r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Beneficial-Month-333 • 12d ago
Do u dont wanna Passenger manspreading into my space on a flight then acts like I inconvenienced himš¤·āāļø
I early 20F sat in the middle seat next to a male on my flight. I had no issue with this however he was literally manspreading into my space. His leg was stretched out into my leg space and when I tried to give him hints to move he completely ignored me. He was very much taking up my space and making me feel crazy like this cannot be happening.
After a bit of not picking up my subtle hints I told him to move. To which he looked at me like I had significantly inconvenienced him. He then gave a slight eye roll and moved finally giving me space.
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u/ShaniquaQ 12d ago
I was on a tiny plane from a small airport that doesn't even have jet bridges. Two seats each side. Huge foreign man with overbearing smell sits next to me aisle and I am window and proceeds to put the arm rest up and spread into my space. I raised my voice and said that was my personal space and I was so embarrassed but it was soooo aggressive on his part. I immediately asked if he wanted to sit by his wife instead and I switched seats with her.
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u/Todsrache 12d ago
I woke up while flying once and my pillow was almost fully on my neighbor. I was mortified but they were humorous about it.
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u/aLokilike 12d ago
There is definitely a factor of agency to how much a situation annoys people.
Asleep? You have no control over what you're doing; I won't personally wake you up unless I have to. Playing music out of a speaker on public transit? Should've brought your headphones, you don't want me playing what I listen to.
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u/a_wine_dark_sea 12d ago
Right? You donāt want me playing what I listen to. I WILL win that battle, Susan. š
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u/Oliviniarity 10d ago
I listen to stuff no one should listen to. I also dream of the day when it's just me and some idiot playing their phone really loud because I'm just dying to share.
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u/xeno0153 12d ago
That's cool that your copilot found it funny, but I'd hope they'd wake you up sooner. /s
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u/DominiqueG192 11d ago
When I was about 20y old, another young woman fell asleep in the train with her head on my shoulder. My lonely ass was happier than she could have ever known. š¤£
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u/MetaLemons 12d ago
Yeah, there was this guy who was doing that next to me. Problem is, I am also a guy who is tall and has wide shoulders. Good thing I have the ability to pass out quickly on flights. I woke up 4 hours later and heās on his own side, I guess he got tired of trying to strong arm a sleeping person.
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u/Single-Kangaroo1180 12d ago
One of the reasons I donāt flyā¦I am 6ā8ā with shoulders like Celtics great Kevin McHale, I fill a recliner up at the shoulders and know that in a plane I am taking up far more space than allotted, even while trying to minimize my occupancy š¤£š¤£
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u/clementynemurphy 12d ago
He's just used to people not confronting his horrible behavior. Most tall or big dudes know they are space invaders and try to be nice, so I let them have my extra foot space. But your guy, yuck, he knew he was invading and just expected you to not say something.
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u/ThirdOne38 12d ago
"He then gave a slight eye roll and moved finally giving me space."
As long as the second part is true, who cares about the first part. He wants to make sure you know he's annoyed. So what. You got your space, let him pout all he wants.
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u/Tall-Koala-1786 12d ago
Iām a tall guy with broad shoulders and I can tell you: this guy is an asshole. I do my best to not intrude into other peopleās space. Thatās why I book aisle seats ā so I can lean a bit toward the aisle.
Arm rests are a bit of a gray area since they donāt hold 2 arms at once, but if anything, the middle seat should win all ties since they have nowhere to lean.
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u/jonny5isalive1 12d ago
I had the opposite of this once. I was probably about 30 on a long flight and there was this college aged woman who looked to be in pretty rough shape. Idk if she was sick or hungover or what but at some point she just fell asleep and laid her head on my shoulder. She was snoozing so I just kinda leaned the opposite way towards my boss and let her sleep. She was startled awake eventually and got embarrassed and kept apologizing. I just laughed and was like, you looked like you needed the rest. It was pretty funny, I think she was drooling and everything.
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u/but-I-play-one-on-TV 12d ago
This planet would be so much better if the conversation just went like this from the very beginning:Ā
"can you move your leg please?"
"Sure, sorry about that"
~Fin
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u/metdear 12d ago
It would be even better if we learned to keep all of our limbs in our own space instead of making it our neighbor's problem.Ā
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u/TheFuschiaBaron 12d ago
Werd up
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u/StarlingGirlx 12d ago
Look out for the cops
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u/TheFuschiaBaron 12d ago
I saw C.R.E.A.M. ale at the store the other day. Black can with the yellow W.
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u/karatekidmar 12d ago
It doesnāt work like this though. I was in the middle seat on the way to Japan and the person-of-size next to me in the aisle seat kept leaning on me. Heād put his arm on my arm rest and I told him āwhat are you doing? Get your arm off my armrest.ā He had the gall to say āwho says itās yours?ā To which I replied āyou think the button to recline my seat would be on your armrest?ā and then he just grumbled. People on flights are animals and can have no concept of civility or logic.
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u/Wonderful-Wind-5736 12d ago
Middle seat gets both armrests, if requested.Ā
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u/but-I-play-one-on-TV 12d ago
Or at minimum you let middle seat take 90% of the armrest and take what's left. Psycho behavior to take the inner armrest while sitting in the aisle seat
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u/GenXer76 12d ago
In real life, people donāt follow this rule. I canāt tell you how many times Iāve sat in the middle and had the people on both sides of me take the armrest (and itās been men every time).
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u/Oliviniarity 10d ago
If this happens, I usually just start taking any part of the armrest they don't already have. They don't like the touch and they move. OTOH if it's someone very large I'll usually be more understanding and let them take up a little more space because as a tiny woman I'm honestly ok with a little less. But I'm not going to default to giving up space that's mine just cause some man doesn't care about it. It's mine. I win dominance games. ME.
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u/LindeeHilltop 12d ago
It would be so much better if bullies didnāt try to hog everything for themselves; including personal space. Clueless people are the trash humanity of this planet.
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u/CapitalEmployer 12d ago
You know what would make this planet better, not having to ask men to respect other people. I know crazy but why is it always men? Maybe because of people like you.
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u/erything4sale 12d ago
As someone who is on a plane (right now) multiple times a week, its definitely not always men. It's really a certain demographic of women actually, at least on the planes I've been on. Most men do respect other people. Most, not all.
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u/FartInGenDirection 12d ago
Some of us are respectful of boundaries, it's a prejudgement to assume all men aren't
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u/MoodVast9430 12d ago
Men think their size dictates their space. Good for you to speaking up
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u/Fluid-Cranberry1755 12d ago
Having consideration for others would probably make the planet better. I shouldnāt need to tell you not to play your music out loud. The same way I shouldnāt need to tell you not to take up my space.Ā
Youāre an adult, youāre not an idiotĀ
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u/AmphibianNo8598 12d ago
Okay? It would also be better if people could stick to their own space. Even better if men werenāt constantly raping and killing women and as such causing legitimate concern for a young woman to be afraid to have an interaction with a stranger. Whatās the point of your comment exactly?
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u/Own-Raisin5849 12d ago
LMAO. What the fk kind of comment even is this. Yes, the INFAMOUS rape scenario on a crowded plane. JFC.
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u/grandmawaffles 12d ago edited 12d ago
I mean there was recently a woman who reported a dude masterbating next to her on a plane sitting next to her and the FAs allowed him to finish and then told the lady there isnāt a place for her to move to since the flight was full. š¤·āāļø
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u/swlaGenX 12d ago
And a week later there was a woman who took her pants off and played with herself on a flight to Miami.
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u/swlaGenX 12d ago edited 12d ago
WTF!?!? Intentionally back into a guy and immediately declared assault lately?
Edit: Bless your heart for sending the suicide hotline my way š¤£.
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u/squirrelbeanie 12d ago
āManspreadā sounds like some kind of a forbidden condiment.
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u/Chi_Town_Law 12d ago
No, she shouldn't have to tell someone not to take up someone else's seat/space
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u/Little_View_6659 12d ago
I also blame the airlines. Airplane seats are so teensy tiny now. I was watching some movie set in the seventies and damn the seats were HUGE. I swear every year they get smaller.
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u/girlwhoweighted 12d ago
I'm not disagreeing with you. But this issue is outside of airplanes as well. I was sitting in an auditorium one time, nice wide seats, enough room in front of you that if someone needed to get by they weren't stepping over your knees. Just brushing past. That kind of thing.
I was in an aisle seat guy and his wife come and sit next to me. My left, the guy in the middle. He spreads his knees, wide and plants. His feet on my side of the invisible line, his knees knocking my thigh, both his elbows up on the armrests. Doing his best impersonation of a chicken to get them there. And he wasn't particularly tall, I'd say average height but under 6 ft. Like come on dude, it was almost comical
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u/but-I-play-one-on-TV 12d ago
This gets lost in all of the airplane complaint posts. Air travel is unbearable due to reasons far outside our control and the only power we have is to turn on other passengers (though tbf the guy in OP's post is an asshole)
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u/grandmawaffles 12d ago
I generally go in to shitty situations with a really low bar and with 2 goals. To make it out with my sanity and the second is to try to not my the experience more shitty for another person. The guy sitting next to OP failed number 2.
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u/Little_View_6659 11d ago
Exactly. It keeps getting worse every year. Especially after Covid. The meals get smaller, they donāt give out amenities like they used to, the seats are smaller, they have fewer stewards. Everyone is tense. Just sucks all around, no wonder people are pissy.
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u/Kilgore_Brown_Trout_ 12d ago
Im not absurdly large, but I dont fit into many airline seats without manspreading.Ā Im sorry I was born this way?
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u/pudding7 12d ago
There's the world we should live in and the world we do live in.Ā Sometimes you have to speak up.
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u/001UltimateWinner 12d ago
Cross your leg and rest your foot on your other knee. That way when he tries to man spread it would touch the bottom of your shoe.
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u/chrispkay 12d ago
Why make herself sit uncomfortable to get her space back?
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u/iheartpoontang 12d ago
People sit like this all the time unprompted because it IS comfortable. Where are you getting that this position is uncomfortable from?
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u/hrehbfthbrweer 12d ago
How tall are these people? I would not have room to manoeuvre my legs into this position on a plane and Iām only 5ā8ā
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u/the_ebs 12d ago edited 12d ago
"when I tried to give him hints to move he completely ignored me."
"After a bit of not picking up my subtle hints..."
Men don't get women's hints. Ask any married woman, this has been documented for generations.
Edit: For clarification, in respect to some of the replies. I'm in no way defending the spreading or saying that she's in the wrong. I'm stating that her assumption that he was ignoring her could be false. Of course anyone and everyone should stay in their personal bubble, but don't assume everyone speaks the same language (both verbal and non-verbal).
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u/firenest 12d ago
And yet they somehow are much more inclined to spread over women's seats and not men's. When a man sits next to the manspreader, he usually sits right up even though not a word was said. š
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u/Salt-Operation 12d ago
Right? This shit is infuriating. Itās inherently misogynistic and I see the same thing happen when another male comes along and the manspreading stops.
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u/firenest 11d ago
Well, according to men here, this is a lie and there's no gendered pattern because they have also had men intruding on their space before. Fucking lol.
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u/Ok_You_5448 12d ago
I still remember this thread years ago from a tweet where a guy sat next to another guy on an otherwise empty plane. One of the top comments was a guy talking about how the plane seats don't have enough room for him, so he actively avoids sitting next to other men. He said specifically not other men, not looking for empty seats.
So... he intentionally tries to sit next to women or children to spread into their seat that they paid for, and no one who responded to that comment picked up on that.
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u/Far-Fortune-8381 12d ago
in my experience, this usually happens non verbally only because when one spreads the other spreads back, both get uncomfortable and then they leave an inch. alternatively they both just manspread the whole time and dont care. I dont think its a respect thing
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u/firenest 11d ago
In my experience, they sit up when the realise he's sitting down beside them so their legs don't touch in the first place.
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u/OddGuarantee4061 12d ago
Oh they get them. They have just learned they can ignore them with little consequence.
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u/StrongestAvenger_ 12d ago edited 12d ago
Lmao this mentality is why some people create their own problems while blaming it on others and acting like the victim. Speak up, use words. People are too busy and focused on other things instead of trying to play mind games and look out for little hints because you canāt communicate properly
If you want something, say something. If you feel a certain way, communicate that directly with words. Nobody wants to decipher riddles to figure out what you want.
Your hints arenāt āignoredā, you just arenāt communicating properly and then blaming the other person for it.
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u/Procrastinista_423 12d ago
Maybe men shouldn't go around encroaching on women's spaces and then act like women are the problem for not speaking up about it.
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u/xDUVAL_BRODOWNx 12d ago
The 17 consecutive blinks didn't let you know exactly what she was thinking?!?
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u/Healthy_Candle_4545 12d ago
So youāre telling me that if youāre sitting in tight quarters and your knees are touching the people around you, you wouldnāt notice? I call BS and weaponized incompetence.
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u/StrongestAvenger_ 12d ago
No, Iām not telling you that at all. Where did I say that?
Ironic both people who disagree with me are also trying to put words in my mouth that I never said and then using it against me. Kind of enforces my point about having bad communication skills and blaming it on the other person lmao.
Clearly he noticed and didnāt care if he was being inconsiderate. You have to verbally call those people out with words, or they will walk all over you if you let them. Thatās what Iām telling you.
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u/Pleasant_Scar9811 12d ago
Yknow sexism doesnāt mean only towards women. It means this also.Ā
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u/the_ebs 12d ago
I saying this as a man, 99 out of 100 men will not notice hints that a woman thinks should be obvious.
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u/HumanBeing7396 12d ago
As a man I also donāt get hints, but I know not to invade other peopleās personal space, and not to be a dick if someone points out that Iām being inconsiderate.
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u/sigh_co_matic 12d ago
I don't know why this is so difficult for some of the commenters. Children know this.
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u/Procrastinista_423 12d ago
They just love to play ignorant when they know damn well they are in the wrong.
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u/patiofurnature 12d ago
I don't know why this is so difficult for some of the commenters.
Because it's not even remotely true. Most people try to be kind and considerate. Yet they regularly do inconsiderate things without realizing it.
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u/sigh_co_matic 12d ago
Not realizing is understandable. Now all these men in the comments are fully aware and will adapt their behavior. Right?
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u/patiofurnature 12d ago
Now all these men in the comments are fully aware
I just said the exact opposite of that. We all think we're aware, but we're not. Someone might think they're good because their feet are under the correct seat, and not realize that knees sticking out is also bothersome. Or they might make an effort to keep their knees in their own space, and not think about their elbow going over the armrest into someone's space.
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u/sigh_co_matic 12d ago
You're repeating the sentiment. If someone says something, adjust and that's it. In the future, try be more aware in the first place.
No further need for clarification.
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u/patiofurnature 12d ago
Oh, I see the miscommunication. I was talking about the first half of his comment and you're talking about the second half. I fully agree with the second half - learn and adapt when someone points it out.
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u/TaintedButtercup 12d ago
As a woman, I am So Proud of you for speaking up for yourself in this uncomfortable situation!
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u/MD7001 12d ago
Hey. Iām a man and this also pissed me off. So fucking inconsiderate. Iām almost 6ā and if Iām on the aisle I will always consider the person in the middle
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u/sigh_co_matic 12d ago
Apparently these men don't know better. Like cmon. How old were we when we learned "keep your hands to yourself"? I guess it needed to include everything. Fools acting like they need to be told things that a 5 year old understands.
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u/Conscious-Link5627 12d ago
Good on you for telling him. And screw him for rolling his eyes over it!
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u/SolitaryMassacre 12d ago
A male here myself. No idea why other males do this manspreading.. I sat next to another male on a train, he did the same exact thing.. I just kept my leg against his and he eventually moved (prolly thought I was gay lmao) but I understand how this wouldn't work for you being a female, could make things far worse
But, I am glad you spoke up. Don't let them get to you though, gotta standfast. Just glad things didn't get worse and you got your space back! No idea why they do this!
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u/Mike_Honcho_Baby 12d ago
Life lesson: don't give subtle hints. State your case clearly and calmly the first time it happens.
Second time - lose your shit. You already gave them a chance to be polite.
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u/Charming-Charge-596 12d ago
I was riding public transit in Istanbul and there are signs throughout showing legs in a manspread position with a big red X over them.
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u/IndyDino 12d ago
I've had the same situation sitting.. Between 2 women (as a woman), both manspead and took both armrests. Physical contact from me trying to reclaim some space didn't spark a reaction. I didn't speak up. Idk why. Sat with arms and legs together for the whole 3-4h flight. #notonlymen
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u/BudTenderShmudTender 12d ago
It's not necessity, it's entitlement. That's why you're confused. To you, a man, that would never happen because you're a man and therefore respect is automatic. But to a lot of people (men and women, unfortunately) women are at best an afterthought. At worst, we're considered subhuman and will never be worthy of consideration.
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u/Exact_Yellow_6854 12d ago
I hate to fly because everyone is packed in like sardines, but the middle seat deserves both arm rests and the ability to spread legs to be more comfortable if they'd like.
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u/EvilTodd1970 11d ago
Armrests, yes Intrude into neighboring passengerās space? No. Thereās no excuse.
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u/wompadompdomp 12d ago
This happens to me every time I'm on a flight next to a random man! Recently had a leg where I was sat in between two other women and it was the best thing ever. No one moved over their lines and all three of us were napping with our heads on a stuffed animal on the tray table at one point š¤£
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u/prongs88 12d ago
He was probably expecting you to just suffer in silence and got annoyed that you chose to speak up. Good job on getting your space back. Don't be mad, enjoy the W š.
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u/juliewbb 12d ago
Good for you for speaking up. You shouldnāt have to and you shouldnāt then be treated like a bitch for doing so, of course.
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u/firenest 12d ago
I hate this shit. They spread onto women's spaces and women themselves, and rarely do this to men. Then when we talk about it, men will lecture women about how this isn't a real phenomenon because it doesn't happen to them š (and if it does, it must be the women's fault).
The manspreaders usually magically remember what personal space is when a man sits next to them. š
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u/biscuitboi967 12d ago
I do it right back. Im always cold and I donāt mind a good cuddle. I lean all up into them from toe to shoulder and get nice and comfy. Hunker down for a nap.
Once they realize Iām in it for the long haul, they start to compact up. Sometimes I give them the surprised/annoyed look. āOh, we arent sharing space?! My mistake! I was just following your lead.ā
I always make it more uncomfortable for them than it is for me.
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u/Stage_Party 12d ago
No they do it to me all the time and I'm a man. Women and men do it and they do it to women and men, it's not a gender thing, it's a person thing but the internet decided it needed yet another excuse to attack men.
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u/Separate-Canary559 11d ago
A woman tries to lower seat into my space every single time Iām on a flight
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u/Ok-Addition1264 12d ago
Good for you.. you executed and he moved. Success from what I read. Kudos.
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u/justforjugs 12d ago
I mean, you did inconvenience him.
Thereās not a problem with that but convenience was having more space.
Ignore him.
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u/Minute_Holiday8227 12d ago
You need to get an rbf - a look that says you are not to be messed with. Then very gently push his leg back into his space and give him the rbf. May not work for you until youāre a little older.
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u/yuhyuhyaina 11d ago
that frustrated eye roll is your trophy and you should ride the high. keep up the good work
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u/CRTB_OTF2 11d ago
Maybe different as a male, but when I'm sat next to men like this I rub my leg seductively against theirs and make eye contact.
They move.
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u/Upper-Switch2785 12d ago edited 12d ago
Iām a plurality of inches above 6 foot, but iām not obese. Having constant body contact with row mates on a plane is all but just part of the experience these days. The airlines have designed these spaces to barely accommodate my ex-wifes late grandfather who was a 4ā10ā Lebanese man. World would be so much better if ppl could get over themselves.
I am an equal opportunity, immediate seat recliner as well. Just in case anyone wanted to rev up that motorā¦. š
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u/Salt_Medicine2459 12d ago
And people here will tell you you should feel bad for having the audacity to be that size. Reddit is crazy sometimes.Ā
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u/Rescuepa 12d ago
Oof! I feel ya. I was on a packed redeye from SEA>ATL wide body jet middle row of 3 middle seat. Co- traveler on my left 275lbs with a left arm fracture unable to fasten his own seatbelt(embarrassed about it too). Co- traveler on the right 300+lbs. Me -138 lbs 5ā6ā. Despite both armrests down I could only touch one shoulder blade at a time to the seat back. Flight attendant just shrugged and said every seat is occupied. She also missed the unbuckled seat belt. I ended up laying across his lap to get the other end of the belt to fasten him in as we were taxiing to takeoff. Worst flight ever for me.
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u/PrShadoko 12d ago
Am in the only one thinking it's unnecessarily gendered? What's the difference between a man taking too much space and a woman taking too much space...?
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u/Far-Fortune-8381 12d ago
well, women dont tend to man spread as often for a start
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u/MannerAdditional2121 11d ago
Maybe itās gendered in this instance because it was a man.
I have no problem with the wording and feel quite sorry for this young lady.
Context: Iām a man and would never āmanspaceā regardless of others gender.
People really need to be more annoyed about the manās attitude, rather than the wording used.
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u/Wylaff 12d ago
I have had more women than men take up unnecessary space by spreading. It mildy infuriates me when people gender it.
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u/TheMattabooey 12d ago
Try taking the bus and not running into a woman with all her bags spread across several seats so people have to stand when seats are available but being hogged. Canāt mention that though. Women also stretch out their legs. I donāt understand why this is a gendered issue and not simply a person taking more space than they should be entitled to.
The fact the post starts with pointing out her gender, calling a man a male and saying she had no issue with this kinda points to him being a man being the main issue.
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u/kaiomm 12d ago
OP must be an insuferrable person to be around. She asked him to move, he did. The rest is just her villain fanfic
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u/Far-Fortune-8381 12d ago
how dare someone be mildly infuriated by a mildly annoying common occurrence, on r/mildlyinfuriating
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u/TheMattabooey 12d ago
They used the word male. If a man posted this and used the word female the comment section would be tearing them apart. OP is just as sexist as men who speak like that.
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u/Nyanzerfaust 12d ago
ESL here, what word should I use if a woman does this? Because it's a common problem when you are sitting in the middle seat.
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u/possiblycrazy79 11d ago
Im on Facebook in a group formerly known as dull. I saw a post from a large male recently. He took a photo of himself on the airplane with a belt wrapped around his legs. He explained that he devised a solution with the belt to prevent himself from manspreading on the plane. Now that's a man.
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u/2c0m6 12d ago
Homeboy needs a really check. These folks that be in other people's space.. and also people coughing without cover their mouth, removing shoes. My sister deals with this but is always worried about offending them when their not getting the hint. But she is getting better at not feeling bad about defending what is hers no matter if it makes someone feel inconvenienced. This should be the norm and people, sometimes entitled men, need to be checked
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u/MyLifeofRegrets 12d ago
I never let a person in my personal space on an airplane unless they are so large it's unavoidable. Which sucks, but happens far too often. Flew yesterday and the guy on the middle spread his legs into my space. Looked at him first and when he didn't move, I spread my legs and forcibly moved them for him.
With the lack of manners and brainpower possessed by the average person. flying has become a lot less enjoyable. Never let some idiot make it worse.
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u/Tricky_Big_6867 5d ago
I fly a lot and experience this all the time (with men, sorry, gentlemen). I am 5'3", and whenever a large man sits next to me, he encroaches on my space with his legs and arms (elbows outward on the armrest). My husband is 6'2", and I am usually in the middle seat. I have to keep my arms and legs pulled in. On one flight, after having a recent hip replacement surgery, it was torture to sit that way for the entire flight. I kind of get it if you have that much height to fold up, but I'm not sure I understand the selfishness around the armrest.
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u/NervousAddie 12d ago
OP, it was rude of him to do this and it takes energy to speak up, but itās important to do that. I was just on a flight where and older woman was loudly playing some game on her phone and I had to ask her to turn off the speaker she looked at me like I had two heads, but she did turn off the sound. Being assertive is crucial with so many inconsiderate and entitled people around.