I’m a Black woman (26, UK), and I’ve noticed a recurring pattern with some white men that I’m struggling to understand.

I’ve had experiences where white men stare at me quite intensely, sometimes repeatedly, to the point where their attention feels difficult to ignore. Yet when I approach them and initiate a conversation, some tell me that their type is blondes or brunettes, sometimes going out of their way to make this clear in front of their friends.

I’m not talking about one isolated incident. It’s the repetition of this dynamic that has made me curious, particularly because the men in question don’t always appear indifferent before I approach them.

I’m aware that having a preference for a particular look doesn’t automatically mean someone excludes everyone outside it. But as a Black woman, when a white man appears to give me sustained attention and then emphasises his preference for blonde or brunette women when I engage with him, I can’t help wondering whether race plays a role in how he’s willing to express or act on his attraction.

Does the presence of male friends influence how some white men respond to Black women they’re interested in? Is there a difference between finding a Black woman attractive and being comfortable pursuing or openly acknowledging that attraction? Could racialised dating preferences or social expectations explain why someone might behave one way from a distance and another way during an actual interaction?

I don’t want this reduced to the idea that I’m necessarily misreading every look, nor am I suggesting that every man who stares at me must be attracted to me. I’m trying to understand a recurring experience in which the attention seems to be there, but the response changes when I make the first move.

White men, particularly those who’ve experienced interracial dating dynamics, how much do your friends, social environment and perceptions of what is considered your ‘type’ influence how you express attraction? And Black women, have you experienced this particular disconnect?

Remember eachother ❤️

I moved to America from England a few months ago. I’ve noticed something…wondering if anyone can relate.

I’m a Brit (British of Indian descent) and people are really surprised when they hear me talk. They are surprised that I have an accent when there are so many Indians in London. It’s only Americans who care about accents….i went to a restaurant in Seattle and me and my sister didn’t get seated for an hour. Other people got seated ahead of us when they arrived after us…..and we had to ask for water when everyone else got water on their tables without even asking. Then in a bar the bartender was rude and barely served us. Then he told my sister she mumbles when she talks. I’m a respectful person and very kind to customer service as I was taught growing up in South England. I even got asked on the basketball courts if I was trolling with my accent…and someone said you don’t look like the locals and I said yeah aye me and you both bro but we good.

I’ve never had this problem in London. Everyone was always respectful if you were respectful back. Even in the home town I grew up in when I was in England. I’m starting to really miss home and London. I’ve even had issues with hiring mangers and recruiters being surprised by it. Not sure why this is? Surely most Americans are a fully aware of how diverse modern Britain is and that it’s just an accent…

For some odd reason women literally think I’m faking my accent as well lmaoooo

Hey everyone.

I grew up in a really conservative rural area in Tennessee. Dating outside my race was never even a thought growing up, and I only started exploring interracial relationships once I got to college.

I’ve been seeing an older man for a while now. He’s still married (no kids), and we’ve agreed to keep things private and wait until I graduate before making anything more official or serious. I’m sure we love each other andhe makes me feel wanted in a way I never have before, and I even got a tattoo for him.

But I’ve been feeling really insecure lately. He’s more controlling than my previous boyfriend was, and sometimes that mixes with all the other differences (age, race, the fact that he’s still married) and makes me overthink everything. Part of me wonders if I’m just not used to this kind of dynamic because of how I was raised.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you deal with the insecurity when the relationship already has so many layers?

Thanks for reading.

Edit: I'm white and he's black in case that matters

My soulmate, the man who made me a fiancée, love of my life.

I [32M] live in a very conservative small European country. I am dating a wonderful woman [32F] from South America for the last three months and we are very happy.

My circle and everybody I know don't take the relationship seriously at all, even often referring to my partner as " the *her nationality* ". I never thought that people would regard a relationship like this.. and I never thought my community would be this racist.

I have always wanted to leave my country but now I will definitely take the step to do so.

Has anybody ever had a similar experience from friends or family?

I honestly can’t believe I am resorting to Reddit to ask this but it feels like I am loosing my mind at this point.

My husband M (34)who’s European told me some weeks ago about another white European colleague he met at work who had said something along the lines of (oh I don’t go to black/brown doctors and he prefers white doctors because they are better) not sure if it’s word for word but along that line that the minority doctors aren’t good at their job. This is in a country where more than 70% of the healthcare workforce is made up of immigrants bdw

The colleague didn’t know then that my husband is married to a black woman, or that my husband friend is a Pakistani doctor. So hubby then told him oh my friend is a good doctor and he’s Pakistani so that doesn’t matter. He also used that opportunity to show him a picture of me (so he knows we don’t stand for those kind of things)

Fast forward to yesterday, me and hubby were having a discussion and I noticed that he still talks about this coworker fondly and so I was confused. I go why are you still talking to this guy and hubby goes why not?

He starts to say, oh (he’s a nice guy and ever since that incident he hasn’t said one prejudiced thing and come to think of it, I think he didn’t mean to make what he said sound that way the other day) he also said the colleague is nice and checks up on him and whatnot

This was extremely shocking for me to hear and I couldn’t reconcile how he can gaslight himself to whitewash this colleagues character.

We had a huge argument because I told him I am disappointed in him and I don’t feel like I know him anymore because race is such a big deal to me… and he got so angry and said I am attacking his character, making him out to be a monster/racist person who he’s not. He also said he shouldn’t have to cut off a coworker or stop talking to someone and that doesn’t mean he supports their views and I am so confused guys!!!!

I point blank told him “you are a white man who’s married to a black woman, you should know better”

And now I am doubting myself if I am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Pretending like all races and cultures are universal

Saying stuff amongst the lines “if you’re attractive women will want you no matter the race “

This is literally not true.

I’m in my early 30s. Have been considered handsome and tall my whole dating life. I’ve never had a problem getting blk women, and even Hispanic women when I pursue them.

When it comes to white woman though there is a clear cultural difference that makes us not click and not vibe at all

Unless you want to tell me black women have lower standards and I’m actually hideous, we should stop doing other ppl a disservice and stop pretending like certain races of women don’t go after/run away from certain attributes

When it comes to dating interracial it has nothing to do with looks and a lot more to do with the energy you give off and my experience white woman don’t actually like masculine stoic black men.

They like the shucking and jiving type

Im planing on moving up there and am curious as the tittle states are these couples white people of Italian descent considering there is a quite a large population up there or are they simply the Anglo variety seen in most other states? TIA

First pic is us visiting Central Park early in our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship while the second pic is us married and visiting San Francisco

Every interracial couples i meet always has issues with their partner accept and torelence of their cultural food . Most of them cant eat or cook setting things at home. My friend told me her black bf broke up with cause of fish sauce and kimichi she puts in the fridge, he didnt like and told her to stop bring home but she couldnt since she loved them. This has made interracial relationship look unttractive to me since i love my cultural food, is this the case for most couples in mixed relationships?

I met my now bf through online dating. We are so close and constantly talk. We have been progressing in our relationship really wonderfully, but it is my first time being in an interracial relationship. He is black and I am white. We are both in our 30's. It isnt that I was opposed to an interracial relationship, it just never happened for me up to this point. I really could see this building into something that lasts, and i could even see marrying him. Is there any advice I could get from other couples? I'm open for any advice really, but mostly, sometimes it feels like he wants me to give him compliments that are specifically tied to his attributes tied to his race, and i dont want to be inappropriate, but I also don't want to shy away. I find him absolutely perfect, and i was wondering if anyone could help me with this. The last thing I want to do is to avoid the topic or make him feel anything bad. I love every piece of what we have, and i couldn't have painted a more beautiful man to come into my life. Please, any advice is appreciated. I want so badly to make this last

I am so in love with my boyfriend. It is indescribable. He is literally the kindest, sweetest and most loving man I have ever met. Every single day I wonder how I got so lucky.

My boyfriend is white from Alaska and I am half white and half Trinidadian/Toboggan.

Edit: this month we are moving in together, which is super exciting! And we met at work, we are both engineering technicians in Tech!

Any PROS/CONS? Do you miss anything about the ex and realised anything or fully over?

I'm a black woman that loves Hispanic men i live in Jacksonville Florida and I grew up around every race but majority of the people around me where black and Hispanic.

I want to know if yall have had any experiences of people judging you because your a black woman and find Hispanic or other races attractive. I want to end up marrying a Hispanic man cause I find them attractive and I love the culture and language. If I don't it won't hurt me. I just need someone to annoy for the rest of my life

My bf & I have been together for 3 months. He is the most loving, sweetest and most caring person I've been with but things revolving around race make me question if I want to be in a relationship like this.

He claims he's not racist but his view on racism is "if an individual hates or is mean to someone because of their race".

Because of his definition, I have to explain microaggressions and how/why things aren't okay. Creating "wearing the other shoe" or similar situations that have happened for him to understand why it's wrong/injustice, is too much. To me, relational empathy is not true empathy since it is still rooted in oneself.

Which is why I'm on the fence. It's the little things from noticing a movie is an all white cast, to why ppl shouldn't sing/say N words in songs and only understanding empathy if you or a loved is in a similar situation.

I think that my boyfriend sees me as an angry black man. The reason for that is anytime I express myself that is not the way that he wants me to I am being called rude or disrespectful. Especially if it’s an argument and I’m just passionate about how I’m feeling.When I’ve tried ways that he wants me to express myself he just doesn’t listen and I ask myself what’s the point then? Why do I need to be calm,cool and collect if you don’t hear me then why does it matter the way I go about expressing myself in my way. Usually, I’m just being honest and very truthful about how things are at the moment. He tells me I don’t need to baby him on the things that I say but when I don’t, he makes me seem like I’m this terrible person. Anger is not my default and even when I’m not in the box of calm that he wants me in …I’m not angry. My tone might get a little louder or more direct with how I’m saying things and that’s because when I was in his box I wasn’t as forward as I needed to be because if I was I knew he would make me seem like I was being a certain type of way. I’m not an angry guy. I used to be at one point long ago but I’m past that. What fuels me is my passion especially if it has to do with me. I want to add to this just by saying he’s white and the reason I put that is because whenever he gets angry or has an outburst it’s perfectly fine.. he’s very big on making big dramatics of him leaving whenever we get into. Big on the waterworks as well. I’ve told him before I can’t afford to be loud and lash out like you because it will cost me my life if I do so. Also the way he acts when we get into is very odd to me. Once we got into it at his dad’s house and he started yelling… I did not. If we get into it at home he makes sure the whole neighborhood knows… he also makes it loud and clear not to come near him or touch him. Which is fine I ofc respect that boundary but I’ve never done anything that has even implied I’m going to hit him. That’s just not me. My ex used to beat on me I would never put someone else through that. Every time he does that I’m just at a loss for words not that he doesn’t want to be touched but because why are you screaming don’t touch me and I’m not even near you. It was also weird when he was yelling at me his dads house it’s very attention seeking I would say. I don’t know how to express myself without him pretty much making me seem like I’m this abusive guy. If I do it calm then I might as well not say anything because he doesn’t hear what I’m saying and if I’m passionate and direct then I’m toxic and abusive? I’m not really able to even sit and be to myself without him thinking I’m just in a bad mood all the time. I honestly think he wants me to have a big blow out so that way when he tells people about me it’ll actually give him some juice. Am I thinking on this too hard about him thinking I’m an angry black man or is that how he actually sees me?

Married since 06/14/24 😊❤️

EDIT: Since some of y’all apparently need this explained: yes, I know “American” is a nationality, not a race. Nobody said otherwise. 🙄
I’m Mexican, with mostly Indigenous Mexican and Spanish ancestry, along with some other ancestry. My husband has mostly British and Irish ancestry, along with other European ancestry. Our AncestryDNA results reflect those different backgrounds.
We’re a Mexican-American married couple talking about our identities and where our families come from. This post was not meant to be a scientific paper on race, ethnicity, or racial classification.
If you actually want to have a real conversation about race, ethnicity, nationality, and ancestry, that’s fine. But if you’re just going to be annoying and pedantic in the comments, congratulations on learning that nationality and race are not the same thing. 😂

I keep seeing people post themselves or their partner, and they either label themselves or their partner american . American is a nationality not a race anybody can be American. That's all I had to say.

BM, let’s be real… how many of yall that date WW actually want to take a WW seriously as a partner and eventually hopefully marry her?
What are you wanting/expecting out of a WW in terms of a serious long term partner?

It feels like a lot of BM want me to fulfill some kinks or want me as just a plaything.. which can be fun but I want emotional security and partnership too.

I’m not stressed about this. I know what’s meant to be will be, just curious. I wanna hear from BM about their experiences seriously dating WW.

💜🙏🏼

EDIT: apparently I came off wrong here lmao. I’m asking this bc I think I’m doing something wrong when it comes to dating BM. It feels like I only attract BM that don’t take me seriously and yes skin color tends to often be a reason on their end. That’s why I’m curious.
I know all BM are different I was just looking for potentially if there’s something specific about WW that prevents BM from taking them seriously.

Heyyy, im so curiousssssssss
how did u guyz meettt? What’s it like being in love with someone from a different race? Do u ever get hate or weird looks from people? Do ur family and friends support ur relationship? Have u ever experienced racism because of ur relationship? And honestly, what’s the hardest part about dating someone from a different race?

thankzz , n nice to meet uuuu ^^