Airport Security (OC)

[u/aostlund27]

[u/mariahmce]

I got flagged for a random TSA pat down once and the agent asked me if I had any metal in my body. I replied “I have an IUD”. The agent freaks out and starts flagging other agents over. She musters all her calm and says “Please repeat that you have an IED on you” to which I had to say “no, an IUD, a copper intrauterine device, for birth control”. She didn’t know what an IUD was and I had to explain it to her. I bet she’ll remember now!

[u/UlnaWannaBeWithYou → u/mariahmce]

Ok something about casually telling a TSA agent “I have an IED” made me laugh out loud 🤣

[u/amyel26 → u/UlnaWannaBeWithYou]

That happened to me too. But my TSA agent just said "You said WHAT?" And when I said IUD verrry slowly he calmed down and was like oooooh okay that's not a problem then.

[u/snowfloeckchen → u/amyel26]

Is ied common for Improvised explosive device in the English language?

[u/The_Pastmaster → u/snowfloeckchen]

Yep. It was on the news every time the Taliban blew up a military convoy in Iraq (and Afghanistan?) during the Iraq War..

[u/AdHocHillbilly → u/The_Pastmaster]

And if it wasn't part of public consciousness then, the Boston Marathon bombing definitely made people more aware of it.

[u/robisodd → u/AdHocHillbilly]

And 6 years before that the Boston Mooninite LED, err, IED panic. Like, the Aqua Teen Hunger Force characters.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2007_Boston_Mooninite_panic

[u/bantha121 → u/The_Pastmaster]

The Taliban wasn't in Iraq, they were in Afghanistan

Iraq was insurgents

[u/gopher1409 → u/bantha121]

Iraqi Freedom was against Saddam for the WMDs that weren’t real.

[u/scrotumscab → u/bantha121]

Nuh uh. Faux News said the towelEbans everywhir

[u/ToniDebuddicci → u/snowfloeckchen]

To the point that video games will use IED instead of C4 or mines sometimes. Anyone who was related to the War on Terror and gaming knows what an IED is

[u/King_James_77 → u/UlnaWannaBeWithYou]

I’m a cop at a place I shouldn’t disclose on reddit. But it’s open to the general public. My very first arrest came from a person telling me they had a live grenade on them. He literally walked up to me and said, “I have a grenade on me.”

Everything else happened really fast. Because I had him repeat exactly what he said to me before I took him to the ground and 6 other officers showed up to help me.

Midnight shifts are very weird.

[u/ignoremeplsokthank → u/King_James_77]

Did he really or was he just drugged out and said random bs? 

[u/Ragnarok314159 → u/ignoremeplsokthank]

No, he is a cop at the grenade store.

[u/RaizePOE → u/Ragnarok314159]

"grenade cop" definitely sounds like one of those professions you're convinced you're gonna work as when you're like 4

[u/Bitter-Value-1872 → u/RaizePOE]

I'm imagining a cop on a battlefield with a radar gun, writing tickets to people that throw their grenades too slowly

[u/VTcamperguy → u/Bitter-Value-1872]

“People who throw their grenades too slowly” seems like a problem that would take care of itself.

[u/DanSapSan → u/Ragnarok314159]

Why are you shopping for cops at the grenade store?

[u/Zenvarix → u/DanSapSan]

Because they were out of clothed at the soup store, of course!

[u/whot3v3r → u/ignoremeplsokthank]

He did, but he was French and was talking about the fruit (Pomegranate)

[u/Algo_Muy_Obsceno → u/King_James_77]

I once went through security with a jar of live wasps in my bag. (I was studying entomology at the time) The security guy searching my bag pulled it out and gave me the most hilariously fed-up face I’ve ever seen in my life.

Let me go through, though. I guess a jar of wasps don’t count as a weapon.

[u/speedchunks → u/Algo_Muy_Obsceno]

Idk man, "jar of wasps" sounds like a weapon in my book

[u/jjdlg → u/speedchunks]

Or a hardcore cover version of an Alice in Chains record.

[u/Wermine → u/Algo_Muy_Obsceno]

https://terraria.wiki.gg/wiki/Beenade

[u/Satorwave → u/Wermine]

throwing a jar of living wasps at someone is hilarious

[u/aloxinuos → u/Algo_Muy_Obsceno]

a jar of wasps don’t count as a weapon

-Dude who has never seen funny plane movies.

[u/YomiKuzuki → u/aloxinuos]

"I AM SICK OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING WASPS ON MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!"

[u/Intelligent_Slip_849 → u/King_James_77]

I'm assuming he was drunk?

[u/rillip → u/mariahmce]

Jesus Christ.

[u/OuterWildsVentures → u/rillip]

They're not sending their best

[u/NRMusicProject → u/OuterWildsVentures]

The sad thing is, they really are.

[u/VaginaTractor → u/NRMusicProject]

One of my jobs when I was younger was to administer the electronic certification exams for TSA agents. When I tell you that the majority of the candidates legitimately didn't know how to type their name in a computer with a keyboard and mouse, I tell no lie. I had to teach most candidates the basics of using a mouse and keyboard (this was in the early 2000s).

[u/NRMusicProject → u/VaginaTractor]

It really was never about security, but the theater of it. And the people they notoriously look for aren't the type that could actually discover dangers, anyway; and it's been proven on many occasions. In the US, we tend to pick the worst solution to a problem, then blame the political opponents when it doesn't work, rather than come up with a competent solution.

[u/SuperBry → u/NRMusicProject]

Really the only thing that has changed that stopped future 9/11 styled attacks was hardening of cockpit doors from an actual security standpoint. However passengers reacting to hijackers now because it's no longer "oh we are going to Cuba I guess" but "I could be in a missile now" instead is also occuring.

[u/Ragnarok314159 → u/NRMusicProject]

We could have a good solution for $10 and have government employees, or we could spend $100, my buddies pocket $99.99, and then blame it on working class people when it fails.

[u/Psylocybernaut → u/rillip]

Literally the words that came out of my mouth when I read this!!

[u/Zazulio → u/mariahmce]

Her mistaking an IUD as an IED is funny, but her believing a planned suicide bomber will casually admit they have an IED during screening is worth a giggle or two as well

[u/brainzilla420 → u/Zazulio]

"Shoot, i meant to say no that question. Carrying this bomb around is making me nervous. Can i have a do over?"

[u/LividTacos → u/brainzilla420]

"Here, hold the dead man switch, my hand is tired."

[u/Azmoten → u/LividTacos]

“Think fast!” throws it at them

[u/Paulthefith → u/LividTacos]

Oh man I am really beefing this terror thing, mind if I take another shot at it?

[u/CeciliaStarfish → u/brainzilla420]

"The bomb wasn't even meant for the plane! I was gonna drive but then plans changed at the last minute and I forgot to repack... 😭"

[u/Temporary-Rain-5944 → u/Zazulio]

Suprisingly some crumble under pressure and do admit it, so it isn't that outlandish

[u/mirkywoo → u/mariahmce]

TSA hearing IUD as IED is fucking hilarious though

[u/aenemacanal → u/mariahmce]

TSA as our "first line of defense" 😄 I been saying it since we first created it as an agency, they're a waste of tax dollars and a violation of people's privacy. Get that ish outta here.

[u/Sufficient_Cod1948 → u/mariahmce]

She didn’t know what an IUD was

Just...how?

[u/SirBackrooms → u/Sufficient_Cod1948]

what abstinence only education does to a mf

[u/Kramerpalooza → u/SirBackrooms]

I would think even without general education of contraceptives, that this would be like... specifically pertinent to the training of metal detector & body scan operators of TSA.

[u/DeltaV-Mzero → u/SirBackrooms]

And lack of access to basic healthcare

[u/nyggomaniac → u/Sufficient_Cod1948]

I did also not know but english is not my native language and we call it different. If anyone else is wondering IED is Improvised explosive device

[u/Fantastic-Coffee2819 → u/nyggomaniac]

Now that makes me question why she thought someone would just say that

[u/reformed_recidivist → u/Fantastic-Coffee2819]

Someone who intends to start making demands or hostages probably

[u/Sea-Calligrapher1563 → u/Fantastic-Coffee2819]

9/11 kinda changed that outlook. Not saying its always logical but niether are bomb threats so they are going to take that very seriously and i would imagine (to some degree of misfortune) bomb threat analysis and recognition is higher up in training than human anatomy and sexual health

[u/Snoo9648 → u/mariahmce]

This leads me to assume that in the training, they are told that if someone announces they have a bomb, the procedure is to get a supervisor and have them ask them to repeat that they have a bomb to them.

[u/parrote3 → u/mariahmce]

The agency that has never passed a white hat pen test ladies and gentleman. Fake terrorists always make it through.

[u/Licentious_Cad → u/mariahmce]

"I have a device that helps prevent pregnancy by exploding if it detects sperm!"

...Unfortunately I bet there are some groups out there that would jump at this idea...

[u/chrikthunder]

Ever since my fiancé lost weight, she gets flagged by TSA every time. Apparently, the machine gets angry at the excess skin.

[u/Muffinunnie → u/chrikthunder]

Gotta make sure she isn't hiding drugs under her skin folds

[u/nnp1989 → u/Muffinunnie]

To be fair, there was a news report about how someone did sneak a gun into a baseball stadium under a fold somewhat recently.

[u/Emotional-Ad9114 → u/nnp1989]

bro in my country there was a story about how someone snuck in (a prison, not an airport) SEVEN phones in his asshole.

I’m not even kidding.

[u/Spicy-Cathulu → u/Emotional-Ad9114]

They make some of them teeny tiny for that reason. And it's easier to hide them once inside the prison, too.

[u/PrincessBuzzkill → u/chrikthunder]

Can confirm. Lost nearly 75lbs and I'm flagged by this goddamned machine all the time now.

[u/Narradisall]

Airport security in the US can be intense.

I once went through and my bag flagged up. I had a battery bank I’d forgotten about in a side pocket i didnt use. Must have flagged up as a big block.

The security guy went off when I couldn’t immediately find it “WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THE BAG? SHOW ME WHAT IT IS?” Right screaming.

Then went and (after I explained where the hidden pock was) found it and said “oh it’s just a battery charger I forgot I had in here.” It was like a flip switched and he was just cheery “oh ok. Move on”.

Weirdest thing ever.

[u/soccer1124 → u/Narradisall]

I was flying out of the US to join my fiancee. My bags were very strategically packed for weight limits. My carry-on got flagged. I had one of those Woodwick Boat candles. She really liked them. If you dont know what they are, they can look strange. They are football/boat shaped, and instead of a normal wick, there's a long chunk of wood to serve that purpose (which makes a pleasant crackling sound when lit)

TSA guy had no clue what it was and ttying to make sense of it.

"Its a candle."

He was not buying it. I ended uo having to go through a full patdown afterwards. I have no idea how having a candle in my bag requires that, but whatever.

I wasnt able to keep my mouth shut though and tried to joke with him, "You guys really take candles seriously, huh?"

Got a stern, "Yes. We do." in response, lol

[u/Dream_Catcher33 → u/soccer1124]

Heard the same thing happen in an IceCreamSandwich video, where he was bringing a candle through TSA, but apparently people have hidden bombs or something in candles and that might be why

[u/Victor_Stein → u/Dream_Catcher33]

I also imagine it’d be easy enough to hide drugs inside the wax too

[u/PoseidonsHorses → u/Victor_Stein]

My dad likes to watch the airport security reality shows. One episode featured a (commercial) shipment of those glass prayer candles hollowed out with drugs. So it’s definitely on their radar.

[u/FPSCanarussia → u/soccer1124]

I don't think a Roentgen scanner can tell apart wax and trinitrotoluene. It's just a solid mass of material with a wick in it.

[u/DroidLord → u/Narradisall]

Once I forgot a Swiss army knife in my backpack and the agent couldn't find it for like 20 minutes. It was hidden in a secret pouch that wasn't visible unless you knew where to look.

I offered to show her where it was, but I got a very rude reply to stay back. So off she went searching, frantically flipping the bag over, sliding her hand in and out like she was a magician.

Thankfully this happened in Europe, so I didn't get tackled by TSA. And I got to keep the knife! Knives under a certain length are allowed.

[u/Shroom-Kitty → u/DroidLord]

Ironically, TSA is also notoriously inept. I accidentally took a large pocket knife through security in my purse. I forgot I had temporarily stuck it there with the intent to put it in my luggage later. Sure was a surprise when I saw it after I got home.

[u/Testicle_Tugger → u/Narradisall]

They had a bomb squad on standby because a pair of shoes in my bag set something off in the machine.

I was a child about to fly on my own for the first time and I got dragged into a room by a bunch of panicking adults.

My older adult brother who had dropped me off at security also got chased and dragged off unbeknownst to me at the time.

I can only imagine we ticked every box to make them suspicious.

My brother who is 50% white and 50% native American somehow came out looking… perplexing to say the least.

I don’t think anyone could accurately place his ethnicity but unfortunately for a Midwest, post 9/11 airport he was suspiciously brown enough and he just dropped a lone child at security and left right before my bag flagged as potentially explosive material.

[u/cdmurray88 → u/Narradisall]

Like, say you have something actually dangerous... nothing like a screaming glorified security guard to deescalate a serious situation.

[u/blackfox24 → u/Narradisall]

I routinely get patted down at airports (I'm a trans man, my chest binder flags as an explosive vest a lot, or so TSA has told me 4 times now) so I get to stand off to the side and witness the TSA line for a bit while they figure out who pats me down. Funniest thing I ever saw was a TSA agent so fed up of people not listening that he started singing his instructions. Other TSA agents joined in. So did the passengers. I think the TSA area is basically where insanity rules. All the weird stuff happens there.

Edit: I left out the best part, like an idiot. He was singing to the tune of "sweet caroline". "Sweeeeeet Caroline, DUN DUN DUN, take your electronics out for me pleaaaaaase".

[u/slothdonki → u/blackfox24]

I got flagged once too for my binder before I got top surgery and after getting pulled and patted down the TSA agent seemed confused. He pointed towards the scanner and asked, “What is that?”. Told him it was a binder to flatten my tits and this guy leaped back with his hands up and started going off about if I would like a female agent.

I think I was suppose to stay but I started cracking up and told him I just wanted to catch my flight. He just stood there frozen and it just made me laugh more so I just took my stuff and carried on.

For my first time flying I think this was the best scenario besides nothing happening at all.

[u/ShadowAviation → u/blackfox24]

Fellow trans person, my binder also set off the alarm. At least the agent understood my explanation of what a binder is. Even with that I was frisked and almost strip searched.

[u/blackfox24 → u/ShadowAviation]

Yes! I once got so fed up I straight up lifted it and let a tit kinda flop out. In my defense I was already in a sheltered corner. I've not had issues at that airport since, though it's a small regional one, so I imagine that story got around fast.

[u/BoredPineapple790 → u/Narradisall]

Friend of my parents got flagged for a glass turtle he bought on vacation. Turns out it was leaded glass which on the x ray looked remarkably similar to a claymore

[u/Delphius1 → u/Narradisall]

every third time I go through airport security my camera bag gets flagged, a lot of those agents don't know what a digital camera that's built into a phone looks like and will want to swab the sensor. Then after that, they want to take apart sometimes upwards of $3000 worth of lenses (used price was half that what i spent, but the market for them now has appreciated) right then and there because 'they contain metal', no shit they do, usually play interference for a minute or two for another agent to walk up and let me go

[u/namesarehardokay]

I get buzzed every time i fly while im on my period... nothing like getting my pad felt up before a flight lol 

[u/wannabyte → u/namesarehardokay]

I have a VCH piercing which has only recently started getting flagged. Also a very awkward pat down.

[u/MinimumApricot → u/wannabyte]

This makes me feel better about getting flagged for my jeans zipper. Also something to look forward to the next time I travel - I now have 3 surgical screws in my leg, they'll definitely get buzzed.

[u/wannabyte → u/MinimumApricot]

So I actually have 6 screws and a titanium rod, but that never gets flagged (I am assuming because it’s not a true xray), but because the piercing is on the surface it’s different.

That said - I’ve had it for years and it is only this year that it has started getting flagged.

[u/Gilokee → u/wannabyte]

is vch "vaginal clit hood"?

[u/wannabyte → u/Gilokee]

Vertical clit hood

[u/Gilokee → u/wannabyte]

I was so close!!

[u/wannabyte → u/Gilokee]

Very! The counterpart is a hch, or the horizontal version, so that’s how they get differentiated.

[u/socool111 → u/wannabyte]

If it’s not indecent to ask…was that not extremely painful to get? Like isn’t the whole point of the clit to be almost entirely nerve endings?

Then once you have it…is it more pleasurable to be touched there? Is there a slight and constant pleasurable tingle? Or if you shift your hips just right it gives you a rush? Or does it just make simulation more intense? Or is it purely decoration?

[u/wannabyte → u/socool111]

Sure I don’t mind!

It wasn’t that bad to get! The piecing is just through the hood, not the actual clit so really just going through a thin membrane. It was less painful and faster to heal than my helix (upper ear) piercing.

For me it definitely adds to the sensations. And also, though not as frequently when I first got it, it came sometimes self-stimulate if that makes sense?

Basically it sits so that the bottom ball of the piercing rests on top of the clit.

[u/wannabyte → u/[deleted]]

Like anything else you get used to it. I barely notice it now, except for rarely when I happen to move a certain way.

[u/rhydderch_hael → u/socool111]

The clitoral hood is closer to the foreskin on a penis, so while I'm sure it would be painful, it wouldn't be anywhere near as painful as a piercing through the clitoris.

[u/Unhappy-Plastic2017 → u/rhydderch_hael]

I'm a guy and I physically cringed when you said piercing the clitoris

[u/infidel11990 → u/namesarehardokay]

Why is the screening at airports in the the US so dehumanizing?

That's not the case anywhere else.

[u/AmateurNBAGM → u/infidel11990]

9/11

[u/acoastaldog → u/AmateurNBAGM]

Changed our entire national security theatre

[u/The__Amorphous → u/acoastaldog]

Changed our entire country. Conservatives who live on a diet of fear and outrage lost their fucking minds. The terrorists won more bigly than they ever could have hoped for that day.

[u/airfryerfuntime → u/The__Amorphous]

It wasn't only conservatives. The invasion of Afghanistan, Patriot Act, and formation of the TSA had almost complete bipartisan support. The US wanted blood. It wasn't until the invasion of Iraq that people started going "hey, wait a minute".

[u/SwordTaster → u/namesarehardokay]

I got it once for a fresh tattoo. Literally a day old, still wrapped up, a little inflamed still because FRESH tattoo. That was a painful pat down

[u/TheFuzzBums → u/namesarehardokay]

Same thing with my friend before an int flight. She was the only cis woman in the group but had to have a pat down due to tampon. You’d think they would be smarter about identifying this stuff.

[u/onepissedoffturkey]

Periods also show up on the scanner.

[u/adudeguyman → u/onepissedoffturkey]

What about commas,

[u/Numerous_Green4962 → u/adudeguyman]

Can it check my colon:

[u/The_Iron_Mountie → u/onepissedoffturkey]

It's specifically pads or period underwear. They add bulk that the scanner detects as an abnormality.

[u/TheLimeyLemmon]

Another successful smuggling of a slice of american cheese.

[u/OgOnetee → u/TheLimeyLemmon]

It ain't easy bein' cheesy...

[u/LeLu3]

I use a menstrual cup that got flagged once. They literally told me "We don't know what that is, but nothing came up on the pat-down so go ahead." I was too embarrassed to explain what it was.

[u/global_peasant → u/LeLu3]

I mean, you'd think they'd know. Cups aren't that rare anymore.

[u/ParadoxumFilum → u/global_peasant]

But education of the male populace about feminine hygiene products isn’t

Edit: speeling and grammar

[u/Ok_Bandicoot1865 → u/LeLu3]

I mean, hopefully they would never feel your menstrual cup during a pat down since it's inside you

[u/emsiizilla]

When I had green hair, they would pat my head down. They also always pat down my right ankle because it "looks like there's something there" - I think I broke it at one point and it healed weird and it always triggers TSA now.

[u/peanutpeepz]

When I was pregnant and going through airport security, the machine pinged my baby as potential contraband. The TSA agent clearly felt awkward when she ran her hand over my lower abdomen, like "yep, that's just a baby bump." It was so stupid it looped around to funny. 

[u/Tilas → u/peanutpeepz]

A coworker of mine had her baby stroller stopped because it detected gunpowder. They held the baby and wouldn't let her touch him while they completely ripped the stroller apart because it was such a strong detection.

Turned out her husband was to blame. He is a conservation officer and had the stroller stored in the back of the pickup truck where the crew would put ammunition boxes, firearms, carcasses, tools, etc for the conservation office for a good few weeks. 😂 She was absolutely furious because he promised that he had cleaned the stroller before packing it for the trip. He swore it looked clean is it was "only a little dusty". She said she had never been more scared for her baby in her life.😅

[u/MrWeirdoFace → u/peanutpeepz]

For some reason I initially imagined a baby you were carrying in your arms, not the womb. Just imagining a bunch of people reacting.

"DROP THE BABY, NOW!"

[u/davoid1]

I remember forgetting a set of lock picks in my backpack, and tsa pulling them out and asking me with deadly seriousness "what are these?"

"Uh lock picks"

"....

That's cool! Anyhow have a nice flight"

[u/LocalInactivist]

About ten years ago I was in the security line behind a high school women’s soccer team. I noticed that as they approached the scanner there were more and more TSA agents clustered around the monitor. By the time they entered the body scanner there were a dozen agents watching intently. There were multiple passes for some of the girls, but nothing requiring additional wanding or a physical search.

I’m sure that the (male) TSA agents were only concerned with the safety of the highly-athletic teenage girls.

[u/JCWOlson → u/LocalInactivist]

Whoa, I just looked it up and I didn't realize how revealing the full body scan is

Mildly NSFW

[u/randomize42 → u/JCWOlson]

Those are the old ones that were phased out.  They use millimeter scanners now instead and the software conceals the specific details of the person’s body.

[u/JCWOlson → u/randomize42]

That's good for the present, feel a bit weird about the past though, and leaves me wondering what kinds of records are kept and able to be gone over in more detail in the future

[u/randomize42 → u/JCWOlson]

It was certainly a big deal at the time.  People were refusing to go through them and boycotting flying.  I suspect public outrage is part of the reason TSA rolled them back.

[u/Chappieindahaus → u/LocalInactivist]

gross..... people need to be told. to. not be creeps. jeez

[u/misery_bloom]

Remember being like just over a year on feminizing HRT and thinking that I could still look like a man while passing the border (passport still showed ‘M’ so it was a safe bet). Unfortunately that plan failed and I got flagged for a sensitive search by the officer that had assumed I was female. He looked super uncomfortable when asking whether I would prefer a man or a woman to do the search (looking around for, presumably, a woman colleague) and I responded that I didn’t care so he ended up doing the pat down himself. He was super apologetic but like I get it dude, unexpected item in the shagging area or something like that

[u/Pheeline → u/misery_bloom]

"Unexpected item in the shagging area" just made me literally LOL.

[u/Bonfirelily → u/misery_bloom]

Imagine passing after a year of HRT, couldn't be me lol

[u/misery_bloom → u/Bonfirelily]

I mean I’m 5’5” and was overweight at the time so that mixed with the fact that HRT softens your skin was probably enough 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/bopyw]

What

[u/Citrus-Bitch → u/bopyw]

TSA body scanners have a male and female setting. When a trans woman goes through the scanner, there's a chance that the scanner will pick up on and report any... unexpected equipment.

[u/Maxrdt → u/Citrus-Bitch]

In the words of Abigail Thorn, the two options are either that my tits are the bomb or there's an unexpected item in shagging area.

[u/lesgeddon → u/Maxrdt]

No matter how feminine I look, because of my height people default to flagging me as "male" and my boobs get flagged every time I go through a body scanner u.u

[u/TheNefariousMrH → u/bopyw]

[u/MommySkunk → u/bopyw]

We get stopped in screenings sometimes because our dicks or tits

[u/bopyw → u/MommySkunk]

Oh, that sucks

[u/MommySkunk → u/bopyw]

Honestly I'm just happy to see people not trying to downplay this

[u/Mildly_Opinionated → u/bopyw]

To be specific, the machine basically has a "man" setting and a "woman" setting. Depending on the machine it's often literally just a button pressed by someone on the other side who's guessing.

"Man mode" expects penis but no boobs. "Woman mode" expects boobs but no penis. If you're trans it's pretty much going off no matter what they press unless you've had bottom surgery.

Does this machine and these settings make you safer? No! It does fuck all and catches no one! So basically they've accidentally made a bloody transgender detector they operate for no reason whatsoever but to look like they're doing something. Great 😂

[u/samurairaccoon → u/[deleted]]

But I thought they could "always tell"? Why would they need a detector?

[u/gmarsh1963 → u/[deleted]]

they would mandate one at every door to every high school in my state, and the word gun wouldn't come up once in the debate or legislation.

[u/NWStormraider → u/MommySkunk]

Yep. Today I got pulled out and asked if I had something in my pocket. No sir, that is just my enormous shlong on a sidequest.

[u/skel66 → u/NWStormraider]

I got pulled because mine is abnormally small

[u/harryham1 → u/NWStormraider]

I read that as "it got pulled out" at first and thought airport security were getting bold

[u/lostbutnotgone]

I always wear the same outfit when I fly. Sports bra with no metal, one specific baggy tank top, and leggings. It's like my own personal experiment. So far I've been flagged randomly and patted down on my chest several times, my collarbones twice, my crotch a couple times, and weirdly this last time on my inner left knee? Like y'all would SEE if I had something under my leggings, I promise you.

[u/QQBearsHijacker → u/lostbutnotgone]

I usually dress minimalist as well. I also wear vibram five fingers (the weird foot glove shoes). I had a TSA agent tell me to take them off the last trip when everyone else was keeping theirs on. Like, am I going to hide a bomb in the toes of my shoes? I can't wait to get further in my transition and get more scrutiny going through security -_-

[u/ChekhovsAtomSmasher]

I got the extra security check/laptop swab/pat down leaving Costa Rica. They did it right in the terminal, right in front of an anti child trafficking poster with a creepy looking guy with a mustache, and I realized that at that time, I had grown that same exact mustache.

[u/TotallyAlpharius]

I've gone through TSA 10 times in my life so far. Coincidentally, they've pat me down 10 times.

[u/AshaNyx → u/TotallyAlpharius]

My Gran has an old hip replacement and it triggers every airport security system she goes through, so Everytime she gets searched. She even brings a doctor's note saying it's a known issue and it is most likely to be her hip.

[u/TotallyAlpharius → u/AshaNyx]

Hah, mine's just the same reason in the comic here.

'I'm detecting something wrong here in the groin'

'Yeah me too buddy'

[u/Ok_State5255]

My wife has plates in her face from a shattered orbital lob due to bike accident years ago. We both have pre-check, so we rarely have to go through the scanner. But when we do, she gets flagged every time. Like...do you think she's trying to smuggle something in her face? 

[u/airportunicorn]

I'm always getting flagged for my underwire bras when I fly. Which SUCKS because I'm an f/g cup depending on the day, and wearing a non-wire bra can hurt almost as much as wearing a badly fitted wire-bra for extended periods of time. I know it's not "on purpose" but it feels targeted when these machines don't take into account feminine presenting traits 😭.

Edit: It flew over my head that the OP is trans, so I kinda missed the mark, but I still stand by my statement that these machines don't take into account anyone who isn't cis-male presenting and flags the rest of us as "potential threats".

[u/probabletrump → u/airportunicorn]

I'm a cis male and one of the biggest reasons I got signed up for precheck is because I was tired of getting my dick backhanded every time I went through that scanner. Every damn time. Also, fun fact: they don't appreciate it when you recite their lines to them before they say them. They still have to say them and you're just slowing things down.

[u/This_Price_1783 → u/airportunicorn]

Name kinda checks out

[u/airportunicorn → u/This_Price_1783]

I used to work at a small local airport/FBO and I like unicorns so yeah😅

[u/DiznerdUnfairBanned → u/airportunicorn]

Me too!! I’m same cup size, but I have large band size too. One time I had this small chick patting me down and was focusing a good deal of her patting around the top of my rib line where the bra band goes and she’s like maam what do you have in your bra?… I looked at her completely deadpan and no hesitation and just said… fat….she just just stopped patting me and moved me along.
I don’t think she knew what to say after that. 😆

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/airportunicorn]

I am a cis male, male presenting and i still systematically get flagged depending on how tan i let myself become and how long i let my beard grow. I don't think i remember not being flagged even once since puberty.

If you know you know

[u/AggravatingBrick1994]

I (white woman) was travelling via Dubai airport and was 'randomly' selected 5 TIMES

At every checkpoint, as well as random stops when I was coming down an escalator. My family ditched me because they were annoyed I was taking so long, I got taken to special rooms each time for searches since I'm Female

[u/limma → u/AggravatingBrick1994]

White women are oftentimes used as drug mules because no one used to suspect them. Now everyone suspects them.

[u/nothingdoing → u/limma]

It's always who you most medium suspect. 

[u/Ninauposkitzipxpe → u/AggravatingBrick1994]

… your family ditched you? I would have insisted on being present to make sure you didn’t get sexually assaulted.

[u/dennismfrancisart]

Went through TSA in South Carolina with my wife. They flagged my carry-on, and the lady asked me if I had anything sharp in my bag. I opened it, and my package of extra sharp cheddar cheese slices was turned at just the right angle against my books. We looked at each other and chuckled.

[u/Jemnaxia]

My luggage got flagged once when going through the TSA. They were nice about it and when they asked me what might be in there, I told them just clothes and 5 pounds of fudge. They opened it up, saw the box for a local fudge company and laughed it off. They didn't make me open the box to confirm

[u/ShadedSnake]

Walked through one of those scanners while wearing my wooden rosary recently, as ive done numerous times.

The look of terror on this old guys face as he said "Woahwoahwoahwoah whats under your shirt?" was something else. I mean eyes bugging out and flsuhed in the face.

I reached in and showed him the rosary and he just held up his hand to stop me so i dropped it back in my shirt and he did the whole front and back of the hand deal feeling it then told me to back through the machine. Then they decided to throw my luggage back through the scanner holding everyone up in my line before finally letting me pass.

Is it a new thing to remove non metal necklaces or was this guy just certain he was saving America?

[u/GM_Organism → u/ShadedSnake]

Yeah it's pretty much anything now, not just metal. I got pulled up by the scanners because I had tissues in my pocket and a silicon pendant necklace.

[u/2geek2bcool]

My wife had something like this happen. They flagged over like 3 more TSA agents, all running the bar scanner over/around my wife’s “orange square”, eventually a female agent had to frisk her before declaring that nothing was wrong.

We still joke about my wife’s underwear bomb.

[u/Tilas]

Years ago, I went through security. Put all my stuff in the bin. I had a wallet on a chain (as was the style lol). The agent said I couldn't have the chain. I asked why. He gave me this very stern look and said because the chain could be seen as a threat.

I told him bluntly that its far easier to strangle someone with my 2' shoelaces than it is with a 6" chain. Would he like those as well?

He grunted, went red in the face and told me to move along. I got to keep the damn chain. 😂🙄

[u/BootyliciousURD]

I used to get flagged and pat down right around the junk nearly every time. One time I asked what the machine thought it was detecting because it happened so often and they just didn't answer.

[u/howdoihands]

I'm a woman and I've gotten stopped and pat down by TSA for being too uh "juicy." Wasn't on my period or anything. It's just how I am. Kinda crazy to me I got stopped for it lol.

[u/BaylisAscaris]

My comfiest travel outfit is a soft dress with pockets which unfortunately gets flagged every single time I go through TSA because their AI doesn't recognize dresses have pockets, and even though they're empty, they think I'm smuggling something because of "extra fabric" there.

[u/lepidopt-rex → u/BaylisAscaris]

This would be hilarious if it wasn’t so dystopian 🙄

[u/LordJebusVII]

I used to fly to Saudi Arabia for business and the airport security there was insane. They actually look confused if someone goes through the metal detectors and they don't go off because hardly anyone actually takes anything out before going through and they don't want to be frisking anyone, especially women, so you could probably walk right through with a knife and nobody would blink. Yet despite that, they still make people take off their shoes which are mostly like sandals or simple foot coverings.

This was on the flight to UAE which had much better security before going home to the UK, but it was still a strange experience watching people stream through a security checkpoint with the alarm sounding constantly and nobody paying any attention before a flight to the busiest international airport in the world in Dubai, one of the wealthiest cities in the world.

[u/ApprehensiveWin3020]

[u/dinosanddais1]

I was traveling back from disney once and I did the droid workshop thing and my stuff got flagged and I was like "oh no they're gonna take my droid" NOPE. It was my goddamn weighted stuffed animal. Luckily it could zip open and they saw it was just glass beads.

[u/em07892431 → u/[deleted]]

I always felt like the private room was a terrible idea. Like the last thing i want is to be alone with the people who suspect me of a crime and are gonna feel me up. They're gonna be better behaved in public.

[u/MediocrelySane]

For anyone curious- this can happen due to periods, the iron in the blood sets off the system. Also if you have a different package down there than one would assume you’d have, then that would also set off the system. Just anything out of the norm would set it off.
To my understanding at least.

[u/Wulfrank → u/MediocrelySane]

If it's the kind of scanner I think it is, it just uses microwaves to detect any surface-level abnormalities under your clothes. It doesn't scan through your body like an x-ray, and it most certainly does not react to iron levels. But maybe American airports use super fancy machines that do? I don't know, I haven't gone through an American airport in over a decade.

[u/Decent-Impression-81 → u/Wulfrank]

Its moisture ive been told by a tsa agent. 

[u/DiabeticDude_64 → u/Decent-Impression-81]

Can confirm that it's moisture or something along those lines. I have an insulin pump and I've heard that any type of insulin leakage causes problems

[u/ImFeddyWap → u/Wulfrank]

It uses millimeter wave technology. No xrays are used for scanning people. It does scanning the body looking for abnormalities. If you have any liquid on your clothes or if a woman is on her period and is wearing a pad or a period diaper It will alarm because of the bulk. It was the worst when it rained. Everyone would alarm everywhere because they were wet

[u/grigiri]

Butt plug? Or she is a trans woman and this is an example of subverted expectations in that the Boomer TSA guy we expect to have a bigoted response and doesn't. Instead he carries on allowing the woman to feel seen.

[u/BabyCake2004 → u/grigiri]

I assumed she's transgender.

[u/CJ_Pride_Wolf → u/BabyCake2004]

This is correct for, she has grs comics and other various trans content. But I felt this one personally as I had this exact situation play out with a very different outcome. Tldr: I was fem dressing b u t male presenting wich lead to confusion at the time. Tsa scanned, decided to search, got incredibly embarrassed by their .mistake and I went about my trip.

[u/LeftHandedCaffeinatd → u/grigiri]

I've been flagged down there for wearing a pad on my period - they still made a little old woman take my shoes and touch my crotch. 

[u/SnooShortcuts4472 → u/grigiri]

These machines have a male/female preset. If the TSA agent sets it to female and you have a dick, it'll flag it as an object (it'll also often flag tampons and piercings).

I think the joke is that the agent took some time to actually figure out that it was a penis, not a stick of dynamite or something.

[u/BigPimpin91]

Got flagged one time during covid that required a pat down. Dude said, "We can do it here or a in private room." I said, "Here is fine." (If I'm getting embarrassed, so are you, ya feel me?)

My partner had made it through before me so while this dude is getting handsy with me I holler at her, "Normally you pay extra for this!" across the TSA checkpoint.

[u/janeshername]

I was traveling for a wedding once and my bag got flagged for an additional search. I was surprised but not worried, until the poor guy holds up my case of sticky boobs, of which I had packed multiple pairs (bc just incase) and had stacked on top of each other to save space. (For anyone who doesn’t know, sticky boobs are just an adhesive bra, they look like chicken cutlets). He goes, “what’s this? This is too dense for the machine”. I blushed as I explained what they were😂

[u/12jonboy12]

as a trans woman this ended in a considerably more awkward way.

i told them before going through the scanner "I'm trans" that just seemed to confuse them.

And of course the highlighted area was my crotch.

A female TSA agent came over around I asked if I had anything down there and I said I'm trans I'm and she asked " would you prefer to be inspected by a man" which confused me right back and I said no.

they asked me if they could check me there in line in public or if I wanted a private room, I didn't want all of the additional awkwardness and possibility of losing a flight so I just decided to get It over with, they grabbed me and felt around, awkward as HELL, And then I was free to go.... I mean wouldn't it be a lot faster just to build a trans button into the machine instead of grabbing every trans woman by the junk?

[u/Jygglewag → u/12jonboy12]

we gotta educate people and that sucks haha

I had to explain what a trans man is to a pharmacist the other week because he only knew about trans women and was confused about my organs.

Sorry you had to go through that, it must've been embarrassing as fuck

[u/mckeeganator]

If you don’t shave down there you get flagged it pisses me off cause in some cases I swear they do it just to see what it looks like

[u/Littie-Nelle]

Literally had my hair get patted down at one point while pulled back into a ponytail because it was still slightly damp I guess? Like, wtf could I have been hiding against my scalp?

[u/legendarymel]

I still often think about the time something flagged in my bag and the guy proceeded to rummage through my used underwear and very openly display it for the rest of the airport to see. When I tried to move it so it wasn’t immediately visible and asked what he saw as I may be able to point him in the right direction he threatened to detain me if I touched my stuff.

Anyway, this highly illegal and dangerous substance he was looking for was a small tub of hot chocolate powder that I had been gifted.

[u/NovelInteraction711]

Can someone explain the joke to the simple minded (me)

[u/RoomOk3632]

Unfortunately, this is what happens to my trans wife - gets padded down, goes “I just have a penis, I’m sorry,” and very quickly is sent on her way lmao. We are grateful though for every awkward interaction, because that means it’s not a violent or traumatizing one.

[u/HeyYoHelloHi]

I'm a diabetic and my insulin pump and glucose monitor set off the scanner. They successfully conned me into getting precheck so I won't get manhandled

[u/CourtneyHat3]

Lol im a trans guy and everytime the thing beeps me female I gotta get patted down. Not sure what the thought process is there. because I dont have a penis I must be hiding something?

[u/No-New-Therapy]

Slightly irrelevant to the post but I’ll always take a chance to dog on TSA, but one time I took off my shoes and belt and put it through the machine. I saw a TSA agent take my belt and give it to some random dude and then handshake him. When I asked why he did that he said I needed to leave the TSA era now.

Fuck TSA

[u/ManBoi420 → u/No-New-Therapy]

You should've asked for a supervisor.....

Why would you let someone hand off your belt and not do anything about it?

[u/Risky-Bit]

I am a cis dude. This still happens to me with the exact same placement every single time.