That’s it! That’s all I want when I go to a restaurant website. The menu. I don’t want to have to start an order to see your menu. I don’t want to have to download a PDF and open it to see your menu. I don’t want to see pictures of your food outside of a current menu. I don’t want to see your coupons when I don’t know what’s on your menu. And I don’t sign up for your newsletter. I just want to see the fucking menu! With prices!

I'm Chinese, married to a husband who not Chinese. We 17 years together, 15 years married.

My parents (whom both deceased now) but back when they alive, especially my mother, she never accepted my husband because of his ethnicity. Up until my mother death she still not accepted him as a son in-law.

My mother has no reason to discriminate against him (other than he not Chinese), because this is a very educated man, we talking about Master degree at Stanford educated. And a career of Executive with a 1 million salary a year.

I write that out because Chinese mothers they want someone who financially stable that can take care of their daughter, which my husband has that, therefore there no reason for why my mother not accept him.

But what matter is he treats me really really well 16 years long, faithful to me, dotes on me in bed and outside of bed, he is an awesome husband.

I know I love him, 17 years long I'm faithful to him just as he faithful to me. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I only love him and want him. The thoughts of other men touch me gross me the F out. I love him so much that I never think of continue go on living if God forbid he die before me.

BUT why I just cannot get pass the fact that he not Chinese. This is something that I struggle with in the whole 16 years with him, it not new. It the internal struggle that I have internal conflict inside myself. It like I won't let myself love him.

I am scare, that I'm indeed just like my mother who discriminate against him. But I know I'm not, it just for some reason I cannot accept his ethnicity. I don't know how to explain it, it like it is taboo to love him. I not even sure taboo is the right word, as English is my third language.

I did think perhaps I have a very dysfunctional childhood, my childhood fuck me up, so in my adulthood I just won't let myself be happy, that I'm self-sabotage. But the thing is, both my parents deceased already, I am free of that shackle. But why I just won't allow myself to love him.

I just can't win anymore. I can't be a winner. It's too late now. I won't be happy or have meaningful relationships. It's all ruined. I've gone past the point of no return, I won't prevail.

I don't want to fight for another second. I'm so tired. I am too corrupted to ever be saved. I am foresaken and alone. I have no chance at love, I am too broken. I just have to accept this now so I can finally stop torturing myself.

If I ever had a dream it is unachievable now. My dreams where stupid and unrealistic I had no chance at ever attaining them, how could I be so dumb? My heart is too broken to ever be fixed. I tried really hard but I just couldn't manage it.

I am going through such a hard time lately. My dad passed away 6 years ago after being hit by a drunk driver and I feel like part of me died that day.

I spent all night last night crying because I just feel so alone. He was my best friend. I could talk to him about everything and he made me feel so loved. I talk about him to friends but no one understands how I feel.

I sometimes wish it could’ve been me who died that day instead of him. I just need a fucking hug.

From the bottom of my heart, I am exhausted. I don’t know what to do to feel better or move on but I can’t keep going like this.

So this might be long and I apologise in advance.

I recently moved to a different country and found this job at a bakery ‘looking for cashier’ so I obviously applied, being in need of a job urgently.

I started working and of course the trial period was a bit rough, I made a few mistakes and had to learn more but ultimately, the manager hired me because I passed the trial period.

I worked there for around 6 weeks, in which I was punctual everyday, gave my all, had a good attitude and obviously, talked with my boss.

Last night though, he texted randomly saying that 1000 RON are missing and then said I should no longer come to work. That I was fired. I did text him privately asking him for a reason, as I don’t believe 1000 RON missing is automatically my fault and he gave no context either but he just said to come in on Monday to speak with the accountant and then left me on read. They already bought up an announcement that they’re looking for a different cashier too.

Now the reason I’m mentioning that I refused to sleep with him is because my mother (who worked there 10 years ago) said she’d gone through the same, that he only keeps the girls who give him something. And then I started piecing stuff together. He kept asking me jokingly but repeatedly if I have a boyfriend, then when I’d say no he would ask me ‘Should I get you one?’, then he once mentioned he doesn’t think cheating means you don’t love the other person, and he also calls the other girls nicknames like ‘doll’ or ‘princess’.
Additionally, last week a very conventionally attractive woman came into the bakery asking for a job and he was there and looked her up and down, and told her to leave her number. Then I told him a joke about me having pretty eyes and then he kept staring at me, looking into my eyes laughing etc…
The ‘looking for cashier’ announcement also specifically refers to women. And when I did go in to ask if they hire I myself was having make up and other stuff going on so I looked decent.

I consistently tried to be as neutral as possible, not having a particular interest in this person who’s also married and has a pregnant wife and a little daughter at home, and now he suddenly implies I caused a shortage of 1000 RON with no context or proof whatsoever.

Now I obviously can’t say for sure if any of this is true, and I’m open to hear opinions from others on this as I’m not trying to be paranoid, but it just doesn’t add up. None of it. The cash register turned fine everyday while I worked there, then while he didn’t specify where the 1000 minus came from, general monthly calculations to average profit etc… or the cash register, if it was the cash register, it couldn’t possibly have been my fault since on that day I ended my shift at 3pm, checked the cash register at 2pm and it was fine, then my other colleague took over. So it can only possibly be her fault.

Theres so much more to say but I’ll stop here as I believe this is already long enough.
I really need reassurance and opinions on this because finding a job here is hard, and I hope I’m not going crazy.

My whole life I have been called ‘fat’ or ‘unhealthy’. Even when I have lost weight, I’m still called ‘fat’.
I am so fucking sick and tired of it.

I never usually vent to anyone, but man I really needed to today.

A family friend came over at my house with my mother and uncle. It got late and I decided I wanted to go to sleep. However, my mum needed something from my room and came in my bedroom. When she left, she left the door open and as I got up to close it, I overhear the family friend making fun of me for being ‘fat/obese’ and saying that they knew me when I was young and I just got fatter and fatter as time went on.

You don’t understand how fast my heart dropped to my feet.

I hadn’t been called fat or obese for a while and that shit just brought back fucking nightmares. He wouldn’t even shut up about it; just kept going on and on about how fat I was and it’s all because my diet.

I’ll admit my diet isn’t the best, but as someone that hadn’t seen me for 3 years, I don’t think he was in any place to assume things. In my opinion, I am overweight and obese (85kg) but the way he described my body, he made me sound like I was a monster.

I just broke down and cried. I didn’t know what else to do, whilst all those memories of getting bullied for being overweight, my family being constantly passive aggressive about my body and comparing me to my cousin (who according to them, has the ‘body of a model’) came over me. Honestly, after a few minutes I started having some really bad thoughts and just considered fasting for 2 weeks, only eating bananas or drinking water or coffee.

The worst part is I have tried my fucking hardest, given it my all for my family, friends or people around me to get them to ignore the fact that I’m ‘fat/obese’. I wear makeup and basically catfish, so at least my face is pretty and maybe comparable to my cousin. I work my fucking ass off to get As every time in an exam and when I don’t, I get real mad at myself. I thought that this would be enough, you know? Smart and pretty should be, I thought. I really fucking thought so.

It felt like all my efforts went down the drain. Don’t get me wrong; doing well in school is also for myself, but partially for this reason.

You know what the funniest thing is? When I don’t eat, my family gets worried as if they aren’t the very people who made me feel like I should never eat again.

After today, looking at food disgusts me now and I’m actually just so scared of it, like I was when I was young. I still am to be honest. I really just want to live freely; no one judging me, no pressure, no standards. Just me on my own. I don’t want to go yet either. I feel like I have so much to do and see, but people are really making me feel like I’m selfish and that there’s actually not much to life.

I don’t mind if no one has read this, even writing this felt quite relieving on its own whilst tears are running down my face :( if you have, I really appreciate it and thank you.

I hope it’s okay to post this here, sorry if it’s not x

I’m in my early 20s, I’ve been on dates with guys my age and older guys. I moved abroad on my own as a teenager, did my uni, have a nice job, gone on trips with my friends, I’m active, I’m happy with myself to be fair like I think I’ve become quite confident in the past few years.

I feel like most men my age are still kids. When I speak to them we’re so far from each other. Their only idea about future is their boys trip to Ibiza next year. Their mums do their washing and their biggest weekly expenses are vapes. I want to settle down, get married, have kids. I know it’s tough in this economy but if I date someone I want to know we both share this same goal and we’re working towards it. The reactions are always like ah yeah maybe when i’m like 35. I mean I don’t blame them, it’s pretty normal, nothing wrong with it but it just makes me feel hopeless. 

I like older men but I’m scared their intentions might not be the purest or I’m gonna get used or taken advantage of because they have more experience and know what to say. Every time I see a nice older guy all I’m thinking is well he can’t be as amazing as he seems because then he wouldn’t be single at his age. Idk I just worry. But on the other hand I am much more drawn to them, I prefer them physically, it’s easier for me to find them attractive than men my age. I’d love a confidant older guy who will lead and who I can look up to but the second I’m close to meeting one I shit myself thinking he’s 100% gonna harm me in some way.

I only had one serious adult relationship, he was 8 years older and we broke up after 2 years. He never mistreated me in any major way but when we were about to move in together he pulled back and said he wants to live like he did when he was younger, go to the pub more, isn’t ready for a full on relationship and he took back a lot of promises. The exact stuff I was hoping to not have to go through if I date a 30 yo instead of a 20 yo. So along with the fear of being manipulated by an older guy I’m also worried that they don’t actually have to be more mature but they’re better at pretending otherwise if they benefit from it.

I’m not looking to date again yet, I want to have this year just to myself, but I’ve been thinking like I don’t even know what kind of men to date? I’m absolutely sick of hearing I’m a delusional child and I should enjoy my freedom, explore, date casually, experience more men, go on nights out and not bind myself to one man. I genuinely can’t. I’m repusled by the idea of any other form of dating than dating to marry. Most people don’t take me seriously, they just smile at me compassionately like I have a disability and they hope I’ll grow out of it one day. 

Do I give up dating and start again in my 30s when guys start wanting the same things I want? Or do I go for older? Do I hope for someone my age with the same mindset? I just don’t know how to date to find what I’d like to have. It’s making me overthink myself, like I know exactly what I want but I’m failing massively at looking for it. Idk what to do genuinely

A person posted a video of their toddler wearing what appeared to be a Nike nightgown. I thought that was what it was but it turns out it was an oversized kid shirt. I said thanks to the person that told me and that I didn't know Nike sold kid stuff.

The next morning I woke up to people calling me stupid. Two were memes of calling me stupid. One had the R slur. I told the person that sent the R slur that being rude isn't getting you anywhere in life. Then a few minutes later someone new sent the same sticker to me. I eventually deleted my comment when someone told me I should have aborted my son due to me being stupid and that I should never have children again. I'm really sad too because all those comments had so many likes. Why even be so mean in an innocent video of a cute kid playing around in an oversized shirt.

I've been crying for a few minutes now. I don't know why people would be so mean to me asking if it was pijamas.

Most people in the world aren't good people. They are indifferent. They don't care. And this world is not a good world. It's neutral at best. A good world would be one where people would stand up against injustice. Against hatred. Against violence. They don't. They rarely even care. And this of course allows for bad people to continue being bad.

I mean look at human history. Before the start of the 21st century, everybody hated everybody. Racism, homophobia (not just homophobia but homoterror or something), violence of all kinds, abuse. And nobody gave a fuck until quite recently. Warren E. Burger, a chief justice of the US supreme court (a very powerful person in the world) considered being gay a crime worse than rape. And I'm not even kidding. Is this something anybody would say seriously in a good world? Let alone somebody that powerful.

Entire countries have voted in leaders that want to kill off entire races. Hitler was brought into power democratically. Being gay is a crime punishable by death in Saudi Arabia and supposed LGBTQ allies like Cardi B have no problem performing there. It's all about money. Nobody cares about nobody else other than themselves.

Everybody has been bullied one time or the other in school or at work. How many people just simply watched, instead of stopping it? Would the Allies have fought the Nazis if they just committed the Holocaust without being stupid enough to invade the entire rest of the world? No. They would lift a finger to show that they give a fuck.

The people in power are a bunch of hypocrites. Selfish liars. Look at them and think, are they really the kind of people that would be in power in a good world?

Recently, my brain decided to regurgitate a memory I had completely forgotten about from my childhood and it’s driving me insane. I was 11 at the time, and a boy that was 16 was staying with me and my family. At night I would go into his room and I would hang with him before I went to bed. We were close so this was normal. One time I had walked in on him reading one of my puberty books, specifically the one where they show breasts for educational purposes. I was pretty gullible at that age, so I didn’t realize I had “caught him” and I just causally asked what he was doing. He told me he had found the book on the floor. I told him the book was mine and then he asked me why I had a puberty books. And of course I told him it was because I was going through puberty…

I don’t really remember want he said next, but I do remember having the impression he didn’t understand something in the book. So I remember we begin reading the book together. I genuinely thought it was harmless and I thought I was teaching him something. He was lying down but somewhat propped up and the back of my head was on his chest. But as we were reading I turned to look at him and he had that look in his eyes. I immediately knew what that look meant I had seen it many times before during my childhood. But didn’t want to project how I was feeling onto him because I thought he would never do something like that. So I did nothing. Then he began to move his hands up and down my torso. He inched up to my boobs and I sat up and immediately began fawning. I began to chat intensely about the book and was able to finesse my way into leaving his room.

Recently, I remembered how weird he was to me. He’d often sit me in his lap and bounce me on one of his knees. I didn’t realize at the time that he was aroused when I was in his lap. He’d pick me up from behind under my arms but in a way where his hands would grab my boobs. And I remember hating that because it would hurt. He’d tickle me all the time and when my parents would leave us home alone he’d “role play as the husband and me as the wife.” (It was weird) And he would ask me to do a fashion show for him and many other things.

He never touched me that way so I don’t even know how I should feel about this…

I'm struggling so hard right now to shake off jealousy and bitterness.

I (40f) have worked so hard to take care of myself as well as others when possible. I have tried to build a career and grow professionally. I never tried to take the easy way out financially by finding someone else to support me. I have never accepted material or financial gifts from men or love interests when offered. I never had any desire to use people like that, and materialism isn't something I value. I have never sought out fame or status. I have always just tried to live authentically and honorably. But I feel like all I've gotten in return is pain and suffering--lots of physical and emotional trauma. And I'm in a pretty low place in my life right now. I've been struggling for a while with no end in sight.

Then there's my cousin (40f). Since she was a teenager she has had a pattern of dating much older people who also happen to be very wealthy. Every single person she has ever been with. Not exaggerating. Man, woman, doesn't matter as long as they buy her luxury cars and luxury vacations and let her live in their nice houses. And she makes sure everyone else sees the nice things she has, but in a weird way--as if she somehow earned this life for herself. As if she is an accomplished and successful person. Although, I guess in a way she is successful, just not professionally. I'm sure she has had some struggles too, but it seems she has breezed through life being carried by others.

I have mostly been unbothered by her. The things she values are not the things I value, so whatever. But I recently found out she has been dating her biggest sugar daddy to date--a very wealthy, very famous, A-list celebrity. And I feel so jealous and bitter about it. I never thought she would make it that far, but she has. I'm sure she is very happy and proud of herself. And meanwhile, I'm still just relying on me, myself, and I, and busting my ass everyday trying to survive. Yep, I'm jealous and bitter. Grrrr.

***Edit to add: I just wanted to vent. I am a relatively self-aware person and could have elaborated further on myself and my cousin and on the many reasons why I am feeling the way I am feeling, but I didn't want this post to become a dissertation on my psychology, or my philosophies, or my values. Bottom line, the jealousy and bitterness stems from my perception that I've worked very hard and continue to struggle while cousin just uses others for their resources/status and is repeatedly handed all the things she needs/wants. Again, just venting.

I genuinely look hideous. I look like a complete nerd. This is the worst haircut I’ve ever had in my life. They did my parting in the completely wrong place and I look so ugly. My whole hair is messed up. I just went for a clean up but now it’s like a whole new fucking hair cut.

I just look terrible. I’m not that good looking anyway, but now holy shit I just look disgusting. This is literally after I just got fucking acne treatment to try to look better and now I’ve got a bad haircut and I look disgusting again. Just yeah I guess my confidence will be down for a while.

Just hate how I look right now. Usually I’m semi ok with it, but now I don’t even want to look in the mirror.

Is it just me or do people constantly forget to cover their mouths when coughing? I’m at the gym and the girl next to me had a coughing fit all over her machine and did a shit job of wiping it down when she was done and I’m like goddamn glad I’m not needing that one after

My mom’s mother died a few years ago, and I drove with my mom to the state where she had lived with the rest of my extended family to help with the funeral and cleaning out the house. There was only one thing willed to me, which my uncle had supposedly stolen (but I’m convinced my cousin took) and my mom told me to only take other keepsakes after everyone else took what they want because I’m the youngest. I watched everything get divvied up, including several items that I had special memories of. Most of it went to my aunt.

Well, tonight my mom told me that my aunt and uncle declared bankruptcy and are moving and have already been downsizing so almost everything they inherited is gone, including several items that had been in the family for generations or created/built by my great grandparents. I’m so frustrated that no one thought to ask me if I would take any of it. And now it’s gone. Forever.

As of late, everything that I (17f) done has been a disaster. I used to be the first of my class and now I’m in second due to getting a low B in my history class. Thus I’m not planning to attend to graduation as I know everyone would be asking what happened . I’m taking AP Art class to realize that I have been doing art for 4-5 years and my art isn’t nearly as good. I’m falling behind when there’s people younger than me making masterpieces. I did multiple art contest and lost since they weren’t good enough. My plan is that after this class I’m just going to quit art.

In addition to this I keep writing papers for my dual enrollment classes that I keep receiving low grades for.
And I keep making bad grades quizzes that I’ve studied weeks for. I had deleted my book that I was working on since if I’m horrible at writing essays I will be horrible at that to. There’s always something bad in my writing. I don’t think that I’ll be perusing any hobbies anymore in my spare time because of this.

Ive came to a point where nothing I do basically matters so what’s the point of keep pursing things I’m not good at. I hate putting so much effort into things that doesnt guarantee A’s or praise. Therefore, trying brings me no joy or benefits, It’s a waste of time.

(13M) 3 months ago I changed countries, before, I lived in a city. It was noisy, grey, full of cars and people, it had little stores, restaurants, the usual. I used to wake up at 8 AM, went to school, came back at 3:40 pm, life was mid. How i miss that, that life, I moved into a gated neighborhood 1 country away, I am suffering, even though it has wildlife and all of that, I was just starting my teenage years, I loved my life and was free, I could go out to the park or a restaurant after school, now I can't do SHIT, I HAVE TO GO BY CAR EVERYWHERE, OUTSIDE THE NEIGHBORHOOD ARE MORE NEIGHBORHOODS AND A ROAD, THERE IS NO KIOSK, I WAKE UP AT 6 AM, GO HOME AT 5, I DON'T ENJOY SCHOOL, SCHOOL IS A CHORE AND HOME IS A STATE. I just want the objectively bad life back, it had life, this is suffering

Happens all the time. I'm so sick of it and it makes me so mad these days. It's like I'm be treated like a child. And whats worse is I have to repeat myself again later.

I [30 F] have two college degrees, speak three languages, have lived and travelled all around and worked in multiple industries. A hard worker, fast learner and creative employee at that, too.

Still, I'm stuck in a precarious job that doesn't even cover my monthly medical treatment [I have hyperthyroidism]. At the moment I work in science education [have for some time now] and most recently just switched schools due to moving from one state to another. At this school, I work thrice as hard [teach three classes instead of one] and make thrice as less. Not only that, but they find every excuse to dock my pay and have me to work extra hours [which are, you guessed it, non paid and mandatory].

Desperately, I've been trying to find another job [literally anything, even cashiering and retail jobs] but the state where I live doesn't have a lot of opportunities for college graduates, the demand is more for trade workers or engineers exclusively, which I am not. Additionally, I've been parading my personal entrepreneurial work around [I'm a portrait photographer] for months to no avail; nobody will even like the posts and no one in my family shares them for support even when I've kindly asked them to. Have also tried offering academic support, babysitting, even dog walking but nothing has come up.

I feel like an absolute failure. I used to live by myself, make good money, and even though my last job was very stressful it at least made me feel less like a waste of space. This job makes me miserable, doesn't pay me enough, ridicules me and what makes it worse is that there seems to be no other option. And because there is no other option, I cannot leave it.

And, I'll be honest, I somehow feel like this is entirely on me. Maybe I don't try enough, maybe I made the wrong choice at leaving my last job to move here [I used to live in a big city but had to leave because of my medical treatment, when the doctors told me I couldn't keep up with my work rhythm and my path to wellness] and should have just sucked it up, I don't know if I fucked up when I chose my degrees and should've gone for something else, I just don't know how to get myself unstuck.

I feel stupid, I feel like a failure, and all I ever do when my loved ones ask me if I'm okay is either lie or tell them exactly what I'm telling you here. And I swear to God I'm trying, but I just haven't found my way out. Have I seen an improvement in my health, yes, and that's about the only thing I got going for me. Unfortunately that isn't everything, and I'm grown enough to long for a steady and fulfilling career. I'm trying to give myself that; I just don't see how. Mind you, I perfectly understand giving me a job is not something I can control, I can only apply, show up to interviews if offered, and try my best. Still, I feel somehow responsible.

Next year, if all goes well, I'll be moving to a different country so my boyfriend and I can get married, and I know none of this will matter; if I want a chance at good employment, I have to go to school again since degree revalidation can take decades. And that's both comforting [knowing I have an opportunity to reinvent myself] and disheartening [knowing everything I worked so hard for will mean nothing].

Maybe I'm drowning in a glass of water, who knows. I just needed to let it out, again, somewhere that isn't my journal, my own brain, or my patient mother's ears. So thank you for reading me. Hope you're having a good day.