Hey everyone, I’m honestly not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I’m going to anyways and I can always move it or cross post if it’s in the wrong category. (Maybe it’s r/relationships idk)
Buckle in:
So I am a professional photographer and I work in many categories, one of them is engagement sessions. I recently did an engagement session last weekend for a friend of mine who is an absolute gem of a human being. She’s seriously the sweetest, loveliest human you’ve ever met. I’ve met her boyfriend, now fiancée, a handful of times and he’s OK… he’s never given me any feeling one way or the other, he’s just a basic dude.
🚩There were never any red flags…until now.🚩
I’ll call her Cathy and him Brad for privacy. They have been dating for 7 years and own a house together and are in their early 40s.
We scheduled this beautiful autumn photo shoot in a dog park so that they could bring their dog, and a few days before the shoot Cathy mentioned that Brad hates photos and was annoyed we were doing this on a Sunday during football season (I had already rescheduled with them once because they had gotten sick for the previous date)
I tried to reassure her that it was going to be fast and easy and casual and fun and that honestly not many people LOOOVE to get their picture taken and I totally understood. I scheduled the shoot for two hours before his game started, also keeping in mind, golden hour, and the direction and angle of the sun, etc.
The day was perfect and it was gorgeous and everything seemed to be going off without a hitch… Until I asked them to do normal people engagement things like hold hands, get closer, act like they liked each other.
Brad was acting like he couldn’t stand the sight of Cathy and kept rolling his eyes and acting visibly disgusted…really emotionally immature stuff for someone who is planning on spending his life with this woman and claims to love her. I kept gently encouraging them him to be affectionate, all the while Cathy would just kind of laugh and treat his eye rolls and recoils like a joke and say “oh he’s just like that haha” sort of brushing off the whole thing and his behavior as being just “typical boy stuff“
You guys, this guy is one huge red flag.
It’s fair to say that it was really hard to get photos that were flattering of the two of them because his face was contorted into these nasty grimaces as she’s trying to snuggle up next to him for a sweet engagement photo.
I’ve never had a more awkward engagement session! And I KNOW these people, they’re not random strangers.
I’m a professional and can usually make the best of every situation that is thrown at me. I definitely got some usable shots and I can make it look like Brad gives a crap about Cathy. I kept framing it “Brad, this is gonna be great practice for your wedding day, you’re going to feel uncomfortable and everybody’s gonna make you smile and kiss on command, get used to it….” etc blah blah blah.
Not to be judgy of my clients, but Brad looks like an incel: he’s not because he’s been with Cathy for many years, but if you didn’t know that and were basing from actions and appearances, he looks like he crawled out of a basement just to get some more Doritos between WoW sessions.
My ethical dilemma is, do I privately say something to Cathy?
This is somebody that I care about, and I really don’t like the way that her future husband is treating her. I know they’ve been together for a long time and I’m not here to blow anything up, but he was far more interested in football and getting back to playing video games than spending one hour making her happy.
She planned everything: she bought her dog a cute little bandanna, she planned her outfit, she did her hair and her makeup, she brought a bag of snacks and drinks for us (which he did not offer to carry once).
He kept on making these snide comments like “she owes me for this one” and “she’s gonna be in trouble for this”
Are these…very unfunny jokes, or potential abuse signs?
Is he just a misogynistic AH? should I just stay out of it and let them deal with things on their own?
As somebody who has been through a horrible divorce, I wish somebody would have told me if they saw huge red flags (not that I would’ve necessarily listened, I was a child bride 🤦♀️ but whatever)
I know they’re going to love the photos and ask me to shoot the wedding (is it bad business if I can’t stand the groom?)
I’m now editing their engagement photos and I hate his face and I hate what he’s doing to her.
Help!