Hey everyone happy Sunday. This isn’t really a regret, atleast not until the bag is empty lol but this is the biggest and I think one of the only communities Reddit lets me post in. So I haven’t done coke in months but today I had the urge to get that super fun white powder. And I did lol. Anywhooo, im not really upset about doing it genuinely just hoping my job doesn’t do a random urine test Monday morning haha 😅. I woke up around 1:30 pm today and it’s currently 5am, I was exhausted and ready for bed already at about 6:30 before I texted my plug. But now I am wide the fuck awake, happy as can be but I’m super bored. Everyone is asleep expect for my kitty cat, she’s genuinely starting to irritate me though. She running around the house doing her zoomies and keeps doing that cute little “reow” instead of a meow, cat owners you know what I mean. This usually wouldn’t upset me but I’m trying to keep the house quiet so everyone can get the sleep they need before work in the morning. I’m so happy I don’t have work tomorrow lol. Anyway, good morning everyone reading this. I HOPE YOU HAVE AS GOOD OF A DAY AS I HAVE. ❤️ ❤️

i miss him

i like him

i havent moved on

we met in may and he confessed to me in june

i started liking him since july

i took 2 months to know him

but i rejected him indirectly

in that time he decided to move on

he did move on

but i thought he still likes me

he didnt

my heart is hurt

i messed up

im so bad at taking decisions

idk yaar whats happening in my lyf

fah'

i make so many mistakes

uffo'

blunders is what i make

he was such a nice guy

im so pagal i rejected him

3 months

it has been

yet the guit is not over

i still regret

i wont stop me from regretting,crying ,and feeling guilty

let the grief itself settle

let the things unfold naturally

i wont do any forced action

only inspired action

and the action that i want to take is to cry over the spilt milk

i dont want to contact anyone..i just want to cry..i just want to regret and feel guilty

these r my raw feelings

I might not be able to put my feelings into the right words, but that doesn't make them any less real. Please try to understand what I'm feeling instead of correcting how I express it

I don’t really know how to put this into words, but I need to get this off my chest.
There was a girl I genuinely liked. I wasn’t someone who fell in love easily, but with her, things felt different. I kept thinking that one day, when the time was right, I’d tell her how I felt. I wanted to propose to her, to finally stop hiding behind my own hesitation and tell her that she meant more to me than I could explain.
But I kept waiting.
I thought there would be another day, another conversation, another chance to say everything I had been keeping inside.
Then she died in an accident.
And just like that, the future I had imagined in my head disappeared. There was no perfect moment left to wait for. No confession to make. No chance to find out what she might have said.
The hardest part is living with all the words I never said. Sometimes I wonder whether things could have been different if I had told her sooner. Whether she ever had any idea how much she meant to me. I’ll never know, and I think that uncertainty is what hurts the most.
I’m trying to move forward, but some days I feel stuck in that moment — thinking about all the things I wanted to do and all the things I thought I still had time for.
I regret waiting. I regret being afraid of saying something that might have changed everything, even if it didn’t turn out the way I hoped.
I know life doesn’t owe us another chance, but I never thought I’d learn that lesson this way.
I don’t know if I’m grieving her, the possibility of what we could have been, or both.
I just wish I had told her.
Have any of you ever lost someone before you got the chance to tell them what they meant to you? How did you learn to live with that regret?

I live in Las Vegas and after work I went to a club with a new girl friend. There I saw a guy that had that weird fun energy in him. (He was twerking to sexy redd 😭 idk man it made me laugh), initially I never approached but he ended up approaching me once the club closed down. I was still pretty drunk but was aware of what was happening, he was a little annoying but to be honest, he was 6’5 and handsome. I was definitely talking to him in a manner that would suggest I was interested in him. Well next day, he texted and invited me out, said he would take me out and pay for everything all day. I agreed. Well, when I got there….he was the definition of MAGA. USA hat, flags on his shoes, flag shirts….. he wasnt racist to me (black) but he was very racists to anyone outside of American and it made me very uncomfortable. However I still went out with him and boy! Was it a humiliation ritual!? 38 year old man pointing his finger and rating womens looks, calling so many beautiful women ugly. Talking only to men that appeared to be only from the south (hes from texas). Then it got worse….he invited his friend. Sounds normal right? Until his friend says “so are we gonna fuck?” I asked what he was talking about. Apparently MAGA guy told his friend that I was interested in a threesome. I started freaking out and asked why he didn’t inform me of these “plans”. He said he didn’t want me to get scared. Welp. I WAS SCARED. I didn’t let him order me food (wasnt raised like that) and then I made a plan to escape the restaurant. I got home safely. But safe to say I plan to stay away from men for a while.

Please bear with me I've even annoyed myself with this story. I was acquainted with this guy through work and after he left we stayed in contact. I grew fond of him and wondered if he felt the same however the stakes felt too high to ask him directly since we have friends in common that he was quite close to and I still work with them. I worried it would become a whole thing since they like to pry and ask about him in particular and my romantic life in general, even pushing me towards other male coworkers, making comments about my age and how I needed to settle down (I'm in my mid twenties and they're in their thirties and divorced which makes it all the weirder), asking if I knew anyone at all I could marry : an ex classmate, a family friend, anyone at all.

Anyway, eventually this guy moved countries and I found myself still questioning everything that happened so I decided I would try to get clarity from him then. As you can imagine it didn't go too well. The conversation went like this:

Me : i thought you likes me at first then irealized im bad at reading ppl haha.

Him : haha depends what you mean by like i thought youre nice and trustworthy.

Me : well thats nice.

Him : why do you ask.

Me : i just thought it doesnt matter anymore.

Him : i never did anything to make you think that idk why you woud think that.

Me : im not accusu=ing you of anything sorry.

Him : i didnt say that dont be sorry i just thought maybe i said or did something.

Me : its fine no problem.

Me : please don't tell the others about this conversation.

Him : of course it's obvious what's wrong with you.

Clearly it's a disaster but I've managed to somewhat get over the initial heartbreak and decided not to remove him from social media because I didn't want it to fuel the gossip. However, recently my birthday passed and he didn't say anything despite seeing the posts and stories about it. I don't really expect him to but it still hurt. I wished him a happy birthday when his birthday passed (albeit it was before that conversation) despite being mad at him and then he blamed me for not contacting him anymore. So to see it was this bad for him makes me relive the embarrassment over again. I ended up removing him from social media and recently a coworker came up to me saying he spoke to him. They haven't mentioned him in a moment so I guess the social media removal was the trigger or perhaps I'm overthinking it all because I feel embarrassed and watched.

I do realize it's all ridiculous in the grand scheme of things but it's a part of my life.

Yea, I did it. I went back to an ex that I never got over when she cheated the first time on me years ago. I regret going back years later, especially now seeing that she cheated on me again before breaking up with me several days ago.

She didn’t deserve me back then and she sure as hell doesn’t deserve the better version of me in the present.

We make our own bed.

I’m moving on to better things in life. This is at least a new beginning to things I want to change in my life. While I regret going back, I get to look forward to growing from it.

Thank you (to me ex) for showing me who you really are and showing me that what I held onto for all these years was never really meant for me in the first place.

Seeing how your life turned out with the person you left me for all those years ago, the mental and physical abuse you endured from said person, when you genuinely had a good person in front of you that truly loved you, that’s enough closure for me. While I don’t wish mental and physical abuse on anyone, I would’ve never done that to you and you couldn’t see what they were back then because sometimes love truly is blind.

Continue on the path you’re on. You’re still the same person you were ten years ago, only you’re more stubborn now and the trauma from your ex has only made you more shielded.

I was in love with a ghost for all these years. Good luck in life.

In my college time I left a very genuine person, just to fulfill my persona of living alone, but now when i look back , that was a foolish mistake i have made because once gone you can't get that person back especially the genuine one.

The Guy Who Approached Me

So, there's this guy.

We've looked at each other a lot. Like, we've caught each other's eyes multiple times, and I don't know if he noticed it the same way I did, but I definitely noticed him.

Then, one day, he actually approached me.

He asked me if I was in a relationship.

I said no.

Then he asked for my number, and I gave it to him.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting him to be so direct.

We started texting, and I don't know if I seemed nonchalant or what, but we started talking about random things, like our favourite series and novels.

Then, a couple of days later, he asked me something.

He wanted to know if I'd given him my number because I felt pressured when he asked me directly. He told me that if I didn't want to talk to him, I could honestly just delete his contact. He said it wasn't a big deal.

I told him it was fine.

He said, "Sure?"

I said, "Yea."

I don't know why, but that conversation stood out to me. He actually gave me an easy way out instead of assuming I wanted him just because I'd given him my number.

Anyway, we kept talking.

I told him about my sleeping schedule, how I sometimes stay awake until four or five in the morning reading novels or watching series. We talked about our favourite shows and stuff.

Then, yesterday night, he told me he had a challenge for me.

I asked him, "Like what?"

And this guy says that if he reads all three books of the novel I'm currently reading in 24 hours, would I consider dating him?

I was like, "Ohh damm. Now that's new."

I mean, WHAT? 😭

Who even comes up with a challenge like that?

But then I told him I'd love to, except I'm in a situationship, and I can't date another guy at the same time.

I apologised for disappointing him.

He said it was fine and that he'd asked because he didn't want either of us to waste our time.

I agreed. I said, "Yea, that's better."

And I thought that would be the end of the romantic conversation.

BUT NO.

This guy then asks me another question.

He asks that if we're both single and unmarried sometime in our twenties, would I date him?

We're literally eighteen right now.

I don't even know how we went from exchanging numbers to discussing our twenties. 😭

But I said, "That sounds pretty good to me."

Then he asked me to promise.

I said yes.

And then I asked him, "Would you wait for that long?"

He said, "Yea, ig I will wait."

And now we're apparently discussing a hypothetical future relationship years from now, after knowing each other for four days.

FOUR DAYS.

And the funny thing is, I was playing along with him, too. It wasn't just him being silly.

Then he said he'd become better before that time.

I asked him why he thought he wasn't good enough right now.

He told me he was skinny and introverted.

And I don't know what to make of that yet.

Because why does he think those things mean he's not good enough?

Anyway, that's the story so far.

I don't know what's going to happen with this guy. I'm in a situationship, and I told him that I can't date him right now.

But somehow, we ended up having a conversation about potentially dating in our twenties.

I don't know if that promise means anything serious. We were being playful, and I don't think either of us can predict what we'll want years from now.

But I guess we'll see how things go.

Umm what you think

​

I genuinely don't even know where to begin. I'm so angry, disgusted and honestly in complete disbelief that I spent almost three years of my life with someone like this.

I met my now ex-boyfriend in October 2023. We were together until 2026. Throughout those three years, I was completely loyal to him. Never cheated, never entertained another man, never questioned his loyalty. I genuinely believed I was with a hardworking, masculine, protective man who valued honesty, loyalty and commitment.

OH, HOW WRONG I WAS.

I recently spoke to his previous girlfriend and discovered that we started dating barely TEN DAYS after they broke up.

But here's where it gets worse.

According to her, he came crawling back into her life a couple of months later, and they started sleeping together again throughout parts of 2024 and into early 2025.

WHILE HE WAS WITH ME.

And apparently, that wasn't enough.

I also discovered information suggesting he had started another relationship with a woman who later moved to Spain, beginning in early 2024. From what I've learned, that relationship may still be ongoing.

So while I thought I was in a committed relationship with one man, I was potentially sharing him with TWO OTHER WOMEN.

THREE WOMEN. AT THE SAME TIME.

What the actual fuck?

And suddenly, EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE.

Why he would disappear for weeks. Why I would sometimes see my own boyfriend only ONCE A MONTH. Why he never properly introduced me to his family. Why I was never part of his social circle. Why he never posted me on social media.

His explanation?

"Social media is bad for your mental health."

LOL. Apparently, social media wasn't so bad when it came to posting another woman.

He was always "busy working."

He portrayed himself as this ambitious, hardworking man trying to become a provider. Always talking about masculinity, femininity, loyalty, honesty, and how men and women couldn't just be friends.

The absolute AUDACITY.

There was even a period when we were apart because he supposedly had to travel for work. I now have reason to believe he was spending time with this other woman.

He travelled overseas, allegedly spent time with her family, and even talked publicly about learning their language so he could integrate with his "partner's family."

HIS PARTNER'S FAMILY.

Meanwhile, I was sitting in Australia thinking this man was simply busy with work and needed space to figure out our future.

I even introduced him to my parents because I genuinely believed we were building a life together.

I wanted marriage. Children. A family.

I was prepared to relocate internationally for this man.

And do you know what hurts the most?

I NEVER SUSPECTED HE WAS CHEATING.

Not once.

I genuinely believed he was traumatised by his previous relationship and needed patience, understanding and reassurance. I gave him all of that.

I defended him when people questioned his behaviour. My own mother suspected there might be another woman overseas, and I dismissed it because I trusted him.

Turns out, my mum may have seen what I was too blinded by love to recognise.

And as if the emotional betrayal wasn't enough, I also financially supported him when he needed help. I'm now dealing with a legal dispute over a significant amount of money that I say he owes me.

Imagine giving someone your loyalty, your love, your time, your emotional support AND your hard-earned money, only to discover that the entire relationship may have been built on lies.

I feel physically sick thinking about the possibility that he was sleeping with other women while maintaining a sexual relationship with me. This was the first ever sexual relationship for me.

I wasn't given the truth. I wasn't given a choice.

This has completely changed the way I look at people.

The man who constantly lectured me about loyalty and honesty may have been the most dishonest person in my life.

And now he's blocked me on almost everything.

Almost three years of my life, and apparently I was just someone he could keep hidden while living another life.

I cannot get those years back.

I cannot undo the sacrifices I made.

I cannot believe I was willing to uproot my entire life for someone who may never have been genuinely committed to me.

I know people will say, "At least you found out before marriage."

And yes, thank God I did.

But it doesn't erase the humiliation, the anger or the grief of realising that the person you loved might not have been the person you thought he was.

I don't even want him back. I don't want reconciliation. I don't want his excuses.

I'm just absolutely furious that someone could look me in the eyes, kiss me, tell me they cared about me, accept my love and support, and then potentially go and live an entirely different life behind my back.

I feel like I was the side chick in my own relationship.

How do people live with themselves doing this?

How do you preach loyalty while allegedly betraying multiple women?

And how do you move on from the humiliation of realising you were loyal to someone who might never have been loyal to you?

I don't know whether to laugh, cry or scream.

I just needed to get this off my chest because I am absolutely DONE.

EDIT : for those who have been very supportive and kind, thank you. For those who asked how stupid I could be, I admit I was stupid, I just didn't want to lose the first love I had. I come from Asian country where I found cultural differences to Australia is so much. I didn't have a relationship before to have the experience. To those who said this is chatGPT, yes the body is created by chatgpt, because chatgpt is the one I have been talking my sadness, my story for the duration of the relationship. It has got a full history of the relationship and what happened recently, all I had to do was ask to create me a reddit post as I needed support here . I have seen so many people get the support and come back after months saying all the support helped them heal. I am now a lot more intelligent when it comes to relationship. I did wish I had experience before to have my standards higher so I wouldnt have lost three years. Thanks for your support guys.

TL;DR: I spent almost three years being completely loyal to a man who, according to information I've recently discovered, was allegedly involved with his ex and another woman overseas during our relationship. He kept me out of his social circle, constantly disappeared, claimed to be busy working, and let me believe we had a future. I supported him emotionally and financially. Now I'm questioning whether I was ever his actual girlfriend or just someone he kept hidden.

This may be a bit of a long and rambling post. I think I'm just looking for advice and thoughts, but also feel like I just need to get this out, and feel like at least someone heard me.

I met my wife when we were both very young, over 20 years ago. We had a really loving and passionate relationship, and ended up getting married eventually, then also kids a bit later.

I've always been a self centred and selfish person. I won't go into why that is, let's just say that it's at least a complex thing, with a lot of factors.

I've also always been really good at self deception. I have only really finally come to realise that.

Lastly, I have always been very uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. I have always preferred to take the easier, safer, less effort option if it meant me feeling better at the time, regardless of the long term consequences to myself and others around me, especially my wife.

The result of my self centred and selfish nature, combined with my own self deception, meant that for a long time in our marriage, I never really put HER needs ahead of my own. I let her take on the burden of most of the housework, and often resented being asked to help out. I often chose the easy, quick dopamine option of porn rather than working on improving our intimacy, and thinking about her needs. I hid that from her as well, letting her believe that I just wasn't always in the mood, which over time led her to wonder if I didn't find her attractive, or if there was something wrong with her.

In recent years our relationship has deteriorated, less intimacy, less kind and loving interactions, more bitterness and resentment on both sides.

It's not an excuse, but just for context, I suffered a really bad bout of depression several years ago, which took years to slowly pull myself out of, thanks to medication and therapy. It's a lot better than it was but you never really completely get rid of it.

I have also recently been diagnosed with ADHD and mild autism. I don't want to use that as an excuse for anything I did though, even though at first I did. I felt like I was the victim when she got angry that I had not done any chores I was supposed to, or forgot an important date or time, etc.

Recently, due to a whole lot of introspection and therapy, I have finally been able to stop lying to myself, and the reality of what a selfish jerk I have been had finally hit me like a ton of bricks.

I came clean completely with my wife, telling her about all the porn, and everything that I had not been honest with her about. I told her that I'm finally being honest with myself, and I want to treat her the way I always should have been. I started putting her needs first, always making sure to treat her with respect and kindness. For a few days things didn't change much, but she started coming around, and for a couple of weeks things were amazing. I felt truly in love again, like I hadn't felt for a long time. Our intimacy and relationship seemed to shift back in time to how things were 20 years ago.

However she did start getting a bit suspicious and confused. Rightfully so. How many times in the past had I told her I would change but not really mean it? She ended up finally telling me how she really felt. That she had wanted desperately for my love and support, and emotional connection and intimacy, for 20 years. But in that whole time, she always felt like no one put her first. She was such a loving, kind, devoted wife, and I completely took that for granted, and took advantage of it. She had slowly had all the things that made her such an amazing person chipped away over the years, and started building a wall around herself to protect herself. She admitted that more recently she had considered divorce, and almost certainly that's where things would have ended up soon. She also realised that she never put her own happiness first, even this time, after so many years of me being a jerk, and then being nice for a few days, she immediately started thinking about how to make ME happy, rather than her own happiness.

I am genuinely so remorseful and full of regret about the way I've treated her, thinking about how our life could have been if I hadn't always been a selfish jerk, who always put himself first. I don't know why it's taken me this long to finally have reality dawn on me, and be able to admit to, and feel the consequences. I wish more than anything that I could go back and do it differently.

I know within myself that this really is a turning point for me, and I vowed to myself and her that I want to try and repair things as best I can, even if it might be impossible to ever fully repair things back to how they were. The feeling of loss I now have is the strongest thing I have felt in decades.

I wish more than anything that we can repair our relationship, and to finally treat her how she deserves. I know I can never actually make it up to her, all I can do is to make it be the best I can from now on.

They say 'hindsight is 20/20'. Folks laugh about those “I died once and Mom told me to walk it off” memes. I was raised exactly that way. It didn't matter what injury we'd incurred, we were just “whiny little hypochondriacs” and treatment only came if it were emergent. In retrospect, it's just sad that I've lived with this for 55 years and considered it 'normal', for lack of a better way to put it, for much of my adult life. I wish I could cry.

When I was 11 a great uncle passed from stomach cancer. Uncle K had been in World War II and was a horrible alcoholic, but on the rare occasion he was sober, he was the greatest guy, just a gem of a person. Uncle K was Earnest Hemingway's driver during his tour in Europe. Hemingway was no slouch when it came to substance abuse and best I recall he didn't like to drink alone. After Uncle K's funeral we were on our way home and as they discussed his life and lore, I started crying over the loss and of course I was humiliated for it. This was just one of the many times that I'd been admonished over my propensity to cry, and I'm not sure why, but that time it apparently landed somewhere, as I've not been able to freely cry since. Sometimes I can just 'feel' a room and almost get overwhelmed. I'll be the first to admit I am hypersensitive. I wish I could cry. I can tear up. My throat clinches. I can hardly talk. I might even cut loose with the occasional sob, but I can't freely cry. My Granny B was the same way and while I'd like to think I'm suffering something congenital, I tend to think hers was due to trauma experienced, too. She never said as much, but given her circumstances, I'd have to think it was more likely than not. I think it's a reasonable assumption for part of my issues since I seem to be locked into a endless loop of grief and sadness because I cannot grieve as I normally would. I remember when Dad passed. I locked myself in my bedroom and tried to just let it out. Nothing. A few tears. A sob or two. But the pressure. I felt like I was going to explode, in intense physical pain, but I couldn't just let it go and I finally just passed out asleep. So there's that. It's always there, it's never changed.

It started out as an innocent evening celebrating the holiday with Mom & Dad hosting a pinocle game at their house. My family's pinocle games were legendary, back in the day, running 24/7 all weekend. Nothing unusual, just a group of friends and family gathered for a great time. The adults were being a bit loud and rowdy (they weren't 'partiers', but“avid” players doesn't even do justice) and being next to the living room were interfering with our evening television viewing. It was late 1973 and we had a small portable black & white television in the kitchen, so we took it back to my and my brother's bedroom and set it on the desk to watch in a much more peaceful environment. Just for context, I'd just turned 13 and was the oldest minor in the house, and if anyone had any doubt about my future proclivities, I'll clue you in on the tale of the Wedgewood tea set I DEMANDED for my sixth Christmas.

Anyway, here we were, all piled on the beds in my bedroom, in the glow of the TV. There were four of us and as I said above, I was the oldest, and the only boy. Everyone settled in and started watching the sitcom of the moment and I even went and got some snacks (not much, though, because snacks “[were] for the adults”). After grabbing snacks and settling back in, I started watching the show. It was a really peaceful, warm, comfortable moment, a moment that gives you the warm fuzzies to think about, one of pure security. Looking back, it just seems so surreal now.

Anyway, I was on one bed with one of the girls (G1) and we were laying 'head to foot' as we watched TV. The two other girls (G2, G3) were on the other bed and we were all just watching the tube and shooting the breeze when G1 flipped ends, grabbed me by the shoulder and rolled me on my back and decided she was going to give me kissing lessons. I froze. Things get kinda fuzzy here as G2 and G3 left the room. Suddenly the bedroom light came on, exposing G1 mauling me and groping my junk with a free hand. Chaos ensued. The flashes of memory I have are how humiliated I felt when I was yanked out of the bed with my erection quite visible, though thankfully still in my pants. The next is Dad, reluctantly I think, took the strap to me with Mom standing behind him screaming 'beat him!” over an over, and “hit him again!” when Dad would let up. I had the privilege of watching G1 being beat just as mercilessly. I think this was the first time I remember dissociating, just yeeting off to the nether reaches of my mind to get away from it all. After that night the incident was never spoken of again, but it wasn't the end.

All of the above happened on a Friday or Saturday night. I don't recall anything else that weekend aside from the aforementioned assault as I think I was still just completely shut down in total humiliation. Monday, however, was interesting. Being an 8^th grader, we had to dress for physical education. I do remember things getting quiet in the dressing room and getting some rather fearful looks from fellow students, but at that point it hadn't even registered. The stripes didn't hurt unless I was dressing/undressing so for the most part I was oblivious to them. You see, the aftermath of that evening left me with thankfully temporary, but rather long lasting, 3” wide stripes from the razor stroppe Dad used. From my neck to my ankles I was striped like an old prison uniform. Up to that point I hadn't had a mirror available to actually look at my injuries and since they weren't a constant pain, I just ignored them. Monday's P.E. Class gave me the opportunity to see the object of my utter embarrassment. I had more stripes that stretched across my back and around my right side (Dad stood to my left) than I could bother to count and all of them were literally 3” wide mottled bruises with most having abraded edges. Good times. It also gave the entire class a good look at my back. I was almost dressed and ready to leave class before anyone ventured to ask what happened. I still remember the guy. Always struck me as a good guy, too, but he came to me at the end of class all deer-in-the-headlights and asked what happened. Without thinking I just said “I got caught in bed with a girl”. His eyes got bigger and from what I gathered afterward, I was legend, at least until we left the county at the end of the school year and no, we weren't on the run. My parents bought my grands business in the next county. They had a successful run, but Mom, even today at 90, swears it was the worst move they ever made.

That brings me to today. I'm now soon to be 66 years old. A couple of weeks back I was pointedly propositioned by a close friend. I froze. Again. It's taken me this long to realize it's the same thing, over and over, that when I'm in a one-on-one situation, being directly propositioned, and I can't just laugh it off, I freeze... even dissociate under certain the circumstances. Sometimes I'll just bolt. It also seems I have a mental block. I was discussing the whole ordeal with another friend at lunch last week and he looked at me and said “you were getting hit on all the time, I couldn't understand why you never responded”.

For the record:

I've never been in a committed relationship.

I can count on one hand the number of intimate partners I've had.

I can count on both hands the number of intimate encounters I've had.

I can count on one finger the number of times intimacy was reciprocated, it's also the only time I've been intimate in 45 years. (and I froze then, too).

There have been a few times I've tried telling this story, but I guess I always started from the wrong end. I was speaking to the result of all this and without context no one understood what I was dealing with. I'm done. Recent telling is the first time I've tried to tell this incident's story from the beginning, and even then it was quite abbreviated. This all happened decades before mandatory reporters and while some of the eyewitnesses are still living, all the adult participants except one are all now passed, and the last one has severe dementia. I really don't know what I intended to accomplish with this little diatribe, but I do know that putting it into words feels like a start.

It's been two years. And I still remember those moments where I ruined everything. I don't know why I'm so desperate for love. It never works out. He was the best guy I've ever met. He truly loved me, and if I had just stayed calm and not shown my jealousy, none of this would've happened.

I'm a very jealous person, and I get upset at everything, and my mind makes me overthink about everything. On that day I kept accusing him of cheating when it wasn't true. :(

I disliked when he hung out with his friends, and my jealous side wouldn't go away, and things started to fall apart to the point where he blocked me, and I have never heard of him since. I wish I had stayed calm. And not assumed anything. I missed my Bubba a lot. 💓 I'm so sorry. Hopefully I can meet him once again in another lifetime.

I got dumped by my partner of 8 months, she was everything I could ever ask for in a girl kind, sweet, caring, stunning, funny and very unique eyes. I don't know what it was maybe she lost interest or something happened internally that she can't talk about, but I don't know but to feel guilty for our parting. T if u reading this I'm honestly so sorry if I've ever done u wrong without knowing, and I hope we can be friends and just check up on each other cause I miss u so much. I hope life is well tho, cause I just want u to be happy and focused in life.

Hi! This is my first Reddit post, but I need to vent because these past two weeks have felt like a Mexican telenovela.
In December 2025, I (F24) met a guy (M22) in Mexico while visiting family. We hit it off immediately and fell in love quickly. He was incredibly sweet, and since he was my first relationship, I was excited. I live in the US, so we agreed to a long-distance relationship.
He worked 12-hour shifts four days a week, while I worked full-time as a teacher and pursued my master's degree. Initially, he called whenever he could, and we were so smitten that within weeks, he was talking about marriage. We even discussed getting engaged in July or December.
Gradually, things changed. He started making comments he claimed were jokes, like saying he liked goth girls and showing me videos of women who did OF. He also talked about missing his ex, reposted videos about her, and said he'd get back with his favorite ex if she returned. He dismissed my concerns, saying it was all jokes. These comments hurt and made me question whether I was enough for him.
Our communication declined. He took hours to respond, rarely said good morning or good night despite my asking, and often ignored my messages. Our calls sometimes felt forced, and he'd dismiss my concerns by reminding me he was busy. Meanwhile, I'd stay awake until 2–3 AM to talk to him before waking up at 6 AM. He also joked about my appearance, insisting they were just jokes. He often said he liked our relationship because he could tell me things without me getting upset. I trusted him completely, never questioned where he went or who he was with, and even lent him money.
In July, I visited Mexico, and he drove four hours to see me. He stayed for about a week and a half, and I lost my virginity to him. I paid for most dates because he was struggling financially. Despite our limited time together, he'd sometimes spend entire days with friends, leaving me with only a few texts. After we slept together, he dropped me off, said he was tired, and I didn't see or hear from him for two days. Some days, I only saw him for two hours, and he sometimes seemed bored and wanted to go home. I never complained.
Afterward, I invited him on a family cabin trip and lent him another 3,000 pesos to attend. We discussed marrying in December. His family was happy, but mine advised caution. I ignored their concerns because I loved him.
When I returned to the US in August, I learned my salary would be reduced because of school budget cuts. He initially supported me, but soon began distancing himself. Our conversations became less frequent, and he started going on weekend drinking benders. I trusted him and encouraged him to go out because I knew he was stressed.
Throughout September, I felt increasingly anxious. Whenever I asked if we were okay, he'd say yes and continue insisting he wanted to marry me.
In early October, he repeatedly said he was too tired to call. Feeling hurt, I contacted his friend, who worked with him and had become my friend, to ask if everything was okay. I mentioned that my boyfriend owed me money and admitted I felt he didn't love me anymore.
His friend told me my boyfriend was talking to other girls and was only with me for immigration papers. He claimed my boyfriend's sweet words were manipulation and that he planned to visit another girl while living in the US with me.
I was devastated and wanted to ask my boyfriend directly, but his friend warned me not to because it would ruin their friendship.
I made a mistake: I sent messages to myself accusing my boyfriend of cheating so I could use them to confront him. When I asked him to swear the accusations weren't true, he became furious, broke up with me, refused to discuss it, and blocked me everywhere.
He also brought up an incident from the previous month when I'd texted his grandmother to ask if he was ok after a drinking binge that kept him out until morning. He said this proved I was controlling. Heartbroken, I called his mother, who had always been kind to me, and explained everything. She was supportive.
Over the next days, his friend continued insisting the cheating was real. He claimed my ex had mentioned other girls while we were dating and was excited about a new girl from work whom he planned to ask out. He even sent a screenshot of my ex asking him to contact a company about organizing a big event to ask a girl out.
That night, I decided to move on. The next day, my ex texted asking if I was okay and offered to end things peacefully so we could remain friends. Meanwhile, his friend told me my ex only wanted friendship because he already had a new girl.
I finally told my ex and his mother the truth: his best friend had accused him of cheating, and I'd sent myself those messages because I didn't know how to confront him. His friend began threatening me and my ex became furious.
He accused me of doubting him and choosing his friend over him. He claimed his friend had lied out of envy and said he wanted nothing more to do with me. I begged him to reconsider, but he insisted I'd ruined our relationship by believing his best friend. He hung up and blocked me again.
Two days later, he called to wish me a happy birthday. I tried explaining my side, but he wouldn't listen. He said there was no longer an "us." I acknowledged that he was hurt by my doubts, but I wanted him to understand how confusing and heartbreaking it had been for me. He said he didn't want to understand.
We agreed to drift apart and see what happened in the future. As we said goodbye, I told him, "I love you." After a moment of silence, he replied, "I can't respond to you the way you want because I don't feel that way." He hung up and blocked me.
Now I'm lost, confused, and blaming myself. I know sending those messages was wrong, and I regret how I handled everything. But I don't understand why his best friend would lie about something so serious, especially when he provided screenshots and repeatedly insisted the cheating was real.?

How do you get over the fact that you have done some bad things in your past, not terrible but just things like:

- facilitating in leaving someone out of a group for a shallow reason (a boy).
- telling a friend things about your boyfriend that would raise alarm bells then getting upset when they said I deserved better and almost ending the friendship
- getting mad over something as petty as people not remembering my birthday and cutting them off completely
- in primary school but still haunts me to this day… writing a letter for my friend saying I was going to kill myself, repeatedly saying no one likes me for attention
- Not helping a friend who had food thrown at her because I wanted to talk to a guy I liked

I don’t know how to cope with the fact I’ve done these things. I live in the same village as some of the people I did this to and so I could walk past them at any moment, I can’t help but get racked by guilt sometimes even though some of these things happened years ago.

I’ve done some things that are really not very girl coded. It feels like this will just evolve into a stereotype now and I will never escape it. How do you even go about life and making friends without just feeling like you’re inherently gonna be a terrible friend? I try really hard to be a good friend but I just get haunted by things I’ve done in the past and it prevents me from making new ones.

Global investment group are the biggest scam artists in the real estate game. I want to put this as a warning to anybody who searches their name. They do business in Cleveland the UK and Detroit I’ve purchased properties with them.

They are absolute scammers. They sell you properties that come section 8 rent ready, but when the properties are handed over to you, none of the work has been completed large portions of the invoice. They will not. Do they use cheaper materials than what you paid for they’ll cause irreparable damage to the actual properties themselves to the point that you’ll need to spend tens of thousands of dollars out-of-pocket to replace and or fix work that they did in addition to tens of thousands to get it ready it has been one of the worst real estate experience I have ever had. I’m gonna have losses of $75,000 plus out-of-pocket expenses, holding costs, etc. from working with their team there should 100% be a class action lawsuit against these individuals for how scamming they are.

In addition to this, they do lots of illegal additions to the properties will not complete work that you contracted with them to do and will write steel and take your money as soon as you try to work with them. I don’t wanna go into too much detail but please do not trust their online reviews. They make people review within the first month of the process so when the project gets delayed six months that you’ve already given them a good review in reality, no one should ever work with these individuals. They’re crooks.

Hey guys, I’ve been struggling with guilt about my past for months. I turned 20 this year, and my body count is 2, both from relationships. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend, and we only did it once. My second boyfriend cheated on me, and we had sex about three times. I made both wait at least three months because I wanted to be sure, yet I still feel ashamed.
A few months later, I had a talking stage with a guy who sexually assaulted me. He threatened and pressured me into something that wasn’t sex, but it still affects me. I cut him off completely afterward. He lives in another province, doesn’t know about my current relationship or the people in my life, and we have absolutely no contact. My current boyfriend thinks it was consensual because he doesn’t know the full story. I’m scared to tell him because he might confront the guy, and somehow I’ll end up being blamed.
I’ve been with my boyfriend (19M) for almost a year. He initially claimed to be a virgin, but I later found out he’d had sex with a random girl, which he doesn’t count because he stopped after a few minutes. He also had an ex he was physically intimate with, but he claims it wasn’t technically sex, so it doesn’t count either. He doesn’t even consider her an ex.
Another issue was a male family friend I’d had on social media since before meeting my boyfriend. We knew each other through mutual family connections when I went back to my home country we started having small talk. During my relationship, we started talking platonically for about a month. Nothing romantic or intimate happened, and I’d even told my cousin about him because they’re also friends. I didn’t mention him to my boyfriend initially because I thought nothing of it. Once I realized he might like me, I cut contact. Months later, I told my boyfriend because I felt guilty about not mentioning it. He even asked the guy, who confirmed we were only friends. I take accountability for not being upfront sooner.
After finding out about this friendship, my boyfriend began bringing up my sexual past. He admitted that he’d always had concerns about my body count but had pushed those feelings aside because he believed I was loyal. Once he found out about the friendship, he felt I hadn’t been loyal and said those concerns resurfaced. He eventually told me he despised my past, despite knowing about it from the beginning, and we had several heated arguments, especially after going long distance.
We’re in a good place now, and my boyfriend is making an effort. He’s genuinely a great guy in many ways, but his harsh comments have made me extremely insecure. I constantly question my worth and feel ashamed of things I can’t change. I love him and want things to work, but I don’t know how to move past his words or stop punishing myself for my past. Am I being too hard on myself, or have his comments genuinely affected my self-worth?

We used to have movie nights where he’d buy me candy, wrap his arm around me, and help me study. I had feelings for him but never expressed them. 22F, 23M.

We lost touch a year ago because I ignored him when he reached out. I was immature and offended that it took him four weeks to text me. He changed his number two months later, so I never got the chance to reach out.

I regret how things ended. So I recently sent him a LinkedIn request, but it’s been a week and he hasn’t accepted. I’ve noticed he’s been active, so I’m worried he’s seen it and is choosing not to accept.

Should I withdraw it or leave it pending? I genuinely want to reconnect, but I don’t want to seem desperate or keep waiting if he’s not interested.

EDIT: we both went to the same university and have the same work history. So I didn't think LinkedIn was weird.

I recently found out she was getting married. I found out that he was smarter, better looking, taller and a successful engineer. She upgraded big time. She moved on quick and dated him within few months of break up.

I figured if I looked them up, I’d feel hurt enough to let go, but it only worked a little. I feel like a failure. I was anxious/avoidant and regret not trying my best in relationship, taking it for granted and keep blaming myself. My life went to shit, during the relationship. I lost my father, and fell into depression, and I started abusing weed (which affected my personality). I still made a lot of efforts for her, but I became distant and things weren’t compatible. She eventually broke up with me.

After break up, I became a mess. My weed addiction led to schizophrenia and self harm. I ended up in psych hold 8 times. Due to the voices, self violence and weed, I didn’t think much about her. Fast forward, I finally got treated and stopped weed for good. On top of that, my local police department had filed a civil lawsuit against me during a psych hold for confiscating my gun. They said it was illegal because I didn’t purchase it California, but I bought it while I was in military on base. My name was published online as part of a public record. This ruined my reputation and had to leave my last job because I was getting treated badly.

I know it’s really bad stalking exes and unhealthy but I looked her up to see if she was doing well. Turns out she’s doing great for her self. I’m really happy for her and don’t want her in my life. I wasn’t even in love with her, but for some reason I felt like I let a good one go and it’s all my fault. I’m improving myself with traveling, back to college and getting therapy.

Does anyone have regrets in their past relationships? Or has anyone looked up their ex profiles/lives?

I don’t what’s happening but me M24 doing my masters and my F22 doing her bachelor’s from different colleges , we used live together at our hometown the whole day and some nights we were so attached she loves me so much also she care about me as well but after going to diff colleges I started being a totally diff guy I started being angry on small things about her I know I’ll never find a girl like her ever I love her so much but this relationship is consuming me I just go full mad and full rage mode in minor inconvenience I start breaking things feeling like I am gonna smack my head in wall or what and even after confronting her she’s doesn’t give a fuck basically I am drowning in what I don’t know I feel insecure, jealous, scared of loosing her all the time this is affecting my academics badly what should I do , should I end this relationship because if I will continue it’s going to cost my future my mental health my overall things , ending will cost I don’t know what I don’t think so that it’s going to affect her at all because she made her new friends enjoying her life here I am who was totally dependent on her doesn’t have friends I feel fucked?

What’s something you would have done different in life, had you know sooner?

I am short of words , I love my girl so much but we always argue like I don’t even know why we always argue .we have said bare times not to ever argue again or even if we were to not in a bad way but we keep on arguing. Like it’s draining to think I am doing my best to acc make her happy but I can’t seem too, like she’s a good girl and I love her dearly but she deals with alotta trust issues from her past and also overthinking so that has affected her badly and I feel like that’s has weighed on our relationship cause she thinks I am like everybody which I’m not. Now we are thinking of ending things I genuinely don’t want to cause ik I would regret it don’t know what to do I have also been thinking ab therapy with her but I feel embarrassed cause it’s just 9months in . Like I have alot to say I just can’t put them into writing this is just a little bit

We were in a relationship for a long time (3.5 years) and I recently proposed to her to be mine forever but recently found out some truths she and her fam were hiding(illegal court cases, bankruptcy, seizing properties) and I completely lost trust.

The disrespect they were showing to me and my family(her mom calling my mom a bitch) as the date of wedding was getting closer, stuff went over the limit and my gut screamed no to have her be my forever. I’m absolutely broken, destroyed and feel like I can never love again. We made it through so many misunderstandings and built our relationship brick by brick. She showed me so many dreams and she and I planned so many things for our future.

We survived 3 years of long distance relationship and I really thought she was my forever but I can’t stand verbal abuse and disrespect to me or my family. It just hurts. She was my life and I let go of some of her disrespect in the past that she gave me (verbally calling me names, pressuring me to do things, emotional blackmail/manipulation) and she improved but still did the same thing and she didn’t see any fault in it. Her family was making me guilty and blaming me that I’m like that so they said those mean things like who does that.

I’m just broken inside. I can’t stop thinking she’s already with someone else. It’s been 5 months and I wanna reach out but I stop myself from doing so. It hurts to mourn my first love and the what ifs if reality was different. How would you have handled this differently? surely im not stupid

I don’t think I’m even in love with her anymore but the relationship felt so good and perfect that this regret feeling is killing me of letting go of someone which started so purely and naturally.

important: Just because I regret doing this and feel remorse doesn’t mean I will just stay. I’ve come too far in this to do so now. I don’t know how I can magically start caring about these people after years of faking it. I just feel bad because I’ve spent years faking all forms of connection.

It goes back to me not losing my virginity until early 2023 and I was 30 then. The woman I was with cheated on me through all of 2023 and at least most of 2024. In mid 2024 we had a gigantic fight about how tired I was of her doing this and I warned her then and there that I was very close to snapping over it. She didn’t care and kept doing it, which meant I was forced to check myself out of the relationship and I completely stopped caring if she brought other men over.

Eventually I’m guessing she felt bad and other men stopped coming by. And she’d come home from work earlier. But back then I believed she was finding some other way to hide it even if it was harder to detect, so I wasn’t buying it. I only pretended to be okay with this and forgive her NOT OUT OF REVENGE, but because being a virgin so late was going to mean I’d be too inexperienced to just find another woman right away, so I decided I needed at least 3-5 years of relationship experience before I could leave.

My friends here did buy it though and they all said how cool it was that I “forgave her”.

At one point in 2025 I did reveal to them my intentions and they seemed to be appalled until I lied and said I was joking, to save face. Even now they remember it as “not a cool joke”. But they didn’t think I was gonna take off one day and that was enough to not have her warned. I also thought (back then) that she had them fooled as well and she was still cheating. I eventually planned on just moving to a new state and leaving everyone here behind.

It was only recently after now 2 years that I learned her remorse was genuine. I didn’t think she really felt bad, I thought she was lying the whole time. Now I’m living in a whole circle of people I feel nothing for and wouldn’t feel bad about abandoning. That’s why I feel remorseful, because I spent years doing this and I don’t know if anything is fixable by now.

General advice on ending ruminating negative thoughts (learned through CBT) .... Train your mind to focus on 2 facts instead:

1. You can't possibly change the past. So, why waste the mental energy thinking about it?
2. You can't possibly predict the future. So, stop wasting your time predicting doomsday outcomes.

Practice these 2 and you become more adept at living in "the here and now".