r/ABCDesis • u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American • Aug 03 '26
COMMUNITY ABDs PLEASE READ: I have ideas on how to curtail the overwhelming amount of NRIs and mainlanders congregating in this subreddit and would love to hear your feedback!
It's a well established fact that this space has severe issues with infiltration from NRIs and mainlanders, and it has gotten to the point where many posts have become borderline unreadable. I've personally tried reporting users who've lied about their identity, harrassed women, spread bigotry etc and have seen no action taken against them. Something needs to change. This is the only real space for ABDs to talk about issues that directly impact us and our voices deserve to be prioritized. There are many subreddits who have put measures in place to curb brigading and we only stand to benefit by following their lead.
I think the best solution for improving the quality of discussions is to institute a mandatory flair policy for every single person who wants to post and comment here. The labels could be as simple as ABD, NRI, Mainlander etc or they could get more in depth to include additional identifiers like nationality. Either way it needs to be made very clear who is an ABD and who isn't. Anyone who gets caught lying about their identity should get hit with a permanent ban on the spot. Choosing a flair takes less than ten seconds and would make it easy to separate the people who want to participate in good faith from the bad actors.
I also think it's important to start restricting certain discussions to ABDs only. Any post that involves controversial issues such as religion, caste, misogyny etc gets immediately bombarded by nationalists with an axe to grind which renders the discussion pointless. We should be able to have honest conversations amongst ourselves without mud slinging and propaganda getting shoved down our throats.
The last idea is for this sub to autoban users who post or comment on certain toxic subreddits. It would be incredibly effective at stopping the crazies from getting in here, but deciding which subs to draw the line at may be difficult to ascertain.
Thats about all I got, I know that it is impossible to fully get rid of trolls but they can definitely be heavily curtailed with the right steps. I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and ideas!
NOTE: The subreddit bans would specifically apply to South Asian subs that are notorious for harboring toxic, bigoted, nationalist user bases. 99% of ABDs have never visited these subs let alone participate in them. If an ABD somehow gets caught up in the bans they could file an appeal to be reinstated. The users of this subreddit could potentially vote on which communities to ban so everyone's voice is heard!
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u/Russ_T_Shackelford Indian American Aug 03 '26
I think flairs as a requirement makes sense. Not a fan of blanket banning people for participating in other subs though.
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u/white_window_1492 Aug 04 '26
I like this too - it cuts down on spam/helps w rule enforcement in other subreddits I'm in.
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u/karenproletaren Aug 04 '26
Agree. My posts have been automatically removed because I engage with subreddits about sports in India - but I am born and raised in Denmark. It has been such a big problem for me and it wasn't easy to fix.
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u/USS-Enterprise Aug 04 '26
Which, excitingly, is easily proved by the fact that most of your political posts are in Danish on Danish subreddits and the scary India-related posts are literally just sports. And sports in other countries being exciting or interesting is so controversial that only Argentines have ever wanted Messi to win the World Cup, right? 😐
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u/SharksFan4Lifee Aug 04 '26
I don't think NRIs and Mainlanders should be banned for commenting. Nobody should be banned for that.
But if the intention of the sub is that the posts (threads) should only be started by ABDs, then, yeah, ban non-ABDs for starting threads.
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u/teakitty0722 ABD - 🇺🇸🇮🇳 Aug 04 '26
There are a lot of Indian subreddits that are toxic cesspools though. Misogynistic and hateful of other religions and extremely nationalistic and I think it's fair to ban people who are frequent posters in those spaces. I doubt they would have much to contribute here.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
This is exactly what I had in mind, 99.99% of ABDs aren’t commenting in subs like r/indiaspeaks and if there are somehow a few who have they can directly appeal the ban. It would do far more good than harm to have some sort of filtration process in place considering how many users here have faced harassment. Maybe users here could directly vote on which specific subs qualify?
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u/teakitty0722 ABD - 🇺🇸🇮🇳 Aug 04 '26
I can't count how many times some loser has DMed me to insult me, call me a sepoy or race traitor and other more vulgar things. They're almost always posting in similar subs talking about the same bullshit so I think everyone would benefit from banning ppl who post there.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Same here 💕 This is the experience of so many women who use this sub and a big reason why I made this post. Too many creeps have been able to roam free and reporting them is oftentimes useless, things need to change.
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u/FalconsArentReal Aug 04 '26
People will use alts, this method of correlation will not work. We need a way to verify someone is living in the west.
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u/Technical_Turn3497 Aug 04 '26
Perhaps people should be banned when they actually do something wrong, instead of assuming that because they are from India, they will do something wrong on that basis alone.
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u/teakitty0722 ABD - 🇺🇸🇮🇳 Aug 04 '26
I said people from specific subreddits should be banned, that's not as much of a generalized statement as you're making it out to be. I don't think everyone from India is bad. But there's an effort from a certain kind of right wing mainland Indian to control the narrative here, and you'll see it constantly when topics like this one, or Hindu-Muslim relations come up.
The vast majority of ABCDs have no interest in going over to an Indian subreddit and pretending to be knowledgeable about everything over there. But somehow people feel entitled to do that over here, when there are a million other India specific subreddits. Clearly waiting until people do something wrong isn't working right now
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u/Technical_Turn3497 Aug 05 '26
So in other words, you want to ban Indians solely because they participate in a subreddit for Indians, but at the same time, it’s nothing personal against the Indians. Got it.
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u/milinium Aug 04 '26
I don’t think it’s any different than a lot of women only subs banning men to have a safe space to talk about certain issues
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26
99.99% of ABDs aren’t commenting in subs like r/indiaspeaks and if there are somehow a few who have they can directly appeal the ban. It would do far more good than harm to have a filtration process since ABDs makes up an extremely small percentage of Desi reddit users, this place is an easy target for being overrun. Maybe people here could directly vote on which specific subs qualify to make things as fair as possible?
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u/Russ_T_Shackelford Indian American Aug 04 '26
I'd rather not do any harm to those that don't deserve it in the first place
"Let 100 guilty people go free if it means 1 innocent person doesn't suffer"
If punishments are being handed out, then do the work for it. The innocent ones shouldn't have to prove that they're innocent
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u/Weak_Albatross_6879 Aug 04 '26
I disagree. Unless people have a punishment they’ll continue to do so. My profession subreddit bans people to ensure the sub remains helpful
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u/Russ_T_Shackelford Indian American Aug 04 '26
A punishment for what though?
Should I, as an ABD, be punished because I posted in an Indian sub one time?
What does your sub ban people for?
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u/teakitty0722 ABD - 🇺🇸🇮🇳 Aug 04 '26
If there's any bans it should target the overtly toxic indian subreddits, there are a bunch of right wing politics focused subs and "meme" subs full of hateful bullshit. There probably aren't ABDs posting there, and even if there are a few, the benefits would outweigh the harm. Plus it's always possible to reach out and appeal a ban if it was genuinely a mistake.
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u/nomnommish Aug 04 '26
I disagree. Unless people have a punishment they’ll continue to do so. My profession subreddit bans people to ensure the sub remains helpful
Ironically, that's exactly the kind of gatekeeping a mainlander would do, and how they think of things.
Because so many people abuse things on a routine basis, the "rules" and enforcement is usually draconian and over the top.
It comes from a society that values individual expression and liberty very little and chooses over the top authoritarianism instead.
Which is the anti-thesis of what America is all about.
So be careful for what you wish for, as you might end up getting it.
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u/mintleaf14 Aug 04 '26
Yeah I mean the main Pakistan sub i think is a mix of ppl who live there and Pakistani abds (bc lbr this sub can get kind of hostile towards us) So then what?
I mean this sub is overwhelmingly Indian/Indian-American, I think south asian abds from non-indian bgs should feel safe to post in their culture/country of origin focused subs without being banned here. Plus not all South Asian communities have the same level of antagonism with ppl from their motherland.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
The ban wouldn't be for every South Asian sub, it would specifically be placed on the ones notorious for harboring bigoted, nationalist views that 99.99% of ABDs have never participated in. If there are a few ABDs who somehow got caught up in the ban they can always file for an appeal to be reinstated! We could have discussions/a vote on what subs would make the list so it's not just a few people calling the shots
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u/FluffyShakes Aug 03 '26
this sub got brigaded HEAVILY in a thread the other day, the things they were saying about ABCDs were unflattering but hilarious. how we are intolerant to NRIs, we think we are better, make decisions to socialize based on caste, etc.
just absolutely full of it
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u/Haas_the_Raiden_Fan Pakistani-Afghan American Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
There’s irony in that when a lot of NRIs (mainly ones who come from wealthy backgrounds) talk about having servants as if it's some normal thing
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Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Haas_the_Raiden_Fan Pakistani-Afghan American Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
It’s crazy because most chores are easy to do and the most physically taxing ones (I.e. landscaping/gardening) are cheap enough to hire contractors for
You can find cleaning agencies that charge maybe $100-200 for a job, which isn’t a super small expense but if you are tidy, you’d only need them every two weeks at most
They just want to have servants at their beck-and-call to allow them to continue being lazy
I’m sure a lot of them enjoy the power dynamics too
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u/teakitty0722 ABD - 🇺🇸🇮🇳 Aug 04 '26
As a college student I see this kind of behavior from students who recently moved here frequently enough to feel so much secondhand cringe from it. One of my cousins had a roommate who didn't clean up after himself or contribute to the living situation at all and expected him to handle everything. So spoiled
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u/Samp90 Canadian Aug 04 '26
Know this fella at work ....I was shocked to find out he absolutely hates making his own tea at office because, back in India, an office boy used to do that.... I mean, ffs!
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u/myc31ium Indian American Aug 04 '26
Most abcds probably don’t even know what caste is lmao, most of us are raised in a civilized society
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u/Hour_Corner4261 Aug 04 '26
I honestly don’t care if they want to join but I just get annoyed with the inferiority complex, bigotry, and political propaganda.
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u/cacti_zoom Aug 03 '26
The only to join this sub should be to post your ACT/SAT scores. Its the only way to prove you are american
/s
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u/AvailableBreak7835 Aug 04 '26
I have those scores but that’s cuz I grew up in America from 2 to 19 (had to leave b/c I was a documented dreamer 😭)
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u/LatexSmokeCats Aug 04 '26
How do you classify someone who was born in the Middle East, moved to the States as a teen, and has been here for 20+ years?
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26
You’re definitely an ABD, abroad applies to any country outside of South Asia not just America!
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u/OOF_ministry Aug 04 '26
youre still an ABD because you weren't born in south asia and you lived abroad your whole life. This sub isn't called American-born it's Abroad-born. I'm an ABD that was born in a southeast asian desi disapora but grew up in both SEA and America
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u/theBirdu Singaporean Aug 04 '26
I was born in India but have lived in SEA since I was a 1, not sure if that counts. Heck I even served national service in SEA.
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u/arnm7890 Aug 04 '26
I was born on the mainland but we moved to NZ when I was 3 years old and I've never lived there. Do I count?
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u/nonzeronumber Aug 04 '26
I’m an ABD person and I’ve largely stopped reading/participating in ABCDesis because of all the non-ABC commenting, posting, trolling, etc
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u/Damokai Aug 03 '26
Sounds good to me. I always see posts and then some dude comes in like “I was born in India” and says whatever he says and I’m like bruh lol
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u/Weak_Albatross_6879 Aug 04 '26
It just amazes me like first thing they say that and continues to post here when there’s so many other places
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
I had a mainlander try to lecture me yesterday about trailer parks and said that "Groypers are wealthy tech guys who wear suits'' Just jaw dropping amounts of bullshit and audacity I'm so tired lmao
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u/insomniac8994 Punjabi Canadian Aug 04 '26
Some of them just have an entitled attitude likely from being upper caste or whatever.
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u/rvi857 Aug 03 '26
Agreed with the suggestion! I’m not a huge fan of the lack of inclusivity and agenda-pushing via brigading that has been taking place here.
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u/vegetablesforever Aug 03 '26
What about those of us who were born in India but came to the US as babies? I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere lol.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
You’re 100% an ABD! The term is a catch all for anyone who spent the vast majority of their childhood and adolescence being raised abroad, even if they weren’t necessarily born abroad 💕
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u/mulemoment Aug 04 '26
You’re technically a “third culture kid” but more than welcome in this sub since you share the same culture and formative year experiences
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u/littycodekitty Indian American Aug 04 '26
We're ABDs and to say otherwise would be wild lmao, I have zero childhood memories of India except summer visits
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u/insomniac8994 Punjabi Canadian Aug 04 '26
You'd get the pass, if you came here before high school that counts as an ABD imo
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u/Thecynicalcatt Canadian Pakistani Aug 04 '26
We do, as third culture kids we relate more to ABDs than mainlanders. I was born in Pakistan, grew up in Abu Dhabi, came to Canada for university and never left. At this point of my life, I've spent more of it Canada than anywhere else.
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u/Huge-Engineering-791 Aug 04 '26
And what about some of us who have lived here longer than we have lived in India. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere :( - not fob / don’t relate with NRIs as so much as has changed India is not the same I grew up in / but don’t have high school or growing up shared experience with ABDs here .
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u/Low_Koala_6690 Aug 03 '26
Honestly you NRIs have a whole ass country and hometown. Why don’t y’all congregate at your hometown subreddits? As an ABCD with Modi-supporting NRI parents, I already have NRI parents who are BJP supporters who refuse to ever shut up. Whenever I see an NRI post on here it is the equivalent of having the most toxic aunty/uncle in someone’s hometown in rural UP butt into your personal space. Hope this helps the NRIs who try to post in this subreddit understand! 🙂
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u/themadhatter746 British Indian Aug 04 '26
Not all of us NRIs are chest thumping nationalistic modi supporters. I feel more at home here in the UK than I ever did in India. I will go so far as to say that I view my being born in India as a geographical accident. Sadly, there’s no home for us though- have no first hand experience of growing up in a western country, but unable/unwilling to participate in the nationalistic circle jerk most Indian subs are.
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u/RollingKatamari Aug 04 '26
There are already flairs, but there isn't one specific for me, yet. I know they probably can't put every country in there, but maybe something like Western Europe?
A good subreddit starts with admins who take time to vet ppl. Nowadays you do have the option to hide your post history, but I do believe admins have an insight to what ppl are posting on their specific subreddit?
The thing with the internet is, ppl will lie, it's not a perfect system. But I think putting more specific flairs as Indians really do live in every corner of the world, would be a good start.
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u/Educational_Ant6370 Aug 05 '26
I agree, especially since a LOT of recent posts have been India specific. There are other desi countries in the abd diaspora yakno.
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u/umamimaami Canadian Indian Aug 04 '26
Here for this. Atleast I’ll know if the viewpoint is from an ABD or NRI… Sometimes the degree of communal toxicity scares me - I thought that kind of bigotry was mostly confined to the mainland.
Buuuut I do worry about mainlanders larping with the wrong flair on - heaven knows enough of them have a fantasy that they could pass for ABD because their English is so good. As if that’s the only difference.
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u/crashbundicoot Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Bring the flairs, I'm an NRI married to an ABD and I feel like I have a lot to contribute to so many posts involving visiting the homeland or ABD / NRI relationships but I mostly stay quiet because I don't want to be accused of "cosplaying". I'd feel comfy making a comment here and there if I have something relevant to contribute if everyone could see that its being made by someone who's only connection to this sub is that they are married to one of you or have kids that are ABD themselves.. I'd also know not to comment on posts where the OP has requested from certain flairs only.. like like the TwoX subreddits.
Now before someone asks why I feel the need to even be on this sub. I'm married into an ABD family and 99% of my socialization is with other ABDs and this sub helps me understand the community that I'm a part of.
Anyway , Its not like I'm looking to actively participate here, just occasionally on topics which i feel are uniquely relevant to me.
P.s - desis who grow up in middle east mostly attend indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi schools - you guys have nothing in common and are nothing alike. There's a minuscule percentage that attend international schools that I'd consider westernized enough to belong here but even that is a stretch... I'm from kerala and half my family would qualify as abd if you expand the definition to include anyone who's growing up in middle east as ABD. Anyway not my place to gatekeep but even me as someone trying to understand desis from western countries am not interested in hearing the perspective of someone who spent 13 years attending indian model school dubai under an indian education board in a 100% indian classroom. So yes bring in the flairs and have tags for the middle east NRIs as well , itll help me filter out perspectives of american/canadian born desis from the middle east desis.
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u/Huge-Engineering-791 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
I really related to your comment. I am an NRI who’s lived in the US for over half my life now. At this point I’ve actually lived here longer than I ever lived in India and Europe, so I often feel like I don’t fully belong anywhere. I’m not an ABD, but I’m not the same person I would have been had I stayed in India either.
I joined this sub because I’m raising kids here, building my life here, and many of my closest friends and coworkers are 2nd and 3rd generation ABDs. I’m here to understand this community better, not to speak over it.
I completely support keeping out trolls, bigots, and people acting in bad faith. But reading posts like this does make me feel like the message is “you’re not one of us, so you don’t belong here,” and that’s a little disheartening. There are many of us who are simply trying to learn because our lives and our children’s lives are deeply intertwined with the ABD experience.
I actually think flairs are a good idea. They provide context while still allowing respectful participation from people who are here in good faith.
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u/itotally_CAN_even Canadian-born Punjabi, you harami panchod. Aug 04 '26
You don’t have the lived experience of going to school and dealing with “othering” because — for example — your mom packed you alu gobi sabji with roti, while your classmates all get luncheables. You don’t have the experience of trying to grow up in a multicultural community or predominantly white community while also being forced by your parents to observe your own cultural traditions, and all the conflict and fallout created by that. As ABDs, we have certain lived experiences that NRIs and mainlanders simply cannot relate to and those experiences shape our cultural lenses.
However, I think It’s great that you want to be in this sub though if it’s so you can help your own children navigate through life and to learn through the experience of other ABDs… but it shouldn’t be at the cost of taking away a apace for ABDs to relate with other ABDs.
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u/Huge-Engineering-791 Aug 04 '26
I don’t disagree that my lived experience is different from yours. I didn’t grow up here, so I won’t pretend I know what it was like to be an ABD child in America.
But your lunchbox example is actually very relevant to my family because it’s something my own child has already experienced. We’ve had the “your food smells” and the “your skin is the color of poop” comments . As a parent, it’s heartbreaking to watch your child go through something you don’t fully know how to help them navigate.
That’s one of the main reasons I’m here. I read this sub to understand how ABDs many of whom are around my age now processed these experiences growing up, so I can better support my children as they live through them today.
So while I may not have been the one directly on the receiving end as a child, I am living the other side of that experience every day as the parent of ABD kids. I’m not here to tell ABDs what their experience is or to take away a space that’s important to them. I’m here because their experiences help me become a better parent.
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u/Negative_Life_5266 Third Culture Kid Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Hard disagree on the last ME diaspora diss- u can’t really comment on the experiences of the ME diaspora while not being one yourself
- yes they do have very Indian culture focused communities especially schools and even a few unis but that stops there - they still face horrible systemic racism cuz the work force isn’t divided like that - like the person who went to that Indian school and uni in ME will get paid significantly less than their white/ Khaleeji counterparts
many of them have never even stepped foot in the mainland - being surrounded by the culture may give u a certain mainlander esque mindset depending on what part of ME u grew up in but that applies to certain British desis asw
Plus it is extremely region specific- someone from downtown Dubai is going to be significantly more ‘westernised’ than someone from a small city in Sharjah - but they are both definitely part of the ME desi diaspora - also like ik people who have been in ME for generations and struggle with their Indian identity
Again the westernisation argument makes even less sense when u take into account other desi diasporas like the Singaporean Indian, Malaysian Indian diaspora.
Whole time there’s noticeable diff btwn people who grew up in the ME vs newly immigrated nris
Only reason ur specifying the ME desis is cuz they can’t access citizenship regardless
Also if u grew up in the mainland u have not experienced the racial profiling, police violence, systemic hiring discrimination against the desi diaspora in ME CUZ UR NOT FROM THERE
High key giving me mainlander nri copium lmao
For the record I’m not even a fully ME desi - I’m a TCK between the UK and ME
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u/crashbundicoot Aug 04 '26
There is no ME diaspora diss unless you are personally offended by my observation that desis that grow up in western countries in their school systems have nothing in common with desis growing up in middle east countries in the school boards of the countries their parents belonged to.
You then go on to talk about the discrimination in workplace based on country or origins and this is exactly my point ... most ABDs dont even relate to such issues or have any cultural context about such things.. the ABDs I know here are shocked when I explain that your salary in ME is tied to country of origin ..most of them were not even aware that you could live 50 years in these countries and not have citizenship.. your issues are different, your experiences are different..most of the ME diaspora don't have the "issues" I see the ABDs have or the identity crisis of growing up as a minority in a non desi school district.
Youve never been made fun of for your food, your clothing or your accent while growing up because you grew up ..with other desis ...if you are indian chances are that you had to even prep for the same board exams that I did studying the same text books and maybe even participated in the entrance exam grind .. you grew up with your parents always having one foot in the mother country because neither you nor your parents would get citizenship in the ME countries you live in .. and every ME desi I know aspires to "immigrate to a western country" because they do not want to go settle back in india ..nor be permanent NRIs in a middle east country.. ofcourse I am generalizing but even if I am not you guys have next to nothing in common ...
Your perspectives do not help me understand the ABDs that I see around me. If you lived your whole life in middle east and moved to a western country for college or for work ..you have more in common with an immigrant from mainland that an ABD ..idk why any of this is offensive.. like I said ..im from kerala , half my family is in the gelf ... all of them wanted to immigrate to first world countries and obtain citizenship there .. all of them have indian passports... you are your own category and a flair would help me put the comments in that context idk why you are contesting this.
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u/Ottirb_L Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
the ABDs I know here are shocked when I explain that your salary in ME is tied to country of origin ..most of them were not even aware that you could live 50 years in these countries and not have citizenship.. your issues are different, your experiences are different.
you have more in common with an immigrant from mainland that an ABD.
Wow, didn't realise as someone who grew up in the 'gelf' myself that India had passport tier discrimination and no citizenship or permanent residency despite being born and raised there!
you are your own category and a flair would help me put the comments in that context
EDIT: I agree gulf raised Indians are their own category separate from western born/raised Indians as well as Indians from India. I'm all down for user flairs.
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u/crashbundicoot Aug 14 '26 edited Aug 14 '26
Wow, didn't realise as someone who grew up in the 'gelf' myself that India had passport tier discrimination and no citizenship or permanent residency despite being born and raised there!
I am not sure what this is a reference to, I was talking about how the issues that gulf NRIs face such as their salary being tied to country of origin or passport or inability to acquire citizenship through residency , birth or even marriage in GCC countries are foreign to ABDs.
I have gulf NRIs, ABDs and everyone in between in my family. The kids of NRIs are all looking to settle in western countries - they want to "immigrate" - the ABD is not looking to immigrate , the gulf NRIs and Indians are looking to immigrate they've done the same GRE, TOEFL preps or applied for foreign universities , they have researched which western country has visa policies favorable to them..how do they not have more in common with an immigrant than with the ABD?
Lets talk about the schooling experience which is the biggest factor here - If you grew up in a school full of Indians - you've had a childhood more closer to someone growing up in india. I haven't met any NRIs having anything close to the identity issues that an ABD has to navigate or grapple with growing up as a minority in a white majority school district.
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u/Ottirb_L Aug 15 '26
I was talking about how the issues that gulf NRIs face such as their salary being tied to country of origin or passport or inability to acquire citizenship through residency , birth or even marriage in GCC countries are foreign to ABDs.
Exactly, although Gulf raised Indians are different from West raised Indians, I don't know why you're so keen on categorising Gulf Indians being the same as mainlanders from India, especially when the latter never had to face any systemic discrimination growing up and having no place to call home.
The Gulf Indians immigrate to the West not because of economic reasons unlike the ones from the mainland. They do because they want to secure a first world passport (and then head back to the Gulf as western expats) so that they aren't legally confined to India, a developing country they don't socially relate to since they didn't grow up there. Besides, even some Western raised Indians move to the Gulf for higher tax free incomes, especially from the UK.
how do they not have more in common with an immigrant than with the ABD?
Again, you're conflicting legal administrative issues with social ones and a sense of belonging. However, even legally under certain circumstances, many Gulf born Indians don't face the same issues of US Green card backlogs that India born Indians face, since it's entirely based on the country of birth.
On a final note, I don't think you should be entitled to talk on behalf of groups of people whose experiences you haven't lived as it doesn't yield you any credibility. Ironically, your stance is precisely the point of this post where mainlanders feel entitled to talk on behalf of other Indians raised abroad.
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u/crashbundicoot Aug 15 '26 edited Aug 15 '26
I think my comment has rubbed you the wrong way and I hope it's not because you think Gulf NRIs are a "different class of immigrant" - but it seems like you do and i don't want to unpack that. Mainlanders are immigrants and you are expats - okay buddy either way, I will be the last person to say that there are no differences between gulf NRIs and Indians. My statement was in the context of comparing with american born desis , I come to this group usually to understand the perspectives of western born desis , its a perspective shaped primarily by feeling like a minority growing up in schools in a multi racial atmosphere and perspectives shaped by growing up in a foreign culture. Gulf NRIs are culturally so different from western born desis that having user flairs would be good to understand their comments in that context - and this was because of my experience reading comments from a user on cultural appropriation which devolved into talking about "maids" and after a while turns out he's not even an ABD but a gulf NRI - and my immediate reaction was duh ofcourse you would say this, I didn't jump into that conversation but atleast knowing that helped me place his comments in that perspective.
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u/OkRB2977 Assamese Canadian - TCK Aug 03 '26
Would love that but I think if the nationalist mainlanders who want to brigade to peddle the political messaging of a particular party will simply just lie and misidentify themselves.
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u/insomniac8994 Punjabi Canadian Aug 04 '26
You can usually still spot them though, the nationalist ones have this weird victim complex that shows up in their posts.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 03 '26
They can lie but if their post history doesn't line up with the flair they chose that would lead to a permanent ban. It's not a perfect solution but it's much better than what's happening right now!
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u/Russ_T_Shackelford Indian American Aug 03 '26
Who's going to investigate that though?
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u/woahtheregonnagetgot Aug 03 '26
especially if they hide their posts and comments
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 03 '26
If you type in a username on google their post history will usually show up even if they try to keep it hidden
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u/umamimaami Canadian Indian Aug 04 '26
Never heard of this happening!
And honestly people engage on subs in other countries for all kinds of reasons - such as being an immigrant there currently despite being ABD.
Not a fan of banning based on subreddit activity.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26
I get where you’re coming from but they often have at least one comment that makes it clear they were born and raised in the mainland. Also fwiw im willing to bet a lot of money that no ABD has ever commented in a sub like r/indiaspeaks
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u/teakitty0722 ABD - 🇺🇸🇮🇳 Aug 04 '26
You're right, 99% of ABCDs don't feel the need to go post in Indian subreddits and pretend to be knowledgeable about how things work over there. But for some reason they like to do that over here lmao
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u/vxfnt Aug 04 '26
While I agree, a lot of NRIs will lie. You see this even in dating apps like DilMil.
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u/TestingLifeThrow1z Aug 03 '26
Can't auto-remove users who post comments on certain subs because what if they're defending us against them?
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u/Ok-Committee-1932 Aug 04 '26
Honestly, I don't even have a problem with Mainlanders hanging out in the sub as long as they are not being openly bigoted or using atrocious grammar/sentence structure, which has become very common here recently.
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u/squidgytree British Indian Aug 04 '26
How would we actually prove someone is not an ABCD? I regularly comment on Gujarati hiphop, movie and language subs so if you looked at my comment history (which is hidden btw) you'd suspect I'm from Gujarat, even though my great grandfather left the country before it actually existed
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u/Administrative_City2 Aug 04 '26
Same as my great grandfather he left India in the 1920s then he went back to India on the same ship that Gandhi was on, all 4 of my grandparents had been in different African countries outside India until they moved to the UK in the early 1960s.
I was born in the UK in the early 70s but whenever I have been to India I get called an NRI?? I also sometimes comment in India related subs, would I be banned from ABCD?
I would like to know more about Gujarati hip-hop it sounds interesting although I cannot read or write it, I can understand the language.
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u/gannekekhet Canadian Indian Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
I think there's a few things people are misunderstanding about your post and your solution. This is not an absolute solution, there is no fool-proof way of making sure that only Abroad-Born (and raised) Desis are active on the sub and we know that there are parents of ABCDesi kids here that aren't ABCDesis themselves. But one solution is better than nothing and I really like the idea of requiring flairs on this sub. Mandatory community flairs can help us identify the perspective behind a post or comment. People can and will lie but it's a step in trying to cut down on the bad-faith user and their posts/comments rather than just doing nothing. Besides, there are archival sites that log a user's entire comment history on Reddit, regardless of whether they have hidden their post/comment history or not.
I see comments talking about how they do visit certain mainland subs to talk about music, films, or sports (I do as well!) but you've clearly specified "certain toxic subreddits" so I'm certain r/bollywood, r/IndianCricket, or r/indiansports won't count. Maybe you could specify which toxic subreddits you're thinking of! However, I do disagree with auto-banning people who use certain subreddits simply because the membership lists of subreddits are private, you only know if someone has commented so the m*ds would have to actively use a bot or tools and I don't know if they'd want to take the time to set it up. It's actually not against Reddit's site-wide rules. For example, queer subreddits have auto-banned users that are active on anti-queer subreddits by using options like Hive Protect but m*ds will have to accept that people will appeal the bans and they will have the job to check whether it was an correct or incorrect ban. Innocent actions like fighting against a bigot on their sub would show you had a comment history on that sub and because you'd get auto-banned on another sub, you'd have to appeal. I wouldn't want a user here who actively contributes in a subreddit that promotes and encourages hate but it's up to m*d discretion at the end and they could decide users here would only be banned for their conduct on this subreddit.
Some issues I can see people commenting about are that users can lie about their flair, what constitutes as an Abroad-Born Confused Desi, what if they were born in South Asia, why can't immigrants be active here, and more. People will lie, users have been lying about their history when posting or commenting here anyway, they might continue to do so. M*ds can look through a user's comment histories on their sub but others can also use archival sites or their past interactions with said user to see contradictory information. I think this subreddit isn't just for Abroad-Born Desis but also Abroad-Raised Desis and Third Culture Kids as well. ARCD doesn't sound as good as ABCD and this subreddit was originally for American-Born Desis so I can understand the confusion. A lot of people here have said that an ABCD/ARCD is someone whose formative/developing years and/or cultural perspective has been shaped outside of South Asia. Does that sound about right? I agree with that definition. If you were born in South Asia but raised abroad, that would mean you are an Abroad-Raised Desi. And finally, of course, immigrants can be active here, we have immigrant parents of ABCD kids here. I hope they can all specify using flairs so we all know from what perspective they're talking from.
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u/thelastdragonborn_ Aug 04 '26
No Flairs. NRIs and FOBS need to stop cosplaying as western born desis online. If they tried it in real life they would be outed so quickly by their mannerisms.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26
I get this feeling completely but unfortunately they're just not going to stop, it's up to us to keep them from ruining this place
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u/Weak_Albatross_6879 Aug 04 '26
I’ll do you one better. New mods. And if this comment gets deleted or banned its proof we have someone/people whose/who are not an ABCD and that’s why his infiltration has happened
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u/Negative_Life_5266 Third Culture Kid Aug 04 '26
I feel like I’m missing out on the drama lmao cuz all the messy mainlander posts get taken down my the mods before I see em 😔🙏
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u/Siya78 Indian American Aug 03 '26
Genuinely asking what is the difference between a NRI and mainlander?
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u/vnyrun Aug 03 '26
NRI don't live in India but are born there. Mainlanders live where they are from.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 03 '26
An NRI is someone who moved abroad as a teenager or adult but grew up in the mainland
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u/vegetablesforever Aug 03 '26
Because how do you define those of us who were born in India but came to the US as babies? I can’t really call myself “Indian” because I literally grew up in the US.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26
You are 100% an ABD, you spent almost the entirety of your life growing up abroad even if you were born in India. Don’t ever question that 💕
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u/dizruptivegaming Indian American Aug 04 '26
I’m guessing we’re going to have send mods a picture of our passports to get certified ABCD status /s
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u/Crodle Aug 04 '26
Between me, you, and the billions of bot accounts, I don't think there's anybody real out there. The internet is dead and has been for a while..
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u/steadfastadvance Aug 04 '26
The hypocrisy of this post is insane. The sub talks about all the anti-indian hate that is mainly aimed at towards NRIs, but somehow you have no shame in gatekeeping from NRIs.
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26
Wanting a space to discuss the issues and experiences that only we can truly understand is not gatekeeping. NRIs have their own subs, there is zero reason for them to come here and pretend to be part of our community. We're certainly not going to their spaces trying to speak over them and their issues.
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u/Equivalent_Road5788 Hindustani speaking, Indian American Aug 30 '26
When you stand for everything you stand for nothing. If we allow you on here your sheer numbers will overwhelm and turn this place into an extension. You have dozens of other places, go over there because we don’t want ABCD voices to not be drowned out.
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u/steadfastadvance Aug 30 '26
Get off your high horse, youre not that special, talking about standing up for a reddit sub lmao. I'm an ABCD myself,like actual American born, not Abroad which is also stupid on its own and bastardized the meaning of ABCD.
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u/Equivalent_Road5788 Hindustani speaking, Indian American Aug 30 '26
NRIs, mainlanders and ABCDs are completely different, and yes we actually are special in that our experiences are different. These mainlanders often come on here with their condescending takes and then try to shut down our views. So the only one that needs to shush is you.
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u/steadfastadvance Aug 30 '26
The divide you people are creating is the exact reason why hate against Indians will never stop, because no one hates Indians more than other Indians. Case in point.
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u/Equivalent_Road5788 Hindustani speaking, Indian American Aug 30 '26
Read again, this subreddit gets brigaded and slandered by them constantly. We have no obligation to cater to entitled people that wanna hijack this place. They are not entitled to lecture us on here.
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u/saleemi758 Desh-Born Pakistani Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
This is just nuts that you care about this so much. I am not American born but the sub's content feels pretty relevant to me as a south asian immigrant to America...
Edit: there you go, I am flaired up now
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u/Weak_Albatross_6879 Aug 04 '26
Oh in what way did your experience growing up in a predominantly white world feel relevant to us?
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u/yamchirobe Aug 04 '26
This is ridiculous, a NRI in the U.S. has more in common with an ABD in the U.S. than and ABD from South Africa .
Either restrict the discussions based on geography or don’t at all
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 04 '26
Least obvious NRI take
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u/yamchirobe Aug 04 '26
Not trying to hide who I am, just think about it ABC Indians are the only ones who gatekeep like this, Chinese and Koreans are more accepting of people from their mainland.
When the racists see us they don’t see a difference. Asha Sharma is ABD but she is treated the same way as Satya Nadella or any other Indian origin person by the racists.
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u/teakitty0722 ABD - 🇺🇸🇮🇳 Aug 04 '26
You have not spent enough time with Chinese and Korean Americans if you think that.
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u/Secret-Mix5414 Aug 03 '26
Bro why are we discriminating against NRIs I’ve been here like a decade 😭😭. The entire Indian community is getting discriminated against because we’re to busy arguing with each other bro.
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u/woahtheregonnagetgot Aug 04 '26
why do you take it as discrimination when other communities have spaces that are just for them? do you think like this if your friends have a guys/girls night and you don’t go because you’re the opposite sex? it’s not hate, it’s just a community having its own space 🙏
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u/SamosaAndMimosa Indian American Aug 03 '26 edited Aug 03 '26
There is nothing wrong with being an NRI but we've gone through very different experiences. There are many subs dedicated to NRIs but this is the only sub for the abroad born diaspora, and it deserves to be a place where we can be amongst our own and talk about the issues that pertain to us.
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u/Pretend-Scar2266 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Well now you get into the weeds of who’s an NRI that’s assimilated enough to be in said sub. Like that one person who said she came here as a literal baby, vs the other types of NRI—-college aged student who came here a year ago, someone on a work visa, or recent immigrant in their teen/adult life….all are classified as the same???
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u/mulemoment Aug 04 '26
No, I think the sub has always appreciated that if you came before high school you’re an ABD or third culture kid. If you came for college or later you’re an NRI.
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u/FalconsArentReal Aug 04 '26
There is a sub for you folks: /r/nri
It's not like you don't have a space
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u/Administrative_City2 Aug 04 '26
Exactly & whenever we go to India whether you are ABCD or NRI or whatever, we are all just labelled NRI. 1.4billion real people of India don’t give a shit, you are NRI full stop.
It’s just people that live their lives on the internet that feel the need to separate people based on where they are born, real people don’t really give a crap about it as sooner or later some assimilation happens.
I am more concerned about desi people pretending to be a different religion than what are to trap the opposite sex, not investigating where someone is born.
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u/_lick_the_stamp Aug 04 '26
Have mentioned this before but this subs obsession with “mainlanders” is odd.
I don’t see comments from them, I see lots of people whinge about them though. Just get on with it?
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u/Weak_Albatross_6879 Aug 04 '26
So because YOU don’t see it we should move on? And this is why we want to keep this place ABCD
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u/_lick_the_stamp Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
I don’t see it as a big issue, no. Some in here want to feel above and better than Indians living in India by speaking down to them.
I figured we all grew out of regressive cultural norms. Doesn’t seem like it.
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u/Rough-Yard5642 Aug 03 '26
can't people just lie about their flair though?