please help I have had two people so far that I thought i was getting to be really close friends with ask me out.

now one of those friends is my flatmate and is telling me NOW about a girl he “asked out” with success. I’m happy for him and all, but then he reveals he actually asked her to meet for lunch with no explicitly stated romantic intentions.

I don’t understand. Is this normal? He thinks that I am the crazy one because I told him that it doesn’t count as a date or even a “half date” because she added excessive exclamation points in her text response. Do all alloromantic people play mind games like this? I have half a mind to call him on spouting bullshit because he never managed to successfully date a girl but to be fair I haven’t either (not that I’ve tried).

I don‘t like that people will act nice to me and want to hang out with me and it turns out that what they want to do is date. So I need to know: how can I be clued in to this without leading someone on for half a year? I’ll probably start bringing up early on that I’m aro when I meet people. I guess. But generally I prefer not to out myself as alloaro because it’s something about myself that disgusts me sometimes.

I've been using the label "genderfae" but I don't think the description is right for me because it doesn't include anything masculine like being a tomboy

Hello everyone! So... recently I've really got into trying to investigate my gender identity and, since I am not really good at this topic at all... I wanted to ask a question.

Is it possible to be a cisgender woman and a cassgirl at the same time? I just want to understand it a bit more. Thanks everyone.

I feel I’m a straight passing 30f. I’ve had moments I def looked queer, but work has me confirming.

I came out as bi when I was 18 to close friends and they were all like we know. We thought you did too🤣 and soon after I switched the verbiage to pansexual. Have been going by that for years.

I met a woman online and we just stayed friends, but she introduced me to using queer as a label and it’s my favorite. Why? Bc one either they’re gonna ask questions and we can have a fun conversation or two they’re gonna stop talking. At least that’s been my experience. I love using queer considering it once was a slur. It’s taking it back and not letting others use it to hurt us. At least that’s how that introduced it to me and tbh I never really looked into it and now I feel arrogant/ignorant. But imma continue as I am bc this post is me coming to a safe place to kindness and guidance from others.

I was JUST watching a video from everyone’s favorite volcano loving lesbian about which gem/mineral represent each lgbtqia+. She did omnisexual and said it was the most requested. I’ve seen it often online as well but haven’t looked it up… until now. And I was like woah this feels way more accurate. And then I just kept reading more and searching more and this is what I’ve landed on if I have to keep it to five:

OMNISEXUAL • SAPIOSEXUAL • QUEER • ABROSEXUAL • ACEFLUX

All this being said, I feel for everything in life I have always been on not only both ends of every spectrum, but also in the center. And sometimes center left or center right. I am fairly confident I may be AuDHD from the research I’ve done on that with my experiences as well. But sometimes I’m into this more than others, sometimes I don’t want anything to do romantically or sexually. Sometimes I’m hyper sexual. Sometimes I’m more into men than I am women. Sometimes I don’t care about gender and just want a connection.

Lately I’ve also been introduced to the term table top poly. I think back to how I once loved and thought it was ENM. But I really don’t think that’s me at all. And idk something happened a few years ago that snapped something in me and I feel like I surprised myself into this mono/hetero life and I’ve been miserable but have felt trapt. In my mind I’m not gay enough for the queer community, but I’m not straight enough.. honestly I don’t wanna be bunched up with the straights. Period😭😭😭

But kitchen table poly. It sounds lovely. My own lil commune of folks I adore and some of us date, some of us don’t, sharing, keeping everything within our like village. I love it honestly. Truly its sounds like heaven. I wouldn’t lie if I also see this as a way to save money so I can have horses 🤣🤣 in this economy? The more ways rent is split the better🤣🤣🤣🤣 I digress.

So here I am and some insight that may or not be helpful. I’m just kind of throwing myself out there hoping for clarity on how these labels function together, CC to follow that may help me on this journey, or even just hearing some of you talk about the confusing parts along the way before you found what felt right for you.

And I’d like to say that I’m not one for labels. Clearly I’ve never fit into any one label and I take that with pride. But I am using these labels as a point of reference for growth and knowledge I don’t have.

Hello everyone,

sorry if this post rambles on a bit or anything, i've never really discussed this and want to add as much info as possible.

I am autistic 19M and have always had very feminine characteristics persay? The way I express myself via gestures, or communicate myself, potentially posture and walk, random stuff like that.

I've never really quite fit in (no surprises there lol) and always struggled to find my crowd regardless of whom.

I live with my mum who is not interested in men or relationships (for about 10 years now) and frequently see my sisters, one of which uses nonbinary pronouns and my sister in law who I believe is pansexual, but highly orientated towards women if I remember correctly. Over the years, i've sat next to a lot of conversations revolving around "hating men" and "sexist men", basically anything relating to negativity towards men which as a shy, non-conflictual person have lightly argued on with them before, but neutrally saying that their points apply to every gender. I see my dad every now and again, who has very feminine characteristics himself, however is a straight man. I've never had any pressure from my family about "conforming" to gender or sexuality, but as stated with the anti-men conversations, has maybe pressured my wishes of being born female from time to time, especially being the only male in an all female family.

I've always had long hair and always been told it suits me, and find joy in things like jewellery and for a short time used eyeliner frequently before stressing about others/family judgement and ditching it, but I have thought about maybe using it again.

I don't think this matters too much in terms of the post, however I do identify as Pansexual, with more attraction towards females, or female appearing people (if that makes any sense). I find men attractive, but not as sexually and romantically as females at the best of times. Also worth noting that the majority of my exes have been FTM trans.

I think the main points making me question my identity is gender envy? I will quite often look at a woman and think to myself "god I wish I could look like that" and spiral for a few hours about what it could mean before I shove the thoughts to the side and get on with life. What I mean with the gender envy is like, I wish I could have their attractive attributes? I envy the clothes they can pull off, the bodies they have, the features and makeup they can have without the judgemental side of it. I don't know if I'd feel any different if I would have them myself, but everytime I see a woman who I think is beautiful and gives me gender envy I go down a complete rabbithole for hours (hence why i'm making this post). I don't really get this with men? I consciously realise i'm a feminine man who doesn't fit in or really work out, so I envy men in the way of that I'm not exactly like, bog standard slim or muscular and that it may contribute to me not being very popular because it's another thing I struggle to find connecting to men with.

Speaking of, i've always found I do connect with feminine men and women better than standard or masculine guys. I'm definitely dramatic in how I engage and present myself, but not theatrically. My best friends are a younger gay man (born male) who's also finding himself out, and a woman who's spent years figuring out her gender identity (born female) and stuck with female, but is also pansexual. These two (aswell as maybe some family) I have never felt any judgement about who or what I am and I can be myself around, and it's amazing, but I want to work out who I am for myself, but also them as to not confuse us all anymore lol.

I haven't done much in terms of attemting to see if female clothing or lifestyle things would suit me more or less for lack of availability and fear of judgement from others, but also myself.

Extra note whilst reading this, I watched a video about this webcomic called 'Welcome to the internet Transvesite!' and realised that in my past, I used a community roleplaying app called amino (it's a whole story for those of you that were lucky enough to never find this app) and frequently as a young person (like maybe 8-14?) roleplayed as female personas online and was sexually roleplayed by people as one and, regretfully, it being my first sexual experiences ever also enjoyed it, but in the sense of that it pleased others and men.

I know there is more than likely info i'm missing, and it's not a clear black and white "you are trans!" but I've spent years feeling like this and just maybe want some guidance from others who might know how this feels?

If you've read this far, thank you for your time and any contributions in the form of advice or any comments would really help me at the moment. Thank you again everyone!

I am a trans guy and I am finally getting around to writing the book I've had in my head for ages. My goal is to write more fantasy books with more trans/non-binary representation, with a more specific goal of the characters just living in the world and their identity not being the point of the story.

TLDR The main character (MC) helps spark a rebellion, leads it with their love interest (who is a man), and progressively becomes more and more corrupt throughout the novel (the man becomes corrupt as well).

I am not concerned about my ability to write a character like this. I am very worried about people reading it and misinterpreting it as an excuse to hate on non-binary people, no matter how well the character is written and despite the fact that them turning villainous has nothing to do with their gender identity. I do have several other characters in the book as trans & under the non-binary umbrella, who aren't going to turn evil, so it is not like MC is the only one.

Unfortunately I have seen this happen for similar instances before, and I wanted to get external opinions to see if it is a valid concern or if I am overthinking it.

Speaking as a straight woman, I had my first crush on a boy in preschool when I was probably 3-4 years old. I know from an extremely early age I was attracted to boys. So it surprises me to hear things from LGB people saying “this picture was in middle school before I knew I was gay” or “my bullies knew I was gay before I did”.

Do some people genuinely not know they’re attracted to the same sex during childhood/teen years? Did the fact that heterosexual relationships are the “default” make it so that you mischaracterized your same sex attraction as just friendship or appreciation? Were you just genuinely not attracted to the same sex until you hit puberty? I’m so curious

So this might just come from a lot of insecurity on my part but i'm genuinely wondering if cis gay men would actually ever go for a trans guy.

I myself am 26 years of age and only like 4'11 and pre-T. I've been going out to clubs and parties and I dont seem to be having any luck with any guy, cis or trans. I admittedly don't approach people easily but I do try my best. Is there something i'm doing wrong? or is dating as a trans guy really supposed to be this miserable?

I am a straight guy and i´m 15. I recently met a trans guy. He hasn’t really started transitioning yet but has the intention to eventually do it. We started talking and became best friends. Very early on, he told me that he is trans. He is open about it with close friends and i totally support him.

I feel conflicted because I kind of like him, but I’ve always considered myself straight, and I feel that I only like the feminine aspects of him. And that is weird because I feel that I don’t really like him for who he really is. I don’t think I really like HIM, but the other version of him, and I feel bad about it.

And to add to the situation, I recently discovered that he likes me (he’s gay). I’m pretty sure he knows I’m straight, which makes the situation even weirder. If he doesn’t know, then I think I should tell him, but I don’t really think that’s the case.

Any advice on my situation? I dont know how to feel or what to do.

Hey

I made this post while being very lost about my own identity

I've always been a lesbian, most of my life I think, always been sure about that, and it hasn't changed since then

It's really comforting for me to stick to that label, I feel better that way than being unlabeled

But, I had some phases where I would go very masculine, I thought it was just some phases we all mostly have during adolescence when being a lesbian

But idk, recently it got worst, I started going out completely masculine, mustache, binding etc

I use masculine pronouns on myself

It's very confusing to me

I think I've been using neutral pronouns and identity for a year or two now

But I would oftenly lead to more fem identity

And right now, I feel like I want to be recognised as a man fully

But I don't want to throw away my lesbian label, I know it might sounds stupid but it's really restraining me

Anybody went through the same ?

I feel so confused right now.
I, 17 f, have been questioning for a few years my sexuality, I feel like I'm sexually attracted to women but I can't know for sure since I've never been in a relationship, right?
I've never liked anybody and the closest thing I've had to a crush was probably aesthetic attraction towards a girl from my school.

I'm afraid that I think I may be queer only because I've spent so much time wondering who I'm attracted to, and finding out that I'm straight would feel like I've wasted my time (and it would also kinda feel disappointing tbh).

I don't usually open up about this stuff because I don't want to feel like an attention seeker, but for some reason I got the urge to tell my parents (maybe because it was starting to weight on me or because I want them to be prepared in case I actually get a girlfriend).

My dad was accepting but my mom is still not really convinced I suppose?
She keeps asking questions and I don't feel comfortable answering them.

But now I'm afraid that I've actually lied to everyone and That I've caused such a big scene for nothing and I have no idea how to feel.

Over last couple months I 19m have started experimenting with dressing, more feminine in private.
And I’ve loved it and been happier then ever even thought I’m fem only in private. But I hate that. I hate how much I want to be feminine in public to be happy. I don’t know what to do I don’t know how I should feel about this. I’m just confused and am so conflicted.

I was just thinking to myself about whether labeling one's sexuality is actually helpful. I decided to look up the opinions of queer people, and a lot of them said that it can be very useful when somebody is trying to figure out their sexuality.

Then it hit me... What does it actually MEAN to figure out your sexuality?

For me, there was no questioning. I don't even think about it. Usually, I'm attracted to women, but sometimes I'll be attracted to a man.

I never had to sit down and ask myself "Do I like women AND men?" because, well, yeah. I do.

So it's strange to me that people say questioning your sexuality is important because... To me it just seems like figuring out which box you fit in the most. Which brings me back to how I started this post. (It's all just circular reasoning, isn't it...)

Anyway, maybe I'm wrong! Maybe I'm a fucking idiot! But I just don't understand this, because it just seems like a roundabout way of defining a concept that doesn't even need defining in the first place.

EDIT: I'm just talking about sexuality here! Not gender!

1- why are there more gay people than lesbians ? especially in the united states ?

2- why are the divorce rates for lesbian couples the highest ? i’ve had people telling me about this recently and it’s honestly causing me to be worried because i’m in a relationship with a woman that i want to take seriously for once but after hearing this fact it instilled paranoia in my mind . is it true that lesbians have the highest divorce rates ?

Idk how to start this but basically I never had any crushes and would often pick a random person and call it a day. I only fell in love with the same gender (girl) and it took me a year to realize that. Honestly I don’t think I lack any romantic attraction? I don’t find romance boring and I can’t say I’m a lesbian if I never really cared about gender

I flirted with an Irish gal at a Halloween party for the bookstore last Thursday. It was a good time. But I feel all these emotions that I haven’t felt in a long time. The Irish gal is pansexual and she liked my bookish flirting style. And she is coming to the bookstore this week.

I certainly belive that it does. But I've seen alot of people say that it shouldn't because of the chance that kids could be there, which i belive is pretty irrelevant since kink gear has been present at festivals since the begging and I personally belive it's weirder to change that then for people to accept that not every place can be kid appropriate.

does a transgender culture exist?

Apart from the mainstream, white cis-dominated LGBTQ culture and political movement... is there a discernible transgender culture? As in values, rituals, customs, etc. that we collectively share as trans and non-binary people? Or, perhaps a loose collection of subcultures?

I'm a gay high schooler in South Korea (Gay marriage isn't legal but being gay isn't persecuted. Most people are homophobic). I think I should go to a college in the US because I feel like I can be more open there and be able to date. I've recently come out to my parents, and they don't think that way. They think the US might be better on legal standards, and outwards appearance, but people are still homophobic and just keep it to themselves, and it's going to be difficult either way. They also said that I might face more violence there (since Korea is very safe in general). They said I'm idealizing a fantasy.

I always thought that being gay in the US is mostly accepted now, and young people aren't that homophobic. And since a lot of people are out (I've read near 10% for Gen Z men) most people would have at least met a gay guy before (Practically no one is out here, so coming out would be a terrible idea and I would also have to stay under the radar and date secretly).

Which do you think is more correct? Is it not that good in the US? Can you be out without much fear, and can you date like it's sort of normal?

TL;DR: My parents think that the US isn't that much better for me, a gay guy, than South Korea. Is it?

I'm mostly thinking about Northern/Western states and colleges, in places like Boston.

(This actually happened about 2 years ago, but I'm just now remembering the incident so I wanted to ask others for their opinion on the situation so I know how to move forward in the future. )

I (F) decided to sublet my apartment to a trans woman for a summer and my roommate (F) took issue with this. I told her before I started looking for someone that I will try my best to find a woman, but if I can't, I will sublet to a man because I really can't afford to pay two different rents while interning in another area. (My roommate and I share a bathroom, so she would have to share the bathroom with whoever the subletter is).

I understand the inconvenience/worry of having to share a bathroom with a straight man, but tbh I feel like I wouldn't care or worry as much if they were anyone other than a straight man. But when I told her the subletter was a trans woman she freaked out a little and didn't say much to me afterward because she knew I was going to go through with it anyway because I need someone to cover my rent here. She asked me though if the subletter seemed to act "normal"? I knew she was a little upset, but I was kind of confused because why is the fact that she's a trans woman scaring you? Like i understand she has male genital anatomy... but... she's still a woman??

I thought I held the majority opinion until I started asking other people about the situation. I was telling my other two roommates about how she reacted and they took her side and were like "Yeah I'd also be concerned about sharing a bathroom with a trans woman" and "Idk if they're normal or like a weirdo". And then I asked my sister and she agreed with them too?!? My sister said that her personal reasoning behind it was that people in the lgbtq+ community statistically tend to face higher rates of mental health issues so she would be more concerned about living with someone in that community rather than a straight, cis person.

I know there's going to be some bias in the responses since I literally posted in the AskLGBT community, but I didn't know where else to ask. Am *I* in the wrong for thinking they shouldn't freak out over this? Are *they* in the wrong for assuming these things about the subletter?

In the end, it turned out fine because my roommate ended up loving the subletter and they became friends. But I feel like I was the bad guy in the apartment for a while because I was doing something no one wanted. How else was I supposed to pay an extra $1000/month??

Even if it was a straight man and something happened to my roommate, I don't know if I would be the one to blame for that because how would I have known?? (unless they seemed creepy/predatory beforehand) Idk. I am always trying to be a better human and friend, so please let me know if there was anything else I could have done.