Before you guys huddle in the comments concerned about my mental health- no I am not unwell. I do not have or had Schizophrenia, my home’s Carbon Monoxide levels are healthy and I had no significant trauma that caused me what I’m about to tell you.
This happened about 6 months ago. I have pondered every single day since putting together every single memory and evidence of my husband’s existence. My husband is my everything. We got married about 2 years ago after dating for 8 years- since high school. I saw him grow right in front of my eyes. So did he. I have touched his face, kissed everywhere on it in every phase of our togetherness. I know when he got acne, I know when it started clearing up, I know when his peach fuzz started growing thicker all of a sudden, I KNOW EVERY DETAIL OF HIS FACE, HIS BEING WITH MY EYES CLOSED. Oh God I am so frustrated! I fell in love with this face and this very face haunts me now. He has beautiful wavy hair, big dark brown doe eyes, thin lips, and a chubby face.
Now back to 6 months ago. It’s a weekend. The warm sunlight hit my face. Around this time my husband and I usually have a lighter sleep, we both consciously cuddle and he pulls me close to him inside his huggiest, softest arms. I remember enjoying every bit of it. I started feeling his face while he buried it in my neck. When I ran my fingers by his jawline, I said, “Damn shawty, you outmogging me today.” (Ik cringe, ik ik). He laughed low and lazy. I felt slightly alarmed, his voice sounded a bit different. I thought he just had a bit of cold and ignored. I said again “ No fr it feels sharp. Maybe you don’t have to start working out at all.” He did not respond. Just dug his face deeper and and started breathing heavy. We slept for 2 more hours. I woke up with his kiss, my eyes still closed. He was asking if I want to shower together. I told him to set up the bathrooom with towels while I get up slowly. When I opened my eyes, my heart skipped a beat for a quick second as I glanced at him walking into the bathroom. I only saw him for a second before he went in. He looked so different.
I blamed foggy morning brain and got up and stretched. I grabbed my phone to check the time real quick. I felt shocked. The man in my lockscreen, smiling at me was someone else- A completely different person. This man had completely kinky curly hair, full lips, hazel eyes and dimples on a chiseled face- almost uncanny looking. I stood there holding my phone for a minute. My husband from inside the bathroom started calling me, “Hun, you coming? I’m done taking a dump!” I start panicking but think this is a stupid prank of his. I asked him “Baby haha funny but seriously who is this man in my phone?” as I walked inside the bathroom. I felt my whole body, every single cell stand up. The man sitting inside the bathroom waiting for me was not my baby, my love. He’s the same man as my lockscreen. I started to back off, he saw my face and got extremely worried. He asked me what happened and I didn’t respond. I ran out of the bathroom to the living room where another shock was waiting for me. Our huge wedding pic that was hanging on the wall had that strange man and me in it! I opened my phone and started to skim through the gallery. EVERY SINGLE PICTURE IS THAT MAN AND NOT MY HUSBAND. How did his face change overnight? Am I okay? Am I losing it? Am I pregnant so my hormones are making me messy? I started thinking every little to big possibilities. He came running after me to the living room a couple seconds later. Who is this man? He looked different, sounded different. However, the same loving, endearing tone.
I realized something was seriously wrong and I had to cool my head first before I told anyone about what had just happened. He came and hugged me and I hugged him back skeptically. I told him I had a bad dream and kind of carried it along in real life half asleep.
Over the next few days, I figured out the only thing that’s different in him from my husband was just how he looked and sounded. Everything else about him was the same. My heart started convincing my brain at one point that this was the same person. My brain kept me alert. I had been to his parents’ place more times than the whole duration of our marriage just to snoop around. Let’s say this man I am currently living with somehow abducted my real husband and replaced every digital and printed pics in my phone and house with his face. The only hope was the very old album pics that my mother-in-law had- categorized in different album books. I went to her one day without my supposed husband. After a bit, I asked her to bring out all the albums to revisit memories. I had my heart beating so fast while I was holding the first album book. I was hoping and praying that the pics showed my actual loml’s face.
I think I am losing my mind and I cannot tell anyone. I only confided in my friend after holding it in for months. She is empathetic towards it but I don’t think she believes me- I don’t blame her. I told her how my husband’s childhood pictures turned out to be a smaller version of that uncanny fuck. Even the picture that had spilled coffee mark in the back of him holding dandelions is the same exact pic, just the younger version of the other man, not my husband. She, just like anyone else in this fuckface world, told me my love always looked like that and that something happened to me. It breaks me every time I think of distancing myself from that man in my mind- what if he is actually my baby? He behaves like my husband, talks like him, takes care of melike him, DOES EVEYTHING LIKE HIM. WHAT IF THIS MAN IS HIM? What if I am just stuck in a bad dream and unintentionally pushing my love away from me? I got x-rays of my brain to ensure I do not have anything funky inside. Came out all positive. I am okay. Then what? I just want some outside perspective, some comfort from strangers.
Edit: Hi I would like to address some comments for clarity.
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- A lot of comments think it’s fake Ai writing. I am capable of making proper sentence structures with correct grammar. My entire life Ai was not a thing, it’s recent.
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- I called it xray instead of CT scan or any other medical term because we call every scan related thing xray in my native language.
Just like calling it pampers instead of diapers. It was a quick and cheap way to determine primarily if there’s anything wrong with me before we moved on to mri and other procedures.
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- To only a couple people believing me, thank you. The others who don’t, I genuinely don’t blame you.
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- I am also not just sitting here doing nothing. Posting here is one of the ways I am dealing with this. If I genuinely get no helpful advice I will be deleting the post because I posted here for advice.