Dinner: Birthday Cake 🎂

Its been a hard year but I have made it around the sun again✨️. Love you all💗.

What was for girl dinner: Yorkies from a pub style restaurant

I’m getting so frustrated. My (30F) roommate (32M) roommate won’t move out. Two years ago he got kicked out of his house by the people he was renting it with, so he needed a place to stay. I live at home with my father still, because I am severely disabled and he is my caretaker. We are in my family home, so there’s no landlord or anything - just my father and I. We took him in out of empathy and now he won’t leave even when we’ve mentioned it countless times.

He was only supposed to stay until he found a place in the city.

He is quite autistic, so he cannot live alone because he is prone to breakdowns. But he is, for the most part, entirely mentally capable. He says he put himself on a wait list for housing assistance to help find him a place, but that was two years ago and I don’t think he’s checked in with them once since.

He’s not the messiest roommate imaginable, but he’s quite messy and also fairly lazy. He’ll leave messes in the bathroom and won’t clean it, he doesn’t cook for himself (and quite often just expects that the food that gets made is his to eat, too), he goes outside to smoke weed countless times a day but always drags the smell back in, and when he showers he leaves the most intense fragrances in the bathroom to the point it gives everyone else a headache.

We’ve asked him multiple times about his housing assistance and his response is that he’s on their waitlist (but he never calls them to check the status even when we suggest it). I’ve sent him FB marketplace ads of people looking for roommates. He either says no to looking into it or he’ll self sabotage when the potential future roommate asks questions (“yeah, I’m quite a messy person honestly”, etc).

I’m tired. I’m getting frustrated. I can’t just kick him out, especially because of his more severe autism. I don’t know what to do.

F37 or 38 and I can finally live the fck alone by myself! I just moved out of my psychologically abusive alcoholic narcissistic asshole mom’s tiny shoebox of a fucking place for the past 1 2/2 months so I can finally heal in peace.

Not dinner but pancakes I made with my activity worker
I’m currently in the Mental health unit after a break up with my ex
And I’m really not coping

To begin with
They were charming and quirky, autistic and just generally awkward and quiet but he had his charm. We moved quickly (27f and 27FTM)
And moved in together and got engaged fairly early on (1-2months in?) they were also super emotional, if they thought they had hurt me they would cry so I support them, or if I brought him toast etc late a night again the tears would form almost as if he was saying “I can’t believe I found someone”

I have got quite a history with mental health, and would from time to time get severely overwhelmed causing me to dissociate and typically bite myself to calm down (autism, cptsd and BPD) he would willingly offer his hand as somewhere I could gently bite down if things got too much (so I wouldn’t hurt myself). Despite my anxiety over it he was assuring that it was ok to do.
Sometimes I would be so distressed and accidentally catch his arm. Which sometimes left a bruise but never intentional and He was actually understanding about it
would always calm me down one way or another if I was in distress. Though never gave me space to self regulate

He also would be more then willing to be my carer and said from the get go he wanted to do this, typically the way I operate is if I need say a drink I tell myself out loud so it registers and I get up to get one - He would typically just shoot up to get it before I could - I did express numerous times that I wanted to be independent in that department and he would just do it anyway (the drink is an example there were other things to this) cooking food was another example of this, I’d want to cook but he would just do it anyway type of thing.

He also got quite concerned and uncomfortable and me talkinf to certain friends to the point I had to cut them off to make his anxiety and panic attacks less worse.

Just before the breakup we felt stable enough to have a 3way - it ended badly I was pushed out he never bothered to make sure I was ok just focused on the other person.

We argued that night and nearly broke it off there and then.
However we did reconcile and he opened up to his mistakes maturely and we decided to use our anniversary getaway (4 days) to heal and focus on eachother things looked up the relationship was anew and we both said we can make this work! Despite still having some flashbacks we decided that I needed more support so once back home we would get it.

We saw his family during the day of the breakup he was colder than normal, texting constantly (now ik to his friend) but was still saying I love you and imo I genuinely thought he was tired. We was also spending that day talking about the pair of us moving closer to his family.
We get back home and he dumps me no explanation. Packs his bags and some of his stuff and goes back to his family’s

After my admission I find out that 3 days later after the breakup
he’s claiming to his friends (and maybe his family) that I was abusive and we would always see his parents with him covered in heavy bruises (light bruises sure but never heavy) and I always had an excuse for it, a door etc or falling over. I always had been transparent with his parents about where they came from. And majority of the time was either during sex or a mental health blip.

Somehow the police have gotten involved I’m assuming he contacted them? But the general advice is to block and move on, and they will make arrangements to collect the rest of his belongings.

While telling his friends that I’m withholding his stuff so he reaches out?? I’m stuck in a mental hospital. But ok.

He’s also claiming he was a slave for a year, despite actively saying he was comfortable being my carer. some days were better then others

I’ve been in contact with his ex as well, and it’s clear he spun similar stories about that ex too. And I’ve also seen screenshots with claims on how abusive his mother was, but from my experience of his mother she was great, firm but fair. And he would always run to her for help. She treated me amazingly and understood my mental health and his. A completely different experience than what he told his ex.

I’m just a little shocked by everything he is saying and it’s heavily making me question the entire situation and if the relationship was genuine or just a stage show for him, as I’m sorry but someone who was genuine with a relationship would not spin lies about abuse and thick heavy bruises when there was none.

I’ve also struggled massively with my BPD and CPTSD questioning numerous times if I was abusive etc my friends have assured me that they don’t think that’s the case but I’m not sure. I’m scared I am. But I never intentionally hurt him, in any aspect. I wasn’t gaining anything 90% of the time I was scared from my own trauma.

I’m also sat here 3 weeks later desperately missing him, and wondering if in any shape or form this is all a misunderstanding, and maybe we can heal from this? But I’m also scared to see him again. And I’m worried that he is going to reach out. He will have to or the police will have to again surely as his stuff is still at mine

Dear dairy Tater tot casserole for dinner a few nights ago.

So I picked my bf up from the rental place since he had gotten a car for storm duty but they never went out. So I got up around 9 after not being able to sleep that night and wasn't able to fall asleep around 2pm. (Not the point of the story but just to give you some context.)
The point of the story was that when driving back home I had mention about a car that was a green light for a little while. He replied with "Some people suck, you don't always have to mention that." After that I was completely silent. I did answer a few of his questions he asked but then he was back to his phone anyways.
So to me he kinda snap at me and for me at least like what I want to say I shouldn't say. (If that makes sense.) I'm used to talking like that when I drive though and. I think a lot of people do that as well.
He didn't have to say that as well. He could have just said nothing an ignore what I said but for some reason that bothered him. We went past an area that smelled like skunk and he had mention that before and I was about to to say what he said to me but I felt like that wouldn't have ended well and if I didn't like what he said why would I say it to him.
I just feel like I shouldn't have to watch what I say around him to some degree you know? I have been kinda silent the whole day since I didn't know what to really make of that interaction and it irritated me.

I know I'm probably making it out in text that he probably doesn't like me. But I did say what was bothering me and he said something like it's "not that I don't want to say or talk about it but not about a van that just there or a car all the time." Something like that I couldn't hear him that well.
I didn't tell him yet about all of the other interactions that he's done to make me feel like I shouldn't say what I'm thinking. Like if something is bothering me and I do tell him he will get sad or silent. And if I do something that bothers him he goes silent and doesn't talk about and then expects me to be ok with things going back to normal when he's done cooling off. And I have told him before I hate that you need to talk to me about what was bothering him before.
Anyways tolr or what ever that is called.
My bf told me "some people suck, you don't need to bring up every car." That bothered me and made me feel like I shouldn't speak what's on my mind.
I also been feeling like are conversations aren't there anymore. Any advice?
More information We have been dating for three years he has told me he probably going to propose when I’m done with college which I’m a senior next year. I hope this makes sense

Eating like a rat because I have no time for big meals.

We're 21 entering medical school. I love him and he is genuinely perfect, but comes from a less privileged background and wants t finish residency and start making money before we think of getting married- so he doesn't think we should get married before we're 30.

We come from somewhere where cohabitation before marriage is usually out of question, and I don't think I wanna do that either.

I feel like it's a lot to spend my 20s with a man I'm gonna stay in a 10 year relationship with. I want two or three kids, and I told him we could get married during residency and wait for kids after, but honestly it doesn't look like he thinks it's responsible.

My mother says we might just not be compatible if he's not willing to compromise in the future. A woman waiting for a decade usually doesn't end well.

Opinion?

i am eight months postpartum and struggling so much. i have felt this way since i was pregnant but it has multiplied. i spend 2/3 of my pregnancy alone due to my husband being deployed. he was able to come home for three days for the birth and then was gone again until our baby was three months old. it was rough and i had a complicated pregnancy that i had to go through without a support person. thankfully no postpartum complications but i have a very fussy baby and was the only caregiver for him. i chalked all of these feelings up to being sad and overwhelmed that my husband was gone.

im a stay at home mom. my baby is not a happy guy. he’s always fussing and hard to please. nothing really entertains him. it’s hard to get out of the house because he fights getting in his car seat and cries the whole time in the car. i feel like i have to rush everywhere i go in hopes he won’t start freaking out in the store. everything i leave, i feel like i should’ve just stayed home. and when i absolutely need to go somewhere, my stress levels are at an all time high.

since my husband has been back home, things have been better but only if he is home. when he goes to work in the morning, all of these feelings hit me again. unfortunately he is gone for long periods of time a lot for work as well. like right now, he is on a three week work trip. i feel like im drowning again. i cry waking up in the mornings hearing my baby over the monitor because i know what a long and hard day i have ahead. the days drag by and are so long.

i wish i was one of those mothers that was “thriving” in motherhood. i am so far from that. im just surviving everyday. i love my son but sometimes regret having a child. this is the hardest thing ive ever done. i’ve contemplated going back to work but feel trapped because 1) i would have to pay most of my wages back in childcare and 2) i don’t want my baby to be mistreated due to how difficult he is.

i know i am burnt out and need a break. it’s hard when you don’t have a village and live across the world from your family. i always wanted a big family as i had lots of siblings and loved it. i can’t imagine having no siblings. i want that for my son but i cannot go through this stage of my life again, especially in addition to another child. i’m hoping with all of my heart it gets easier soon. i’ve been telling myself that it will for months now and it just hasn’t at all.

I woke up at 8:00 today. I didn't even have all that many plans. I was like "Oh I need to wash my hair. Let me fix my window. I want to hang up this picture. I wonder if my sweater from last year still fits. How about I text my mom" etc. etc.

Then at 1:00 I had to make the very hard choice between passing out from hunger/dehydration and peeing myself. I managed to avoid a crisis on either end but I think I need to start setting alarms for myself.

My daughter’s left over dino nuggies

I have a two year old and a one year old. I love them both dearly and take spending as much time with them very seriously. I work part time and make pretty good money. My husband worked full time and made decent money, but after crunching the numbers we figured out we can live on just my part time salary…maybe I’d work a little extra here and there, but we could manage.

My husband was hesitant for a long time. He wanted to provide for us. But he worked long days five days a week. And he was just getting more and more stressed. Even home-life wasn’t enjoyable anymore. So I finally convinced him to quit. He gave a VERY long notice since he worked for a small business and wanted to train his replacement. Okay, fine.

The anticipation was unreal. I could see us finally slowing down and actually having time to spend together as a family. He would be home to help when the babies were driving me nuts. We could go to Costco on a weekday morning!!

Then, the opportunity of a lifetime dropped in our lap. We were offered a space to open our dream business. Something we have talked about for years but never thought we could pull off. And we got keys to the new space THE DAY AFTER he quit his job. He had one evening of “downtime”.

Now this is great. We are having so much fun, learning so much, actually enjoying the work we do. But I went the opposite direction of where I wanted. I wanted slow, more time with the kids, more time to be together while they are still tiny. And now I still work my other job part time, work our business part time, and work at home doing background work for the business. And spend as much time as I can with the kids. I love it and feel so lucky for the life we have. And I also mourn the life I thought I would have after my husband quit.

As Anne Hathaway once said “When you get a little bit tired, do you like the reason that you're tired? I'm really into that reason… I'll sleep eventually.”

Last nights appetizers from my date with boyfriend for 2 year anniversary.

I used to be a straight A student in middle school. Did countless extra curricular outside of school, dance, music, art. Whatever got my parents to say their daughter did this and that while excelling in school.

Of course, I have to have some sort of tragic childhood to make this post. My father was an abusive alcoholic behind closed doors and I had to step in as my own and my mother’s protector since I was young. It didn’t seem to impact me much then. I still did well in school. Until towards the end of middle school and into high school I started slipping. Hard. With my mom suddenly losing her job and my father’s abuse continuing, I was miserable. That bled into my academics. Suddenly I didn’t know what to do, how to participate, or even what to think.

Once I got to college I finally felt somewhat free from that life. My freshman year flew by with flying colors in my academics. Although I don’t really remember studying much. Mostly partying. Then an incident happened with my father that made me take a semester off and transfer schools. I started slipping again. After a year, I met my boyfriend who deals with ADD, anxiety, and depression. I was never one to take medication for my mental health. I felt that it had been long enough, I’m fine if I made it this far, right?

Some days feel so draining, some days feel like I am a beam of light, most days I just can’t stop feeling the fog. Experiencing the anxiety from not being able to think or not thinking about the right things. My boyfriend let me try his ADD medication (Ritalin) and I felt normal. In the best way. I felt like my younger self again, the one who participated and could process what I read and heard. My thoughts or lack of thoughts didn’t suffocate me.

I want to get medicated. I do. But the process feels so hard and so long and tedious. I feel like I have to do it alone, with my parents being immigrants they don’t understand or know. When I tried before, my dad asked why I wasn’t better after one doctor’s visit. I cried after taking my boyfriend’s medication because I realized I didn’t have to struggle so much if I just sucked it up and got medicated. Life wouldn’t have to feel so hard.

snacks he got me when i got my period

okay so i’m 30, muslim, and i’ve recently started dating again with the intention of finding a long-term relationship. i’ve been on a few dates with muslim men over the past month, but unfortunately none of them really went anywhere.

then i met this lebanese christian guy and we immediately hit it off. now religion is a huge non-negotiable for me when it comes to long term relationships, so from the beginning i knew there probably wouldn’t be a future between us. because of that, i told him i was open to something casual, which is something i’ve been curious about for a while.
we’ve been talking consistently and spent this weekend together, and honestly, he was lovely. he planned everything, booked a place for us, bought food, made me laugh, was incredibly affectionate and accommodating, and genuinely made an effort to make me feel comfortable. we had a lot of physical intimacy (not sex just lots of nice foreplay) and i really enjoyed parts of it, but something just wasn’t clicking emotionally.

there was this one moment where i rested my head on his stomach and hugged him for about five minutes while we were sitting quietly. the sun was hitting my face and for once my mind was completely silent. i felt so peaceful, and i realized that this is something i’ve been craving for years. not necessarily sex, but just being held by someone and feeling completely at ease.

but the thing is, i wasn’t necessarily feeling connected to him in that moment. i was feeling connected to myself, to this really tender side of me that i feel like i rarely get to experience.

also, five years ago i had a situationship with another lebanese christian guy who looked almost identical to this man. same facial features, mannerisms, even some really specific physical similarities. i remember lying next to this new guy over the weekend and genuinely feeling like i was looking at the man from five years ago. it was almost unsettling how familiar everything felt.

the previous situationship ended with me becoming extremely attached to someone i knew wasn’t compatible with me long-term, and now i’m wondering if i’m about to repeat the exact same experience. the problem is that this new guy hasn’t done anything wrong. he’s genuinely sweet, attentive, hardworking and respectful of my boundaries. i enjoy his company and physical affection, but i don’t feel that deeper emotional or intellectual connection i actually want.

so now i’m torn. do i tell him i had a wonderful time but that i don’t think we should continue? or do i keep seeing him casually, enjoy his company and figure things out as i go?
my biggest fear is that i have a tendency to become attached to men who treat me well (as one does), even when i logically know they’re not right for me. and i don’t want to put myself through another situationship that eventually leaves me heartbroken.

at the same time, the thought of walking away from someone who’s been nothing but lovely to me genuinely makes me sad. like, almost as if if i walk away from this guy i know that i could potentially attract what i actually want (ya know make way for what you want etc)

ahhhh

Sorry for the long post fr. EDIT: I deleted a paragraph that was not very relevant

I'm 19. Sadly, I'm one year behind, and I'm graduating High School in June or July of this year. I think I'm genuinely a good student, I generally don't get low grades, I just have dyscalculia and there are things I simply can't do but that's not a problem anymore. My teachers know.

Let's say that I've been going through shit, but I didn't think it would influence my academic performance. I'm in therapy and I haven't had the chance to talk abt this because I had no idea it'd happen. I've been struggling with the lack of motivation to study, organize my notes and even just showing up to school. It got to a point where I'm wondering, did therapy make my attitude towards school worse? I used to think about NOTHING but school. Now that I feel better, I've been less disciplined. I feel like I can't do too many things at once, like I have to choose between school and my social life.

I'm not sure how to explain how I feel, and I was blaming it on the fact that I have no friends at school, hence why it's exhausting to sit there for 6 hours. But I haven't been organizing my notes, I havent had real study sessions, and I can never get any work started.. it's not that I "don't wanna do it"; I swear my brain automatically delays the task, because I dont feel READY to start it. Bc it feels overwhelming.

I've been blaming this on my perfectionism. I feel like I expect too much perfection, so I hesitate to start a project when I know it won't come out exactly how I want it to. I have a terrible study method where I repeat things out loud, which is normal, but I start over EVERYTIME I get a word wrong. I want concepts to be phrased exactly the way I imagined in my head, otherwise it feels wrong... and I've only now realized that it's an insane technique. But is that really the problem?

I was supposed to have a test on Monday, but we've had 4 days off school due to an illegal occupation and we haven't been updated by the principal. I'll be glad if we get an extra day off, but I've stressed SO MUCH over that test.

I'm sorry this post is messy. I've just been struggling with guilt, fear of being behind, fear of having terrible grades this year when every grade will count for my final exam's score. And I've also been struggling with attendance, I force myself to go to school but i HATE it.

I feel helpless, anxious, frustrated and stupid. I want to cry and give up

dinner is goodles hotshot jackpot noodles

i’ve been in and on and off again situationship with an older man (he’s 43, i’m 22) for a year now. we recently picked things up again.

we’ve fallen into this cycle where we’ll be talking 24/7, he’s spending multiple nights a week at my house, going out on dates all that, then he meets someone his age and ends it with me, but calls it off with the new person within a month and is back with me telling me he’s in love with me and doesn’t know what to do because our relationship is complicated (i have a toddler and hes said he’s done raising kids, his daughter doesn’t approve of our relationship. pretty big hurdles)

one of the last nights he was here, he brought up our situation and told me he was in love with me, but not into monogamy right now and still wants to sleep with other women. he did tell me he isn’t talking to anyone else right now, and that he’d communicate if that changes, but was a very much “wtf am i doing moment”

he’s out of the state visiting his daughter right now. one of my friends has been flirting with me pretty heavy and wanting to come over and hookup tonight.

this is where i’m at a crossroads. he’s said he wants to see other people too, and yes part of me does want to have my friend over tonight but the other part of me feels like i’m cheating even though i’m not??

i don’t know if any of this makes sense. i’d told him (guy who wanted to hook up, not situationship man) he could come by later tonight but now second guessing and may just lie and say my kid got sick and that tonight is a no go to get out of it. what would you do??? ahhh help 🤦🏻‍♀️

edit- my toddler does not know him, i keep relationships/my child separate until it’s serious. if we’re going out on a date i get a babysitter, if he’s here it’s after my son goes to bed and he leaves in the morning. my kid isn’t confused at all because he isn’t involved in adult business.

Me and my mom had a really rocky relationship all throughout high school. I’m 23 now and have recently moved back home and it’s been hard for a whole host of reasons but one is I’ve noticed my mom has not forgiven me for being a teenager.

In high school I was a good kid (a million extracurriculars, self sufficient, made my own money, 4.0, got into a top 10 college) but I had a mouth on me. Looking back I have said some things I regret and I had attitudes I am ashamed of/cringe at now. I used to blow up at her and be so angry. I remember even slamming dishes around just WISHING she would say something so I’d have an excuse to yell at her. I have apologized for some of these moments as an adult. My mom says she understands, but she doesn’t feel comfortable enough trying to have a close relationship with me. We don’t really talk and when we do she never fails to bring up how horrible I was as a teenager.

I’m not trying to avoid accountability, but my mom also wasn’t the greatest mom to me in my opinion. I think she genuinely tried and did a lot of things right but she also parentified me: I took care of the whole house, I was the one cooking dinner, I was the one helping my alcoholic father, I was her therapist whenever she would talk about how she wanted to cheat on my dad, she would even show me the guys that she wanted to be with and ask my opinion, when my brother was very mentally ill she basically handed that responsibility off to me to take care of him , etc. I remember being like eight years old and she would wake me up out of my sleep and sit me in the middle of a screaming match between my brother and my dad and she would tell me to mediate the conversation. Whenever I would try to talk about these things with my mom growing up (or even now) she tells me, and everyone else in our circle, that I’m being dramatic, that I’m making it up, or she doesn’t remember. I feel like I can’t really talk about my relationship with my mom to my siblings or other family members because they didn’t really get the version of her that I got, or they know that it’s true, but they don’t feel comfortable enough acknowledging it so they shut down the conversation. It makes me feel like I’m some huge asshole.

I don’t know. Now that I’m living back at home it feels very weird and I just want to escape, but I’m here to save money to move out. Sometimes I think I want a better relationship with my mom. I know she’s entitled to feel the way that she’s feeling, but it does bother me that I’ve been able to forgive her for the mean things she’s said and done to me when I was the child in the situation. I know it’s toxic to compare, but if I’m being honest sometimes when she’s telling me about how horrible she felt like I was I can’t help but think “aren’t you the same person that said xyz to me?” I hate feeling defensive when someone is acknowledging their feelings but I don’t feel like she’s acknowledged her role in WHY I was so angry either. Especially since I was the only one in the family who really handled everything by myself, I got myself into college with nobody’s help, which is a big deal because in my community people don’t even really graduate high school.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t like how this family views me. My mom has grown in a lot of ways, as have I, but a lot of times talking to her and hearing her constantly bring up arguments we used to have just makes me feel like an angry teenager all over again. I don’t know what it’s like to be a mom and be on the receiving end of things so I don’t know how much of her behavior is truly a reflection of how terrible I was or a level of avoidance on her end. It makes me feel crazy.

sausage and egg quesadilla

Chicken Caesar salad

Hello I'm a 21 female in USA who has been working for 5 years about to graduate from uni with a bachelor's degree, with no debt!

I need to move out from my parents to go to grad school, they are actively sabotaging my attempts for grad school and want to control me to be a stay-at-home daughter to help them with my disabled younger sister and their own aging.

I must move out in secret and will take any tips+help IN GENERAL PLEASE! Or words of encouragement :')

The logistics: grad school applications are not sent out yet but I fear of them seeing it in the mail especially when decisions come out in spring, where I get in helps me know where to move geographically, no licence or car, they have camera outside house, keep tabs of me and my belongings heavily, they monitor my bank acc

- Lunch is butter salmon, rice, and asparagus

So I am going to a Halloween rave this year and I want to look sexy yet silly!

For example, I saw a woman on Instagram make a costume that was a cute green dress, sewn on pool balls, and a shark hat so she was a pool shark! I thought that was silly and cute. I was going to go as Jessica Rabbit and bring a rabbit stuffed animal with me but I want to do something a little more creative and fun… I just can’t really come up with an idea.

So, will any creative girlies help give me some ideas?

Much appreciated!

Bandeja Paisa from my fav lowkey Colombian spot.
I’m turning 25 early next year and I need to be real with myself. I’m self destructive, lazy, and sometimes careless. I was dumped last year and he gave me hsv. I haven’t had a stable job since I started working at 18. I spend all of my money on fast food, vodka, and vapes. Im currently an unemployed CNA and I want to become a nurse. I live with my dad and rely on him due to my financial instability. All I do anymore is scroll, drink, cry, and fuck up over and over again. I’m a terrible daughter/sister, friend, and gf. I isolate when things are hard, block everyone and delete all my socials, and push everyone away. I have life goals and I don’t even try to accomplish them. I gained over 60 pounds last year and lost around 20 this year (due to being sick from drinking). I like to blame my childhood, covid, and etc for why I’m like this but it’s just me. I destroy everything for myself and make my life harder. I have no close family or friends. I know that people have been through worse than me and find a way to a happy life, so what’s my excuse? My life is fucking sad and it’s mainly my fault. I can’t keep blaming my childhood on my adult choices. Life is getting so serious and I’m going to end up completely alone and with nothing if I don’t get this shit together. I keep saying that I want to do better so fuck it, I’m gonna do better. I will try. I will actually try this time.

I took off this weekend at work (which was incredibly hard to do) in order to drive a few hours down to see some old friends. I planned this all for like a month so I asked my boss well in advance. On the way down my car ended up breaking down and I needed to get it towed all the way back home. I took 2 days off for my car to get towed and now I need Monday off as well since they cant even fix the car until the weekdays. Cant even see my friends and this been the only thing I been looking forward to for a while. Just gonna prob drink myself to death with the alcohol I got for the girls trip.

Tofu pad thai

so basically i have a driving test in a week. this one tests you on highway driving. there are 2 driving tests needed before you get your full license where i live and this is the last test before i’m fully licensed, so i can’t afford to fail this.

and honestly i’m just feeling so down right now. today’s my birthday, and i have plans in the evening so since my test is coming up, i decided to practice driving with my dad in the afternoon. i’ve driven with him lots, i should be immune to it by now, but once i’m out of the car and back home it still hurts.

he’s just so discouraging, it’s mind boggling. i’ve reached a level where i can sit in the car and let him get as heated as he needs to, i’ll just keep driving quietly and nod along. the level of inner peace you need to achieve to not get ragebaited by your dad type shi, but deep down it still cuts. he calls me names in our language meaning deficient and shameless, and repeatedly tells me i’m failing while we’re just driving along, or i make a minor mistake, or i miss a turn/lane change when he didn’t clearly tell me to go there. i feel like i’m doing what’s getting tested good enough, but he just keeps putting me down. and how is putting me down going to help me improve? if he wasn’t saying all these things i would definitely be doing better. it makes me upset, how can he ask me if i really drive so shamelessly when i’ve witnessed him getting a speeding ticket twice? on top of this, i’ve had especially heightened driving anxiety after getting into an accident a few months ago while driving that totalled my car. i haven’t felt confident or comfortable behind the wheel since that day.

as of today, i’ve been on this earth for 21 years, been living with my dad for all those years of my life, and yet it still hurts me so much when he says these things to me. i have never been able to get used to it, i’m always uncomfortable and on edge around him because of how belittling and mean and angry he’s been my whole life, i hate it so much. i want to feel prepared for my test, but when i drive with him it’s 1 step forward and 3 steps back. i just hate this so much, i can’t wait to get my license and never drive with him ever again

Decided to ask the guy I had a huge crush out by texting him "I tried asking you in person but I was on the verge of a heart attack so I had to ask you here. Do you want to go out with me?" LMAOO.

He responded "Come on that's a bit dramatic with the "on the verge of a heart attack" 😅. So, first of all thank you for the invitation but I will have to decline because at this moment I'm somewhere else (doesn't translate exactly into English). I consider it more right towards you and the other girl. Thank you thoughh😊"

I replied to his text calling me dramatic with "Sorry I haven't tried this before and I was worried I would embarrass myself in front of you again😂" and to the next ones "All good, I understand 😊 thank you for the honesty and politeness. See you and sorry if I brought you into an uncomfortable position ".

He replied "Hahhahah,there is no need" to the first one and added "Goodnight to you".

I thought that I would be more nonchalant about this since I didn't even expect him to reply or to reply something polite lol (or that's what I was telling myself🥲). I ended up crying even though he was so kind and respectful 😭. I felt sad not only about the rejection itself but because he proved that he was indeed a genuinely good guy and it wasn't my crush making him seem better than he is. I wished he would be a jerk to me so I could move on quickly lol. What hurts the most is that I will never see him again after a few days since my work there ends.

Naturally I was overthinking his reply and I wanted to discuss it with anyone🥲 or just in general feel free to share your thoughts

Hi everyone, long time lurker, first time poster.

30, F broken up with today by a partner I’ve been with for over a year. We still love each other but there were incompatibilities that we decided were not going to work out in the long term. The main reasons were my uncertainty around having children and our different social needs/lifestyle. I’ll miss him so very much, and he is the kindest man I’ve ever been with.

At the same time I’m dealing with my parents’ divorce which I found out about a few weeks ago and involved infidelity. I’m an only child and have felt very alone and a little silly that it’s affecting me this much when I’m a full grown adult. I’m trying my best to support my parent who was broken up with, and also trying to process everything myself.

On top of it all I was diagnosed with chronic migraine a few months ago and stress really flares up my symptoms.

I would love to hear any tips or advice on how you have healed through a difficult period in your life where everything feels like it’s happening all at once. Support much appreciated. Thank you so much.

*chicken ramen

Well... the title pretty much says it. A week after my last post I visited my boyfriend (couldn't go sooner) to talk. He was dumbfunded, completely struck out of the blue (guess the "men ignore any problem their partner addresses until it's to late and then they don't understand why it ended 'so suddenly' " stereotype is true in this case). I told him things needed to change, that he needs to seek help and restrict his obsession to a healthy (or at least much healthier than now) degree. That I could walk this path with him, but that he needed to initiate the change.
I explicitely didn't make it about AI, but the morbid obsession he developed and how he puts everything he has into it, but ignores all of his surroundings, including me.

He seemed to understand and we agreed on having a little break for both of us to think and that he would meet me at my place (so he doesn't have the internal pressure to work on his project, my idea) and we would talk things through, the changes he wants to make etc.

After two weeks, tonight he came over and at first I thought he had understood what I told him, because he said he wants to focus more on me and give me the attention I deserve. But when I asked specifics, his so called "plan" was that visitations would from now on be at my place and that he wouldn't talk to me about the topic so as not to burden me with it. Sounds great, right? Yeah, everything but the tiny little detail that otherwise he wanted to change NOTHING. So he will continue to crash himself, his health, but I can ignore it and just be happy, yay (my words, not his to be fair...).
At this point it was clear to me that he still doesn't get the point. As if I wouldn't notice his fatigue, his sleep deprivation etc. if he just keeps quiet about it. Besides, does he really think of me as such a self centered person, that I wouldn't care as long as he was kind and focused on me?
His health matters to me. HE matters to me! 😞 If I didn't care, I would have just ended the relationship months ago. Why bother? Because I fucking love him 😭

For nearly half an hour we went back and forth about it, but it became clear that he didn't want to change his lifestyle at all, just how he handles me. I'll spare you the rest because it was exhausting and my energy is almost gone. (If you want to ask questions, you're welcome to do so in the comments and if I have the energy tomorrow, I'll try to answer you 🫶)

So.... we split up 😔 I hate it so much, but in the end, "love alone isn't always enough" is true. I can't go on breaking myself to keep us working. I need to take care of myself (the hardest thing for me to do, yay 😐). And as much as he doesn't want to hurt me, apparently he isn't able or willing to change things. Fml....💔

[Dinner is store bought Chicken Tikka Masala. I know... I just wanted to have something here that only requires a microwave in case of... well, this very scenario I dreaded so much]

I was ghosted by my partner of 5 months two weeks ago, from just days before talking about being married and then 3 days later completely ghosted and ignored yet he keeps watching my instagram stories. I deleted my accounts because it was too heartbreaking to watch him follow new girls on his page. i feel really heartbroken we spent almost everyday together and said we love each other and would never ghost the other met each others family/friends. i’ve never been ghosted before and i told him it was a fear of mine, i lost both my parents and both grandparents so i have a fear of abandonment. I’m feeling completely rocked, blindsided and insecure. I feel the loneliest I’ve ever felt and I’m crying almost everyday ): how do you heal from this? I feel like garbage on the floor and I’m feeling really broken

yesterday i drove my car for the first time in a year after traveling back across the country (i didn’t bring it with me to grad school since we had public transit everywhere).

i was driving to the DMV to update my tags and registration and i drove past a stopped school bus going the opposite direction. i only realized because somebody honked and i then noticed the stop arm in my rearview mirror but at that point i had passed and the damage was done.

i keep replaying that moment in my head — how could i not have seen the stop arm or flashing lights? even driving into the sun i should have noticed. there was a line of cars in the other lane facing the stopped bus (i still don’t understand why, but seeing it i just figured they were all parked because they were on the wrong side of the road). i was just staring ahead at my own lane.

i keep throwing up out of fear and guilt. i’ve been driving for six years with a clean record and my brain just didn’t react. it’s also making me feel so sick that i’m worrying about a coming class A citation when i should be completely focused on the fact that i could have hurt or killed a child.

i feel selfish, evil and not safe to be around. i’ve jeopardized my own future and the lives of others. the citation will be sent within 10 days if it was caught on camera, and i feel even more guilty for hoping it wasn’t because i deserve the punishment. sushi burrito for dinner that i later threw up.