Well, who wants this to be the norm? Ideally, IF you have children, you marry the person you have kids with and you stay with them. Ideally, you don't divorce and get remarried (I only understand when widow(ers) get remarried). Sadly, the norm is broken homes. The norm is people just having sex without planning or thinking of the consequences, forcing themselves and their children into a hell of their own making. The norm is people rushing into relationships and marriage. Average time from meet to engaged is like 2 years. Way too quick in majority of cases.
I don't want this to be the norm. I'd rather people stop getting married and having kids because they just felt like it, and never stopped to think about what they were actually doing.
Two people who dont love each other anymore 'staying together for the kids' ends up being a worse home for the child 90% of the time than if the parents split and coparent.
Kids can tell when people are unhappy. They can tell when tension and fights have been happening even when they arent around for them. If they ARE around for yelling and fighting its even worse. Having parents that are separate but much happier is WAY, WAY fucking better.
Source: my personal experience and basically every single study that has ever been done on the subject.
Advocating for people to just stay together no matter what for the kids because it fits your ideal norm is actively harmful to the kids.
Not by name but its all over your subtext. You said you dont understand anyone but widows/widowers remarrying, and you should just stay with the person you marry, but your solution doesnt make sense in the real world with real people. No matter how well you plan, or how long you wait to get engaged or have sex or have kids, people change and drift and things happen. You can't prepare your way out of it, its part of human nature that some long term relationships dont work out.
And when they inevitably dont work out sometimes, staying is worse for the kids.
I said in an ideal world. Ideally, and it is largely the assumption, that marriage is for LIFE. You don't need to get married to have children, and you shouldn't if you haven't properly thought it out and know deep in your soul that you're in it for the long haul. I don't believe in staying together if you can't get along and it's detrimental to your children. Also, yeah it's incredibly stupid to get remarried if you've been divorced. You're asking for ANOTHER failure. It should straight up be illegal to get remarried if you've been divorced and you weren't of victim of some sort of abuse or infidelity.
Im not sure I buy the whole "I drifted apart from someone one time it should be illegal for me to ever try again" thing, but Im glad we agree on not believing in staying together when you cant get along and it hurts the kids. Thats more important anyway
Well, marriage is for life. "Til death do us part".You should only get one shot. I don't see why that is controversial. Also yeah of course I believe in doing what is best for the kids. Unfortunately, what is best for the kids in a lot of cases is their parents having never marred and them never being born from those two people.
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u/tke377 5d ago
It’s only weird because sadly this isn’t the norm