r/therewasanattempt • u/ExactlySorta • 1d ago

to keep a job for a week

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3.9k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

305 comments sorted by

1.0k

u/SpellCheck19 1d ago

Not even half a Scaramucci

236

u/negativepositiv 1d ago

I was about to ask how many Scaramuccis that was.

210

u/Optimal_Risk_6411 1d ago

0.45 of a Scaramucci

136

u/rexjoropo 1d ago

Or, we have a new unit of measure, called a Zacharia

58

u/negativepositiv 1d ago

365 day calendar with a banana for scale.

23

u/just_lurking_Ecnal 1d ago

Well, it does work out nicer as 73 Zac instead of 38.18 Moochi

43

u/Self-Comprehensive 1d ago

One Zac is half a mooch

10

u/GloomyIndividual3965 1d ago

"Give me 5 'Muccis for a Truss, we'd say"

9

u/JimmyCat11-11 1d ago

Well, that’s when we wore onions on our belt. Which was the style at the time.

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u/Flipnotics_ 1d ago

2 Zacharia's = 1 Scaramucci

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u/EarthIsInOuterSpace 1d ago

Zachamucci to be fair

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u/nerdystoner25 1d ago

LESS THAN HALF A MOOCH??

49

u/Letter-Past 1d ago

It's Metric. Mooches are Imperial

17

u/hpbrick 1d ago

Well at least we’re establishing a proper maga currency:

2 Zacharias = 1 Mooch

4

u/Vegetable-Roof-9589 1d ago

And one trump?

6

u/sterntoothz 1d ago

Seemingly endless

5

u/Optimal_Risk_6411 1d ago

Can’t give her the benefit to round up with her BS. So a Zach < 1/2 Mooch.

7

u/goofydad 1d ago

I was just doing the math.

6

u/SnooRadishes8573 NaTivE ApP UsR 1d ago

White house staffer: I got excited because I thought you said "meth"

6

u/Optimal_Risk_6411 1d ago

She methed up alright. Methed up big time.

76

u/CommercialEmployer4 1d ago

Mascaramucci

8

u/reykjaham 1d ago

That’s Erajan for “little Scaramucci”. How fitting

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40

u/FeelsLikeV97-33XA 1d ago

When you get old enough you can just put calendar years on your resume instead of actual dates.

"2026 - White House Press Secretary"

20

u/Loko8765 1d ago

With the kind of background checks the Republicans do, she hopes that will work.

7

u/whipnutbouy 1d ago

Slam dunk comment

Edit: also life advice.

21

u/CaseyG 1d ago

Depends on which Scaramucci you use.

A Metric Scaramucci is ten calendar days.

An Imperial Scaramucci is seven business days.

9

u/just_lurking_Ecnal 1d ago

Well if course we have to use the Imperial Scaramucci because he worked for the Orange Toddler (Wanna-be) Emperor.

4

u/hkohne Unique Flair 1d ago

And US Americans (mostly) don't use that metric mumbo-jumbo

2

u/Bill99berg 1d ago

😂😂😂😂

23

u/humblequest22 1d ago

SNL didn't even get a crack at her yet!

6

u/boromir_queries_sean 1d ago

The only tragedy involved here!

5

u/Ancient-Budget-8793 20h ago

Tomorrow nights should be brutal.... Enjoy!

3

u/kind_bros_hate_nazis 19h ago

Watch her get fired during her first press conference in the cold open

14

u/spacegrassorcery 1d ago edited 1d ago

Scaramucci made this comment today about the situation:

"Records are made to be broken. But I take no pleasure in other people's pain," Scaramucci wrote Friday.”

8

u/L3xusLuth3r 1d ago

At least she’s leaving a legacy behind lol

10

u/OneDimensionalChess 1d ago

Sad because I had high hopes of her embarrassing Trump more than he usually embarrasses himself in general

8

u/Intelligent_Hand4583 1d ago

I was thinking exactly that.

3

u/Camulius73 1d ago

Man, you guys really will use anything but the metric system!

/s obviously

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u/abadluckwind 1d ago

The lettuce was still fresh

2

u/petulant-turnip 1d ago

= When the heavily padded resume finally catches up to you

2

u/Rollingbrook 23h ago

But it’s a full kakistocracy.

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635

u/FLjeffrey 1d ago

If there had only been a way to vett her and give her a dry run in front of a podium...hmmm

193

u/Filmexec21 1d ago

Meritocracy is for losers.

83

u/Vyzantinist 1d ago

It's woke, DEI, and socialist.

83

u/Combei 1d ago edited 16h ago

Why? She is blond, slender and young enough to have as a press secretary. We all know what Trump is missing but it's hard to get minors in working contracts

41

u/goofydad 1d ago

Her dry run was done on her knees

24

u/morrighaan 1d ago

They call them couch castings in the industry.

45

u/Some_Conference2091 1d ago

She's a paid friend and always has been. Competency is never a requirement in Trump organizations.

Before becoming Press Secretary, Zacharia was the Assistant Deputy Secretary of Public Affairs for the Department of Homeland Security. She was a communications advisor for Trump Media & Technology Group.

She also appeared on Newsmax and Fox News.

19

u/Plastic-burnt 1d ago

The Trump Administration only allows incompetence in submissive men.

15

u/ILoveRegenHealth 1d ago

Trump even boasted in his first term nobody vets people better than him....only for him to have a record number of firings/resignations (no admin even comes close).....only to be surpassed by this term.

And his stupid ass base still don't see anything wrong about this.

9

u/wonderbread601 1d ago

public scrutiny
that’s all we have left
unity!!!

8

u/just_lurking_Ecnal 1d ago

"but she was fine on FOX!" - 🟠👶👑

3

u/The_BSharps 1d ago

Reminds me of Carrie’s arc on Succession.

2

u/det4410 1d ago

the most unsurprising news ive seen for a bit

2

u/B3ST1 1d ago

Well she did but she was naked

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354

u/djserc 1d ago

Lettuce wins

56

u/puzzled91 1d ago

Is lettuce safe to eat now?

5

u/roofus85 1d ago

Just lettuce eat salads!

2

u/Rocketbrothers 1d ago

I just saw that post being a thing. It’s supposedly 2-0, who was the first one?

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15

u/ExpressClerk9961 1d ago

Raw fish would have had a chance.

5

u/quineloe 1d ago

I have some salmon in the fridge that was already there when she took office, and it's still good to eat tomorrow.

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290

u/jonasbe 1d ago

Helluva vetting process this administration has.

135

u/Drycon 1d ago

Selected by drunk older men for her looks? Just guessing here.

There rest of thr administration are no bright lights either so she mightve just bullshitted her way in.

26

u/123ludwig 1d ago

its all so weird because they could be finding genuinely beautiful women yet they always choose the ones who look like they were in the bath too long

30

u/Independent-Leg6061 1d ago

The intelligent ones weren't interested in fascism. Lol

5

u/rcinmd 1d ago

You mean like Ivanka?

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u/HODLmeCLOSRtonydanza 1d ago

If Trump wants to fuck you, you’ll either get a job or the Barbies that were on your Christmas list to Santa.

6

u/rcinmd 1d ago

No child needs more than two dolls or five pencils for Christmas.

16

u/somefunmaths 1d ago

It’s okay, she’ll just go back to her career as a lawyer now.

14

u/Vyzantinist 1d ago

In China!

8

u/Intelligent_Hand4583 1d ago

Looks like Ivanka? You're in.

4

u/poyvaeh1 1d ago

It's flabbergasting how often Trump touts his ability to pick the best people, and then all of a sudden that person is fired and/or criticized by Trump for either standing up for the constitution or failing to subvert said constitution.....

3

u/Pooglio17 1d ago

“Only the best people” …

2

u/MichaelJServo Free Palestine 🕊️ FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 1d ago

She has the Mara Lago face but it adds 10 years. She's a rough 42.

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215

u/pat_the_catdad 1d ago

Didn’t even last long enough for a single SNL episode to be filmed…

I hope that the next cold open shows Trump auditioning new Press Secretary and ultimately firing them mid-sentence — and I hope Druski ends up going white-face in his episode…

70

u/MichalCJ5 1d ago

I guarantee they're doing re-writes right now for this😂

9

u/Intrepid-Progress228 1d ago

Just need a 5 second shot featuring a podium in front of a revolving door.

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197

u/Tat2Al 1d ago

Next in line

83

u/hotdogtears 1d ago

18

u/scrubtart 1d ago

Chat jeept, can we make Kash Patel look even more surprised?

53

u/Vyzantinist 1d ago

10

u/scrubtart 1d ago

Thank you chat jeept

7

u/hotdogtears 1d ago

Processing… processing…

34

u/Jomahma 1d ago

Here you go lol

9

u/StraddleTheFence 1d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
STOP!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

109

u/snappyhome 1d ago

Scaramucci Unit Definition

Zacharia Unit Definition

  • Start: October 12, 2026, at 9:00 AM EDT (standard commencement of first workday)
  • End: October 16, 2026, at approximately 1:30 PM EDT (termination widely reported)
  • Elapsed Time: 4 days, 4 hours, 30 minutes (100.5 hours)
  • Standardized Unit: 1.0 Zacharia = 100.5 hours

Conversion Math

  • 1.0 Zacharia = 0.41875 Scaramuccis
  • 1.0 Scaramucci = 2.388 Zacharias

9

u/Flipnotics_ 1d ago

I'm all for this but lets just keep it simple.

1 Scaramucci = 10 days

1 Zacharia = 5 days

So 2 Zacharia's = 1 Scaramucci

10

u/snappyhome 1d ago

I've considered your proposal, but I'm afraid I must decline. While rounding the conversion figure down by .38 Scaramuccis would have little impact on small spans of time, if one were trying to perform conversions for individuals with longer tenures the error would be unacceptably large. For example, Jen Psaki served as press secretary for 479 days (or 43.55 Scaramuccis). Using a 2:1 conversion rather than a 2.38:1 would result in an error of 16.894 Zacharias, or 77.836 days.

2

u/phroug2 19h ago

Clearly for durations that long, you'd want to stick to measuring Psakis by the Scaramucci, not by the Zacharia. I support the simplification.

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u/FlatSixer 1d ago

Great. Now they have to find another pretty blonde lady whose name begins with a K.

23

u/Moneia Free Palestine 🕊️ FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 1d ago

Pffttt - like he bothered to remember her name

11

u/Imaginary_History985 1d ago

She's not even blonde. It's dye.

14

u/kojengi_de_miercoles 1d ago

Aren't they all?

3

u/Ancient-Budget-8793 20h ago

Someone checked I'm sure.

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u/ApprehensiveAge1028 1d ago

Yeah who would have tought. I just know this is Biden’s fault /s

18

u/jjdlg 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/TPl5N4Ci49ZQY

Indeed, why would Biden do this?

37

u/Konaboy75 1d ago

I've taken longer naps

30

u/wolandjr 1d ago

This administration can fuck up anything

17

u/jillsvag 1d ago

4 Seasons!!!

6

u/palmerry 1d ago

Hotel?!?!?

7

u/jillsvag 1d ago

You would think so, but nope they booked the lawn care company parking lot.

3

u/rcinmd 1d ago

I honestly wonder if they let him book there on purpose knowing it was going to make the campaign a laughing stock (again) or if they legitimately thought they were booking there. I know the owner said something about not refusing because of their civic duty, but come on.

21

u/Caymonki 1d ago

Sorry hunny, only rich men can blatantly lie to people without repercussions in America.

20

u/Kindly-Barracuda-385 1d ago

She got fired on her day off

8

u/bumbling-bee1 1d ago

I heard they had her on camera stealing boxes.

5

u/Burnerb2 1d ago

She was trying to build a clubhouse

2

u/JasonShoes 1d ago

You ain’t got to lie Craig

15

u/NuckoLBurn 1d ago edited 1d ago

Hustlers gonna hustle. Authoritarian pedos with a penchant for makeup caked blondes don't background check. Cant wait to see the next girl that has to rub ankles to cankles with Trump in tight spaces while traveling.

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u/Pertinent_Platypus NaTivE ApP UsR 1d ago

*penchant

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u/ComicsEtAl 1d ago

She should count her blessings. We could have been talking about how dumb she is.

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u/Hours-of-Gameplay FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/aWPGuTlDqq2yc
But but but he hires
only the best. That’s what the president said.

9

u/Filmexec21 1d ago

She lasted longer than I thought she would.

4

u/Learnedhelplesspanda 1d ago

That’s what she said!

10

u/patpops 1d ago

It’s still going on her resume

8

u/superduperstepdad 1d ago

I was told eliminating DEI would usher in a golden age of meritocracy.

Surely they didn’t LIE to us, did they?

9

u/Nice_Rope_5049 1d ago

Let’s see who gets out of the clown car next.

8

u/useroftheinternet95 1d ago

So she got the job because Trump thought she was hot

7

u/ddlvphoto 1d ago

Congratulations to the lettuce.

7

u/pass_the_ham 1d ago

Does she have a deal with Fox yet?

6

u/the_greatest_story 1d ago

Damn you Biden, what did that nice young lady do to deserve that from him

6

u/mybfVreddithandle 1d ago

I know it seems like a negative, getting fired less than a week on the job and all, but on the bright side, you'll have a lot of time now to study for the bar exam.

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u/ShitBirdingAround 1d ago

"Fake it til you make it" is probably easier if you at least know how to read?

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u/lost_in_connecticut 1d ago

Not only did she pretend to be a lawyer, apparently she also pretended to be a press secretary.

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Why-did-i-reas-this 1d ago

Apparently beastiality is a green light now.

4

u/Anastrace 1d ago

Wow, impressive "lose my job" speed run

4

u/Psyclist80 1d ago

Aahahhahaha... The lettuce won! Jesus what a shit show of an administration. Midterms come on!

3

u/sourpowerflourtower 1d ago

This shit writes itself. The most incompetent administration ever!

3

u/dtb1987 1d ago

Lol, and so it begins just like last time

3

u/Charming-Bath8378 1d ago

severance package was a few million bucks and a loaded diaper

3

u/Jmersh 1d ago

Since when is competence and honesty a job requirement for this administration?

3

u/rickamer 1d ago

Thats surprising. She was as honest and competent as any other Republican...

3

u/Gnoobl 1d ago

Passing the bar and passing by a bar are two different things

3

u/theavocadolady 1d ago

Hahahahahaha.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2

u/bluberrydub 1d ago

I love when I lie about my credentials when I get a job and they just nicely ask me to reconsider when they discover my lie.

Everyone is always really nice when I lie like that. It’s a good world

2

u/MAO_of_DC 1d ago

Okay that was way faster than I thought it would be.

2

u/CMDR_ETNC Selected Flair 1d ago

I only hire the be- you’re fired.

2

u/this-is-some_BS 1d ago

They're not hiring their best and brightest

2

u/hickdog896 1d ago

Wait... are you telling me that Trump appointed someone because they were conventionally attractive without considering or checking their qualifications?

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u/Legal-Software 1d ago

I believe Baghdad Bob is in retirement in the UAE, perhaps they could bring him in to finally bring some much needed credibility back to the position.

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u/IrishMikeK68 1d ago

Illegally Blonde goes bye bye. Frump only surrounds himself the most highly vetted people within his administration. What a freaking joke of a human being.

2

u/Prestigious_Series28 1d ago

too bad. I really wanted to see her talk more in official capacity

2

u/Unhappy_Concept237 1d ago

So, I guess she won't be going from Press Secretary to Fox News Pundit after all. I wonder what her career prospects look like now?

2

u/Marsrover112 1d ago

This is a weird time for them to start firing people for being incompetent

2

u/soda_cookie FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 1d ago

There is someone, somewhere, that went on vacation sometime before Monday, not coming back until next week, and will have never had the experience of witnessing the Zachaera. Pity.

2

u/bigpoppa973 1d ago

She was a press secretary longer than she was a lawyer.

1

u/BeMyBrutus 1d ago

If there is one thing Trump hates; it's himself and bad press

1

u/Assistant-Manager 1d ago

Hey now, that’s a business week

1

u/flyingforfun3 Free Palestine 🕊️ FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 1d ago

Wait what? I thought she would still have the job and people would bring this up for at least a year before forgetting about it.

I’m amazed!

1

u/Nikotinlaus 1d ago

How many Scaramuchis is that?

2

u/Djinnaz 1d ago

About .41, I think is the ratio.

1

u/NeedsMoarOutrage 1d ago

Better she got out now before they made her fuck up her face

1

u/MichalCJ5 1d ago

She's so lucky. She's going to be destroyed on SNL, but then the whole thing will have blown over by Monday morning.

1

u/Fuugazii 1d ago

No one can successfully pedal the lies of this administration

1

u/probridgedweller 🍉 Free Palestine 1d ago

They are crumbling

1

u/8uscheisse 1d ago

Being lawyer is the better job anyway

1

u/Rev_Dean 1d ago

But Trump said he only hires the best people…

1

u/RAY-CHILE 1d ago

MAGAs version of DEI

1

u/OutsideOpposite4350 1d ago

All the best people huh?

1

u/MacVanRainin 1d ago

the new Scaramucci record holder! Impressive.

1

u/Live_Love-Life 1d ago

Noise, bring in the next clown.

1

u/WideArmadillo6407 1d ago

So long, mutant

1

u/Engywok 1d ago

Maybe she refused to suck the tiny mushroom. Probably not but..

1

u/OliOli1234 1d ago

Of course she’s out!!! 🤣😭🤣

1

u/hiddenexene 1d ago

If only there has been a way to check fact her career and abilities beforehand...

1

u/CeeTee63 1d ago

🤣🤣she lasted long🤣🤣

1

u/Thedonitho 1d ago

Learning Disability Barbie is out of a job

1

u/KarlHp7 1d ago

This administration is so awful but sometimes very funny. No vetting process I presume?

1

u/kindquail503 1d ago

That must have been a rigorous vetting process to get the job.

1

u/krudru 1d ago

This is what it looks like when you hire based on "merit". 

1

u/pinniped90 1d ago

Scaramucci was a real long timer, going a full 2.2 Zacharias.

1

u/PaleontologistPure92 1d ago

Katie; we hardly knew you.

1

u/kwikane 1d ago

Next time , if she wants to keep her job, she will learn to work the balls as well. Worked for kash.

1

u/Dorkness_Rising 1d ago edited 1d ago

She was just there for the Trump Facelift Program.

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u/Cold-Curve-1291 1d ago

These comments lived up to my expectations

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u/FewZookeepergame1083 1d ago

Just last night last i told a coworker she wouldn't make it a week. I find it funny how all the men on Trump's administration can lie all day and nothing happens but the second a woman does she's immediately fired. Anyways everybody have a great weekend

1

u/prodigaldummy 1d ago

0.1 Mooches

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u/bloodandglory31 1d ago

All hail the lettuce