People often don’t invite their exes to the wedding to not be reminded of former intimacy when they’re committing to someone else, and here the ex is officiating. Classic Reddit not comprehending social norms
Not sure if youll care to read this lol and its longer than I thought, but that's because it entirely depends on how the people involved feel about it, not how you do. I dont mean that to sound aggressive im just trying to see if I can explain it right. You would have an argument if they felt similarly, but if they dont, or if they acknowledge it and still are ok with this, then thats why its regarded as a good thing.
Normally, people feel weird about these things. This stuff can be messy. That's why all this is odd. But they made their choice and chose to be separate, yet still have a good relationship and be in each other's lives. They chose to be separate and chose to still treat each other with respect, care and as individuals despite the intimacy they once shared. As individuals who still love each other, its not such a stretch of the imagination to think a past partner can do something like this.
Really, why should he still harbor feelings like that? Its irrational, but still a very real and complicated feeling that can definitely cause problems. I get it. But if they chose to be separate, its ok. No need for post-intimacy and post-sexual emotional dynamics like that. No need to feel like a cuck. Its noble because they are able to look past those feelings for each other, or not be bothered by them in the first place. Though if he wants to be a cuck then whatever, thats his thing lol. And by all means, please make the choices that work for you. If youre uncomfortable, then its a good idea to not do something like this.
So yeah, of course there can be downsides to something like this and anyone can say "I told you so" after the fact if something goes wrong. But if these people are happy with their choices and if it doesnt hurt anyone else, id say it turned out well.
Well, who wants this to be the norm? Ideally, IF you have children, you marry the person you have kids with and you stay with them. Ideally, you don't divorce and get remarried (I only understand when widow(ers) get remarried). Sadly, the norm is broken homes. The norm is people just having sex without planning or thinking of the consequences, forcing themselves and their children into a hell of their own making. The norm is people rushing into relationships and marriage. Average time from meet to engaged is like 2 years. Way too quick in majority of cases.
I don't want this to be the norm. I'd rather people stop getting married and having kids because they just felt like it, and never stopped to think about what they were actually doing.
I'd rather people stop getting married and having kids because they just felt like it
I'm not even gonna pretend to know the relationship between Tobey and his ex, but... This often isn't the case. Two people can love each other very much, have children, and still grow apart. Tbh it's more healthy if those two people can acknowledge their differences and move on than try to stay in the relationship for the sake of the child. I know lots of children of divorcees and 100% of them say they wish their parents had split sooner.
It's ok to fall out of love at any stage of life as long as it's handled with tact and maturity, and I don't think what's being said is "I wish it were more normal to be divorced with kids" but rather "I wish it were more normal to have healthy relationships with people with whom we once had a different relationship."
I think theres a level of self respect where you aren't toxic to eachother, but don't have to play like you are buddies either
Dude is literally being a zoo animal putting on a show for his ex wife and her new man. Its a very bad look and anyone with a modicum of self respect can see that.
I've been married a while and you are right that Tobey Maguire has 0 impact on my life
I just disagree with the notion that dancing for your ex wife is healthy. I wouldnt make my wife do that for me if I left her. Its disrespectful to what we had (or have, in my case).
You can be amiable without being the best of pals. I think that is healthy, and more respectful to eachother
that’s bc you place certain dynamics and relationships within a hierarchy wherein there are rules about how emotionally available and open you are to certain people. boundaries are good but they are also very personal and subjective (materially it’s objective as well but i suppose they prolly have those things handled) just because the optics are bad doesn’t mean it’s actually bad, and for someone who is consistently scrutinized as a celebrity i think it makes sense that he’s decided to not give a shit and just do what’s right for him and their connection.
Two people who dont love each other anymore 'staying together for the kids' ends up being a worse home for the child 90% of the time than if the parents split and coparent.
Kids can tell when people are unhappy. They can tell when tension and fights have been happening even when they arent around for them. If they ARE around for yelling and fighting its even worse. Having parents that are separate but much happier is WAY, WAY fucking better.
Source: my personal experience and basically every single study that has ever been done on the subject.
Advocating for people to just stay together no matter what for the kids because it fits your ideal norm is actively harmful to the kids.
Not by name but its all over your subtext. You said you dont understand anyone but widows/widowers remarrying, and you should just stay with the person you marry, but your solution doesnt make sense in the real world with real people. No matter how well you plan, or how long you wait to get engaged or have sex or have kids, people change and drift and things happen. You can't prepare your way out of it, its part of human nature that some long term relationships dont work out.
And when they inevitably dont work out sometimes, staying is worse for the kids.
I said in an ideal world. Ideally, and it is largely the assumption, that marriage is for LIFE. You don't need to get married to have children, and you shouldn't if you haven't properly thought it out and know deep in your soul that you're in it for the long haul. I don't believe in staying together if you can't get along and it's detrimental to your children. Also, yeah it's incredibly stupid to get remarried if you've been divorced. You're asking for ANOTHER failure. It should straight up be illegal to get remarried if you've been divorced and you weren't of victim of some sort of abuse or infidelity.
Im not sure I buy the whole "I drifted apart from someone one time it should be illegal for me to ever try again" thing, but Im glad we agree on not believing in staying together when you cant get along and it hurts the kids. Thats more important anyway
Well, marriage is for life. "Til death do us part".You should only get one shot. I don't see why that is controversial. Also yeah of course I believe in doing what is best for the kids. Unfortunately, what is best for the kids in a lot of cases is their parents having never marred and them never being born from those two people.
The "norm" was broken, because women became independent by law and those marriages were broken homes. You just didnt see it, because it was a tabu and they didnt treat woman as human beings.
I here you on that. In modern society, at the least, majority of the people only ge together because they were horny and a kid ends up as a result. A lot of us that are here today was because our parents were horny and nothing else.
It's also very funny that the people who actually do it the traditional way with some planning more often than not fail to make one child but the people with multiple partners all end up having kids with eachother.
(Disregard my name it was intended to be a joke throw away account but i take the sanctity of monogamous relationships very seriously) people choose to be in a monogamous relationship but can't handle the long term responsibility. A lot of people can't throw away certain aspects of themselves and it makes their partner tired.
People that have kids together and are close typically still have sexual tension even after the break up.
I won't sit here and say that parents always have sexual tension but there is a high chance that the two of them are smashing behind closed doors AND at some point some one or even the both of them will get bored of the newly formed relationship as well. It's an inevitable effect of monogamous relationships.
It also may be healthy for the kids but when the kids grow up gone will be monogamous relationships and enter in open relationships being the norm.
2.5k
u/Positive_Fondant8479 5d ago
It's a bit weird but it's a whole lot healthier then people who get toxic and try to weaponise their children against their ex.