Not because im alone im sad..not because im alone.. im weak..im alone because i chose to be alone..i chose to be brave and strong..sometimes you dont need to be with someone to be happy..brave and strong...

End of another lonely day....... Goodnight 💤

I've been struggling with depression and loneliness for years, and lately I've been feeling quite hopeless about my future. Long story incoming, I apologize.

Idk how long I've had depression, I don't remember when it started. But during the pandemic, my depression got worse, I became more isolated, and I lost a lot of my (already low) confidence. I also got tinnitus and some hearing loss after an ear infection, which has made living in silence and certain social situations more difficult. I have ADD, social anxiety, misophonia, misokinesia, and I find it difficult to maintain contact with people through messaging. I prefer meeting up in person, but I don't always have the energy to talk or initiate plans.

I enjoy connecting with people; I can have really deep conversations with people, listen to them, and talk openly about feelings (I don't like showing them though). I've had people open up to me, cry with me, and thank me for our conversations. But once we're no longer in the same situations as how we met (work, school, housemates), the connection seem to dissapear. People are nice when I reach out, and sometimes we meet up, but they don't initiate contact themselves.

I understand that people are busy. They have partners, jobs, studies, hobbies, and established friendships. I also know that I'm not great at keeping up with whatsapp conversations or sending memes and reels, which seems to be an important way for many people to maintain friendships. I don't fit in their lives anymore, I'm not important enough for them to make space for me. I understand. I don't have much joy in my hobbies anymore, so sometimes I struggle to find other things to talk about besides how I'm feeling. So I get it.

I do have a few friends, including a best friend I've known for over 20 years. She's also depressed, so I try not to be a(n emotional) bother to her. I'm grateful for them, but I still feel lonely and wish I had more people in my life who actively wanted to spend time with me.

I even feel like I'm not doing depression right. Like I don't have the right to be depressed because I do have some friends and family, because I can work, because I could finish my study. I feel like I'm a drain on resources. There are people out there who suffer much more, who need the help so much more, who are closer to the edge, yet I am the one who has therapy and help.

I always turn situations against myself. If someone doesn't initiate contact, I start thinking I'm not interesting enough, not fun enough, too depressed, too insecure, or simply not good enough to be someone people want in their lives.

I know logically that there can be many reasons why a friendship doesn't develop. I know that people have their own lives and that not every connection is going to become a close friendship. But emotionally, I struggle to believe that someone can genuinely enjoy my company.

I think part of this comes from my childhood and my relationship with my dad. He struggled with loneliness and insecurity, and sometimes made us feel responsible for his loneliness. I'm afraid of becoming like him, so I tend to keep my feelings to myself because I don't want other people to feel obligated to spend time with me. At the same time, I desperately want to feel wanted without having to ask for it every time.

I'm also struggling with where I am in life. I have a bachelor's degree, but after years of depression and insecurity, I'm now working as a cleaner, of which I am ashamed. I am ashamed, because I compare myself to my friends, my sister, other people my age, just anyone else really. Even the person I had hoped I'd become. I want to use my brain, travel, enjoy life, and feel like I'm going somewhere and doing something important, but those things feel so unreachable. I always feel like I'm falling behind.

I've had several therapists over the years, but I've had to change providers or wait for more specialized treatment multiple times. I'm currently waiting to start another course of treatment. I'm trying to hold on to the hope that things can get better, but after struggling for so long, it's difficult to believe that I'll ever feel genuinely happy or comfortable with myself.

I know depression can improve, but I've also heard so many people say that it never really goes away. I'm scared that I'll always feel this lost, lonely, that I'll always struggle to maintain relationships, and that I'll never become the person I want to be.

I'd really appreciate hearing about other people's experiences. I could really use some hope right now.

I’m deeply afraid of staying single. I think they call it anuptaphobia. I hope to find a place here where I can share my distress and get some support—or even a few pieces of advice. Now, before anyone jumps down my throat and calls me an incel, just know that I’m very well aware of the devastation caused by that toxic community, and I know that violence or hatred toward women won’t change my situation. Personally, I actually love women. I love various historical female figures (especially Joan of Arc because she was my age); I admire their determination to be independent of men. My autism has caused me to develop a different way of thinking about women than others since birth, and I’ve always found it completely normal that a woman should be equal to a man because I told myself from a very young age: “Woman = Human, Man = Human, so both are human, so both should treat each other the same way.” In any case, I’ve always had this innate way of thinking, whereas for others it seems to be something they have to learn through education. And when I see the rhetoric of the “mascus” or “incels”—which could be appealing to many young people—I was just completely confused every time by what they were saying and by their idea of what a woman should be. To me, it makes no sense to want to dominate a woman—or any other human being—or to make decisions for her. In short, I don’t hate them, and I know it’s not their fault that I’m single.

But now, as a 20-year-old French student living in a world in constant crisis—with the far right on the verge of power, high school students violently repressed by the police, climate change making each summer more unlivable than the last, wars, the collapse of purchasing power, and the recession— I would so desperately like a little comfort and physical support from another person. I’d just like to be deeply loved by a woman, and to love her deeply in return. I’d just like a woman to hold me in her arms, reassure me, kiss me, or caress me—and for me to be able to do the same for her when she’s feeling down. And the more time passes, the more this need hurts, because I’m sorely lacking it. My single status makes me feel ashamed and terribly afraid, and I want to get out of it at all costs before the end of the year. And I have absolutely no idea how to do it. I don’t understand why something as basic as looking for romantic relationships is as complicated for me as searching for the Holy Grail—especially when 14-year-olds are already in relationships, and those as old as me have had one, two, or even three relationships in high school. In high school, all I ever got were dozens of rejections or being friend-zoned. The worst of it severely worsened my depression, to the point that I was having panic attacks and my mother had excused me from school for several months because she could clearly see that I hardly even had the motivation to go on living. She was someone I was deeply in love with, and I imagined we could experience so much together, but her rejection caused me to suffer a severe traumatic crisis, the effects of which I still feel three years later. I started telling myself that I was cursed by a higher power (God, Satan, or something else…) that had condemned me to suffer my whole life. Then I’d tell myself that my appearance made it impossible for me to be attractive to anyone—that I was too ugly, not clean enough, too socially awkward, or that I gave off bad vibes. Eventually, I felt like people were avoiding me like the plague, and on the other hand, I’d become bluntly rude to people who approached me and whom I felt were speaking to me condescendingly—because I was traumatized by the bullying I’d endured in middle school.

My anuptaphobia is gradually making me terrified of the simple fact of being single—and this happens every day now. I see so many couples all around me; I see social media where people talk about their girlfriends as if it were normal and something everyone else experiences, TV shows and movies depict teenagers and young men in romantic relationships or being loved for their kindness, while those who remain single are either villains, supporting characters, comic relief serving as the show’s “single character,” or characters who are about to die. I always watched these characters thinking that I’d never be like them and that I’d quickly find love in high school and college. And reality hit me right in the face. I just wish I could receive love from someone who truly cares about me, who holds me in her arms, reassures me, shares my bed with me, and shows me that she chooses me. Just once, at least. And not having that hurts so much.

Anyway, I wanted to share my story here, hoping it won’t get automatically deleted or be deemed inappropriate by the moderators—which isn’t my intention. I’m just looking to share my experience here, hear what people have to say about it, and hopefully receive some support and feel hope again, because right now that’s something I’m sorely lacking. I really don’t know what to do to escape this suffering. I don't know what to do to fix this situation—I just don't know what to do. I absolutely have to find a partner before December 31, and even more so before February 14. I'm sick of going through this awful Valentine's Day feeling singled out and humiliated by society, as if this day were a reward for being in a relationship, when—as far as I know—there isn't a single day or cultural work that emotionally rewards people for being single. I just want to be loved ! I'm terrified of being alone my whole life, and dating apps have never worked for me 😖

What do I even type here... I am 37, and the next number comes faster every year, it seems. Growing up, all I did was sacrifice and sacrifice. I am so fucking sad, tired and lonely. I want a chance to live life. I fear I will never get that chance. My CRPS is just brutal. No matter how hard I try I can't get over the pain to go out and do stuff and try to meet people... I go walking or try to ever morning usually 2 miles but then what... I go home and lay in bed and try to calm the pain down.

I have never as so much held hands with a woman... how fucking sad is that. I wanted to find love so bad, but all I get is heartbroken. I have met a few women online, and they all left... all admitted they loved me and still just disappeared. I am honestly so scared to get my heart broken again. My condition literally leaves me in pain all the time, and nothing it has done to me has hurt worse than when they leave.

I raised my sister's child ever since I was 12. I loved him like my own. Even in high school , people literally thought he was my kid. I never got to out with friends, I thought things would change when I could drive, but it just added more responsibilities. My whole family relied on me... I went to college and had to commute so I could continue to watch my nephew. Then my sister got cancer... I literally never got a chance to try and date.

All that while fighting my condition, (CRPS) I developed at 15 because a doctor misdiagnosed my ankle injury. I couldn't walk, and then even when I recovered, I still always hurt but kept it quiet. Around 28 years old, I landed a job. I was hoping to get my life together and start to live. My job was sent me off site, and I got hurt again, really setting off my condition. I did everything I could to try to get better. I lost a ton of weight, only for it actually get worse. The surgeries they did messed my back up so bad I ended up partially paralyzed. I was 32 or 33 at the time, and I wanted to give up. I am not sure why I didn't, to be honest. Instead, I found a chiropractor with a special device that slowly pushed my discs back in place.

So my back got better, I started going for walks with my sisters dog and I was pushing myself so hard. I thought maybe I could try to find someone. I tried dating apps but I never got a lik, let alone a match... I tried reddit but I never got a response. I randomly found awomann in the old chat rooms reddit had she made a joke thatno onee laughed a, so I sent her a dm saying I thought it was funny... and we didn't stop talking for 7 months. Then she ghosted me. I was devastated. I wanted to die. I tried to find her for months and nothing. I lost hope. Posted here on reddit about it, someone reached out. We talked and hung ou and watched movies together. She fell for m, but I wasn't over the first gir, and she kept trying to push it. Eventually I told her I couldn't commit and some other stuff happened with her ex and that was pretty much it.

I tried to just not care but after finding people who actually said they loved me just made it crave it more. I tried dating apps again and nothing. I tried reddit again and while I would get some responses back they just stopped answering or deleted their accounts. I started thinking that I am just screwed. I started to try and look for just attention and found someone to just have some fun with and I did and we developed feelings for eachother. Her past came up and she kept calling herself dirty... I tried to tell her I didn't see her as dirty and she wasnt... she was groomed and used it wasn't her fault. She then told me she needed time to heal and so I gave her that. That was that no contact...

I don't know what to do. I live in pain. I want to love. I don't think love will find me, though. I feel like I can't even compete in the dating world. All I see on reddit are men who are much more of a catch than myself, and they can't even find dates.

I keep trying to think of what I could have done differently but I think I’m just truly hurt that the friendship is gone and that I may have not as been as important to him as he was to me. This guy was like a big brother to me and for just such a casual goodbye and acting like he doesn’t care - it still rocks you to the core really hard and makes you just feel upset

idk im just hopeless and even dont want to try anymore its not too bad to be lonely

It feels like the older I get, the harder it is to find people who just get me.

Do you guys ever feel the same way?

😓

What am I supposed to do?

I get anxious whenever I'm about to make friends with someone.

Currently I'm living in the middle of nowhere, in a tradeschool that's far away from the places that everyone else goes to.

There's other students in the tradeschool (including me), which are living in there, but there aren't any hobby groups. We have work and classes during half of the day. There are clubs, but they're just for: learning how to be an adult, LGBTQ+, or venting. I've went there before and there's almost always nobody there since people don't really care.

There's a building with a gym, billiards, table tennis, basketball court, and an arts & crafts room.

I guess I could go to the arts & crafts room during my free time, but, I'm nervous. How do I introduce myself to people? I've spent most of my time being a loner IRL. Making friends online is so much easier than making friends IRL.

The pros of having friends IRL is that if you manage to somehow form a close friendship, not only can you share your hobbies and interests together with the feeling that you have a presence of someone in-person (instead of talking to someone through a screen), but you might also be able to hug or even cuddle with them.

The cons of having friends IRL is that the smallest things, like subtle body language might matter, and you probably have to pay money to visit them consistently, unless they're already close by.

I've never reached the point where I can hug or cuddle them. Mostly because I lack the courage/confidence to deepen our friendship.

In-fact, for as long as I've been in my tradeschool, I haven't really played videogames with other people (temporarily) besides like 2 or 3 times, and that was it. Then nothing for many months.

But videogames aren't my only hobbies. I also like anime, manga, music, and art, for example.

I'm not that good as an artist, I'm assuming since I'm on the aphantasia spectrum, but I also spent a lot of time drawing with barely any practice. I can't really use professional software because it's too intimidating (like controlling an airplane with like 100 buttons).

I also feel like every day, I need to explore more and more, or else I won't be good enough as a friend. For example: not enough videogames, not enough anime, not enough manga, not enough music, not enough art, etc.

Sometimes my anxiety also occurs with online friends. For example: if I REAAALLY like someone, I will panic because I feel scared that they might leave me, or they might stop liking me, and if that happens then all of my progress would go to waste, and then I would have to find somebody else.

Why do you have to be so consistent with friendships? Months is a VERY long time. Don't you know what it feels like to be lonely while waiting for such a long time? Sometimes you become desperate, but some people say that you shouldn't look desperate, or else there's a chance people won't like you.

Sometimes I keep things to myself, while not knowing when it:s appropriate to say certain things and what. And then sometimes I overshare too much. Also, sometimes I don't know if something is okay or not (like oversharing for example, or things that depend and can vary for different situations).

I've tried getting a therapist, but they're not helpful. They do what I call "false engagement" to make it look like we're making progress, when it's mostly just filler, padding, and nothingburgers. For example, they might acknowledge what I say, ask me questions, take notes, or say "yeah", "mhm", "uhuh", a lot. That's it. They rarely give me solutions/answers for my problems. Sometimes they even admit that they don't know what to do, but that's only sometimes, because most of the time they just don't say anything.

In case you're wondering, it's a CBT therapist, and it's my first real therapist (besides school-provided therapists who were even worse).

The appointments take such a long time though. It's like one whole month of waiting, more or less. That's way too much time of having to wait while dealing with my problems. Each appointment only lasts like 1 hour, which I guess is fine, but I wish my therapist were more helpful and useful.

I also have a psychiatrist, but it also takes way too long to talk about changing medications until one of them works.

As far as I know, I only struggle with social anxiety (when trying to make friends), loneliness, and tourettes.

I try to hide my symptoms because I assume it would make other people feel uncomfortable/awkward if they were to see me doing tics (e.g. physical or vocal). However, sometimes it's too intense and I can't hold it anymore, and then I have to do tics. When this happens, I feel embarassed about myself because I don't know if people would be okay with the fact that I have tourettes.

I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship. I don't even have any friends. I've tried making friends, but somehow I always end up feeling left out. It makes me so sad, and I feel like I'm almost slipping into depression. I've also been through a lot of health issues, and even though I'm doing better now, I still have some medical trauma. I honestly don't know why so many bad things have been happening in my life.

I really hope I can make some genuine friends here, especially female friends, because I'd love to have a girl best friend. Since I am girl myself :)

My Workplace Friends with Benefits Was My Only Actual Friend In Years

I know this is kind of sad and pathetic but I need to tell someone and my therapist can’t see me for another few weeks because he will be out of town so this seemed like the best option since I literally have no one else to talk to about it. LOL.

It’s pretty rare for me to genuinely connect with anyone.

Sure, I have people in my life I would call “friends” but they feel more like just one more thing to do. We never have deeper conversations. We don’t have strong bonds. I don’t look forward to hanging out with them. They’re not particularly interesting to me. We aren’t best friends. The reasons I am friends with them is because I am lonely, I met them, and I can’t really complain about being alone  they want to hang out every now and then and we help each other out with moving or school projects or bringing food to their pot luck and check in for milktose life updates. If I stop reaching out to them, then usually that’s the end of it until they need something.

It also doesn’t help that all of them and that most people who try to be friends with aren’t actually wanting to get close with me or even that they like me for who I am but rather what I can do for them. I call myself a substitute friend. I’m never anyone’s first priority. People don’t have strong opinions on me. I’m liked but not loved. Need an activity that requires more than three people? Need to vent on the phone about relationship troubles? Got a presentation you need to invite people for? Don’t want to go to the movies alone? Need someone to help you move? Need a designated driver after a mixer event? Well, guess that’s what I am there for.

Eventually, I do grow tired of it because I already have to work in a care related industry and take care of people all the time…now I have to do this in my free time too?

The only times I’ve had actual close friends was when we forced to be together for hours for days in a row at school and in the band program. I would become very close and loved those friends mainly because I was spending so much time with them almost every day and we would click hard. But eventually, those friendships fell off because they moved away or they quit band or when we graduated. Not to mention mental health issues eventually making me burdensome to most people I get super close with and they will drift away. I understand as I have been on the other side of this too and have done the same to some people. Sure, you try to keep up for a while but eventually that becomes so burdensome, and it’s just not the same when you no longer are forced to see and be around that person all the time.

Since high school, I have not had a single person in my life I would call a close friend. I dislike most of my classmates in the college classes I attend in person. In the jobs I’ve had where I do have co-workers, I don’t connect with them…not that we don’t get along, just don’t really connect on a deeper level beyond good co-workers. Kind of the same with the volunteer organizations I am a part of. I’m part of a community band but any attempts to make friends there hasn’t gone anywhere mainly because I didn’t major and music and/or don’t have some kind of job in music education and because most people assume I am the L part of the acronym and gay men and straight women allies dominate the numbers there and don’t really seem to be too interested in getting to know me.

The women I hook up with...sure I like them for their bodies and the sex is really good but I wouldn’t hang out with them…considering the fact most of them seem to either have no life ambitions, treat me “like the man” who always has to pursue make all the plans and pay for everything, and have obsessions with media I could care less about and talk about it in the most boring way ever. I rarely see them a second time.

I also think I should clarify I have also never been in any kind of romantic or long term sexual relationship of any kind.

I’m usually fine with all this since it’s been years since I had a true friend, I’m introverted, I’m busy, and I come from and currently still am in an abusive household, so I’m used to not being treated the best and doing things on my own. I really only start to feel the crippling depression of loneliness November-January 3^rd and when the abuse gets real bad at certain points.

But now, that has changed. I have second job where I was transferred to a different shift and department back in November. In January, I got placed in the same floor as this dude a few times. He loves to talk to people and genuinely does know how to talk to people. I never realized how much of a life skill and just how much work it actually was until I met and got to know him on a deeper level. The first we worked together was a lot of fun and we got along great. Second time was even better. After that, I gave him my phone number to text and boy did we ever text…almost every day for the past five months.

We would text each other on shift, off shift. I would text him throughout the night when he was on shift and I wasn’t. He would do the same. We would text each other for hours afterwards. About anything and everything. We would talk about work, our lives, our families, sex, traumas, hobbies, what was bothering us, if we achieved anything or did something cool that day. That second job became something to look forward to. I can’t remember the last time I actually looked forward to going somewhere and it was all because of him.

He's not a perfect person. I don’t idolize him. I am under no delusion that I am “the only one”. I don’t want a romantic relationship with him for a number of reasons on both his end and mine.

 He has his issues. He is getting divorced, he has a kid, he is a lot older than me, he isn’t really the best person all the time (not a bad person per say but definatly can be a real asshole at times), he sexts with many other women that aren’t me most likely (he does this with at least two other women in the workplace I know about, probably more, which is fine because I hook up with other women a decent amount, albiet through apps and they are ONS situations and not FWBs) I don’t pass judgement on his ex-wife because I don’t know her and sometimes I think “yeah, even outside of a potential cheating situation, if I had to live and deal with that every day, I wouldn’t want to stick around anymore either” not stuff like he hits her or weaponized male incompetence bullshit or not taking care of the kid or anything but the other flaws of alcoholism, insecure masculinity stuff and about his appearance, childishness, bad trauma and depression, and other just annoying bullshit that would drive anyone crazy if they were around him too much…hell…he drove me crazy sometimes and I don’t even live with him or have a romantic connection),  getting him to have sex with me took forever and I had to jump through so much to get him to come over and sleep with me, he has an alcohol issue, etc.

But still, I loved what we had. I loved talking with him. I find him legit interesting as a person. The sex was good and his body was nice…but that wasn’t the only thing I liked about him, obviously.

This relationship was like getting to drink water for the first time in years. I never realized how long it has been since I haven’t felt lonely. I never realized how lonely I was in my adult life. It was so much easier to do things like remember to take care of myself, stay on my weight loss plan, do my schoolwork, get to work on time, etc. when I had him supporting me…and I supported him with his stuff too. It felt so good to support him and it felt so good to have him support me with things. I’m overworked. I’m tired. I hate what I am studying. But it was so much easier when someone else was helping me shoulder that burden, even if he couldn’t do anything to change the situation I was in.

I could text him cool things I saw at the store. I would talk to him about movies I watched. I could tell him about a trip I was planning or when I got a good grade on a test. I had no one to tell these things to do before.

And just like that…just like it always is…it’s gone.

He got fired for something stupid he did…probably shouldn’t have done it but also the other employees do it too…but this time he pissed off the wrong supervisor and that was the end of that. The first time we had actual sex was after he got fired actually. First time with a man. First time I had ever even been attracted to a man physically. He was so kind and gentle to me the whole time…it was so much fun. It was the most fun sex I think I have ever had. But also, I think we kind of both knew it was kind of like a good bye in a way.

We talked for a bit through text and tried to meet up again but it didn’t work out because of his mental health issues…which I was upset about but told him I understood because if the roles were reversed, he would have been kind and understanding towards me.

I am feeling lonely. Anyone here interested in connecting, to discuss anything or simple chat .

We may chat over anything, discuss on any problem or issues or may be we can work on any code/tech related problem ( I work as a data engineer, we may work together)

i got no one to talk to and i feel shitty
i look so stupid here on reddit why would i come here on this platform and express my feelings i dont even know what im feeling i just feel shitty thats all and you know what i dont have anyone to talk to i got no friends and im desperate to be understood i know thats sad but im just going through it right now ...

I need someone to talk to

Sono in un momento di sconforto e di stanchezza.
Dopo anni di tentativi su tentativi, pazienza, gentilezza, generosità, delusioni, lavoro su me stessa mi sento genuinamente molto stanca.

È come se tutti questi anni (27F) spesi a provare ad uscire dalla solitudine e crearmi un gruppo (anche esiguo, ma solido) di amici pesassero.
Essere soli è stancante.
Hai meno supporto e aiuto per tutto, ed anche se sono indipendente ed affezionata alla mia indipendenza questa condizione inizia a pesarmi.
Per non parlare della vergogna: la solitudine è molto stigmatizzata e nasconderla è forse tra le cose più difficili.
Forse è solo la frustrazione del momento che parla, ma sono stanca di sentirmi dire come soluzione tout-court di andare dallo psicologo (come se non ci fossi andata) da chi mi aiuterebbe molto di più solo offrendomi di andare a bere una birra insieme.

Ho avuto, transitoriamente, molti amici diversi nella mia vita, allontanati per motivi geografici, incomprensioni, strade nella vita diverse, etc senza mai uan brusca ed evidente rottura (es. litigio etc).
Nella mia vita fin da piccina sono sempre andata incontro a molti cambiamenti (di zona, di scuola, di lavoro etc) per motivi familiari e poi della mia vita personale adulta. Questo non ha aiutato.

Non so la vostra storia, raccontatemela. Magari anche come ne siete usciti.