I’ve always had terrible acne, a fun combination of cystic, hormonal, whiteheads, blackheads, large clogged pores, and extreme oil production. When I went through puberty the first time it was horrible like it is now, then I went on accutane and it cleared. When I started testosterone it got worse again, then leveled out. I’ve been of testosterone for 3ish weeks now and it’s getting unbearable. I’m hoping that when my hormones level out it will get better, fingers crossed. Has anyone else experienced this? What did your timeline look like?

Side note, a worker in one of my schools dining halls/cafes referred to me as she and her and it has got me thinking. Did I ever really pass, or were people just being polite? I haven’t been gendered as female in years, but apparently only 3ish weeks off testosterone is enough to make a difference. I live in a super mega liberal area so maybe she assumed I was trans MTF? I don’t even know. But it didn’t make me uncomfortable like I thought it would. I feel like I’m in a weird limbo state right now, where I definitely don’t pass as a woman but not manly enough to immediately pass as male either. I think most people assume I’m a gay femboy or MTF. I was always a tomboy growing up so I never had a strong connection to femininity, and I’ve tried my best to ignore it for the most part, but now it’s unavoidable. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly feel like a girl again. I don’t really know how to be a woman either. I also literally JUST had an ‘intake’ appointment with a therapist, so I’ll have plenty to discuss lol.

I didn’t really have much trouble dating before HRT or while on it. So it’s been an odd change to be in the situation I’m in.

I stopped HRT back in May after having been on it off and on for over 10 years. Chopped my hair off and have made an effort to remasculinize my voice. Afaik the voice hasn’t been an issue but I do have people, specifically women, asking me what my pronouns are when I express interest in them and it’s left me feeling kind of defeated.

I don’t necessarily want to be the most masculine guy ever but I can’t imagine I’ll have a lot of luck dating now if people can’t tell what I am. It’s bizarre to me because I’m 5’11 and fairly muscular. I got mistaken for a woman when I was younger and didn’t think much of it because it was feeding into my delusions but now I’m just wondering if I’ll forever be androgynous. 😭

I guess curious what y’all’s experience has been and if any of the women in here think much about something like that.

I just ate at a local restaurant and had my usual meal, but I heard them talking about me. I think one of the employees, when she saw my picture, was gasped, thought the other was lying at first, and then thought "she [i.e., me] was so pretty before" and so she asked if the other employee was okay with that. But the other corrected her and said it was a "transv\*stite." Don't know exactly what they said. But I felt really disgusting after that. I heard the more negative voice say "yuck" a bit later. I had been friendly with them before, but not anymore. I guess they hadn't known. It feels like when you transition you burn a bunch of your bridges one way. Then you burn your bridges the other way. I started crying on my way home.

I feel like I deserve to feel disgusting, though, because what I was doing was ultimately immoral. I was lying about my sex and in doing so I was also basically making a mockery of the female sex and spreading a harmful ideology. After I cut my hair short and after I started concealing rather than emphasizing my breasts I looked like an unremarkable guy once again. The estrogen had basically zero effect on my actual body other than a slightly younger looking face and boobs. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore, it's just some fucking dude. But that was me the whole time. I was just indulging in a delusion of mine in which I had no right to indulge.

And I realize it's probably a lot harder for a lot of detransitioners, especially female detransitioners. Most don't have the privilege of just getting a haircut and changing clothes and that's it. I was basically playing a stupid dress up game the whole time I was on HRT and there was never anything more to it. Just, I feel like I'm back at square 1 and feel almost just as bad as I did before transitioning. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Introduction

Hello. Im Jas (Jasmine) and I am new to Reddit but was advised to join detrans by my former partner.

I am AFAB but medically transitioned to "male" three years ago. I genuinely thought I was a boy but I think it was due to being with my Ftm partner and hanging out with all his trans friends. Since we broke up, I cant stop feeling like a fraud and I think I should begin detransitioning but i am so embarrassed and dont know where to start. Would love some advice and encouragement if its harsh. I am desperate to start dating again but know this is going to be a challenge due to my current appearance and situation.

I havent had vaginal sex for over three years (me and bf were anal only) so I guess a start would be using that hole again?

I dont think I am in anyway passable as a girl in public 😕

J x

Im in Germany and without parents permission as minor you’re basically unable to get hormones or surgery. I was able to start t at 17 with supporting parents, I came out at 14 but it took years to find a therapist who’s specialized for trans people in my area who’s able to help me get t. So after 2 years on a waitlist I was able to start this therapy, one year later they diagnosed me with gender dysphoria and trans identity. A year later after more appointments I was able to get the next document which allows me to get top surgery. Overall I feel like I’ve gone through a lot of waiting especially as minor but I’ve also been educated enough about the risks.
Overall fine but I wish they asked me about my trauma and depression connected to my identity. They just kinda expected me to know who I was at the age of 15.
The new law also allowed us to change our name and gender within 3 months without any therapy appointments or extra costs so that’s pretty easy.

I’m wondering how other countries handle it, do you think your country is doing it correctly or is gender affirming care too accessible ?

I have a conflicted opinion about gender affirming care for minors, it did save my life, I was suicidal and my transition was one big step I was looking forward for years.

Even if I still have anxieties and worry that I am not passing as female based off how I see myself, I am increasingly getting viewed as a cis woman by strangers. It’s wild because even if I am dressing a little tomboy-ish, now that my hair is longer and ~it looks like~ I have boobs no one genders me male at events or in public at a store or anything.

I am out of state right now and walking around a city no one knows me, while people chat with me and she/her me is just so euphoric. I was out the other night and a (presumably based off the interaction) straight cis male, was flirting with me. While I have no interest in cishet men lmao it was very nice to get that sort of attention/affirmation of my gender presentation. A year ago I did not think this would ever be possible.

First pics are me now after being off t for a little over a month. I was on t for over 6 years. I have been plucking my facial hair with tweezers since none of the other less painless methods have helped. I wear a bralette but it doesn’t do much for me, not sure if there are cheaper options than name brand petite push up bras. My voice is still deep but I haven’t had many comments on it. Men have commented on my lack of breasts assuming I’m a trans woman and other things. I was also curious if anyone has experienced sciatica like pain after stopping hormones after hysto? I think it may be my usual time of month, and today I’ve had some intense back/leg pain all the way down to my feet. Assuming it’s menstrual cycle related but I don’t have a uterus so I’m not sure.

Hi everyone. I have an autism diagnosis (level 2) and was wondering if any other detransitioners are also diagnosed on the spectrum, and if so how do you feel it impacted your experience of gender? Sorry if this is a sensitive question.

Personally I feel my experience of gender, gender distress, and subsequently deciding to transition were all heavily intertwined with my autism. It has always affected my sensory experiences, social understandings, and I struggled with various motor challenges. I felt very alienated from other girls due to my interests and ways of thinking and playing. Some of my sensory issues manifested around gendered parts of my body and puberty, and I would have intense meltdowns. There is a long list of things… in some ways I still feel like my brain is not “feminine” enough.

Being a girl is hard. Being an autistic girl is harder. I wish I had more help back then to teach me there was nothing wrong with me.

I am detrans female. I was on T for roughly 2-3 years, with the second half being patchy because I was inconsistent with doses, starting when I was 18. I have been off T for about 4 years now give or take, even though I only started identifying as female again less than a year ago.
Luckily I wasn't on hormones for a super long time, and I never had any surgeries, however I had a pretty significant voice drop to the point where I sounded (and still do sometimes) like a cis male. I also have decently thick facial hair.

I have a pretty complicated relationship with gender and my perception of myself in general since I have DID, among other mental illnesses, so that makes it difficult to distinguish what feelings about myself are real. There are a lot of other complicated and personal factors behind my original transition and my detransition and it's not as simple as 'I thought I was trans but realised I'm not' like it is for a lot of people, but yeah you get the point. In fact, I was super happy living as male and felt euphoric from the changes T gave and being perceived as a cis male. However, about a year ago I went through pretty stressful and traumatic life changes and came out of it with my gender perception flipped on its head and suddenly no longer felt connected to being male. I'm still not properly out as detrans because I feel shame about it, so I put up with my friends and family still calling me male terms. They know I'm not fully male identifying anymore but I've been watering down the reality of it. I have trans friends online too who have indirectly made posts shaming me for 'not committing' to being trans, so I feel like I have to keep up the facade so as to not embarrass myself further.

I am so dysphoric all the time now it is unreal. It sounds stupid but all I want is to be perceived as cute and feminine, but instead I feel like a disgusting monster. I pass well as female in the face if I have a lot of makeup on, but that's about it. I can't even talk in public anymore, I'm too afraid of strangers hearing my voice because it is so male sounding and immediately gives me away. I've had people tell me they assumed I was a trans woman when I met them. My partner has to do all the talking for me when we're out of the house now because I can't stand the sound of my own voice and the thought of others hearing it, so I'm essentially mute unless we're alone. It's gotten to the point recently where when I hear cis women's voices it makes me suicidal because I know I will never sound like them again. I know voice training is an option of course but the knowledge that my voice will never have the tone and range of a cis woman ever again makes me want to put a bullet to my head.

The body hair is unbearable too. I hate all of it although for most of my body I can ignore it enough or remove it adequately, albeit temporarily. However, my thick facial hair makes me feel so awful. No matter how I remove it the shadow is always visible and it's stubbly by the end of the day. I have become heavily dependent on makeup and I cannot leave the house without it covering the shadow anymore. When I put my hand to my neck and feel all of the coarse hairs it makes me want to rip my skin off. I cannot afford laser, and no at-home methods have been effective enough.

I don't really know what else to say. I don't even think I'm particularly looking for advice or anything, I just really needed to get this off of my chest, because I haven't been able to tell anyone else in my life just how bad it is, even my therapist. I spoke to her about it last week but I don't think she truly grasped the extent of how I was feeling, and even challenged me when I was speaking about hating my voice, asking 'well what does a 'female voice' even sound like?' I get what her point was but also, don't be dense, you know exactly what I mean. This is debilitating gender dysphoria, not just an insecurity. I literally feel like I am grieving the body had before all of this and recently it feels impossible not to kill myself over it. I can't get myself to participate in life anymore because I hate how everyone sees me.

After 5 years on T and about 6 years off T I am officially pregnant. The human body is truly amazing and resilient. If you were on hormones before just know your life isnt over and things genuinely do get better! Early detransition I thought my life would never amount to anything and I often wished I was dead. I could not have been more wrong. Im in college now, Im engaged, I'm pregnant, I have breasts again, I'm closer with my family, and Ive started building a relationship with God in my own way. Wishing you all the best and hoping we all find the momentum forward for a better life! Just wanted to share my happiness with you all and show it is possible to have a life beyond detransition. Dont give up!

When I started testosterone, the language used at the time made it sound like my voice would drop in the same way a natal male’s would. I was genuinely under the impression that it would be the same process.

Didn’t realize that was not the case, and it wasn’t the same thing, and I wouldn’t be experiencing the same changes as a male. I’m aware now that testosterone thickens the vocal cords, but HRT doesn’t create the same structural changes as a natal male’s (like lengthening, etc.) in a female.

I really miss being able to sing. Not that I was even ever good at it, I mean just like, in the car. With friends at a concert. When I’m happy or sad. I knew I’d never be able to sing high pitches again but I thought the range would at least somewhat carry over, like sliding down an octave. Nope. It’s all gone. Because my vocal cords thickened, but didn’t lengthen. I have maybe 1/2 the range of a normal human and I had no idea it would impact me psychologically the way it has.

Can’t even scream about it, haha. Squawk, maybe. 😭

I'm male, had been on estrogen for a little over 2 years at this point and I've reached a point where the cope stopped working and now I'm seriously regretting my decision. I have no one but myself to blame I guess but I just want to go back to being normal. The issue is my insurance doesn't have any coverage for removing gynecomastia, and fertility may never come back at all and nothing can be done about that from my understanding.

I don't know what I'm really expecting to get from here. I just feel so alone and I'm so scared I ruined my life for a dream that was never possible to begin with. And if I already ruined my life, then I'm not sure why I should even bother detransitioning. Especially with all the fear mongering I see about stopping HRT.

I’m just curious about other people’s experience because my first time was yesterday and he actually commented on it so I feel really insecure. It made me worried for how future partners may react because even though he moved on and it was okay i was so embarrassed

3 years hrt for me. Love the body changes but trying to figure out if it’s responsible for the following:

\- constant nasal stuffiness. Constant post nasal drip. I get colds so easily. Allergy medication doesn’t help. It’s not contagious. From my research it might be a histamine intolerance that estrogen is amplifying?

\- I get overwhelmed by life so easily. I can’t make life descisions. I feel groggy most of the time. I’ve been reading abt how estrogen mtf therapy decrease brain grey matter… potentially related?

\- dysphoria has certainly peaked, ebbed & waned since going on e. I almost got a nose job because of it. Now my chin and jawline are bothering me. They say this happens because you’re disassociating from your body pre hrt… I keep wanting to call that bullshit & label this as some sort of reverse dysphoria I’ve given myself.

The main advice I’ve been given is to ”just keep going, it gets better”- but like fuck, I’m loosing hope in that.

I don’t know a single trans friend that’s not on some sort of concoction of medication for depression/ anxiety/ adhd. My therapist keeps suggesting it for me as well. I certainly struggled with depression pre transition and I know that estrogen wasn’t going to fully cure some of those things but damn it feels like it just made it all hella worst.

Perhaps my body is just not meant to run on estrogen.

So I want to start competing in powerlifting but I am scared to. I took test from 14-16 but stopped before my 17th bday so ive been off for around 8-9 months ish​. Even though my period came back in a month and I quickly saw changes my hair is still not considered long and my voice is still pretty deep and male passing. I'm afraid that if I try to compete in woman's powerlifting I either won't be able to or people will judge me or that it would be considered unfair, even though most of my current strength gains came after stopping test. I guess I want opinions on what to do like to wait or to just start? I know Ill never feel "ready" and should probably start now but I need encouragement!

i've started electrolysis treatments (to the pain of both my bank account and face) and im really starting to get so self conscious about my facial hair starting to come through so coarse. plucking just isnt enough sometimes when it comes to my neck- it feels like shaving is the only option to get it completely gone but even then i feel coarse prickly stubble come through in a day.

its been such a blow to my confidence as i'm now able to read as female 90% of the time, i'm meeting people, hookups, being read as a woman and confident in it- but it always feels like its on a time limit before my hair starts coming through on my chin and neck-- like the full moon has come out and i'm slowly transforming into a big hairy werewolf or something and i need to run to the nearest sink to manically razor it all off... bahahha.

ive tried 2 sessions of laser on my face but was basically warned after my last that being blonde and fair would be pretty hard for laser to be as effective, so i've halted it for electrolysis instead.

im now considering turning to waxing on my neck - i've heard really negative things when it comes to facial waxing but i need a longer lasting solution. does anyone use this to get rid of their beard and found any major issues with your skin after? did it end up making the hair grow in darker and coarse? how long before you start feeling the hair grow through, and how long do you need to wait before waxing again?

alternatively would just love to hear others routines with dermaplaning/razoring and what success theyve had with permanent removal so i feel less alone in this annoying struggle!! :)

this step is going in the right direction, the medical industry is starting to recognize detransition as an actual thing! hopefully they start to cover detrans services sometime in the future :)

I’m a male, 18yo, I tried estrogen (een injections) one year ago with two injections 10 days apart and I was fully back to normal 2 weeks after the last injection.

I’ve made the really stupid decision to try it again one month ago, I took the same dose but only once, only one injection and from that day I’ve been feeling so bad, my appetite is gone, food tastes different and disgusting, I literally cannot eat, I sleep for 12+ hours a day and I still feel tired after waking up, I cannot focus in any way in anything, I have the constant feeling that I’m in a dream, everything feels muffled and my eyesight is so weird, I feel like my eyes are smaller somehow and I cannot see fully.

I can’t imagine or daydream and my erections kinda came back 2 weeks after the injection, and I was horny all the time but now they are gone.

Idk what to do can anyone help me please.

I wanted to be a boy my whole childhood, and it persisted into young adulthood. When I learned about “trans” online, it stayed on my mind constantly for YEARS. It always bugged me that I couldn’t quite figure out how to make the ideas make sense (foreshadowing) but I couldn’t deny I had all the classic signs and symptoms of this mysterious condition. Anyway, I gave social transition a shot, and it was AWFUL. It made me feel so separated from myself and, honestly, kind of psychotic. Like I’d killed myself and kept living as a ghost or a stranger. But I was confused, because it was also “euphoric” at times. Now, I’ve been desisted a few years, and it all feels like a really bad dream. But I spent two and a half decades reinforcing the idea in my mind that I should have been born male. Whatever that even means. Can the damage be undone? I want to be ME, I guess really for the first time ever. Is it too late? Has anyone else felt like this, and how did you move forward?

Hello, I am 19 year old male and recently I’ve spiraled into a sort of identity crisis as to if I am transgender or not. I never really experienced gender dysphoria when I was younger. but it’s recently been getting worse for some reason. I don’t really like the idea of growing old as a guy and I’ve never wanted to be super masculine. I keep seeing phrases online like “it’s not too late” and “don’t let time decide for you” which just gives me major anxiety as to if I want to make this choice or not (which would also mean my dad pretty much disowning me and losing my friends). My question is really how do I stop feeling pressured by people online and how do I overcome the feelings I am having? A part of me believes that it’s just my OCD making me obsess over it for no reason. Another reason is probably my fear of aging and making the wrong choice and not being able to live as I truly want to. I just don’t want to make the wrong choice and regret it years into the future, I just want to be happy with who I am without constant anxiety. I’d like to present myself as feminine without transitioning but like I stated before I heavily dislike all the things that come with male aging like increased body hair and balding. I also don’t really experience any bottom dysphoria which is making me think I don’t really have real gender dysphoria and it’s just a temporary obsession.

The only reason I am making this post is because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this in real life. Thank you for reading and would appreciate any advice.

Hi everybody! I hope you're doing well.

am bet thendency to ramble a little bit and want to cut back on that: as I get older, will I continue to face testosterone-based changes women do as they get older?

So, for context, l am 21 and FTMTF. I started testosterone shortly before turning 19 then was on for a bit over a year and a half and have since been off for a year. I experienced the obvious: voice changes, increased body hair, and some facial changes. Since getting off of T, I have pretty successfully reintegrated myself as a cisgender woman. My voice is definitely distinct but is actually quite high pitched and does not seem to send many alarm bells to people (despite a general distaste and insecurity I have regarding it). My body hair I don't really care about, and I can just shave, and luckily, I only got like 4 chin hairs that I only have to pluck like once every 2 weeks.

One thing I comfort myself with is that as I get older, the changes from testosterone will get easier to conceal. Starting at like 30, women do just tend to have deeper voices. My grandmother has some chin hairs she has never cared to shave. A face change I am super insecure about is the growth of my nose into what I consider to be quite masculine, but, as I have been saying, nose changes are also common in older women as well. My only worry, though, is that I may be using all of this as comfort, but what if these changes happen to me and because of my history with testosterone, they end up being far more extreme than most women face?

I know a lot of these changes happen as a result of testosterone. Is it possible that I have already gotten the changes and now don't have to worry? (Oh, also I know that a lot of vocal change is inevitable as the vocal system is a muscle and those wear down regardless)

I'm 16M. I hope I always will be. I wish everything was okay with that. I'm pretty sure I have TOCD, because I really really don't want to be a girl, I never have in my life. I thanked God I was a boy as a kid. I was always more masculine, I had a sense of identity but I never really thought about it but now I'm just tired. It used to feel obvious that it was ocd but I'm scared I'm in denial and that I have dysphoria. I neverused to care about my body, I genuinely don't have body dysphoria and want my body to remain as it is, a male body. But - when I do anything being a man, like getting called a he, do any of my masculine interests it gives me anxiety and I fucking despise it. And I used to be terrified when I got thoughts like "what if im a girl" and i don't feel anxiety at it anymore, most of the time anyway. And I hate it. I wish I felt anxious about it so it felt that it wasn't as true. I wish I could just focus on life but this all my mind wants to think about and it makes me so depressed. I've got through this before, I was mostly over it like it gave me more appreciation for my gender and I went days without thinking about gender at a point. I just went through life again. I want that back but it feels like I just can't. I feel anhedonic but I have my interests. I just hate these thoughts so much but I just feel fed up in general and I dont know why. I hope it's not dysphoria. I never had any childhood dysphoria. Whenever it feels like I truly want to be a man (I'll get like 5 seconds of clarity sometimes), I thank god heavily. It feels so great. But then the doubt hits me. And I have looping thoughts like "I'm glad im a man/I don't want to be a girl". I know. But I'm scared that's dysphoria or that I'm in denial because I have those non-stop 24/7 thoughts. I'm just so sick I wish I had my normal, boring life back as a boy without thinking about it all the time. Anything I say just feels fucking fake and my anxiety isn't even that high. I'll do anything to feel okay again. I don't know why this is still going on. I'm handsome, I like myself, but everything feels fake and I fucking hate it. Anything I appreciate about myself my mind will just give me anxiety. I feel like I've wasted so much time of what could be the greatest years of my life. I've always liked being a man. I wanted to be like Damon Albarn from Blur and Andy Rourke from The Smiths, all of these male idols I had and now my minds doing this shit. If you told me this 2 years ago id be like "what the fuck". I can't bloody do this anymore. I have been practicing letting the thoughts pass and some ERP techniques but it feels like i just go into the same thought spirals. I hope I overcome this soon, I beg. I pray to God to make me feel like me again.

I am currently in the process of trying to accept myself as a GNC woman after heavily overcompensating with hyperfemininity after my initial detransition. Unfortunately this means having to deal with constant homophobia and invasive gender related questions all of the time. For whatever reason, most of the discrimination I’ve faced throughout my life has been at the hands of other women. My earliest memories all involve bullying from girls. A few incidents from the past couple months alone: a group of girls screaming “dyke” at me as I was walking down the street. A straight woman projecting sexual intent onto me when I was trying to have a normal conversation with her. My roommates in the suite I moved into trying to convince me to show them my ID to “prove” that I’m a woman and standing by as their drunken frat boy friend called me slurs.

Even amongst lesbians and bi women, I feel as if the women I’ve dated do not truly accept me for who I am. It seems like they either secretly wish I was more feminine or wish that I was a man, pushing me to be more aggressive and macho or trying to convince me to do things like wear a strap-on in bed that make me feel weird and trigger feelings of dysphoria. I’m even considering breaking up with my current girlfriend, partially over this.

I desperately crave connection and community with other gender nonconforming women but I do not know any that share my beliefs or aren’t currently in the process of transitioning. I just feel very alone right now and whenever I feel like this the resentment gets worse.

I am sorry this is probably wrong sub for this because well I am not detrans. I am someone struggling with intrusive thoughts/ocd (maybe).

I’m a 20-year-old woman, and I’ve never questioned my gender before. But I’ve been struggling with very deep depression and anxiety after a really heartbreaking breakup. Lately, I’ve been feeling a strong desire to be a man. I really want to have my own “my guys” friend group and be one of the guys myself. I’ve also started feeling a strong aversion to femininity and groups of women. Being a man has become really appealing to me, and I’m not sure why.

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar. Do you think depression can make you want to be someone else so badly that you start questioning your gender?

I hate that being trans didn’t work out for me because for the first time in my life I really started to believe that I could become a whole and happy person.

I think I always knew it was one last Hail Mary before I finally got the courage to kms but I’ve never really wanted to. I love life and I think the world is so beautiful but I’ve never felt at home here, I’ve really always wanted to. I’ve exhausted all my options at this point, tried lots of medications and doses and therapists. There’s something deeply wrong with me that makes me alien and strange and I can’t find what it is.

It’s so horrific to finally have had hope that I could get better only to lose it. I never lost any of the feelings I thought was transness I just hated the way my body changed, I don’t know how to reconcile that. I’ve felt like an alien all my life, I’ve never managed to hold onto any friends long term because I’m lacking some kind of human factor and everyone can see it. I’ve never fallen in love either, I kissed a girl once as a teenager and she dumped me soon after. I thought I was finally going to be capable of loving and being loved. The only thing I’ve achieved is making myself look as freakish as I’ve always felt.

I turned 20 recently and that’s more than I ever thought I’d get and looking now at what a mess of my life I’ve made I’m not sure what I was holding on for. It’s not fair that I should feel trans and not be.

I’m going to give myself a few more months just in case something changes but I’ve already bought the things I’ll need, there sitting at the back of my closet. I moved in somewhere new not too long ago with new people and I feel really bad that I’m going to leave these guys a bad mess sometime soon.

I wish I’d done it before I came out to my parents and ruined the memory of me that they have. All I do is take from the people I love, they’re cursed to have me and trapped by the relationship we have. I’m a parasite