having a friend over tonight and recovering from a horrible depressive episode yesterday (aided and abetted by the latest Phoebe Bridgers record and the Cameron Winter live album). please suggest films to watch while shitfaced that will make us laugh

Jungle on a Saturday

I'm back in the dating game once again and I went on a 3rd date last night that was... ok. Not good, not bad...ok. To start off, she was over an hour late, the one thing I'm really anal about is punctuality, especially when we have reservations. I was already out, dressed, and done up, and I didn't want to waste a good fit, haircut, a skin mask, and the last of my favorite fragrance. I also had already venmoed her for her uber out, had some flowers, and I talked this date up real big to my friends so I'd be real embarassed to tell them it didn't happen, so I just waited it out.

When she finally did arrive, she was under dressed. Now idrc how a woman dresses, not my place to say, but this place had a dress code which I sent her when I made the reservations. Thankfully I had spent the last hour buttering up the hostess as I couldn't even get to the table and she let us in anyways.

Then the actual "date" went pretty good. Great conversations, a lot in common, she's super funny, all the things you'd hope out of a good date. She didn't really ask questions and I had to set up all the conversations, which is another thing I'm fine with but I do notice.

So then after the date she asks if I wanna come over, I take her back home and her home is a mess. Like she hadn't cleaned it in weeks. I'm not a neat freak but I always ensure a spotless house pre date just in case we go back to my place. Her roommates were over and we went back to her room and she suggested we watch Gone Girl. I had never seen the movie and she talked over it the entire time to explain everything to me. That is also not a movie I felt like there was ever a good time to make a move during. Then after the movie she fell asleep and I left.

So I'm left trying to question if this was a bad date or not. Nothing like THAT bad happened but it just didn't leave a good taste in my mouth. Idk if I would call it bad, just a little off. I don't want to not want to see her again but it was also a pretty poor showing on her part. idk man dating is so fuck complicated nowadays.

What do I do with the rest of my day. There is a gaping hole in my heart.

Tasks like dishwashing are chill and relaxing but kinda horrible in that they lull you into a false sense of productivity — oh, I’m doing something with my life! No, no I am not. It’s manual labor and I’m easily replaceable 👍

I would say I’m a solid 7 and every guy I get with in my personal life is attractive, but I just got on hinge because apparently I’ve run out of places to meet guys but I get maybe 2 likes a day??? Am I that much of a personality hire??? And I’m a woman so everyone says oh hinge is where it’s at but evidently not??

i am in the situation that all relationships I've been in were very strongly and clearly initiated by the other party. this is not a humble brag, I want to change this, since, as much as I wished it worked, you cannot make people want to date you by thinking about it really hard, and also there are so many beautiful people in the world and i want to at least date some of them

How do you ask people on dates? What even is a date?? How do you differentiate a friendly hangout from one??? I am autistic if you could not tell by now. I think i am fairly hot (so I've been told) and play in a band and read a buncha books but i promise its not an act i just like doing it, so maybe I should continue the approach of being weird enough until a beautiful woman comes along and goes like "how quaint i need to have a look at this" or however that tweet went

also, and this is kind of the part that i struggle the most with: how do you get past the feae that any romantic advance by you will be certainly seen as extremely creepy and you will be publicly shamed about it? sorry this is dramatic, but it really is how i feel a lotof the time sadly

yeah idk sorry if this is a weird post i just want to feel less like a passenger in my own life (which i have been working on! but this is continuing to be a topic of mystery to me)

What does your schedule look like and what did you have to give up? I’m a pretty average corporate dude and it’s tough to read enough and find time to work on projects with the rest of my work and personal schedule. Need some tips and motivation here to elevate.

and it was kinda gross but it actually had some funny moments. the film centered way more on dasha than I thought it would even though she appears for the first time like 20/30 minutes in. it explicitly referenced some irl internet stuff at certain times which occasionally came off as funny but other times was kinda cringe. the titular character was lowkey boring and you could tell the film was meant to be super inflammatory all around. lots of "jews" this and "catholic" that etc. etc... There definitely is some message about internet culture and capitalism baked into it, but I think i was so taken out of any analysis because of the overstimulation of it all and the bulky ass subtitles. There was one scene where rachel is peeing in public (in an NYC subway corridor) and real ppl were walking by so that was.... interesting..... I also felt profoundly sad at other times. It was kinda depressing. I would not see it again and I'm mildly disappointed in myself for financially supporting it, but idk. There are worse evils in this world.

It's so incredibly infantile being an adult who's afraid of conflict or disapproval. I'd feel better about it if it was motivated by some sense of altruism, but I'm honestly just too obsessed with how others perceive me and base my self-worth around it.

Whenever I'm around people I feel like an obsequious little snake because they always think I'm really nice, when really I just have a massive aversion to conflict, so I harbor all my judgment and resentment of others internally. I think most people who interact with me are talking to a completely made-up person more or less.

I actually admire people who are just outwardly assholes, because at least they have the conviction to be honest about their thoughts even if people dislike them for it. Even a good person is okay with pissing someone off if it means standing by their beliefs. I think being a people pleaser just turns you into an NPC who's incapable of holding any challenging beliefs about the world

Does anyone else have this experience, and how do you manage/overcome this? I’m working on a history research project. Even though I have an outline and narrow time period, I can’t seem to get past the tendency to get stuck on “fully understanding” certain things that aren’t the direct subject of the paper. Then I get sucked into just reading and writing about that, with little to show for it.

I think it’s a combo of ADHD, perfectionism, and maybe subconsciously avoiding the actual project, so fixating on something tangentially related instead. When I try to move along I get so overwhelmed and then my system crashes. History is also bad for this bc it’s so easy to justify, like obviously you can’t understand anything without understanding everything else that came before

Do you just force yourself to keep moving? I really want to go to grad school but I’m worried I don’t have the discipline it takes and have never been able to just mentally compartmentalize or direct my attention “from above” like I’m the conductor or something. Genuinely feels like I’m trapped in a maze and beating myself up for not being able to get out, and the maze is also made of quicksand :/

I've lived in NYC my whole life and I love it here but I think I would like SF (I've never been). I picture hanging out in The Mission and eating Thai food while going on a Hinge date with some cute tech worker. Then the weekend rolls around and I drive out to see some redwoods or go to the beach where I can wear a windbreaker like in Twilight. Maybe go to Half Moon Bay or something?

I know it's crazy expensive but idk if it's pricier than New York. I wanna go soon

Met up with a school friend yesterday for a walk. We used to be super close and go climbing/ gym together multiple times a week, but see each other less often now since I’ve been busy with uni

He used to actually be really popular back in secondary school. Had no problem getting girls, was in all the sports teams, etc. But after school he kind of just did nothing with his life. It’s been three years since we graduated and he kind of just stays home all day doing nothing. He never went to uni, never got a part time job, never did any sort of training. He kind of just coasts through life. He’s stopped going to the gym now too and is very obviously depressed.

I don’t know, I feel really bad, I want to help him but I feel lost. At the rate he’s going he’s gonna slowly get more and more isolated as his friends move forward in life and it becomes less acceptable to be a NEET

It’s strange seeing someone you used to spend so much time with become so withdrawn. I don’t want to sound judgemental because I genuinely care about him, but it’s sad watching someone slowly disengage from life and not knowing what you can actually do about it.

I knew about Democracy Now! for a while but never really listened to it. I like her style much more than Hasan, Sam Seder, and a lot of the YouTube slop I watch haha. There's a clear left learning slant to it but it still comes across as grounded and serious journalism instead of edutainment.

Are there any particular videos or interviews that I should check out?

Some CT for your Saturday

i look 100x better in real cameras. huge confidence booster.