I have worked at the same fine dining Italian restaurant for 7 years. I am a day one employee hired before they opened the restaurant, I was 21 years old. The only person hired before me was the chef's brother, they had both worked on and off together at different restaurants since they were teenagers and the chef's brother is a really good cook. I was new to fine dining but experienced in kitchens, working in a few different ones since I was 14.
When we first opened the restaurant it was a very small group in the kitchen. Chef, brother, myself, a friend of chef's, a private chef with no real kitchen experience, and a previous employee of chef's who was washing dishes. It was a rough start as stations and roles were still being figured out as we began soft opening, I showed willingness to learn, offered help whenever I could, and stayed focus. Chef settled on stations being pasta, entrees, and garde manger. Chef worked pasta, private chef and brother would work entrees different days, I would work garde manger. I showed interest in working entrees and was hands on a few occasions but there wasn't much time for instruction.
I worked garde manger by myself for months until they hired another cook, an elder who would work with me on garde manger. He was a classic cook, asking questions and taking notes fastidiously, I showed him everything I knew about my station, he offered great ideas for improvement and he turned his attention to learning about entrees, in classic cook fashion. He asked question after question and showed a clear eagerness to work entrees. One day, after working there for nearly a year, the elder cook urned to me and said "I'm going to stop asking questions, it's clear I'm never going to work that station" I felt him, I had the same conclusion because like him I paid great attention to the techniques and dishes being prepared on entrees and it seemed like my effort was a waste of time. I had once gave a pan a stir in the middle of service trying to make an effort in helping the brother working entrées, he was upset with me by raising his voice and telling me "Fine, you do it then!" backing off the station and gesturing for me to work the station myself in that very moment. I learned that day that this was a different kind of restaurant.
I've dealt with chef's tantrums for years. Slamming, banging and shouting in the kitchen, beyond unprofessional. Once, the chef questioned why the tiramisu I had plated was looking so sloppy. I told him that the half pan of tiramisu was all loose and unlike the previous ones. He doubted me as he believed that I was simply being careless in how I cut the tiramisu and plated it, he grabbed the half pan and attempted it himself. After realizing I was telling the truth and struggling to plate the orders coming he threw the entire tray against the back door and made a huge mess everywhere. Chef works everyday alongside the rest of the kitchen and no one can ever have a conversation without him barging into it and derailing it and he loves to talk and is an awful listener. I've also dealt with the brother's tantrums, his passive aggressive frustration being imposed on the entire staff. When the brother is having a tantrum the chef is seemingly uncomfortable and unwilling to confront his younger brother, and allows him to rage. In all of my years there, they have only had one confrontation. The brother is also not held to the same expectations and standards as everyone else, for over five years he never helped during close, never sweeping mopping or helped out dish station, an expectation for everyone else. He only started helping consistently once the new young cook started working on entrée.
The wife of the chef, the owner of the restauraunt, would also participate in the unprofessional behavior. Shouting while arguing with chef and talking poorly about some FOH staff when in the kitchen. But when chef had his usual tantrums, she would stand by me at my station and would seem frightened and uncomfortable. I kept calm and was the voice of reason in the kitchen in most occasions, I would communicate clearly between BOH and FOH and remained professional. There was even a running joke that I was the chef manager, the one who managed the chef.
Fast forward to now, I still work garde manger as they hired a new young cook who they moved to entrees since the brother is now burnt out on working that station. Brother now works garde manger with me and is seemingly in a power struggle to be the performative lead cook on my station, not even an official role. Chef has settled down and has stopped his tantrums once the young cook was hired. Soon after young cook was hired, Brother's teenage son was hired as the dishwasher, his first job. The wife's teenage niece was re-hired as the food runner. I see similar negative behaviors that both the wife and brother exhibited and being unchecked in the younger generation. I recently gave the niece the right of way in the kitchen and she said to me "Go!...ahhhead."
There's so much toxicity that I can't even fully elaborate. But the cherry on top is that I've been complacent and aiding the situation for so many years that they think that I'm fine with the workplace when I'm not. They believe they know me and my behaviors and they actually think when I'm in bad mood they think that I'm the one that has some issue in my personal life. I want to leave and find a better job but my options are limited and I can't even afford to as I truly need a second job just to get by. Thanks for reading. I'm done bitching and will get back to work, chef.
