Yesterday my first baby, 5 year old Nina the Weiner (mini dachshund) was booked in at a vet for a dental appointment - routine clean + possibly extractions/additional work if needed.

I was feeding our four month old baby in the morning when my partner left with Nina to drop her off.
I didn’t say goodbye to her because I was going to be picking her up that afternoon. Just a few hours away.

Just after lunch time I got a call from the vet. They were going to ring if there was additional work to be done. I could not comprehend what she was telling me:
“She started seizing after we put her under general anaesthetic, we performed CPR which steadied her for a bit but she went into cardiac arrest and unfortunately we were able to resuscitate her.”

I didn’t say goodbye to my first child and I will regret it as long as I live. Now I can’t stop seeing her on the table at the vets wrapped up in the blanket. I half expected her to start moving. To be able to say “they got it wrong, she’s just super asleep!”. I wish. The shock has been awful and we’ve been completely blindsided. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so heartbroken in my 30 years of life.

She was a happy, healthy angel with so much love to give. My best friend in the whole world.
Nina came with me everywhere and even after having our son I always made sure to bring her along for our adventures.

Our two cats keep walking around the house together meowing, seemingly looking for their sister.

I feel sick. I am absolutely shattered and don’t know how to hold myself together to make sure our son is in a happy environment rn.

and I always recommended this group knowing someday I would become a member. todays the day taaaa daaaa. Im gonna get drunk. Im widowed and had 5 close people die around me in 5 years 5 years ago 5 5 5 huh. I had my cat live with me 10 years he was a rescue who was scraping raccoons on the street. I never knew his age but I loved the fuck out of him. When I had a good day so did he when I had a shitty day he would come sooth it with me.

I went out of town last weekend. Came home and she was acting off. Made a vet appointment for later that week. By Wednesday we were going to the emergency vet because she was hiding, had her tongue stuck out, and i was starting to notice some hind end weakness. She was still relativelt chipper. Emergency vet said they suspected pancreatitis and sent us home with pain meds and anti nausea meds. I kept the original appointment with her regular vet that was scheduled for the following day just in case. Over the next 24 hours the tongue issue got worse and she couldn't stop drooling on herself. Started pacing. When we got to her regular vet they basically took one look at her and said, "we can't help you here." They directed me to another ER about an hour away that has an internist and a neurologist. They kept her hospitalized for 2 days and found that she has an aggressive lymphoma of the brain stem/nervous system. With chemo she would maybe get an additional 3 months.

I have elected to go with conservative treatment. They have her on steroids right now to bring the brain inflammation down, but that will most likely only buy her a month. Maybe less. She's home now. Eating and cheerful and mostly herself because of the steroids. I've scheduled in-home euthanasia for Tuesday morning. I feel like I might be putting her down prematurely, given how she has reacted to the steroids. But I don't want the end of her life to be a slow and painful decline and back and forth to the vet. There's no guarantee how long the steroids will keep her comfortable and there's only one ending here. The only question is how and when. She's only 12. I never envisioned a situation where she would go before my 18 year old guy with renal disease. I've been preparing mentally for his death, but hers has blindsided me. This is killing me, but I don't know of a kinder way I could handle this for her.

I am so grateful that the steroids have allowed me to have the weekend with her and given me time to organize in-home euthanasia. Please hug your animals tights. You never know when something can unexpectedly take them from you prematurely.

My little Nugget, the light of my life, my sidekick, my best friend... She died on Wednesday and it's my fault.

She was only 9 and a half years old. Conures can live to 30 or more. I gave her too many treats and fatty foods because it felt good to spoil her. I knew better and I knew it was bad for her, but it made her happy. She developed xanthomas on both wings and I tried so so hard for months to manage them, but they kept growing. Finally after a CT scan it became clear they needed to be surgically removed, and she died while they were preparing her for surgery. Apparently they had to pluck some feathers around the surgical area and that is painful, it caused her to go into cardiac arrest. I don't know how to keep living, I feel so guilty I caused her pain and now she's dead. I can't breathe. I will miss her forever.

Yesterday we had to put down mine and my partner’s West Highland Terrier aged 14. She went peacefully looking out her favourite window. My partner wanted to post here but she couldn’t face it and asked me to instead. That dog was our whole world. She was everything to us. My partner owned her since she was a pup and I met my partner almost 4 years ago and that dog was my first introduction into the family. She caused chaos wherever she went, she was silly and made everyone who met her laugh. She was also sweet and gentle. We found out 1.5 years ago that she developed breast cancer. She was given 6-9 months to live. Against all odds she beat that timeframe and went on to live another happy and well-loved year. However during that time she got weaker and more in pain. The vet yesterday said that she wouldn’t survive till Christmas. At most 3 more painful weeks is all she could buy us. My partner and her mum knew this was the kindest and best time to let her go while she was still herself. Anyway just wanted to say we miss you so much girl. Don’t know what we’ll do without you. To anyone going through it or continuing to do so. We’re not alone. They’ll always be with us. Hope everyone here is okay

My dog passed away almost 4 months ago and i mourn him a lot. I cannot say his name without trembling and i have nightnares of his death or him being sick. His leaving was quite traumatic for me. My partner is quite fed up with me being still oversensitive about it.
Im living with my mom and grandma which i take care of when im not in school. Im in my twenties, and my grandma wants a new dog. I said i dont want, cause Im still hurt. Also i would be the one taking care of the new dog, and going to vet. Almost every day Im coming from university home at around 18:00-20:00 so my time would be limited. My grandma cant walk much only with cane and slow. My mom has sick knees. My grandma still begs me to get a dog, she even tried to buy one over facebook - but i stopped her. Today again i said i dont want the dog and to not tell me. My mom then came to my room and called me selfish. She was demanding why i dont want a new dog so i said it really hurts me mentally. She was confused and told me it would help my grandma so shes not alone all day. When i suggestee rodent or older cat from shelter my grandma said no. That she wants exactly same breed and puppy of our previous dog.
Im sorry for my english its not my first language. I am just done. I am struggling with mentall illness and lately its been a lot on me. I dont want pity and no one does pity me, as i said my partner is more annoyed when i say i had a bad night cause of these nightmares. I sm honestly done. I am people pleaser and i try not to be and now i feel guilty that i dont want a new dog. My mothers words really hurted me and also my grandmas actions, cause shes very bold and gets always what she wants regardless others. I really miss my dog and i also had very dark and bad thoughts if you know what i mean.
Im sorry everyone for whining i just dont know who to tell this anymore... thank you and have a lovely day and stray strong.

I’m a 39-year-old man, and it’s been just four days since I lost my boy. I’ve been crying every day, and my family is getting worried because I’ve always been someone who hides his emotions. But this loss has completely broken me.He was with me for 17 years. I don’t even know how to explain what he meant to me. He was part of my everyday life for almost half of my life, and now suddenly, he’s not here anymore.

I still make his bed. I still keep water for him around the house. I know he’s gone, but somehow, doing these little things makes me feel like he’s still around.I’m struggling to accept that he’s not coming back. And honestly, I don’t like it when people say things like “grieving this deeply over a dog.” He wasn’t just a dog. He was my son,

I’m 39, and I never thought I’d be this broken by anything in my life. I don’t know if it’s normal to cry this much or how long it takes to feel even a little okay again.For those of you who have lost a pet you loved like your own child, how did you get through the first few days? I could really use some words from people who understand. 💔

Edit:I honestly don't know what to say. I posted this when I was at my lowest, not expecting so many people to respond. I've been reading your comments, and I'm overwhelmed by the kindness and the stories you've shared. I'm sorry I haven't replied to anyone yet. I'm still struggling to process everything, and sometimes I just don't know what to say. Thank you to everyone who took the time to comfort me and share your own experiences. Reading your stories has made me realise how many of us carry this kind of pain after losing our little companions. I'm reading your comments, even if I can't reply to each one. Thank you for being so kind to me during a really difficult time. 🤍

My beautiful cat of 14 years passed away October 13 and I’m finding myself so sad this weekend. I live alone and it’s exceptionally quiet without her. I work from home too, so I spent a huge amount of time with her in my day to day life. I’m not sure how to cope with my loss right now. I feel so guilty about her passing (she declined rapidly from kidney issues and was euthanized). I keep thinking did I make the right decision, or should I have taken her home and let her live what time she had left in the comfort of familiar surroundings? I only wanted her to not suffer and be well. I feel like I let her down. She was family. I feel bad that I didn’t realize she was getting sick sooner. She seemed tireder and I thought it was just her senior age. Now I wonder if she was declining and I didn’t realize. The vet said cats hide sickness, but I feel like I failed as a good pet parent. I wish I could have saved her from getting sick. I keep hoping she somehow knows I only wanted to love her and for her to be well. How can I deal with this sadness and guilt?

She got to cross the Rainbow Bridge at home, lying on her blanket in the sun, being loved on by all of her favorite hoomans. She even got to enjoy her first chocolate brownie with vanilla ice cream just before the procedure began. Neither of us could handle the thought of her final emotion being the fear and anxiety that the vet clinic gave her, so her vet came to us.

This completely untrained girl would tell me when my blood sugar was crashing before my Dexcom would. She literally saved my life a few times, so the very least we could do was give her a peaceful send off. Her younger brother from another mother, also a Labradork, is a little bit lost without her today. We miss her, and there will never be another dog quite like her.

My heart is truly with everybody here who is also grieving. ♥️

I made a post the other day about how my beloved girl had the will to live but her body was acting otherwise. We had a mobile vet come in yesterday and say she won't be getting any better.

When we put her to sleep today, in front of the family, she wasn't agitated, she wasn't anxious, nor was she struggling. She was ready to go. Despite having a huge day, running around (the best she could), eating a whole tomahawk steak and her dog friend's birthday cake, she was so drained - not in a activity-tired way, but in a total mental and physical exhaustion way. she lay in her bed, let us all hold her, and let it happen.

It was only after I was petting her cold body when I realised she was waiting for us to say bye to her. She stayed strong, maintained the will to live to appease the happiness of the family. For her condition, which all vets we visited said she was a miracle and shouldn't be as active as she is, she didn't show an ounce of pain, and remained strong right up until she knew she was safe to let go.

The image of picking her lifeless body up and putting her into the cremator's transporting trolley has really etched itself into my brain, but I'm so happy she's at peace now. I miss her so much.

I lost my little pug on 10/14/2026 and I’m so heartbroken.. I didn’t even know anything was wrong with him.. Last friday I had brought him to the urgent vet because he would randomly get still and stiff and hunched over and grunt and not want to move. So I brought him last Friday and they did blood work, not much was wrong other than he was just slightly anemic and he had a UTI. The vet didn’t really find anything else wrong and just suspected it could have been a minor seizure or in relation to possible epilepsy. The only issue my dog had was a little arthritis in his right leg (which was known before this) so we got meds for the UTI and some pain meds and he needed to be checked back in 15 days. He was doing okay, not much of an appetite but still seemed happy and playful until the night of the 13th going into the 14th. I noticed he was having one of those episodes again but this time it lasted a long longer. I was trying to get him to lay down and eventually he did but then shortly after he got up and went to sit a couple feet away where I thought he was about to throw up but he actually collapsed for the first time.. I don’t know why I didn’t go to the emergency vet then and there but I was trying to get him stable again and he eventually did lay back down on my pillow, one of his favorite spots. Norman, my dog, loves nothing more than to get new toys. He loves to hear the word “new toys”. He likes food but he is a toy person. So I kept telling him that I’m going to get him a new toy tomorrow, we’ll go to the store and get him a new halloween toy (he loves the holidays because that means new toys and presents) I promised him I would do that and he did his little cute headtilts and seemed excited. I also crochet and was planning on making him a blanket with colors he could see, I was working on other little projects so I hadn’t started his yet but I told him again, tomorrow I’m going to make his blanket. I was being honest and also was trying to perk him up. So we went to bed, woke up, I noticed he still seemed off and that his breathing seemed a little labored. I was really worried but hoping that once we got up, he would kind of bounce back. I got up and brought him outside to leave and he went to pee and almost lost balance when lifting his leg up. I picked him up and brought him to the car and went to go get his new halloween toy. I was only in the store for a few minutes. I went back to the car and noticed he didn’t jump up to see me or come to the door to wait for me to get in, which he always does. Also I told him the night before that I was gonna look if they had the turkey sandwiches he and I liked because he always wants mine and so I wanted to get us them. They actually had them and they never seem to be in stock. Anyway, back to the car. I got in, went to pull him on my lap and he got all wobbly and unconscious. I went home and called the emergency vet and let them know what was going on and that we’re on our way. We got there and they did an ultra sound right away and said “it’s not good..” “I'm so sorry you guys” .. Started crying, not knowing what was going on. She said there was a lot of fluid in his abdomen, likely blood, and a mass. We went to a room and she told us what was going on and our options… He had hemangiosarcoma. Cancer. She said there’s three options… Put him down right now… Get emergency surgery and have his spleen removed but that he most likely wouldn’t survive the anesthesia.. Or go home and have someone put him down there that day…  I was so confused. I thought I was going to go in, get an expensive vet bill, some medicine to make him feel better and then go home. I would have never thought in a million years that I would be saying goodbye to him that day. I spent hours not giving an answer because this was so surreal. Norman is so full of life. This was so sudden. I’m not ready for this at all. He didn’t even have his favorite toy there with him, his favorite food or favorite treats… So we eventually went to that dreaded room and sat there with him a bit.. They put the iv in and I felt so hurt because he was trying to fight it and pull away, they had to try both legs.. They eventually got the IV in and I sat on the couch with him and the vet left and I was talking to him and petting him and telling him how much I loved him.. Shortly after, he got up and wanted some water (which he never drinks in stressful situations or on command) but he drank some, he sat up, looked more alert, and looked at me wondering what was going on. I felt like I betrayed him… He hasn’t been alert like that since the other day… He becomes alert and more like himself and then has to be put down?.... Norman doesn’t like when he has eye boogers, he always paws at his eyes to get them out. (in general) randomly, when the anesthesia was going in, he started frantically pawing at his eyes the way he does when he tries to get eye boogers out and I felt so bad and now that’s scarred in my mind… He eventually passed in my arms while I held his chin up in my hand like I always do… I’m so shocked… He never even got to see his new toy… I never got to make/give him his new blanket… He never got to have his favorite food or his favorite treats or his favorite toys… I’ve never been away from Norman in the 10 years I've had him. I’ve never gone a night away from him. The longest I’ve ever gone away from him was probably 4 or 5 hours and rarely. Norman was my purpose. I feel like I have no purpose now… I feel like I have no reason… I get out of bed to feed him, to bring him outside, to play with him.. Now I have no reason to get out of bed. I feel weird, I feel strange. It feels wrong to not have him here. He’s so sweet and precious and only 10 and so full of life and he’s just not here?.. My little pug?.. I’m never one who’s scared at night or of the dark or anything but now I’m suddenly scared to sleep at night. Norman always slept on my pillow while resting his chin on my head… He’d get his night time treats every night before going to bed… He loved those… He’s never gonna have them again… He’s never gonna play with his toys again.. I’m never gonna get to hold him again or snuggle with him.. I feel so empty and alone. I don’t have friends, Norman was my only friend. I feel so empty, I feel so hurt. I feel like I betrayed him. I brought him in to make him feel better but instead had to leave without him… Being home, looking at his toys all around and knowing he’s never gonna play with them hurts me so much. And he stashed a piece of chicken in our bed for later and I saw that when we got home and he never got to eat it… I can’t do this without him… He’s my whole world, I can’t believe he’s not here.. I can’t believe I’ll never see him again… I’d like to believe the idea that his spirit is here but every time i try to google and get reassurance, of course i’m met with the “there’s no scientific evidence blah blah” I want him to know how much I love him and miss him and that I didn’t want this to happen… I don’t want him thinking that I let him down or am fine without him… I’m so hurt, I don’t know what to do 

Five hours left until her at home services and i am on the floor laying on her bed with her giving kisses and pets I’ll remember her lil frito smell of her peets and her wired lil hair. This is the most gut wrenching heartbreak ive ever experienced.

My dog of 13 years passed away today. She was such a sweetheart and I will miss her dearly. I live abroad and I had not seen her in over 7 months.

I thought at least I will see her during my next visit and she just passed today. I will miss petting her, talking to her and seeing her beautiful golden eyes. I want to cry so much but I feel like if I start I will never stop. I cannot believe I was only 15 when she was adopted, I look at all her baby pics and how cute she has always been and it breaks my heart. I hope I will feel better tomorrow 😞

[Warning: will be talking about the events]

So ive posted here before, on Monday. Tuesday was the day I was supposed to put my 2 childhood chihuahuas down. I was given many comments that I didn't reply to, I often don't respond to my posts but be assured that I do read every single one and I appreciate your shared stories and kindness. It does help.

Yesterday happened to be the actual day. I dreaded every minute leading to the appointment. I cried driving them to McDonald's to get them a 10 piece mcnugget to share between the two. My boyfriend rode in the back seat so my fur babies can ride up front with me.

When the vet was ready we took them into a small room, and right away my dogs wanted off the table. They HATE the vet!

Mamas, when nervous, puts her head into the crook of my arm. Arrows, he stays close to Mamas. I leaned against the table and held them both close to my chest where I buried my face into both of them until the vet tech came in ready to give them the sedation. Mamas yelped of course, so did Arrows.

I pet them, gave them kisses, reassured them everything will be okay. They get drowsy and leaned against me, getting more limp as the seconds passed. I laid them down into a more comfortable position where I could still have my arms against both of them. And I cried, and kept saying "hey, hey, hey," "Hey im here, its okay, Im here" "Hey, hey, Im here" on repeat. I kept kissing them, I sobbed into them, I held onto them. I watched them breathe as they slept. Paying attention to Arrows small snores, the same snores I have on some recordings, the same snores I loved cuddling him and falling asleep to.

The vet comes in with the euthanasia, Mamas gets her first and I cry, Arrows gets his next. But Arrows being the smallest is the first to pass. Mamas seems to hold out longer. This is hard and horrible.

I raised Mamas as a pup. I was there every step of the way with her first litter. I helped her deliver her pups. Arrows was her first born son. I would lay next to her every night when she was pregnant and I would even lay next to her on the floor next to her long box where her and her pups would sleep. They were my everything. I was raised in an abusive unstable environment, and Mamas and Arrows were always there. My best friends.

I feel so much guilt. But they were both 16, [Arrows a lil bit younger] I know they are not in anymore pain. But coming home and not seeing their eyes light up to see me and their slow wagging tails kills me.

It was hard to take care of my other dog Cici [my profile pic] shes only 6 years old but full of life and energy. I had my boyfriend tend to her while I grieved and cried my eyes out. My face was in so much pain last night. Im at work and teary eyed. When I get home from work im taking Cici on a walk, just gotta find her pajamas, its cold today and shes a short haired chihuahua. This all hurts.

I don't know what else to say. I just keep thinking back to memories with them. I miss them so much.

Thanks for your kind comments. It helps. I hope to comment on your own posts here soon. Maybe once the pain lifts a bit more.

Hi everyone, I have something very heavy on my heart.
Six years ago, I adopted my Staffordshire Bull Terrier from a rescue when he was just three years old. He was my soul dog, my rock, and we went through so much together. We shared countless beautiful memories and made each other happy every single day.
Over the past year, his stamina had decreased a little. Three months ago, our vet detected a heart murmur and recommended seeing a cardiologist, but said it wasn’t urgent since he seemed otherwise healthy.
We went on trips together, enjoyed a beautiful summer, and he continued eating well, playing, and being his happy self. I had no idea anything serious was wrong.
Two days ago, I found him dead in his bed, looking as though he had simply fallen asleep. He was only nine. I never saw this coming.
My world has fallen apart. I haven’t been able to eat, can barely make myself drink water, and I feel like I’m no longer myself. We have a nine-month-old daughter, and my mum is currently helping care for her because I’m struggling so much.
My mind keeps telling me:
“I failed to protect him.”
“I should have made that cardiology appointment sooner.”
“If I had, he might still be alive.”
“It’s my fault he’s gone.”
If I had known what would happen, I would have moved mountains to help him. But I genuinely had no idea. The guilt is eating me alive.
My friends keep telling me I couldn’t have known and that he passed peacefully in his sleep. But all I can think about is that he was only nine, loved life so much, and might still be here if I had acted sooner.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you cope with the guilt and the loss?
Thank you for any advice or words of comfort. And if you’re grieving a beloved pet right now, sending you the biggest hug. ❤️

Im heartbroken and really just need a space to write down my thoughts about the situation. My cat passed away suddenly and unexpectedly after we moved apartments. Like, immediately after. We took her and our other two cats to the new apartment, and when we let her out of the carrier, she started open mouth breathing and it sounded a bit crunchy. My other cat open mouth breaths when he gets stressed, so we tried to just pet her and calm her down, but things progressed very fast.

She began to collapse and cry like she was in pain, and began to spit up clear liquid onto the floor. My mom and I scooped her up and started to rush her to the emergency vet. She died in the carrier on the way there. I feel genuinely traumatized and can’t stop seeing the light leave her eyes and her body go limp. The emergency vet tried CPR but it was too late, she died when we were a few minutes out. I can’t stop thinking, if I had just taken her a few minutes earlier. She was only 2 years old. The vet said that she most likely had an underlying heart condition, and the stress of the move provoked it. I feel like I killed her because I wanted to move apartments. There’s so many little ways that I think I failed her and so many different choices I should have made in the moment. Our home feels empty without her and I can tell that our other cats are wondering where she is.

I've had my dog for 16 years now, since I was 8 years old. She's always been a wonderful sister to me, and I adore her more than anything. About two days ago, she started to struggle more with walking, and seemed largely unable to keep herself up. We let her rest to see if she'd improve since she's had dizzy spells in the past that have passed. Unfortunately the next day she wasn't doing better. She would still eat and drink and could stand with assistance and walk around a little bit before tiring out, we decided it was time to euthanize her and contacted an at home euthanasia service who couldn't fit us in until 2 days from then. Then in the last 24 hours she stopped being able to stand, eat, or drink on her own. She lies in her doggy bed, coming in and out of sleep with muscle twitches now and then. She isn't responsive to anyone anymore, and just tries to move or whimpers softly every so often and we reposition her in her bed which calms her down and lets her drift off to sleep again.

I've been rolling through panic attacks now and then, I am insanely distraught over her suffering for so long before we can euthanize her. I'd take her to a vet directly but she has for the longest time been in extreme distress anytime we take her to the vet as we've had to do the last year for some health scares. She seems to be in pain when we move her and at home euthansia just seems better for her.

There are 15 hours until her scheduled appointment and I just can't sleep right now. When I tried to go to sleep in my bed I woke up after an hour with the biggest pit of anxiety in my stomach. I can't leave her bedside at all in case she needs me. But waiting for the appointment is actual torture for me and her. Every time she tries to move and whimpers I genuinely feel my heart breaking. I don't know what to do for her. I worry I'm not helping her enough. I don't want her to suffer anymore. I am having panic attacks so bad I can't even shower right now or eat properly.

I’m grieving the loss of my cat, which I’ve had for 9 years. We had to euthanize because of a severe case of IBS. The daily cleaning of bloody poop just got to be too much, the scrubbing of blood from my carpets became a daily/weekly thing. We tried all the fancy gi foods and after 5 years of bloody poops we decided it was time.

By far the hardest choice I’ve ever made. There was lots of guilt behind it I know I could have done more. Medication etc. but I wasn’t prepared to do that.

Then there’s my dog, who has gone through it all. Multiple major surgeries, hit my car, ear hemotima surgeries, has a heart condition now and a spinal condition. She’s a 12 year old GSD, and we aren’t sure how much time she’s got left. Just taking in the time we still have and dreading the day of a no pet household.

As the title says .... Tomorrow marks 2 months since my whole world, my baby, my best friend, my soulmate, died. He was a 9 year old Maine Coon and I have never felt so much pain in my life since he's been gone.

About two weeks ago I stopped crying every day. I felt immense guilt over that, and honestly still do. Like I'm not honoring him if I'm not a mess every single day. I feel like the intense pain has transformed into mostly numbness now at two months. It still hurts but it's like my brain is trying to protect me. It knows I can't sustain this much sorrow on a daily basis long term. Even though I'm not crying every day anymore, I still like every day is passing me by and I'm just ..... An empty shell.

Tonight I hugged and sniffed his stuffy for the first time in weeks. I still make his spot up in our bed before I fall asleep. I sit here now crying and missing him so much. I am still so devastated and lost.

How is everyone else doing?

We had two wonderful beagles, they were best friends. Link was always a bit of a dumpster fire, allergies, seizure disorder, frequent bouts of pneumonia. We had it all under control, then his lymph nodes swelled up. We got the worst news, it was lymphoma. There is no cure in dogs, best we could hope for was remission.

We decided to put him on the chemotherapy. His first two treatments went well, he was reacting positively.

Then came this week. He went in for his third treatment, and was a little down in the dumps the next day and had some vomiting. It wasn't unexpected, he did with his first dose of this drug as well. The next day he was drinking, holding the water down. If he didn't eat the next day he was going to be admitted. Next day his breathing was rough. We brought him in and he had a bad case of pneumonia. When they administered the IV antibiotics, he crashed.

He was supposed to go into remission and have more time. He was the healthiest I have seen him in a long time on Monday, and now he's gone.

Our little Aussie, Apollo, is supposed to turn 8 this Wednesday. My wife convinced me to get a dog with her when I was early my medical training we were still dating. It was the worst time in my life to get a dog, but it has been the best decision ever. We’re now happily married with three boys under three and this wonderful pup. He has been a rock in my life and I can honestly say that he is my best friend. We have an incredible bond that I’m sure many of you can relate to. I am definitely his “person” and like I said, he is my best friend.

He’s always been healthy and active and happy. Even as late as last weekend, he was his ball obsessed, usual playful self with not a care in the world. This past Tuesday morning, he was a little slow and lethargic in the morning and noon but perked up in the evening. Repeat this Wednesday. Thursday morning, the same, and I had a short day so I brought him to the vet. They thought it was musculoskeletal, but got lab work just in case. Friday morning the lab work came back as significantly anemic and thrombocytopenia, so we got imaging and ultrasound showed a possible liver tumor and fluid in his abdomen, which they tapped and came back as frank blood. We brought him emergently to a local veterinary hospital, where a CT showed metastatic cancer throughout his liver, spleen, muscle, and a nodule in his lungs. Inoperable, and even with surgery median prognosis was four weeks. The hospital vet told us he may not make it till Sunday for comfort measures.

He was sent home with prednisone and tranexamic acid to help with the bleeding. Of course today, he is as happy can be back with good color and no signs of anemia. He is back to acting his completely normal self, but we scheduled to have him put down tomorrow and I keep rethinking this decision. I feel like I know it’s the right decision, but he’s so happy and jovial right now. But I also would never be able to forgive myself if he started bleeding again and passed away alone this week without his loved ones there to support him.

I‘m just having a really tough time coping with this sudden our life that feels like it nowhere, being taken so young, and just losing what has become my best friend. apologies if there are errors in this, I used talk to text a lot.

I lost my beloved cat of 14 years.. we were able to bury him in our garden yesterday. Before falling asleep I could see him and his eyes, they were looking at me just like they always did when he’s purring. I am broken… it’s 4pm, and I can’t get out of bed.

Words can't even begin to explain how much I adore and love you. If I were to write a book about you, it would be endless, because how could I possibly fit a lifetime of love and memories into just a few pages?

They say writing everything down helps, but how do you even begin to put this kind of love and pain into words? Right now, the pain feels too much to bear. My chest feels so tight, and I'm yearning for you more than words could ever explain.

I can't wait for the day I get to see you again. Until then, please be good for me, just like you always have been. Well, maybe I'm being a little biased, but you've always been my bestest and most perfect boy! My old baby boy.

I don't think I'll ever get over how we didn't even like each other at first! I was only 14 when you were a puppy, and my goodness, you were SUPER DUPER CRAZY! I found you incredibly annoying, and I was genuinely convinced you'd bite one of my fingers off! The craziest zoomies you would get, honestly, it was like you were running your own little marathon inside that head of yours!

My older brother initially got you, but he didn't have the time to give you the care and attention you needed, so he passed you over to me.

Me. A 14-year-old girl who didn't have a clue what she wanted in life, what she was doing or even what her purpose was.

And somehow, this crazy little puppy ended up becoming my whole world.

I will forever thank God that my brother gave you to me, because little did I know that you would become one of the greatest blessings of my life.

I thought I was the one who was supposed to look after you, but actually, you'd spend the rest of your life looking after me too.

We grew together, we learnt together, and somewhere along the way, we became inseparable.

You were there for so many different versions of me. From that clueless 14-year-old girl to the person I am today. You've watched me grow up, make mistakes, cry, laugh and go through things I never thought I'd get through. And through every single chapter, there you were.

You loved me unconditionally, no matter what. You never judged me, never expected anything from me, and you stood by me through some of the hardest moments of my life.

During times when I struggled to find happiness, you gave me a reason to smile. During times when life felt unbearable, you made it a little easier just by being there. And for that, I have you to thank.

You were all my happiness wrapped into one little soul. My comfort, my safe place, my best friend and my whole world. Nothing else mattered when it was just you and me.

And my goodness, Deisel, what a personality you had!

First of all, sharing? Absolutely NOT in your vocabulary! You would never share a single thing, and I'm pretty sure you somehow inherited my trust issues along the way. Honestly, I don't know whether I raised you or whether you were just a little four-legged version of me!

But behind all that cheekiness was the most loving, carefree and tender-hearted boy. Anyone who had the pleasure of meeting you was incredibly lucky, because you really were one of a kind. You had so much love to give, and you made it so easy for people to fall in love with you.

My nosy little boy, always wanting to know everyone's business, and my cheeky little boy who would do absolutely ANYTHING for food. And when I say anything, I mean EVERYTHING under the sun for that damn treat!

But you were clever. Oh, you were a VERY clever boy, sometimes a little too clever for your own good!

I will never forget how you'd pretend you couldn't do a trick, almost as if you were trying to negotiate an easier way to get your treat. And the funniest part? The moment you realised I was getting stressed because you weren't doing it properly, you'd suddenly perform the trick perfectly! You knew exactly what you were doing, you little monkey!

You always knew what you wanted, and you certainly knew how to get it. I genuinely think you had me trained more than I ever had you trained!

And then there was my little shadow. My goodness, you followed me EVERYWHERE. We were practically attached at the hip. Wherever I went, there you were, never too far behind.

I'll admit, the separation anxiety was my fault, because I never wanted to be away from you either. But honestly, who wouldn't want to be completely obsessed with you? I certainly was, and I still am!

I think one of the things I'll struggle with the most is not having our little routines anymore.

Every morning, without fail, I'd wake up to the sound of your little footsteps and crying for the loo next to me in my ears, and we'd start our day together in the garden with our morning tea. Such a simple little routine, but it meant the absolute world to me. Just you, me, the fresh air and our little moment of peace before the day began.

I don't think I realised just how precious those mornings were until now. They were such a normal part of my everyday life that I never once imagined there would come a morning when I wouldn't hear those little footsteps anymore.

And now, the mornings will still come, the tea will still be made, and the garden will still be there. But the one little soul who made it all so special won't be there beside me.

And I think that's what hurts the most. The world carries on as normal, but my world has changed completely.

Because it was never really about the tea or the garden. It was about having you there.

You made the most ordinary parts of my life feel extraordinary, just by being in them.

And I think that's what I'm going to miss the most, my boy. Not just the big memories, but all those tiny, seemingly insignificant moments that made up our beautiful little life together.

I always knew this day would come, but nothing in this world could have prepared me for it. No matter how old you got, you were always going to be my little baby boy. Even with your old man ways, you were still that same crazy puppy in my eyes.

I wish dogs could understand just how much they mean to us. I wish I could sit you down and explain how much you've changed my life, how many times you've saved me without even realising, and how grateful I am that out of all the people in this world, I got to be yours.

And then came our last little adventure together, my boy.

We went for our final walk to the fields, and I wanted you to experience as much as you possibly could. There were so many different textures beneath your little paws, some I thought you'd already experienced before, but clearly not all of them!

There was this one particularly mushy part of the field, and my goodness, the confusion on your little face! You genuinely looked like you had no idea what on earth you'd just stepped into!

Even on our last walk, you still managed to make me smile with your funny little ways.

I wish I could have frozen that moment in time. Just you and me, exploring the world together one last time, without having to think about what was coming next.

But I think one of the most heartbreaking parts of your final days was watching you lose your appetite.

My Deisel, the boy who would do absolutely ANYTHING for food, suddenly not wanting to eat. If anyone knew you, they'd know just how much food meant to you! You were the biggest foodie I knew, and seeing you turn away from the things you once loved absolutely broke my heart.

Even your beloved chicken and salmon, things you would usually go crazy for, didn't interest you anymore. And that hurt so much, because all I wanted was to see that little spark in your eyes again whenever food was involved.

But you know what, my boy? If there was ever a time to spoil you absolutely rotten, it was now.

No rules, no worrying about what was expensive, just making sure my best boy had everything his little heart could possibly desire.

And we all know how much you LOVED your dairy products, especially CHEESE! So of course, I made sure you had all sorts of cheese to choose from. Anything your little heart fancied!

And then came the expensive chocolates and ice cream, because why on earth shouldn't my precious boy have the most extravagant final feast imaginable?

I even made you the most luxurious hot chocolate I could possibly make, topped with whipped cream, of course! And to top it all off, a McDonald's Quarter Pounder with fries on the side! Honestly, Deisel, you were eating better than most people!

And my goodness, the CONFUSION on your little face when you realised you were suddenly allowed ALL the foods you'd spent your entire life being told you couldn't have!

I can only imagine what was going through that little head of yours.

"Hang on a minute, since WHEN was I allowed all of this?!"

But of course, being the foodie you were, you weren't about to question it for too long. It was almost as if you thought, "Well, it's here now, so who am I to say no?"

You probably thought you'd finally hit the jackpot after all those years of being told NO! And honestly, my boy, if anyone deserved to be spoiled rotten, it was you.

Even on one of the hardest days of my life, you still managed to make me laugh, and that's something I'll treasure forever.

I wish you could have enjoyed every single bite the way you used to, but I knew your little body was tired. I couldn't make you better, no matter how desperately I wanted to, but I could still give you all the love, comfort and little pleasures I possibly could.

And if there was one thing I wanted you to know during those final moments, it was that you deserved absolutely everything.

Every little treat, every cuddle, every kiss and every ounce of love I had to give.

I spent so many years telling you to behave, to wait patiently for your treats and to stop being such a cheeky little monkey. And there I was, on our final day together, wishing more than anything that you could go back to being that greedy little boy who would do absolutely anything for just one more treat.

Because I would have given anything to see you being your usual cheeky, food-obsessed self again.

I hope our last little adventure made you happy, my sweet boy. I hope you enjoyed the grass beneath your paws, all those strange little textures and every moment we had together.

You gave me a lifetime of happiness, Deisel, and all I wanted was to give you one last day filled with as much happiness as your little heart could hold.

Wednesday, 14th October. The day I had to say goodbye to you, and the day a part of my heart went with you.

I don't think I've ever experienced a heartbreak quite like this.

A part of me wanted to be selfish and keep you here forever, because how on earth am I supposed to do life without you when you've been part of mine for so long?

But my love for you was always going to be bigger than my need to keep you here. As much as I wanted more time, I knew I couldn't ask you to keep fighting when your little body had already been through so much.

You spent your whole life giving me comfort, love and happiness. And when you needed me the most, I wanted to give you that same comfort in return.

I would have done absolutely anything to make you better, my boy. Anything.

But when I couldn't make you better, all I could do was make sure you didn't have to suffer anymore.

And that is a decision I made with all the love I have for you.

And I think one of the hardest parts of saying goodbye to you was knowing that you could no longer hear my voice, my boy. Being deaf meant I couldn't comfort you with the words I'd spent your whole life saying to you, and that broke my heart even more.

I kept wondering how I was going to let you know that everything was okay, that I was right there beside you and that you weren't alone. How was I supposed to tell you one last time just how much I loved you when you couldn't hear me?

So I did the only thing I could think of. I held you close, spoke into your little coat, hoping you could feel the vibrations of my voice as I told you, "I love you, Deisel. You will always be in my heart."

I don't know whether you felt those words, my sweet boy, but goodness, I hope you did. I hope somewhere in those final moments, you could feel just how much love was surrounding you.

I keep wondering whether I did enough, whether I comforted you the way you needed me to, and whether I made your final moments as peaceful as you deserved.

I hope I did okay by you, Deisel. I really, really do.

You spent your whole life being my comfort, and all I wanted in those last moments was to be yours.

And even though your ears could no longer hear me, I hope my touch, my warmth and my presence told you everything my voice couldn't.

Because if there was one thing I wanted you to feel as you left this world, it was that you were loved. So deeply, so endlessly and with every part of me.

I hope you felt me there, my sweet boy. I hope you knew it was me.

I hope you knew how loved you were, Deisel. Not just on your final day, not just when you were poorly, but every single day of your life.

And if I could go back to being 14 again, knowing everything I know now, knowing just how much this goodbye would hurt, I'd still choose you.

A million times over.

Even with those absolutely ridiculous zoomies, your stubborn little ways, your refusal to share anything and your crazy personality.

Because loving you has been one of the greatest privileges of my life.

I'll still have our morning tea in the garden, my boy. Only now I'll be looking at the space where you used to be, wishing more than anything that I could have just one more ordinary morning with you.

One more morning of you following me around, being nosy, getting up to no good and simply being my little shadow.

Because what I wouldn't give to live just one of those ordinary days all over again.

Thank you for growing up with me. Thank you for loving me when I didn't always know how to love myself. Thank you for being my comfort when life got difficult, my happiness when things felt heavy, and my constant when everything around me was changing.

I hope I gave you even half the happiness you gave me.

You came into my life as a crazy little puppy I didn't know what to do with, and you left as the greatest love and one of the biggest parts of my life.

You'll always be my bestest boy, my old baby boy, my little shadow and the little soul who made my world feel whole.

For so much of my life, it was always you and me, Deisel. And even though I now have to carry on without you physically beside me, there will never be a version of my life where you don't belong.

I used to think that having you by my side forever would be enough, but I've realised that even forever wouldn't have been long enough with you.

I hope wherever you are, you're running around with those crazy zoomies again, being your cheeky little self, demanding treats and getting up to absolutely no good.

And I hope you know that if I had the chance to to do it all again, I'd choose you every single time.

You were my once-in-a-lifetime boy, and I'll spend the rest of mine being grateful that I got to be yours.

I'll love you for all the days I have left, just as I loved you for all the days we had together.

Until we meet again, my sweet Deisel. ❤️