Salam everyone,
I’m a 30-year-old Shia woman, and lately I’ve been struggling to find a balance between my faith, my identity, and the life I want to experience.
I’ve dated Iraqi Shia men with the intention of marriage, but unfortunately, none of those connections worked out. It’s reached a point where I feel like the only men who genuinely show interest in me are outside my religious or cultural background.
Recently, I met a Christian man who gave me the attention and affection I’d been longing for. But after spending time with him, I felt strangely disconnected. Not exactly guilty, but almost as though the experience was empty and didn’t align with what I genuinely wanted.
I’ve also noticed that whenever I step outside my comfort zone, I experience a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. Yet whenever I pray, I feel incredibly grounded. It’s almost as though I remember who I am, and that whatever happens in life, I’ll be okay.
I want to reconnect with Allah and my religion, but I don’t want religion to become something consuming, where I lose my individuality, curiosity, or desire to enjoy life. I want to build a meaningful life, grow as a person, experience the world, and eventually find a loving spouse without feeling like I’m constantly waiting for marriage to start living.
How do I find that balance? How do I reconnect with my faith in a way that feels genuine, peaceful, and sustainable, while still being myself?
I’d really appreciate any wisdom or personal experiences, especially from anyone who’s gone through something similar. Ive been living between Kuwait & the western world the past 20 years & im in therapy now, i have no stability in my life (no room etc) due to my families indecisiveness in this world & its making me lose my mind, like i want to leave them & go live alone, but knowing if i do that i wont be okay without them in my life, i do love them but i feel so lost, i feel as if im misunderstood all the time & when i do find someone that could potentially understand me & find a connection with, its never a good muslim man, its mostly a man theres no future with, this christian man for example; i spent a couple of days getting to know him & hes been nothing but attentive, but i dont feel that connection where i know he’ll be accepted by my family & me especially.
i feel like life really f*cked me over with my geographical location, all of this aside i really do feel like im connected to my faith, sometimes i feel like having a man that leads me to allah in his own way without losing my individuality is what i really need, but im not sure this even exists at this point.
i want allah to naturally lead me to allah, to myself, to my future spouse, ive never admitted this but i really want nothing more then to have a small beautiful home with a man who truly wants to understand & help me, where i can still be independent yet loved, and love, and just be in myself.
im just finding it increasingly difficult to stay on this path, maybe some sisters are able to relate & help me or some brothers are able to tell me this will be okay.
