Tinder DMs From a "dating" app..
I ran a few "social experiments" on dating apps a year/couple years ago. The experience turned me off from wanting to interact with men for a long long time. This is from the time of the experiments. This is actually very tame.
Edit: To preface, I didnt go into the experiments purely with the intentions of them being experiments. It started out as "what would happen if i did xyz, what can i change to get better matches, why am I not getting people who are serious about relationships when i have explicitly stated I am only looking for a long term relationship". As time went on I realized how bad, sinister, and disgusting things really were.
I felt like it was too complicated and drawn out to explain the experiments. It was a while ago and i dont remember everything from all of them. And for more info Id need to share info i dont want to but this is the summary:
Profile 1: "fairy/nerd"/ who i actually am aesthetic: Ren faire pics, pics of my video game collection, cute pic of me with natural makeup. No body pics other than the stereotypical modest ren faire dress w corset.
Profile 2: "princess" aesthetic: nicer clothes, light pink outfits, a pretty red dress.
Profile 3: dark alternative aesthetic (men would frequently call this goth or emo..) literally just black clothing, fishnets and black eyeliner. Black shirt, Grey cargo skirt, fishnets and black combat boots.
The bio on the profiles was roughly the same, "looking for long term only" was a constant. I would change the rest of it every now and then. Although I dont think men actually read the bio and if they do, they disregard it if it doesn't fit their wants.
Hypothesis: 1)men who use dating apps have commitment issues due to the nature and algorithm of dating apps. Which gives men the mindset of always looking for something better and moving on from someone they have could have a real connection with for a chance with "something better", rinse and repeat to keep app usage. 2) men arent looking to date on these apps and they all just want to fuck. 3) The aesthetic i present myself with changes how men view me, and thus, treat me.
All of the above is true from the results of my experiments. Profile 1 got a mix of good looking and bad looking likes/matches but the ones that actually pursued were red flags or made incorrect assumptions about me ( like I would be an easy fuck or i had no standards)
Profile 2 got less bad looking likes/ matches and treated/ spoken to better overall, but total matches were less and generally i was not pursued by those that would be good matches.
Profile 3 was the most polarizing. Got a ton of likes/matches but ALL of them were only interested in sex. Only sex. It didnt matter what I said in my bio or how mean I was in chat. They all wanted to fuck. In fact, I could be mean and they liked it. Buy got no respect. I did not go on any dates with them because none of them were worth the effort. Most of them would say "come over" almost immediately. Many of them completely expected me to just go over to a strangers house and fuck them. Many of them would become aggressive when I said no. Pretty sure I spoke to at least a couple murderers. (Ones who REALLY wanted me to come to their house after a 5 min text exchange, or meet them at a hiking trail or something and didnt want to hear "No". Actually kinda scary)
Working Theory: 1)men who use dating apps will usually have commitment issues due to the nature and algorithm of dating apps. Which gives men the mindset of always looking for something better and moving on from someone they have could have a real connection with for a chance with "something better", rinse and repeat to keep app usage. This combined with porn afflictions affects their brains in multiple ways in relationships.
2) men arent really looking to date on these apps and 99% just want to fuck. I think even with profile 2 the men who pursued me "respectfully" just wanted to fuck and got bored when it didnt happen after 2 dates.
3) The aesthetic women present with changes how men view them/us, and thus, differences in treatment.
4) the closer you are to a porn category, the more men will disrespect you and treat you like a sex toy/ sex object. Conversely, if you do not fit into a porn category, like profile 1, men do not find you as attractive or "want" you as much as the one that fits into the porn category (profile 3) I think this is because of men's need for approval from other men.
5) the sweeter you look, the more men think you are stupid.
6) another element i played with in profile 2 and 3 was job optics. If i put a high paying job (Software QA) with profile 2, matches slowed and conversations fizzled out. In profile 3, I dont think they were actually reading anything, combined with not seeing me as a "viable" partner for a relationship, so for the most part it didnt really seem to matter. A few people asked me what it was and that was about it.
7)the more men think of you as a sex object, the more dangerous it is for a woman to say No.
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u/rasatti 2d ago
For those curious, a summary of the experiments is now in the post.
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u/MothmanHadMyBabies 1d ago
Fascinating social experiment you did here. I'm on a "dating" app that is intentionally for hookups, generally, but it's still insane to me how wild people get. I still open with a "hello" or something about their profile that interested me, but nah. The other day a dude opened his messages to me with his address. I was totally floored. Guy has no idea who I am, hell I could be a dude catfishing as a woman, and he sends me his address that's like 3 miles from me. Absolute insanity.
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u/ImprobableGrind 1d ago
Prime opportunity to drop a flaming paper bag of shit on the doorstep.
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u/Affectionate_Bad_680 1d ago
But itās the Halloween season. Grab that extra roll of toilet paper and go to town!
Jk, donāt do that.
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u/NothingHere503 1d ago
This is fascinating and brilliant! I tried the dating apps a few months ago and it was just as you said - so much manipulation, gaslighting, etc just to fuck and move on. It was vile. I gave it 3 months, met a couple for coffee, and jfc it's awful.
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u/burnedbygemini 1d ago
i have to say I completely agree with your observations/hypothesis. If I put a pic of me in a swimsuit, it's absolutely hell on earth from matches. If I put photos of me in elegant clothing, crickets. I also had a date and a really good connection with someone once but then I mentioned costs and how affordable things were, which alluded to how much I made, and he suddenly changed demeaner.
If men are interested in a long-term relationship, you have to look like someone with long-term potential - adventuring/activities bc they like doing things, you have to be solvent but not make as much as them bc ego might be bruised.
I once ran a similar experiment on a kinky dating app in a semi-rural area.
One was a normal profile, similar to my Hinge account. I had maybe total (over the span of a year with travel and turning it off) 100 pings, 1500 likes. I put my kink, bondage, in there, and made it clear that I was not someone interested in one night stands and that I was looking for a FWB.
Another profile was a dominatrix profile. within a DAY, i had 80 pings. well over 600 likes. And I live in a semi-rural area where the dating pool is abysmal. The men kept telling me how they are usually dominant, but sometimes they just want to turn their brain off. It was ridiculous. It's like they do not understand what domination is. They just think PORN and this girl is willing to dispense it.
I however, did not get a lot of super aggressive sexual language thrown at me unless I prompted it. But I had that rule in both profiles that any gross sexual language without permission would get a block and a report to Feeld for not listening. Only had one person cross that line.
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u/rasatti 1d ago
I was also on feeld for a time. Completely separate pool of people and for me sometimes somewhat worse and slightly better than tinder.
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u/Iongjohn 1d ago
Interesting, unsurprising read. I've noticed in Europe anyways a trend amongst youth (20-30s) towards apps like Hinge, which I'm curious if you looked at? Always heard from friends etc. that Tinder, bumble etc are no more than glorified hookup apps nowadays. Could just be a 'know your audience' thing...
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u/VeloCRaptor23 1d ago
That was a fascinating read. Was this part of a phd or just a side project, because those findings should be published
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u/KABOOMEN666 2d ago
Question, were all of these profiles on the same app? Because I recognize that app's orange messages and I KNOW that's specifically a hookup app so it's gonna have more shitty men on it than average. So if one of the 3 profiles was on there but the other profiles were elsewhere then that would affect the responses you got
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u/rasatti 2d ago
The apps specifically for the experiments were tinder and bumble, but to be honest there was a time where I was looking for just a hookup on various apps with profile 2 and 3 or a mix of them and still couldnt find anything that met my standards. I dont remember what app this is but I know that I didnt have it for long bc I was disgusted with everything.
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u/KABOOMEN666 1d ago
Oh yeah hard agree that that particular app is awful. Hookup leaning apps need intense moderation, far more than is financially viable probably, or they just turn into cesspools.
Bumble and Tinder are deffos much better for judging the general population because outside the Big 3 apps you probably will get skewed results from the types of people on the app. E.g. if you used Profile 1 on Boo you'd probably get more traction than on Bumble for example. At least in my experience of the app
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u/pangaroo122 1d ago
I met my bf on Boo! He and I both have the more alternative aesthetic and we both agreed we had been fetishized on other apps
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u/Feyrauth 1d ago
The customer base for each app varies massively from place to place as well. I routinely travel between US, UK and Australia and it always shocks me with the difference.
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u/ShadeofIcarus 1d ago
Yknow this makes me sad. Ren Faire, Nerdy, Gaming Collection, Good Job with strong career, clearly Intelligent, cute enough to pull off Fairy, Princess, and an Alt look. Plus looking to settle down long term.
This sounds like "put a ring on it" type of person in my book. Those dudes were missing out with their impatience. Best of luck out there.
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u/redmel39 8h ago
Did you do a video about this on YouTube or something? I swear I saw something along these lines a few days ago.
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u/sleepysky98 1d ago
Heās going to say you rejected him because he wasnāt 6ft and because he doesnāt have enough money.
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u/mothspiderr 2d ago edited 2d ago
i wish there were a way to accurately express how fucking funny this is
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u/Marinara_18 2d ago
The panache... I'm in awe. I wish there was a way for me to steal this but there isn't and that's tragic.
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u/IH8DwnvoteComplainrs 1d ago
I just don't get it, does this actually work for guys?
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u/Anubis17_76 1d ago
No, they just collectively gaslight themselves into thinking it does so they can perpetuate misogyny when it doesnt. Same with the "8 inch dick needed" bs, its all just one collective koolaid that half the world just swallowed cause it blames someone elses impossible standards instead of their own shortcomings.
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u/Spare_Kiwi631 1d ago
finally someone said it
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u/Anubis17_76 1d ago
I mean "my source is i made it the fuck up" aka my personal observation, so take it with a grain of salt
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u/RouxKallay 1d ago
"My source is I made it the fuck up" <-- May I steal this? I could really use something like this for.. I don't know.. everything.
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u/Anubis17_76 1d ago
Please do, i stole it as well
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u/IH8DwnvoteComplainrs 1d ago
Comrade, meme is public property. No need to steal. Is yours.
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u/Anubis17_76 1d ago
I do it for the love of the game
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u/GreaseMyPole 1d ago
Iāve never ever said this shit to a woman on a dating app and Iām fucking flabbergasted anyone thinks it works. Theyāre another person, who doesnāt know you, you wouldnāt go up to someone in a bar and say that shit so why think itās acceptable behind the anonymity of a screen? The sad thing is women have to put in their profiles not to do this shit, profiles are meant to be positive not a warning to not do dumb shit.
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u/JessicaJonessJacket 1d ago
I've come to realize some men really don't see women as people. I used to think it was an exaggeration but it's the only possible explanation.
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u/shmiddleedee 1d ago
Definitely and I'd wager a portion of it is misogyny but a lot of it is literally just narcissist who don't see any other people as people.
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u/Twitchrunner 1d ago
The disconnect of being anonymous online plays a big part. The opportunity to just dissappear means you can let those intrusive thoughts take over without consequence.
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u/arizonadirtbag12 1d ago
I mean that line in particular? I canāt imagine so. But being overly forward and a bit gross about it? Yes. If by āworkā you mean youāll make about 999 women feel gross for the day but 1 might sleep with you. For some dudes, thatās an acceptable rate and result, for what is very little effort.
Like the analog version is a buddy of mine whoād just ask women at the bar toward the end of the night if they wanted to go fuck. The answer was almost invariably no. Almost. If dozens of ānoā donāt bother you? Only takes one āyesā to get laid.
None of this is a defense of this behavior. If thatās unclear. Itās gross.
Did read a piece from a woman once who went out with a guy that sent an unsolicited dick pic. Her intent was to see what kind of guy actually does that, give him a piece of her mind, whatever. And he wound up being pretty normal in person, and a little charming, andā¦well, letās just say if sheās ever wondering why guys do that in the future, she need only look in a mirror. 999 blocks, but only takes one to get laid.
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u/jak_d_ripr 1d ago
I have to imagine porn has something to do with it, but goddamn, how on earth do you use that as your opener and expect success? With that said, I also know a surprising number of women who've slept with walking red flags, so maybe these lines actually do work.
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u/astralchanterelle 1d ago
The guys get off just saying/typing this shit, the reaction doesn't matter
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u/Lesschar 1d ago
I just hit my current wife with. "Nice profile picture" boom married for 4 years. Current feels weird word...but I'm sticking to it. Lol
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u/IKeepGettingBanned85 1d ago
No, no it doesnt. But if it does, you gonna catch what youre fishing for.
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u/backlawa75 2d ago
Mfs will write this and then complain about the "male loneliness epidemic"
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u/ABirdJustShatOnMyEye 1d ago
Doubtful. The male loneliness epidemic doesnāt exist either - itās not gender specific. Men and women are both trending upwards in regard to loneliness.
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u/grantgarden 1d ago
There's only one gender that birches about it constantly though
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u/NotGabeDelgado 2d ago
I can't imagine saying the first thing to anyone.
But if you hit me with that punchline I would have been yours right there š hilarious!
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u/2008_v6_mustang 2d ago
Is the mariana trench considered a hole?
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u/JayStrat 2d ago
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's considered a trench.
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u/Vladishun 2d ago
Every trench is a hole, but not every hole is a trench.
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u/JayStrat 1d ago edited 1d ago
True, certainly to the extent that one is just saying a hole is a hollow place in a solid thing, even though that's not particularly useful when speaking about geographical features. Gorges, canyons, and valleys are all far more useful to describe a trench (gorges and canyons are long, narrow, deep, and have cliff-like walls -- like trenches, and valleys are long depressions stretching between mountains, which are similar to trenches, if broad and terrestrial).
TL;DR: The broad, literal definition of hole fits 100% for a trench. But for a structural classification, "hole" isn't going to provide much information.
Edit: And with regard to the OP, a fine choice, as far as holes go.
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u/Proper-Panda-5062 1d ago
The amount of men who get mean and aggressive when you stop replying or say no is TERRIFYING
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u/Next-Street-7859 1d ago
Lmao, the response! Spot on, I cheered for you. I'm sorry you had such a gross encounter though. What garbage... I wonder how many people do this.
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u/boogeraidspoopaids_c 1d ago
People without morals let the worst of themselves out through digital interaction. God help me I don't know why, but I am trying to use tinder (randomly, from time to time) to meet women to date with the intent of finding someone I want to marry. I can't fucking fathom what these cretins are thinking (if anything) saying this vile shit and acting this way. Need to start talking about the male lack-of-human-decency epidemic. If no one wants to be around you because you're a vile human, that's on you, no one else.
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u/ImprobableGrind 1d ago
The internet is a dehumanizing place. I would posit that almost none of these men would have the courage to say the same things in person. Dating apps are designed to make the companies that own them a profit, and therefore the odds are already stacked against both men and women that are trying to be serious about finding their person. My understanding is that they are only getting worseā¦ I found my wife on Bumble in 2019, and when I mentioned that in the subreddit for the app (with the intention of bringing some hope to struggling people) the top comment was āyou literally took the last chopper out of Vietnam, bro.ā which is a succinct and disheartening view into the current online dating scene.
As cliche as this sounds OP, not all men are complete pieces of shitā¦.but I believe you, and believe that more of the POS guys are on the internet than in person.
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u/gizby666 1d ago
Nah irl these people are cat callers and harrassers. Like I was going to the movies to see backrooms and I was driving in the parking lot and slowed down for a stop sign. This dude is coming the other direction and stopping at the stop sign. As i drove past he yelled "id pay 1000 dollars to fuck you" into my open window and drove off fast... like wait wheres my grand?! Jk but the point is some of these fools are bold as hell. Not nearly the only story I have but that one made my jaw drop with how direct it was. I was lowkey scared to come back outside after the movie but thank god he was gone. Prob rushed back home to get these commets to girls online
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u/lemonlimesherbet 1d ago
I got cat called the most when I was 11-12 years old. And I looked my age. Not saying it ever stopped, but itās crazy to think that it happened more when I was prepubescent than as an adult. And I live in an affluent, suburban area.
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u/sleepysky98 1d ago
No, theyāll act like this in person. You guys always think they wonāt, but you donāt see your buddies when theyāre *alone* with women.
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u/Longjumping_Bee_1205 1d ago
I have the alt look and even though I'm just looking for hookups in general the way guys approach me is such a turn off.
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u/AdmirableAnimal0 1d ago
This is a perfect response 10/10 no notes, instant access to heaven unlocked.
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u/Muffalope 1d ago
But what if it was all one guy responding with multiple accounts, doing a social experiment. He wasnt getting responses with nice text so he sends rude sexual ones to see what response he gets. /s
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u/Dismal-Link-7331 1d ago
I went to 2 weddings in the past month and 2 couples met on dating apps. 1st couple met during covid and just had their 2nd baby (we were guests sitting at the same table). 2nd couple was my cousin & his wife; they met on Coffee Meets Bagel.
I have no idea what each person's profile pic looked like or what they wrote on their profile. 1 couple was asian, the other couple was white. The only similarity I can think of was both couples work in professional, corporate type jobs.
It would have been interesting if part of your 'test' was to put yourself in clothes like 1) regular t-shirt & jeans, casual clothes and made yourself a teacher as your job 2) professional attire and made your job as someone who worked in i.e. HR. Wonder what kind of matches & feedback you would have gotten then...
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u/kingSlet 1d ago
89% of the people Iām dating app just want to screw around in reality . Tho you can still find love with those apps , it will requires you to be committed to the task .
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u/Patient-Asparagus827 1d ago
If you have short hair they don't know how to treat you, it's kinda entertaining.
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u/Digitalzuzel 2d ago
Can you describe your "social experiment"? How does your profile look like? Description? What do you do? Age group?
So far it's just "look at my witty response to that incel" type post
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u/CptCluck 1d ago
Do you have a more detailed report of your findings and statistical data collected? This is very interesting and it seems very well put together from the sound of it. This would be a great way to sample the population of dating app users. Would you consider trying this over different dating apps?
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u/YamOk8795 1d ago
This was fascinating! Profile 3 seems like a big trend right now for the porn industry. I truly believe porn has normalized this sick behavior among men and even women.
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u/monarchmra 1d ago
Your conclusions are flawed because you selection biased away a crucial subgroup:
but the ones that actually pursued
Generally speaking the less somebody respects women, the more they will be likely to pursue or initiate, and they will be less likely to give up in the face of signs of disinterest.
Also men with healthy attitudes about women tend to be in comitted and loving relationships with them, so dating apps provides their own selection bias.
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u/papa-hare 1d ago
Eh, everyone has to start somewhere, even truly nice guys. If you didn't start in college, the apps are probably the easiest way to find like minded people (you can meet people doing hobbies, but that just never worked for me romantically, even as a woman)
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u/OkTension2232 2d ago edited 1d ago
I'd have to disagree with the main theory you personally observed regarding "men who use dating apps have commitment issues". I will agree that the vast majority of men who use it may do, or at least most just want a booty call, but I wouldn't say that's anything special to dating apps. The only thing about dating apps as you can be exposed to a lot more of those men at the same time.
The actual reason is simply because it's very difficult for men to find a sexual partner and so the vast majority of men who are trying to find a sexual partner will use any method available including but not limited to dating apps. The maybe a hell of a lot of men who are on their specifically just for a long term relationship, but they'll be a lot fewer and far in between.Ā
The fact is you can definitely find what you're looking for on dating apps, it's just hard to sift through the crap that you'll find there. You'd have the same outcome if you were to present yourself like you do in a dating app except in real life, like having a stand that you sit at, on basically say "I'm looking for a man" and have a 'bio' of yours. The vast majority of men that will approach you and interact to try and be that 'man' will be the same sort of person you're finding on these dating apps.Ā
In my opinion the best way to find a relationship is in person ideally in environments you spend a lot of time in, such as with hobbies or work, and if you have some sort of community of people you are close with, asking them if they know anybody that they potentially would think would be a good match for you and then working with that. Things like dating apps exclude everything besides the base details, and don't allow for any form of prior connection before meeting for the first time.Ā
I personally met my wife at work and we've been together for 10 years now, married for 6.
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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago
You say you donāt agree that the men who use dating apps have commitment issues and the. The next sentence is āI will agree that the vast majority of men who use it mayā. Like you agree with OP. lol.
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u/PositiveDrag722 1d ago
That was about wanting a booty call, not the commitment issues.
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u/alex3omg 1d ago
I was going to say, but what about her profile?Ā Then I realized that's probably enticement for some men.Ā They want to change her or push boundaries.Ā There might be guys who say "oh, then she's not for me" and scroll on past.Ā And there are guys who didn't bother to read.Ā But there are guys who read and took it as a challenge, too.Ā
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u/Riksunraksu 1d ago
I opened tinder after many years, the first profile with a decent photo and bio was just: over 6ft, provider mentalityā. I laughed and deleted the app
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u/Garfish16 1d ago
You're the problem here. You should not be running experiments on people without their knowledge and consent. Normal men aren't looking for normal relationships on dating apps because freaks like you are doing weird shit like this.
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u/rasatti 1d ago
Cry about it. I just changed my profile to see what would happen and wrote my observations.
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u/Steven_Broyles 1d ago
Bro really came here to say to insult OP, get offended on behalf of "Normal men", and victim blame. Yea pretty sure you proved her point, pal. Nothing wrong with anything she did/wrote
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u/darkenspirit 2d ago edited 2d ago
"This combined with porn afflictions affects their brains in multiple ways in relationships."
Is the only part that requires more caveats imo. There are so many porn categories and I am like 1000% sure the profile 1 is a porn category. Now... who that category appeals to makes the difference in your results (I agree overall with your results though).
In general I see trends like "tell me how you know your bf isnt cheating" videos (and theyre all nerdy as fuck (2) Tell me how you know your boyfriend wonāt cheat on youā¦ #shorts - YouTube ) or "neurodivergent relationships" almost always are rooted in the gamer, nerd culture and the results is that category makes the blanket statement of porn affliction less attributable and maybe only in specific porn categories.
Your findings with Profile 1 is more indicative of the whole nerd culture imo, where as profile 2 and 3 is more indicative of the Porn affliction.
Porn Hub insights is very interesting.
Red Versus Blue US States - Pornhub Insights
2025 Year in Review - Pornhub Insights
Theory 4 - closer to porn category, I would refute saying, nerd porn is extremely reductive to nerdy gamers as well as any other category and JUST AS PROLIFIC, but I think generally men who have strong hobbies and are sure of their likes, or are neurodivergent (classic hallmarks of this nerdy gaming board gamers group) are just more likely to treat women better due to their high prevalence of lgbtqia+ and leftist leanings in this category. I have seen plenty of gaming porn categories that treat the woman as a sex toy object (blowjobs while playing video games is a common trope in this category).
Agreed on everything else.
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u/rasatti 2d ago
In my experience, it is only men who play certain types of games that see women as less of a sex object. ie men who play rpgs tend to have more emotional depth and tend to be more left leaning than men who only play fps or mmorpg or battle Royale style games. Because of the affects of porn (and as tired and clichƩ as it is, the patriarchy) and the way it has fundamentally changed society and the way men interact with women, I have yet to meet a single man that doesnt, in some way, objectify women or see them as a sexual being.
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u/luxurycatsportscat 1d ago
This is giving Tom Haverford from Parks & Rec and his dating profiles, where the different middle initial is for the personality type heās trying to attract. Good luck with the future OP, it sounds rough out there.
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u/Hypnooooooooooooo 1d ago
Yeah, as a man, I quit dating apps after giving it a few weeks. It's designed to degrade your willpower if you primarily care about something other than sex.
I moved back out of the US earlier this year so not sure how it is in my country, but I've basically given up on dating at this point. I barely got time for myself. Life's too busy, goals too big, energy too low, and brain too neurodivergent to invest it all in another person who's basically a stranger. If it's meant to happen, it'll happen. I'm not even 24, got plenty of time.
What you experienced sounds like the exact thing that's bound to happen if folk feel like I do.
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u/PickledPlumPlot 1d ago
I wonder if profile 3 not being close to your normal aesthetic effected things? Like if it gave the impression you were playing dress up?
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u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 1d ago
I audibly snorted and then cackled. Amazing job OP. (And very interesting experiment, I agree completely.)
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u/chefboyrdeee 1d ago
Thatās fucking great. Iāll never understand how a person could open with a line like that. Even in kink communities, boundaries need to be established.
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u/moyismoy 1d ago
Honestly this was a lot more thought out than most. Complete with tests of hypnosis, for a clear data set. Honestly glad I never got the apps
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u/Ohaidere519 1d ago
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
so sorry that happened to you but holy fuck i love you, your response, and your mind. boots on the ground journalism
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u/bjjtrev 1d ago
What a fascinating read! I wonāt comment on the moral/ethics of it, nor am I judging. Selfishly, Iām glad you did and that I got to read about it. Regarding working theory 1, I think you owe it to yourself and your experiment to dig a little deeper into the male side of the online dating experience. I think you may have some assumptions baked into your theory. Regardless, I havenāt been in the online dating scene since late 201X but I have been close enough to it via friends and Reddit to see that itās gotten notably worse over the last decade.
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u/MiserableAd4081 1d ago
What an amazing experiment, and the results are actually shocking... but not that shocking. Gotta love accurate stereotypes, huh?
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u/Apart-Oven2750 1d ago
This is a lot of work you did and I really appreciate you for combing through your "experiments" and synthesis of your conclusions. Very interesting read.
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u/DekaenPyruzhine 1d ago
The irony is that if OP were mid- late 40s at least and actually is a fairy/nerd and does experiments like this...THAT'S a "right swipe" for me. š
Super interesting.
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u/HealthyBodybuilder93 1d ago
Coming from a dude who used apps (2008-2011ish) and I was definitely trying to get laid. Guys suck and itās only gotten worse with better technology and more apps. I would never get angry when they say no nor would I try if the profile was hard set on long term relationships though. Of course I never found the āright oneā on there, that happened organically thank goodness. I feel bad for women these days, I always tell my daughter to check her surroundings and keep mace or something on her always.
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u/papa-hare 1d ago
I am not a guy (despite username) and I'm happily married (we met on an app but before the pandemic when things were a bit better). Anyway, I have lots of single friends still and the truth is most men just swipe right on everyone hoping for a match because lately they rarely get one. What's more interesting is that this has become more and more true for my woman friends too though, perhaps because we're old and we do filter our matches by age and maybe education or something (idk for sure what my friends do). So you end up at a stage where everyone swipes right on everyone for a chance to chat and arrange a meeting with someone else, regardless of intentions. It's shit TBH I'm so glad I'm out of it
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u/Fun-Mission-6068 1d ago
Man, some dudes are wild. I can't imagine saying some out of hand shit like this when I'd just be satisfied to match with a real woman instead of a scammer for once, lmao.
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u/Consistent-Elk-647 23h ago
Your first mistake is trying to talk to males. They don't see women and girls as human beings. Women should only be with other women.
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u/Tie_Viper 21h ago edited 21h ago
Wild. I met my previous and current partner of going on seven years on a dating app. I got pretty lucky. The results of your experiments honestly donāt surprise me much now that Iām thinking on it, and unfortunately gives support to the generalized statement that men are trash. I wish collectively us men were better than that. Yāall certainly deserve better, thatās for sure.
Iām sorry that that was your experience, OP. If it makes any difference, the app that I had the best luck with was OkCupid. Assuming it hasnāt changed, you arenāt limited on characters for your profile so you can be as verbose and explicit about what is important for you as you need. There are questions you can answer about what you are looking for (they also have a additional spot to elaborate on your answers should that be necessary) and answering them publicly lets you see what others answers to that question are. Also you can send one message to someone without being a paid subscriber.
All of those things were great for putting myself out there to the group of people most likely to be compatible with me. Should you still want to look, that should go a long way towards getting rid of a good chunk of the trash out there.
I have a decently neuro-spicy brain though, so Iām probably not anywhere close to what the āaverage guyā is like. Again Iām sorry that guys are pretty terrible overall. I donāt think they deserve a significant other or any intimacy at all if they canāt bother themselves to actually have respect for their potential partner.
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u/bankaiishinigamiguy 17h ago
Lmao. I love this for you. This is really world collapsing wheb you meet the man of your dreams after experiencing the pitfalls of males you all encounter. When you meet a real man ur gonna pinch urself so many times cuz it will be too good to be true. Ladies what is your worth??? If dating is trash and women are over men. And men are trust me content on not havn their ideal partner. What makes you worth havin. Women good men good. Y still date at all if you can fathom the quality partner that is out there. Ppl like this can only wonder what its like till it happens. Maybe one day if you not jaded enough
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u/Own_Journalist863 16h ago
Male perspective here. These dudeās are weird and not an indicator of people who actually want a relationship. As somebody who frequent dating apps the same happens in reverse in my experience to the point that I rarely get on anymore. Though I will say men seem to be far more obsessed with a quick hook up. I suggest we all get off dating apps and build connections the old fashioned way by picking the cutest available person we see and courting them. š¤·š¼āāļø
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u/The_Lame_Gryphon 16h ago
that was a huge disposition and I'll edit if I find smth in it after commenting, but I cannot cinceive of starting a dialogue like that. maybe I was just raised different
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u/sadzed9000 12h ago
I actually started college partly because I would get so depressed seeing every woman on apps have a degree and it made me feel worthless. I never even talked to any women on it, I just deleted the app... Maybe I'll feel better once I finish the degree hopefully
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u/Both-Hope1733 12h ago
Holy fuck what kind of twisted fuck would open up saying this to a woman . Fuck does no one have any sort of respect nowadays . Weāre so fucked
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u/Allthemudlizard 6h ago
I honestly don't get how people are out there sending all this fucked up creepy shit... I see these kinds of posts way too often. Meanwhile I'll send any variety of a normal ass message and can't get a reply for the life of me lol.
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u/One_Guard_3634 1h ago
Lucky I didn't sign myself up in dating apps last week as man wanting long term relationship.Ā
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u/Slymeboi 1h ago
I largely agree except for the first hypothesis. I feel like men on these apps are actually more likely to stick to their matches IF they lead to a direction they want (whether that is a fuck buddy, a one night stand or an actual relationship).
Of course if it looks unlikely many of them shoot a "hail mary" and fuck off... or they start with the hail mary due to getting jaded from these apps.
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u/SnooJokes352 7m ago
Best part.is.you probably went out and protested to allow more of these animals into your country.
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u/AlwaysSladey 2d ago
If I could upvote a second time for that reply I would.