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u/Remarkable_Cup3630 13h ago
That was always the rule. One person splits it and the other picks which half they want.
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u/1sttimeverbaldiarrhe 11h ago
Kitchen rules!
I cut, you choose.
I cook, you clean.
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u/Outrageous_Bank_4491 6h ago
I always hated “I cook you clean” because the person cooking would be able to make a mess and use many utensils because they’re not cleaning
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u/ItsSnuffsis 1h ago
Besides, it's always easier to clean as you cook. It really doesn't take much work at all doing that, so that rule is pretty bad imo.
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u/Khiash 10h ago
My mom tried to teach this lesson to my older brother and I. Brother was tasked with splitting the last of the ice cream between two bowls, naturally one gets way more than the other. Before he walks away, mom asks "okay Khiash, which bowl do you want?"
Brother was shocked that he was bamboozled. I think, if I were in his position I'd be pissed if I got the lesser amount of ice cream, and I don't want to invoke his wrath.
I'll take the smaller one.
Are you sure, Khiash?
Yeah.
Brother walks off with a shit eating grin like he won.
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u/LuxNocte 9h ago
My brother was always quicker to say "you cut, I pick", so he got more because I wasn't capable of dividing the dessert in precise halves.
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u/Remarkable_Cup3630 10h ago
I'm the younger brother as well and when it came to food there was no backing down.
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u/Khiash 10h ago
Fear is a compelling factor. Now that I'm older, wiser, and considerably fatter he knows he can't get away with that again.
He also has a 6yo son who eats as much as he does, so lol, lmao even.
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u/Remarkable_Cup3630 9h ago
I was the skinny kid that would never stop moving and ate more than they did. They could beat me in a fight but not without an effort and I had more energy than them.
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u/DirtandPipes 13h ago
I once watched a squirrel yank a container of peanut butter out of my mom’s hand as she tried to make a sandwich. He ran away on two legs carrying it while she yelled and chased him, he got away with it too.
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u/Zolo49 12h ago
I’m pretty sure it’s your fault. He wouldn’t have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you dang kids.
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u/JACCO2008 12h ago
The kids have to meddling for it to be their fault. Otherwise it's just bad luck.
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u/DirtandPipes 10h ago
I’m glad he made it. Little guy was a hero, the jar looked heavier than he was.
I hope he dragged it back to his tree and blew the minds of the entire local squirrel community.
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u/vitrum_analytika 12h ago
Can of Peanut butter is so heavy, bro must be lifting branches in his free time
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u/C_IsForCookie 5h ago
You sure that wasn’t a raccoon? That sounds like raccoon behavior not squirrel behavior.
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u/Laidback_Guy 13h ago
Bro had to fill those cheeks
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u/undonetocompletion 13h ago
I've used this phrase before in another context
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u/XDLaugingEmoji 13h ago
Was it in regards to me and your mother
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u/PreyToTheDemons 13h ago
You have my utmost sincerity for letting me have the big one, sir. Squirrel probably.
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u/copewithlifebyliving 13h ago
Thats a chipmunk.
Edit, looking back it's as large as a squirrel. Someone please inform me what type of squirrel this is.
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u/jscottman96 13h ago
Chipmunks are a type of squirrel
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u/FlerplesMerples 13h ago
You’re a type of squirrel.
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u/jscottman96 13h ago
At least my mother wasnt a hamster
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u/Musket6969420 12h ago
But your father, he DID smell of elderberries!
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u/jaysea619 12h ago
I fart in your general direction.
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u/no1_vern 10h ago
It sure the hell feels like I'm on a squirrel wheel trying to make ends meet these days.
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u/KarmaticArmageddon 11h ago edited 11h ago
Here's the thing. You said a "chipmunk is a squirrel."
Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.
As someone who is a scientist who studies squirrels, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls chipmunks squirrels. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.
If you're saying "squirrel family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Sciuridae, which includes things from tree squirrels to ground squirrels to flying squirrels.
So your reasoning for calling a chipmunk a squirrel is because random people "call the big-cheeked ones squirrels?" Let's get hamsters and gophers in there, then, too.
Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A chipmunk is a chipmunk and a member of the squirrel family. But that's not what you said. You said a chipmunk is a squirrel, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the squirrel family squirrels, which means you'd call hamsters, gophers, and other rodents squirrels, too. Which you said you don't.
It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
Edit: Everyone on this website is too young now. This is one of the most infamous copypastas in reddit history. Google "Unidan jackdaws"
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u/Other_World 11h ago edited 11h ago
We've really come so far as people not remembering Unidan. Reddit truly is a parody of itself.
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u/KarmaticArmageddon 11h ago
Right? I miss old reddit where everyone knew every in-joke.
Oh well. Hold my cane, I'm going in.
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u/sender2bender 6h ago
Cause you're an old fart like me. Some of these kids probably weren't born when Unidan was making the rounds
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u/RhymesWithAndy 11h ago
All this debate only to call yourself a squirrel scientist.
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u/lemmeseeyourkitties 11h ago
Ha, check out this squirrel nerd!
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u/KarmaticArmageddon 11h ago
Lmao don't trust anything in that comment, it's not even remotely scientifically correct. It's just a famous copypasta.
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u/Anonymous_Jr 10h ago
I need to say this;
I fucking hate the Chipmunk Emoji.
Every time I look for a Squirrel Emote that motherfucker pops up like "haha lookie me, me am technically squirrel, haha gfy~"
Pisses me off we don't have a fucking Red/Grey/Black/etc. Squirrel emoji/emote in the modern fucking era.
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u/L3ACH13 13h ago
It looks like a chipmunk to me too but looking up “squirrel that looks like a chipmunk” brings up the Golden-Mantled ground squirrel, and the pictures seem to look a lot like in the video.
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u/wetfloor666 13h ago
Thanks. That was the info I was looking for. Definitely looks the part based on what we see in the video.
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u/superadical 12h ago
It’s a golden mantled ground squirrel. They are bigger than a chipmunk and super friendly.
Source: I have tons of them in my garden in the mountains of Colorado. They have their own distinct personalities and we give them names 🥹
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u/Grouchy_Ground_1916 10h ago
That's a chocolate chipmunk, their diet is mostly giant cookies and large pastries.
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u/Level_Ad_6372 9h ago
Sincerity does not mean what you think it means
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u/sbingner 8h ago
14k upvotes on the top one and only 12 on this one? What? Does nobody know what it means anymore? What do people think it means?
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u/Nina-Boogfilm 10h ago
I swear squirrels really do carry this level of chaotic energy out in the wild.
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u/Musket6969420 13h ago
YOINK
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u/tekko001 13h ago
Pretty much how my first marriage went
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u/Critical_Explorer_82 13h ago
And that is why the squirrels in many parks have diabetes. Check out those in Zion National Park.
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u/azlan194 12h ago
Yup, even with signs "Do Not Feed Wildlife!" everywhere, people still do it. They all think they are some sort of a Disney Princess or some shit.
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u/ashkpa 10h ago
The ones in Zion carry the bubonic plague, too. I got in a shouting match with some idiot feeding the wildlife atop Angel's Landing once.
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u/ComfortableWeight95 12h ago
Fun fact, many of the chipmunks in the southwestern US carry the plague. Yeah the actual bubonic plague. Doesn’t stop dumbass tourists from feeding them
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u/the_vault-technician 12h ago
It's prairie dogs isn't it
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u/Moose-Rage 12h ago
yeah, that's prairie dogs, not chipmunks.
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u/Laurelindorinan_ 12h ago
As a native of the western US, I’m afraid that it is both prairie dogs and chipmunks that can naturally carry Yrsenia Pestis. The density of a prairie dog town means that proximity alone (like walking through a field that is a prairie dog town) can lead one to get bitten by a flea/other insect friend that is also a disease vector even though the little prairie dogs themselves inevitably scatter when you approach - this is a vanishingly rare phenomenon (maybe a dozen cases a year?) that usually resolves with a course of antibiotics (I’m unaware of fatalities due to plague in my home state). I think that chipmunks are a lower risk overall because they don’t congregate the same way - but as this video shows, they also aren’t as skittish around people as prairie dogs. I’d personally recommend appreciating both species at a distance!😅
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u/Berry_Bubbaloo 9h ago
Chipmunk that lives in my yard even comes to the door to get my dog to chase it. No joke, if my dog is not by the door he comes, starts to chirp until she comes outside. I don’t feed them specifically we have bird feeders but they always come. And now they are friends with my dog… I can’t understand it
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u/New-Trifle-7097 8h ago
My Maine Coon has his own chippie friend. They run around the backyard all day. My life is complete watching them.
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u/Extension-Sun4425 7h ago
My pup had a squirrel friend in my previous home who taunted her to chase her around the yard. I miss that squirrel.
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u/Fr05t_B1t 12h ago
It gives huge Jetsons intro vibes when the wife takes the husbands wallet instead of the money he takes out for her.
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u/thisusedyet 12h ago
Chipmunk pulled a fucking Jane Jetson on the guy
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u/Possible-Tangelo9344 10h ago
Fucking hell, what a great reference. I'd give an award if I actually gave money to this site.
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u/SpikeRosered 13h ago
It's that old cartoon gag where you cut out a slice of cake then eat the whole cake.
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u/NeatWhiskeyPlease 12h ago
Don’t feed wild animals.
Also in some places in the US the chipmunks carry bubonic plague.
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u/Diligent-Neck6594 8h ago
The places with plague even the fleas have it, literally no animal is safe to touch in those areas 😭
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u/Substantial_Policy60 13h ago
No fucking wonder every time I go camping theres some brave ass annoying squirrels. Stop feeding the wildlife...Was getting to the point I was ready to sling shot it. Stay the fuck out of my camp and off the table. The fact its brave enough to climb on a person shows its been fed how many times prior by stupid as fuck campers.
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u/cC2Panda 12h ago edited 12h ago
The chipmunks in my yard self domesticated. My wife and I put out bird feeders and they would scrounge for bird seed on the ground. Over time they realized we spill some while filling the feeders so they would come check it out when we were around. Eventually one of the chipmunks realized that we liked to work in our sun room so if there was no bird feed he'd climb up the screen and look at us like "HEY YOU'RE OUT OF FOOD".
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u/Both_Abrocoma_1944 12h ago
That’s tamed, not domesticated.
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u/warped_and_bubbling 8h ago
They left out the part where they put little saddles and plows on them to till their garden.
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u/Odd-Bend1296 10h ago
Ya... same in my house. Three bird feeders setup in places where we can watch the birds without disturbing them. The squirrels quickly discovered this and empty them within a day or two. They check it every day and pester me when it is empty.
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u/Balentay 8h ago
Isn't that literally how and why those dingoes stole that baby? People fed them and they got WAY too comfortable with humans?
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u/RaptureRising 4h ago
I find it disgusting that a lady literally had her baby stolen, killed and eaten by a pack of dingoes and she became the butt of jokes worldwide.
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u/deathtronic 9h ago edited 9h ago
My spouse and toddler were walking our dog (on-leash) in the forest when a overly-friendly Douglas squirrel started interacting with the toddler. Before my spouse had a a moment to react, our dog swooped in and almost instantly killed the squirrel. It was a terrible moment for everyone and unfortunately we had it all on video.
Don't feed the wildlife.
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u/Throwaway196527 6h ago
The dumb fuck who lives above me fed the squirrels in our complex. Guess whose screens they’ve chewed through twice? I can’t even sit on my patio in peace.
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u/Creepmyster 10h ago
"Off the table" is a wild mindset when camping.
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u/Deep90 7h ago edited 7h ago
Do people genuinely think it's normal for squirrels to approach people in the wild?
It's more that being fed becomes an expectation, and they can become aggressive about it.
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u/EukaryoticEffluvium 9h ago
Full agree. Like, you're pitching a tent in their living room. Expecting wild animals to respect human property lines, table manners, or "boundaries" in the middle of a forest is laughable.
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u/N3rdr4g3 8h ago
When you don't feed them, they tend to stay away from large scary predators
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u/EukaryoticEffluvium 8h ago
I am aware of the natural order. I just don't care for petty small time moral outrage over something ultimately fucking inconsequential.
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u/Teamprime 8h ago
It’s not moral outrage, it’s pointing out how feeding animals makes them way to comfortable around humans. Obviously animals don’t care about property law lmao.
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u/otherwiseguy 4h ago
What if some humans want the squirrels to be comfortable around them and some don't? I guess we'll just have to let many generations of evolution help find the right balance. Like we did with dogs.
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u/TheFotty 7h ago
Yeah, pitching tents in other people's living rooms is generally frowned upon.
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u/BilSuger 6h ago
Ah, when they eat your crap it's everyone else's fault. When they eat someone else's crap, it's their fault as well.
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u/budbud70 6h ago
I mean to be fair. He didn't feed it. It literally climbed in his lap and stole it lol
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u/StarstruckBackpacker 6h ago
He had every intention of feeding the squirrel though. It's still the same pattern of behavior. Regardless if he was successful in keeping his portion he was actively going to feed a wild animal.
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u/IHateTheLetterF 12h ago
I just saw a guy at the park today holding bread, and pigeons literally sitting ON him. Like, 4 pigeons on his arms and torso. So gross
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u/Moose-Rage 12h ago
I see you met The Pigeon Man
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u/MegaMilkas 7h ago
Pigeons are a bit different, they were completely domesticated for thousands of years by humans and then abandoned. That domestication doesn't just stop. I agree he should pick something other than bread though.
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u/Unusualhuman 13h ago
This reminded me of a squirrel that swiped the toast from my plate in my own backyard. I guess one of the neighbors had been feeding like that for a while, for it to creep right up next to me as soon as I set down the plate?
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u/EnemyOfAi 12h ago
The issue arose when bro decided a squirrel licking his food didn't matter to him. Like, fucking move your hand away or do something. This is like me holding a bar of chocolate in front of my dog, not moving at all as my dog licks it, then acting surprised when the dog gulps it down.
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u/tazmo8448 9h ago
all the chipmunks I've ever seen are scared as hell of humans that one has gotten use to us
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u/mdhunter99 3h ago
Happened to me with a lemon donut back in 2010. Fucker stole the whole thing. They were a limited time thing too, that was the last one I had. Asshole squirrel.
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u/ru-berry 12h ago
I once sat on a bench eating an Oats and Honey Nature Valley bar when a squirrel showed up and took the other bar that was sitting in the package next to me on the bench and then he just sat facing forward on the bench eating it and acting like there was nothing weird about it. I was really exhausted from just having taken a terrible exam and so just let it happen.
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u/Toxic-Sky 11h ago
The squirrel is obviously just used to the most fair way of diving food. "You split, I pick". You wanted an equal or bigger piece? Let the squirrel split it next time!
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u/nachdemspiel 10h ago
The "Blondie" cartoon series often showed Dagwood opening his wallet to give her a banknote, and her taking the entire wallet.
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