This is the first picture I took w my father. I met him for the first time when I was 34.

My mom and dad hooked up while they were in their early 20s. She was stripping at a club and he was actually the bartender working that club.

My father was not ready for children. Especially understandable w a stripper he didn’t even know. They had been dating for only a few months.

This infuriated my mother. When I was 3 months old she became a full time sugar baby and moved me from NY to FL to live in a condo on the beach that one of her “clients” owned.

That “client” became my unofficial stepdad. Never there emotionally, but he was a good man and financially supported both my mom and me through college, buying us cars, ect. He’s still a good man but emotionally he’s incapable of meaningful relationships. I believe he’s on the spectrum.

Anyways. My mom would always trash talk my real dad. And through out the years, my real dad would try and make a relationship with me. I didn’t understand much then. Or the importance of having a real father in my life. She would push him away in sorts. Call him a sperm donor. Question me, why I would even want to talk to him.

Life went on. When I turned 18 my dad sent me a bday card. Telling me he loved me, and at any time when I’m ready- I could contact him.

I brushed it off. I was busy w college and partying and had still not understood the importance of a father figure. Besides, my mom would always make him seem like this terrible guy. But every time during my childhood, the few phone calls he had, were very good. He seemed nice, smart, funny, even successful in life.

Fast forward to me at 25. Now I was a father. I started thinking about my father more in more. We had lost contact over the years and I decided to reach out.

We re connected. It was great. We would have great conversations and talked like we were best friends.

I met him and his family for the first time. I had a step brother and sister and step mom. They were a happy family.

Things got bad for me however. I became alcoholic during Covid. I’m still fighting the addiction. It prevented me from traveling and seeing him. He had planned a trip to Nicaragua - just me and him. I was so alcoholic and anxious i couldn’t bear myself to travel. Non the less function as an adult.

My dad battled Leukemia for 10 years. Never bitched about it. Never really complained. He was at peace.

He lost that fight 3 days ago.

His brother told me the news. I’d just spoke to my dad 2 weeks prior. We all knew his life was ending soon. He didn’t sound well at all. And he’d exhausted all medical treatment routes.

So. I learn my dad just passed. I grieve. I wait a day to tell my mother. I wait a day because I know how she is. And how she would react.

I told her the news. You could hear the joy in her voice. She insinuated he was in Hell. This obviously upset me.

She knew I was upset. She started sending me texts, gaslighting me. She managed to make this whole thing about herself.

I grew up with a lot of depression and anxiety and mental issues. Later on. As i mentioned. I became alcoholic. She blames all of this on my dad.

Now. I’m here alone. I have no real family other than my son who lives in another state. I was a single parent for the first 5 years of my son’s life. Covid happened and I sent him with his mother across the country She had a very large family and support group. Schools were closed and we sent him to a private school that remained open during Covid. I attribute this event of losing my son to part of my alcoholism. I was a single parent for 5 years because my son’s mother relapsed off opioids and heroin. She’s done a 180 and is doing great now.

I still get my son for the whole summer and holidays. We have a good relationship. But he’s not here living w me.

I just. Idk. I’m lost right now. What became grieving turned into hatred towards my mother. She was not the best parent growing up. Not the best at all to be honest.

But yea. I’m 37. I live in Daytona Beach. A rough town. All my friends all pretty much dead from drugs and alcohol. Or they have moved on elsewhere with their families.

My dad just died and I have no where to vent but here. On the internet.

I talked to my stepdad about my father’s death. It was literally a 2 minute conversation.

I haven’t been happy in a long time. And one of the few only ppl I could talk and laugh w is now gone. And I have so many regrets that i didn’t spend more time w him.

I posted on here a few years ago when my mom got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and she passed 6 months ago. I knew my family wouldn’t be there for me as they’ve never really liked me for some reason. My aunt tried taking the money my mom left me and i kind of freaked out at her for it. and she proceeded to say terrible things to me and my grandma has sided with her and i now have no family at all left. the only person i know that would stand up for me is my mommy. i tuned 23 2 months after she died and i feel very helpless and alone in the world. i would give anything to talk to her one last time or hug her. i really thought my family would ease up a little bit on me after she died but i was wrong. does anyone know any way of finding comfort when you lost everything in a very short period of time. I put what my aunt said for reference i hope that’s okay.

Two days ago, I held my Dad in my arms as he passed. After many years battling cancer, and fighting so bravely, he finally decided to rest.

It was hard seeing him go. Seeing his color change. His breathing change. I’ve worked in healthcare both as an EMT and a nurse and I thought I’d be better prepared, but I wasn’t.

For my whole life my Dad was my hero. When I was a kid I thought of him as invincible, and that I’d be an old man when he finally passed away. But I’m not an old man, I’m 33. My youngest daughter is only 6. And we all feel like cancer robbed us of time with him.

Even in his final moments, my Dad didn’t want to go. He told me in the hospital, shortly before declining, that his life was amazing but he still felt like “I have more time in me”. He wanted to be around his loved ones longer. And it’s so hard for me to know that…

My Dad enjoyed scary movies, fly fishing, watching baseball, and getting out of the house to have fun. One thing about him I know to be true: he had a massive heart. We all talk about my Dad always made sure the people around him were happy. Even people he barely knew. He’d always speak so nicely to service workers, random strangers in public, and was especially loving to his family.

I miss you, Dad. I feel like there was so much more I wanted to tell you before you went. I didn’t get to tell you in detail just how great of a father you were. I didn’t get to ask you what I should do when I need you, but can’t call you. It all happened to fast, in the last few days. All I could tell you was that I loved you and that it was okay to let go.. but I wanted to say so much more to you.

Rest easy, Dad. When I see you again, we’ll get some beers together, and watch some baseball.

It's 8:30pm. It's dark and cold outside. I stood outside staring at the stars thinking of her for 30 minutes, wondering if she's out there looking down at me.

We met 40 years ago and fell in love. We were 14, young and stupid. When we graduated from high school, we were inseperable. But by that fall, life pulled us in different directions - Me to college, her to seek a job two states away. We tried to make it work, but it just didn't.

We kept up over the years as best we could. Marriages, kids, divorces.

Social media reconnected us. There was still a spark. But, we were both married, so we kept it all 'friendly'. We talked, texted, shared. I spoke to her weekly, sometimes more often. She was still a wonderful friend, we knew each other well. We both wanted there to be 'more', but life was complicated. So, we were happy to remain friends.

My first wife died in 2016, suddenly. She was there for me. She held my hand as I buried my first wife. She was going through a divorce...would this finally be 'our time'. Turns out it wasn't. Things didn't align; her life was complicated and I needed to finish raising my own kids. Still, we remained friends.

I'll never forget the day I found out she had cancer. Spring 2023. I sat down and cried. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. As she battled cancer I was there for her to guide her. She would send her medical reports to me and I provided her guidance, feedback, encouragement. She fought harder than anyone I've ever seen fight cancer. It almost killed her, but she beat it. December 2024, she was cancer free and ready to resume life.

Then, April of this year, it came back. With a vegance. I couldn't get to her side in time. I wanted to be there. Life was again complicated, busy...unforgiving.

I'll never forget the day she died. I 'felt in my spirit' she was leaving. I was camping. I somehow knew to go hiking alone at around 2pm. While on top of a mountain, at 3pm, I stood and said a prayer for her. I cried. I knew she was gone...somehow.

Later that weekend, I got the news from her daughter. She had died at 3:10pm that day. I cried myself to sleep.

A few weeks after her passing, I made the drive and laid flowers on her grave. More tears.

I think of her often, how much I miss her and how close we came to figuring out 'us'.

There's no one I can tell without making them upset or jealous.

I'm in mourning...that's my confession.

My mother, who was my best friend, my rock, my cheerleader, my person, passed away suddenly 5 days ago. I was out of state on a trip she had encouraged me to go on so I wasn't even able to make it back home everything happened so fast. I didnt really get to say goodbye to her or to hug her or hold her hand or kiss her or even hear her voice as she was on a ventilator and again I wasnt able to make it back in time. I had talked to her just a couple of hours before and then she was gone. I'm not sure how to move forward. The pain is so deep I've never felt anything like it before. It literally steals the breath from my chest. My whole body is screaming, I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I miss her so much. I always thought we would be little old ladies together and we would die around the same time if not the same day. Ive always had my mother every day I spoke to her and now its been 5 days Ive been on this earth without her. Nothing is helping. I cant eat I want to sleep nc that means im not conscious but I dread sleeping bc I know for a split second when I wake up I dont remember then it all comes smashing back down on me and I die all over again. She was my whole reason for being. I was even designing my house with her in mind so that one day she would be able to live with me instead of being placed in a nursing home. I'm so lost and nothing I do makes anything better. I'm not even sure why Im writing this. Her name was Jennifer. She was funny and witty and so kind. So very kind. She loved steam punk and art deco and the colour purple and beautiful brooches with sparkly gems. She loved German Shepherds and she knew all about herbs and canning and how to darn socks. She was so talented in her quilt making. She worked tirelessly making them for people for free. She loved fall and winter the best. She took care if me and my siblings along with her younger sisters and she was the best mother anyone could have ever asked for. I know everyone says that but she really was. She loved train rides and the northern lights she always dreamed about seeing them but never got to. She never knew a stranger and she loved to laugh esp at cheesy b rated old films. I love her and I miss her and I dont think anything in my life will ever be good again. If you made it this far thank you. ​I don't know what to do or how to move forward now. It jsut feels like a never ending sea of pain and sadness.

It's my brother's birthday today. He died when he was 16. I didn't think that it would still be this hard after 17 years. I don't even remember his voice, but I still dream about him.

Hey guys,

My brother unexpectedly died on June 6th, and I feel like I haven't been the same since. Today I found out my (ex) boyfriend of a year cheated on me because I've been "distant" ever since my brother died. I gave him the option to break up a while ago because I realized my grief was probably a lot for someone else to deal with. I guess I'm posting this because it already felt like I was going crazy and barely hanging on after my brother's death. I feel like me grieving is burdening everyone now. Do you guys ever worry that you're burdening everyone else?

My dad died of esophageal cancer September 26th. He was everything a father should be, but was never given the appreciation he deserved. He did everything he did to be a great father and husband, but our family was extremely dysfunctional. My mom and dad were alcoholics and my mom was an angry drunk.

My mom was extremely violent and critical of my dad. even when not drinking. Even as a kid, I would threaten to call the cops because my parents would come home from the bar and my mom would start hitting my dad. I can still hear the grunt that she made whenever she hit him.

I eventually moved away in my early 20s after dealing with their addiction for my whole life. I would try to visit them every holiday for a couple of years after. They would both end up drunk and my mom would explode on us every time. I couldn't take the disappointment anymore and stopped visiting.

Then, last year, my dad got diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. Even after being diagnosed, he took care of the chores around the house and still worked as an electrician. My mom kind of ordered him around and didn't do much herself. My dad did everything he could despite being so sick. He never complained once or brought it up. He even cooked for us on Thanksgiving despite being unable to eat himself. My mom came up to his food and started criticizing it and calling it disgusting. My dad ended up going to the other room by himself and just watched TV. I sat with him while my brother and mom were in another room. He said over and over "I love my life" I felt so bad for him. He didn't deserve that shit. If I was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I wouldn't want to do ANYTHING. Yet he still stuck it out and cooked for the whole family.

My mom died July 6th, and my dad was getting sicker. He only stopped working after my mom passed. My dad did everything he could for my brother and I while he was dying. He prepaid for his grave and funeral. He made sure everything was taken care of for us before he died. I expressed how much it meant to me that he did all of that while he was on his deathbed. He was the most selfless man I've ever met and did everything he could, despite his horrible circumstances.

It made me wish that he could have gotten some recognition for how good of a man he was. He was torn down his whole fucking life and STILL was able to be selfless. I wouldn't have done half of what he did if I were in his shoes. This world is so fucked up and the best people are often treated the worst be everyone around them. He should have been told how good of a person he was.

I was 18 and the moment when I’ve been without my mom longer than with her in my life is getting closer. I know everyone always says time makes things easier but it really doesn’t. I still miss her so much, she was the greatest person I’ve ever known and the only person on this earth who ever really knew me.

I just feel like there’s a gaping hole inside of me and I still can’t really go there, even after therapy for cPTSD. It’s just too hard to really face. I can’t sleep because I keep reliving the day up until the moment she died today. It was the hardest day of my life, it felt like I died as well and suddenly was pulled back.

I got extremely sick the moment the hospice nurses told me it was about to happen. I’ve never been that sick in my life. I begged my mom to hold on a bit longer, and she did and I was able to let her go when I had recovered a bit. Just thinking about that just now made me sick again.

This year is extra hard because I just found out I have a similar disease as to what killed her, and I’m so scared. I don’t know how to face this without her. It’s been extremely hard living without my mom the past 16 years… and with each life event the grief changes.

Every year around this week I just retreat and stay alone. My parents were divorced and my dad isn’t empathetic at all. I told him I was having a hard time because my mom’s passing date was coming up and he managed to blame me for him not being there for me.

I just wish there was someone else I could share this grief with. I’ve been up all night because I’m scared of going to sleep. I still have nightmares about my mom dying very frequently, used to be daily until I got EMDR, and I’m so triggered at the moment. It seems like everyone has moved on and I’m still there.

I keep going because I know that’s what she would’ve wanted, but I’m so so sad and I feel so alone. The kind of loneliness that can’t be replaced by another person. She was just the best thing in my life, she made everything better. Just such a wonderful and warm person. I just don’t know what to do except pushing these feelings away because nothing will bring her back… I love my mom so so much… I just want her back.

I missed the wave of light... because I knew how bad today was going to be and I couldn't do it twice. So think of this like a leftover ripple perhaps. Happy heavenly birthday Gianpaolo. I would give anything for you to be here instead, and I would still take your place in a fraction of a heartbeat if I could.

Writing this from the emergency room where my dad just had his second stroke in a month. It seems his body and mind are giving up.

He’s a complicated person and we’ve never had much of a relationship. He had an extremely difficult childhood and it showed up as alcohol abuse, mental health struggles, and emotional distance.

For a long time I resented his inability to see and love me. In my younger years I imagined the laundry list of failures I’d thrown at him on his death bed. I looked forward to the moment when he would be gone and we’d no longer need to walk on eggshells. When my mom would not have to live under his thumb.

But honestly it’s been far more complicated. It’s been sad to watch the decline. To see his memories slip away and speech garbled to the point of silence. It’s also so tender to see him, a man who raised us to be fully independent, receive care from others. It’s been beautiful to see my siblings, all our kids, and mom surround him with support — even when he was resistant.

And, it’s been an eye opening look into how broken our systems of care have become. Reliant on extreme medical intervention and medication that often delay the inevitable and tank quality of life. The costs are staggering. It’s shocking and infuriating.

Anyway, he’s chosen DNR and it seems like he’s close to the end. I just want peace for him.

What was your experience like as your parents declined and how was it different than you imagined?

My dad died less than four weeks ago. It was a long few years of suffering and hospitalizations that left me in an hyper vigilant state as one of his primary caregivers (along with his wife). He and his wife lived two minutes up the road from my family and i, so I was the one going over in the middle of the night when a crisis happened to help them get my dad to the hospital, and I would be there to help advocate for him.

Now that the roller coaster of his illness is over, and there is this nothingness, I’m overwhelmed by the profound loss of someone that meant so much to me. All the stress of the last few years has now given way to a deep void and sadness.

Further complicating the grief and adding a layer of trauma, my dad died by MAID and since he didn’t want nurses in her home at the end, and our state allows family to mix the cocktail and hand it to the patient, I was the one who ended up doing this for my dad, so his wife or my younger brother wouldn’t have to. I didn’t realize the complicated toll that would take too. All I can describe is horror at mixing the the drink then handing it to him and seeing him pass. To have had that role with my father, it’s hard to process.

I have three young kids. I wasn’t doing great the past few weeks, but I was staying afloat, and this week I have crashed out hard. My husband has been a saint, but he has to go back to work now and I feel like I’ve already asked too much of him- he’s been amazing this past month and half as my dad entered hospice then after he passed. I feel alone and like I’m expected to just return to normal now. Parenting is hard, socializing is hard, getting this done around the house is hard (I am a motivated, organized mother normally and I adore my children- but right now its hard having to care for them and manage their emotions while I feel so broken inside myself). Why am I crashing out so much right now? Will this get better? This can’t be my new normal I have so many depending on me.

My sister died when I was 4. I was so young I barely remember her. I don’t even remember the day she died. I only remember one thing from her funeral and it’s after it was over and being tired and my dad carrying me to the car.

This was almost 15 years ago, I’m 18 now and a few weeks ago it kind of hit me a little harder than initially.

Like I’ve always just had the thought in the back of my mind, when people come over and see family photos from back then and ask about it I’m like “yeah that’s my sister she died”

I genuinely never grieved. I just went on about my life since I was so young. But recently it hit me. My sister is dead. My parents lost their kid. I cried for her for the first time. And have been since. Is this normal?

My 2 year old daughter valkyrie was murdered on January 18th by her mother's boyfriend they are both in jail but im lost and need people to talk to

I (19F) just lost my dad today to complications with Signet Ring Cell Adenocarcinoma and Crohn's Disease. I watched him take his very last breath and I watched his heart stop. He finally let go after over 4 days in active death. I sobbed so hard I felt myself go deaf. One of the last things he did was asked me if I could hear him and told me that he loved me in perfect clarity, when he had only been able to groan. All I can think about is how much I miss him and have been missing him since I found out he had cancer in March. I just want my dad back. I'm not ready to live my life without him. He would always tell me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. He was and is the strongest person I know. He fought until the very end. The photo above was taken when I left the hospice home after his passing. I want to think he moved heaven and earth to make sure I knew he said his proper goodbye.

my online boyfriend died 3 years ago, and since then, I haven't been doing well. his death has left me paralyzed. I didn't even meet him in person, but we used to call and facetime all the time. I love him so much. And I can't get over him. I tried, really i tried. But no matter how much I try getting over him and moving on, he'll always come back in the back of my mind. When I'm alone with no distractions, he'll be there. Idk I tried talking to other guys but no one compares to him. No one loves me as much as he did. Please I don't know what to do. I just love him so much that I can't get over him.

It’s been 8 months without my dad. I wish he never loved me like he did. This would be so much easier. But I have to live like this forever? With this anguish? With hating everything we did together because I have to do it alone? Every Christmas ad on tv makes me cry (beyond that October is not even finished with). He made life lovely and worth living. Idk how I will survive without him.

Today, fifteen days after my father passed away, I thought maybe I could watch a movie. But when I looked at the last movies I had watched, I came across the last ones I had watched with him. The memories of his comments, and the irreplaceable feeling of watching a movie with him, suddenly hit me so hard that I gave up on watching anything.

It feels like these feelings will keep coming back for the rest of my life, no matter what I do. It’s truly so hard.

I miss my dad so much.

I just got a call I never wanted to ever receive I just found out my one and only brother got shot and killed I never wanted to be apart of this club but I knew one day I’d have to face it but I never wanted to face it this soon!! I’m 25 & my brother is 31 I’m distraught , devastated! I’m angry This is unreal! I don’t believe it THIS IS FAKE! My dad only has 2 kids it was supposed to be us planning our dad’s funeral not the other way around!! Who’s gonna help me burry our father ?! How am I supposed to continue life ? I have so many emotions going all at once I feel like I’m having an out of body experience I’ve been to many funerals but this one I’m sitting front row GOD pls be with me I need your strength why why why!

I lost my older brother last month unexpectedly. I’ll be 18 tmrw, my golden birthday. My grief has just been getting worse after the first 2 weeks
, like I had a false flooring of security and confidence that’s shattered under me. Now having to turn the first age he’ll never see me as is hitting hard. I’ve tried everything to distract myself from the loss, not even drinking numbs me enough anymore. I’m scared of what’s next, and I don’t know how to live without him.

Perdita

Ho perso il mio migliore amico tre giorni fa, aveva 28 anni ed è successo così in 4 giorni, lui non crederebbe a ciò che sto facendo cioè scrivere qua. Non ho mai cercato conforto altrove e non ho mai più fatto entrare qualcuno nella mia vita perché lui mi dava tutto l’amore di cui avevo bisogno. Ho solo una amica e poi c’era lui che era diverso era tutto il mio mondo e ora il mondo gira ma il mio si è fermato. Non era solo un amico ma casa, famiglia, era l’unico che mi facesse sentire al sicuro. Avevamo un rapporto simbiotico. Sempre insieme anche da remoto sempre in videochiamata se non eravamo insieme. L’amore si può manifestare in tanti modi e io ho avuto il privilegio di sentirmi tanto amata ma mi ha dato anche il privilegio di amarlo, provare amore. Non ho un grande rapporto con la mia famiglia ma non aveva importanza perché avevo lui. Non so come funzioni qui ma spero di trovare qualcosa non so cosa non qualcuno che lo sostituisca perché be e impossibile.

My dads been dealing with some health issues off and on for a while, but in July he did a bout in the hospital for cellulitis. I drove him to the hospital almost every day to take him for IV antibiotics. It was taking a long time to heal, but eventually he was given the OK to take antibiotics at home.

Ever since they sent him home, he just got worse. Could t walk without being severely out of breath, had no energy, no appetite. My dad was 66 and self sufficient up until this point. He lived with my 27 year old drug addicted brother who was no help to him. Mooched off him, and made his life more difficult. I was driving him to appointments, getting him groceries, taking prescriptions to the pharmacy etc.

He ended up back in the hospital for cellulitis again at the end of September. He stayed for 2 weeks because they were worried about some heart issues. Turns out he had congestive heart failure. Not a great diagnosis, but they changed his meds and seemed to level him out and discharged him.

This past weekend I went away for a few days, just to get away from being a care taker. Of my kids, my dad, my dog - I had a lot on my plate and was booking time off work to help my dad and was just looking forward to nobody asking me for something

I came back on Monday, and I messaged my dad on Facebook. He didn’t open my message, so I tried again the next morning. Still nothing. I didn’t think anything bad would happen, my brother was there. Maybe not the best care taker as he is a meth user, but figured if anything was happening with my dad he would call me. But I was concerned as my dad didn’t even open my message. So I text my brother, who calls me a few hours later and tells me dads on the floor, he slipped out of bed and is acting weird. Tells me he peed himself.

I tell him to call 911 - he said my dad was refusing so he didn’t bother. He decided to just pour water on my fucking dad to keep him conscious. I obviously freak out and rush to my dad’s house.

I find him laying on the floor, trembling, hardly conscious & severly confused. Possibly delirious, covered in urine. I call 911, and my brother is calling me profanities because dad said he didn’t want an ambulance. I’m yelling at him telling him he’s having a medical emergency and it doesn’t MATTER if he doesn’t want an ambulance, something is clearly wrong with him.

My brother left my dad laying on the floor for over 24 hours, stole his car to get a pack of smokes ( he doesn’t have a license and my dad would never let him to drive his car) and was just going to let my dad die.

I stayed with my dad while they worked on him in the trauma room. He couldn’t really speak, but after 8 hours of being with him, I said I was going to go home and have a nap and be back early in the morning, and that I loved him. He said I love you too. I watched him go from being my normal strong dad, to someone who was confused and couldn’t speak a sentence - and when they told me they would try for 24 hours and I’d have to make a decision. I stayed in the hospital all night with him, and in the morning I said we can stop his suffering.

I sat with him and held his hand, told him how much I love him, and it’s ok to go. I watched him take his last breath. But I don’t think I will ever get the image of his decline, the sound of his voice, and the sight of his last breath out of my head. This will haunt me forever. I am so sad. I have cried so much my eyes are nearly swollen. I want my dad back 😔