what do you do to make the rage and sadness and attention seeking behavior calm down?

i want to fight with my partner. yell at them even though im the one that made the mistake and hurt them. i want to blame them and i want their attention so i text over and over trying to get them to respond and regulate me, but then also want to run away and never talk to them again so i keep deleting a bunch of my messages after sending them, in a weird passive aggressive, shameful way, also for attention..

every mistake i make, every time i hurt them accidentally, i make it all about howI feel about it, and how me hurting them made ME feel. i even change my typing style just to get attention and show that im upset. i feel like a big baby having a tantrum. its so incredibly embarrassing especially when we have friends over and they see me fly off the handle and get mad or storm out because of something so small.

i sit and stew for HOURSSS and its impossible to come down or be mindful or rational all i want to do is cry and scream and break things over such small things that could just be worked through by talking and me comforting them and listening to them about the mistake i made and not taking it so personally and acting so irrationally.

i think the worst part is that all of this is coated in a thick layer of shame. it fuels the spiral. i get so embarrassed from fucking up, esp if they cry or get visibly upset from me hurting them by accident. saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing as is normal in relationships. bcus we make mistakes. but no, not me. i cant. bcus im convinced im a horrible monster. and i hate myself. so i get enraged, i get depressed, i want attention and someone to save me from this nightmare. but the only person that can do it is me

im so so so fucking sick of living like this and acting like this i just want to be normal and react normally to things and be able to be a good partner and friend and person :( is that too much to fucking ask?

Idk if its common but I love it when I split. Suddenly I am rational and calm

It’s like a lobotomy without being lobotomized yk

Nothing hurts that much anymore

The world feels serene

I feel serene

I stopped seeing and hearing stuff too

I also stopped being woken up by nightmares or by hand prints on my neck

I can tell which is a dream and reality

I love it

It’s like a reward after everything Ive gone through

what do you think about the quiet heartbreak of possessing an extraordinary inner world while the mundane friction of reality slowly suffocates it- write anything, i dont care, could be literally anything,

i met my fp one year ago on the internet and I can't stop being obsessed over him.

so, we became so close in one day basically (we are both trans guys and have bpd).

we used to talk every day; sharing our secrets, talking about our fandoms etc. after 2 months I realized that I have feelings for him. I confessed and it was a mistake, he said that he likes me but we won't work out cause we are from different countries. it made me feel unwanted.

so, in general, besides this thing with my love confession, for 3 months things were going nicely, however after some time he became more distant and that's how I founded out that he dates someone from his country.

to be honest, I don't remember my first reaction but I probably started crying and couldn't do much for two weeks straight after it.

then he started telling about his other hook ups on the side and it made me hate him for some time. I became distant, however it hurt like hell. but we talked normally and became closer again.

so, a few months passed and my fp questions if he should break up with his current boyfriend or not and I know that I shouldn't be like this but I want them to stop dating.

tonight he texted me talking about one guy from another country and I founded out that its his fp for now. then he said that he still loves me but it doesn't feel real because he can't touch me or see irl. basically our connection means nothing to him?

I couldn't stop crying for the whole night straight. I'm so tired of not being chosen.

does anyone know how can I calm down myself? and what should I do in this situation?

sorry repost because it got taken down for wrong flair!! sorry!!

does anyone else get an urge to yk 🫡😵 when people start to like you? i dont know how to explain it, but when i feel like im loved by the people around me (or simply just feeling like im liked in my community), the thought of committing goes to the forefront of my brain. i wanna die feeling like people will think “what a shame, she was amazing/so sweet” or “i can’t believe smo who was so happy and nice to everyone would do such a thing” yk? am i crazy for feeling like this sometimes

I am the father who is providing all aspects of treatment for my daughter for BPD, I did not listen to her most of her childhood due to my own mental illness, and she needed me so much. I regret that tremendously. Now that I am better, I am doing everything in my power to help her improve her conditions. Meds and therapy aren't helping much.

What makes me wonder is that she can talk to me for 5 hours straight only to me, not to mom, everyday, mostly about the same issues: friends, hobbies, movies, books and movies, family members. I am so happy that I get to know my daughter now that I can listen. She tells me many things from childhood when I could not listen to her. Although she is always tired due to lack of sleep and lack of food, it's incredible that she has the energy to constantly talk, non stop.

Could it be her way to make up for what she couldn't told me in childhood to make up for the attention she craved? Could it be a symptom of BPD? Could it be a way to avert from the void and emptiness she feels, as she is not working and no in school? I am baffled.

i feel like the universe keeps sending me people to teach me lessons. like for the last decade i have been fucked over by so many people, and i feel like i’ve made so so much progress and i have done so much growing as a person, so i am grateful for the lessons, but when is it my turn to actually reap the rewards of my growth. i just want to actually form a connection with someone that doesn’t turn into another lesson and heartbreak. it’s really disheartening im so so tired.

Hello, i have bpd and bad anxiety.

Weed has become a big part of my life. I have been addicted to it on and off for almost two years now.

I used to be addicted to pens. That didn’t help me at all i was high all the time and my tolerance was really bad at the end i couldn’t feel anything. I have stopped using pens for around a year. Now i only smoke. I was very addicted i would smoke everyday a couple times a day. I have been sober from weed for around 45 days when i decided i felt ready to try it again. I fell back into addiction because it helps me want to live it helps me want to do things and experience life. I was back in addiction for around a month or two. I started smoking once a week then once every couple days then once everyday until i smoked around 4 times a day. Now i am 7 days sober from weed. I do not feel happy about it i am proud of myself but i do not feel like this is the life for me. Weed helps me cope with my life. I am on a waiting list to have mental health support and i take antidepressants and antipsychotics. I also have ativan for when i get bad anxiety attacks but it’s too weak and doesn’t help. I feel like the only thing that helps me live and enjoy my life is weed. I have been struggling with mental health issues since i was a kid and when i found out how weed felt like i discovered that it helped me so much. My family, boyfriend and friends are worried about my addiction but i feel like i am just self medicating and making myself feel good and making myself enjoy life. Without weed i don’t like living i find everything bland and sad and i can’t cope with my emotions. I have bad episodes where i want to end it. Does anybody with bpd feel the same way with weed ? Does anybody have tips to control my usage with weed if i do start again?

So I’ve been in a few relationships over the years ans have been transitioning for a few years and at every time I’ve lost my fp I’ve also sort of detransitioned and retransitioned a few months later.
Is this something you guys have any experience with ?
I’m really not trying to be political here.
Just speaking about my experience as a woman with BPD.
And if so can y’all gimme some advice please it will really help.

I hate people, i love people, i hate myself, im the best ever, i hate work, i love my job, i am the meanest person ever, im so sweet. Everyone hates me, everyone loves me , i want to kill myself, i love life, i hate how fat i am, im so skinny, i hate sex, i want someone to want me.

I see lots of posts here of people in toxic relationships with partners who are just incompatible with them, which makes feeling alone make a lot of sense.

I'm in a healthy relationship with a very patient and understanding partner who is very aware of my conditions. Even on good days, I feel empty and alone, and I guess I feel bad because it's like I can't support or be there for my partner because of it.

I want it to work out, and I'm working towards getting professional help. But it's so hard to handle the shame and guilt of still feeling alone no matter how healthy or "perfect" my relationship is because of the idea that feeling alone is usually indicative of being in a "bad" relationship when I know, logically, that that's not the case. I know it's probably just a symptom of my BPD and OCD at work, but I guess I just wonder if any of you also experience this? </3

As a woman with BPD, navigating my emotions, feelings, boundaries, and stability can already be difficult. But when you communicate those things, express your vulnerabilities, and make your boundaries clear, only to have them trampled all over, it makes you more susceptible to being taken advantage of by the scum of the Earth.
The experiences I’ve had with men have completely turned me off from ever wanting to be with someone romantically or sexually. It’s sickening to think that these are the kinds of men walking around in this world, with sisters, daughters, aunts, and nieces of their own, yet they can treat women so horribly. How can you look at the women in your own family and still choose to mistreat, manipulate, or take advantage of another woman?
I lost my virginity later in life, but just because I lost it in adulthood doesn’t make me any less of a victim. Being an adult does not mean you cannot be coerced, manipulated, pressured, or sexually violated. Your age, sexual history, and the circumstances surrounding your experiences do not invalidate your right to call out what happened to you.
Sexual predators will coerce and manipulate women to get what they want, often using pressure, intimidation, and manipulation to override their boundaries. They may also force their way into women’s lives and refuse to respect their right to say no or walk away.

Anyone else who knew before it arrived?

Since I was 15 I just like. Sort of knew. Then the diagnosis arrived and I just kinda giggled.

The door was always open for other possibilities, of course, but this one was more open than others

I have so many things I wanna ask and am curious about, do y'all also get the urge to stalk and get to know every single small thing bout the crush you have??

And how do you know when you have a favorite person? It's not always clear to me

Sorry I'm just!. So excited to have a name for it finally. I spent so many years wondering what was wrong with me, I'm happy I'm not alone

I met this cute girl and after a few weeks of talking to her I gathered up the courage to ask her out while making it clear I had BPD so she wouldn't be blindsided later. She said maybe and we began talking and it was oh so wonderful and I told her how gorgeous and lovely she was and she blushed and all the mushy stuff and not 2 days later she cut me off and when I asked her why she said she had a boyfriend already. She just used me to gain an ego boost and then threw me away. I feel so used and violated and I feel so horrible

Has anyone here with BPD had severe issues in their marriage that were able to get worked on and gotten genuinely better? How did things get better for or in your marriage? Any tips or after things have gone too far is it too late

This guy (25M) and I (21F) have been involved with eachother on and off for 2 years, who had confessed love to me. We had conflicts and there were times where he has blocked me, unblocked when i reached out and denied blocking and said he deactivated
We have had multiple fallouts, 4 months ago we talked and he again asked for reassurance that im all his, the night went well
Next day, he texted me hey baby and I noticed him delete it because I could not respond despite seeing the text on my notification bar (I was busy). He then texted me again after 2 days, it went well he was affectionate he asked to see me after sending a snap of him and I interpreted he wanted something intimate so I told him I don't think I can do that, he said hes not asking for my nudes, and said not to worry. He still wanted to see me and I sent him regular photos. He heavily complimented me calling me his girl but i just said hahah thank uu
he did not talk to me for 5 days and he texted and I was not personal with him rather i was being neutral. I had fallen asleep mid conversation and texted the next day im sorry i fell asleep
He then again replied to my story and complimented my top and i only replied with 'i knoww'
he left me on read a week after
after this we did not talk for 4 months but he used to watch my stories pretty quickly as i appeared first on his tray. On a weekend he removed me from his instagram after 4 months, this really hurt me
Do I reach out and tell him I wanted to talk?

I feel like every time I meet someone new, it's only for entertainment or out of curiosity.

For example, if I meet someone, I want to know everything about them, or I'm more interested in the way they respond to what I say rather than just acknowledging it and moving on. It's sucks cause I end up putting them on a pedestal. I do want to make connections, but this feels like it's not that.

I'm constantly checking my phone to see if they respond, and if they don't, I'm crushed. I would like to say that I don't show that to them directly (like I don't want to seem clingy). But once I open up about this, they suddenly seem boring to me. I know connections aren't always supposed to be interesting, but that's how I feel. I've tried to take my mind off it, but I can't help it.

Any advice?

I sleep all day and barely at night, or all day and night. I eat once a day when I finally decide to leave my room and all the fresh air I get is opening my window. I can’t get myself up for school.
Maybe it’s all the new guys I’m talking to, maybe it’s reality starting to catch up again, or maybe I’m just doomed to feel like this for the rest of my life. I just want it to stop, I want to feel like I did a few weeks ago, everything was so normal.

Hi, Guys! So i have borderline personality disorder and i recently started a YouTube channel about it.

As you know, we have fear of abandonment and unstable relationships,but did you know that can extend to your possessions? I made a video about it regarding, if you're interested in watching:

https://youtu.be/4nkUqIxG_N4?si=SMLKG9xMHQpFDAqG