I’m struggling so hard right now, all I want to do is relapse someone please help

I have been mastrubating daily or every other day 1-2 times per day (sometimes 3) since 2018. I have stopped but it was like for less than 1 week my max streak. So i have been doing it for 8 years of my life since i was 16.
At 19, while still addicted to mastrubation and porn, i have decided to go to gym and improve my health. I started to be more aroused because the gym tends to increase my libido significantly. Im now 23, same old mastrubation habits. But i have not gained a single gram of muscle mass since I have started my journey despite being consistent nonstop, never stopped the gym, eating high protein, progressive overloading, basically doing everything needed for muslce growth. I gained 0 muscle. Even people who are with me at the gym are extremely shocked how come someone so consistent like me and never built any muscle. Im questioning mastrubation. Did it cause it? My brother, who does not mastrubate, gained significant amount of muscle despite joining the gym 2 years later than me and is now about double my muscle mass. We eat the same food, and sleep the same time. And train the same. The only difference is that i fap and he doesn’t.
Does mastruabtion completely stop growth? I cant stop it at all. If it really blocked it, when am i anle tomrecover after 8 years of fapping?
If this is the issue i will do anything to stop it

I'd love to say this is my first attempt at stopping but i can't, im going to try stay on track and check in as much as possible to stay motivated.

The urges and temptations just show up out of nowhere sometimes.

I remember the reason I got into masturbation.

Being a Jehovahs Witness is a highly stressful religion to be part and I used masturbation as a way to cope my way in.

After a friend recommend me nofap

I got kicked out of my house.

My family doesn't talk to me

I had to work my way out of poverty.

I had a minor situation going with the law that ended me in jail for 3 days.

I got random outburst of anger because my life is basically ruined

How about your steak of nofap?

Day 1

Please help

I tried to do Nofap/sr , but after 6 fail attempts ( with longest streak for 21 days ) i decided to move on form this subreddit and live my usual life

One thing which i learnt from my failed attempts was , i need to stop having Lustful thoughts and making fake scenarios in my head

Today as i was going through my usual life , I had a lustful thought after a very long time , so i decided to release, I read erotica, saw videos and then released

But here everything changed , i didn't feel any happiness after releasing, as opposite I am now feeling very sad that I had those lustful thoughts

Nofap/Sr have changed something inside my mind as having lustful thoughts now feel like a bad thing

I have now decided to test myself for how many days I can avoid these Lustful thoughts, this time it was 10 days

Let's see what happens next

This is a long streak after trying a lot, and I dont want to loose it. I got triggered by a ad on reddit, and it made me peek. II tried walking, distraction etc but nothing seems to work. I just want want to get rid of it. any help/advice is appreciated.

i’m just curious wondering if not quitting porn while not master baiting is good or bad. thank you.

I spent 20 years of my life heavily addicted. I would PMO everyday, 2 or 3 times with a total of 2 to 3 hours.

Then I was put on a medication that had an effect on dopamine. It had nothing to do with my PMO addiction. Once the effects of the drug kicked in I stopped using for 6 months and I never even had the thought of using.

Then a month ago my dosage was lowered and I started using again.

All it is is a chemical issue in the brain it seems...

i am goin to take this to infinity and beyond

Broke my streak of 2.5 months been gooning from a week or so. dopamine and doomscroll has got me again. day 1 again. i hate this. want to be better!!!

M40
Feels stronger, full of energy
Working out like in my 20s

No fogy brain, more patient with wife.
More productive at work

Ayer recai después de una racha de 13 días y antes de una de 20 días

Últimamente me cuesta mucho superarme, veo que siempre que paso un periodo de estrés de varios días hace que quiera recaer de forma voluntaria un día que no tengo nadie en casa, supongo que es la manera en que mi cerebro se acostumbro a llevar el estres y obviamente tengo que cambiar eso

Tengo que conseguir trabajo aunque sea uno en línea pues mis horarios de la universidad son muy malos

Si logro conseguir dinero mi mente estará ocupada en eso además de entrenar mi físico haciendo deporte

Creo que la clave está en eso en saber controlar tu estrés, buscar a Dios, hacer dinero y deporte

Another successful day loading

I hate having a high libido, wish I could just quit for weeks without urges. I'm trying to sleep but I can't even sleep with these urges 💔

I (28M) need to change to have any hope of saving my relationship with my (26F) Fiancée. I was on this sub once, years and years ago and it helped back then, but eventually I quit and fell into old habits. Been telling myself it wasn't a problem just something normal to do that everyone does. I've been caught with lewd material liked on my socials and I stopped doing that there. I've been caught with my incognito tabs on my phone full of my pending videos I wanted to watch. I've promised to not watch certain kinds, and just a few days ago I promised to stop altogether. Then I was getting all set up to do it with a video going and everything and she woke up and came out and caught me.

lied over and over again and kept hiding it differently, sneaking around to do it. In addition to that, I've failed in carrying my own weight in our relationship not only in intimacy, but in every other way. I thought I did well with our engagement, but I did so many of the opposite things from what we had talked about wanting for it, like being private, having a photographer, etc. I haven't been there for her love languages, for her needs, all I've been able to do is work and provide financially. I haven't done enough around the house or for our dogs, knowing full well she takes care of those things full-time while struggling with her own mental and physical health difficulties. I've provided a life together that should have made her feel like a queen in a castle, but instead I see now that I've made it a prison that she couldn't get away from.

I should have changed the first time she asked me to, or the second, or the third, or any time after that. I still didn't and I realize that I've only hit this point because I got caught. I would have kept going and lied about it later and never admitted fault without the shame and guilt of getting caught, but it should have been a dealt with issue years ago if I was not selfish and chose to do right by her. It makes her sick to think about my sneaking and trying to hide it and lying more if I were not caught and I don't think she can look at me or sleep next to me right now because of it. I'm afraid that even if I do get better that she'll never be able to see me the same and it has just ruined us forever. I know I don't have the right to be afraid for my relationship after everything, but it really is my most important thing in my life, and the thought of losing that is just eating me alive.

I haven't made her feel loved, cared for, or attractive. I think I have a chance to prove my commitment to change and show improvement before I lose her for good, but even if I achieve that I don't think I'll ever be able to fully earn or deserve it after everything I've done. I joined today and I'm looking at resources for help, between what's linked here and also with resources for assistance that I have through my employer. I want to change. I don't want to lose my best friend. If she had the means to do so, she would've already left a while ago.

I'm trying to look inwards and come to terms with my actions and navigate my feelings about myself in a constructive way, to not think or say I'm just a terrible person and hate myself which always comes with a manipulating and narcissistic narrative. That's what my father does and I don't want to become that. I used to think I was different and I was a good person, and maybe I once was. I've made her feel like she doesn't even know me anymore and say I'm just like every other man, which I can't argue against. I am supposed to be better, be different than the rest and earn her love every day.

I've made some of the first steps by blocking certain types of content from various social media feeds, learning some things about my triggers, and trying to be honest about everything I'm thinking and feeling. I can't omit truths, lie, or deceive anymore if I want any possibility of fixing things. I need to commit to actions, follow through with plans and promises, and just show up for her. I'm afraid that it could be too late and the damage has been done. I'm afraid to talk to a therapist about my Intra-familial CSA. I don't know how to finish this or what else I should say here. I promised her I would do this and write everything I've been hiding. Maybe someone else here has some advice or insight, or will just say I'm already doing the right things, or I'm doing the wrong things, or that there's no hope. I don't know anymore.

EDIT: I also wanted to note that in starting my journey to recovery I am learning that my ED with my variety of symptoms between not being able to perform, finishing extremely fast, my lack of attention to my partner and her body, my failure to learn her signals, and so many other aspects of my intimacy and sexual performance issues have been deeply rooted in my addiction.

I have also just learned that porn has a bad interaction with ADHD as well, which I just got diagnosed with in the last year. A lot of things are starting to make sense for me with the dopamine dependency, my highs and lows with ADHD, mood and behavior patterns, all of that. I hope to get help in therapy with these things.

Thank you, guys. I'm 19y old, trying my best to quit this shit for life. When I stop for a while, it's just a game changer, and then I come back to it again.

Im kinda struggling rn… I failed every day this week and can’t get a streak going… I feel so weak atm… could use a good bro to chat..

If anybody sees this then it’s a bonus ,
I will update every day even if it’s my main account
I spent around 25000$ on this addiction

Recently i've left my religion. I was big into NoFap and understood how badly porn was affecting many parts of my life, and wanted to stop. Mainly because of my used to be religion to be honest. It was my biggest motivetion to stop.

Since I left I feel like its been a lot more difficult than it used to be to keep away from porn. I used to go months and weeks without it, I fealt like I knew what I was doing and that I had it already in the bag, and now im here again, struggeling to get past a week like I used to a year ago.

I still know how bad porn is for me and that I should stop. I wanna stop because it just sucks. But I feel like its a lot harder now that I've lost one of my main reasons to quit.

I'd love to hear what motivates you to. A hope for a better future? Horror stories from other users of this sub? Your close family and friends?

I love this community to heart and I trust people will wanna help. We are here for eachother always. We are the only ones who understand.

Hello. I've been following this subreddit for some time now and the advice from its enduring and supportive members has been especially significant in helping me to escape from the grips of devious.. devious porn. I thought I'd share in my celebration with the community who made it possible.

Ever since I was a young lad, maybe around age 9, I was hooked. The shame, guilt, and isolation stifled my personality and character, and most notably, warped my view of sexuality. For years I truly believed this was just who I was, and that I'd carry it to my grave. Now, after more than 14 years of severe addiction, I have been free for over a year from the poison, from the brainwashing, and most of all - from the fear.

Life feels absolutely exhilarating now. I have all the energy I should've had all along to deal with the stresses of life and to finally attack the root causes. For years I blamed the tiredness, the fog, the regular iratibility, and most importantly the lack of life-giving drive on "getting older" and my "deficient brain".. how foolish of me.. It was never age or lack of something others had. The fog lifted so quickly it made me laugh, and mornings stopped feeling like climbing out of a hell hole. Motivation is in abundance now. I genuinely never thought see the day.

The relief is likened to waking up from a very long and very tiresome limbotic nightmare. Or like reaching for the walls of your prison cell and falling head-first out of the room, realizing the walls never existed to begin with.

And the gains, the glorious gains! My confidence. My courage to speak up, to walk into a room and just be myself without needing to "take the edge off" first. My concentration, which I was sure I'd lost for good. The hours and hours I used to hand over every week are mine again, and I'm spending them on real things and real people. Even the dark shadow at the back of my mind, the constant low hum of guilt and the dread of being found out, has gone. I never knew how heavy it was until it was lifted off my shoulders.

To be honest with you all, I didn't believe I'd see any of this, or arrive at the day where the power of my cravings would shrivel down into a tinsy-tiny force -- so pitifully easy to squash. Now, on the odd occasion it nudges me, it acts as a pleasant reminder to celebrate the delightful emancipation of my mind and vitality, and the shattering of the lie that porn has anything to offer besides deterioration.

Even on my bad days -- which, yes, I still have -- I can say to myself, "man, at least I don't have that horribly exhausting addiction anymore" and I seem to become quite cheery after that. A bad day is just a bad day now, and nothing more.

If you're sitting there reading this and feeling like it's hopeless, like you've tried everything and you're just an exception, I was exactly where you are. For 14 years! Every relapse convinced me I was the exception, too, and that I just needed to be stronger... I was wrong, and so are you. This isn't a sentence for life nor an uphill battle.. The cage porn put us in was never locked, and one day you'll look back and wonder how it ever trapped you in the first place.

I could go into greater detail of the endless torments I suffered whilst being addicted, and also of the many, many great positives I've experienced being free. But I'll leave that for another time.

I truly wish for all to experience the joy that comes from finally being free. I have real compassion and empathy for anyone still caught in it, because I lived there for such a long time, sometimes without any real hope.. in fact it is my goal to help at least one person to be where i am - entirely free and living gloriously without it.

Freedom is real, within everyones grasp, and it is so much sweeter than you can imagine.

It'd be a privilge to answer any questions you have (although, I may not be exceptionally prompt, so please bear with me).

Godspeed.

-David

5 days relapse. The pattern has been going on like this:

Relapsed after 5 days, then 2 days.

I am on the third cycle... but as long as I don't relapse in 2 days...

I peeked on Tiktok 2 days ago, and guess what? My sleep quality and quantity dropped drastically, and by being sleep deprived and awake in the early morning, I am bored, and I begin to crave porn. I was able to fight it off yesterday, but today I was not. One peak, and my brain goes crazy. It's pretty scary.